Why Monogamy is Ridiculous

[Skyy God]

http://bigthink.com/ideas/24738

Dan Savage: Yeah, absolutely we need to rethink love and commitment. You know 60 years ago was when we decided that men had to be monogamous too. Men were not monogamous. For all of recorded human history men had concubines and whores, and 60 years ago straight relationships began to become more egalitarian and it was less of a property transaction—a marriage had been a property transaction for most of recorded human history—and it became a union of two equals. And at that moment instead of deciding to allow women to have the same sort of freedom and leeway that men did we decided to let men have the same limitations, impose the same limitations what women had and we put monogamous sexual commitment at the heart of all relationships, all long-term commitments, all marriages and we have watched.

We should now be able to recognize the consequences of that, which are a lot of short-term relationships, a lot of divorce. Because monogamy is ridiculous and people aren’t any good at it. We’re not wired for it. We didn’t evolve to be. It’s unnatural and it places a tremendous strain on our marriages and our long-term commitments to expect them to be effortlessly monogamous. Because what we said is "If you’re in love you shouldn’t... you won’t want to have sex with anybody else and what we need to tell people is that if you’re in love you can make a monogamous commitment and you will refrain from having sex with other people, but you will still desperately want to f**k the shit out of other people." But people understand love means I don’t want to f**k other people because of these misconceptions pumped into people’s heads about romance, love and what it means. And so they meet somebody else that they’re attracted to and they’re attracted to this other person. They go "Well, I must not be in love with my partner anymore otherwise I wouldn’t be attracted to this person." Or they feel threatened when their partners are attracted to other people because it makes them feel insecure and we just need to get passed that and we talk about monogamy the way we talk about virginity, that you’re monogamous until you f**k somebody else and they’re you’re not. You’ve ruined it. You popped your monogamy hymen and destroyed your monogamous relationship.

We need to talk about monogamy the way we talk about sobriety, which you can be monogamous and fall off the wagon and then sober back up. You can monogamous back up and get back on the wagon. And the truth of the matter is that if you’re with somebody for 40, 50 years and they only cheated on you a few times they were good at being monogamous, not bad at being monogamous. They were good at it. So I do think there needs to be some leeway. And a lot of really good loving relationships are destroyed because somebody wants a little variety or isn’t getting a need met and feels they have to step out and it explodes the relationship. I'm conservative. I think that we should do what we can to preserve marriages and long-term relationships, and one way to do that is to encourage people to have more realistic attitudes about sexual exclusivity.

[luv]

Originally Posted by RedNFeisty

Women are no different.

Women are the same as men? Okay, then I guess I'm different.

[RedNFeisty]

Originally Posted by SportsRacer

I think Dan Savage's point isn't that the world should be a free-for-all ****fest. What he's really saying is that people in monogamous relationships should be more open with their partners about their needs and whether they're being fulfilled, and whether it's necessary for either partner to search for solutions to those needs outside of the relationship. If people in marriages were more open about stuff like who they're attracted to and whether they have had a desire to "cheat" -- and more importantly, if people kept an open mind when being told about these things, keeping in mind the fact that monogamy isn't a natural state -- then the marriages would last longer and end up stronger in the long run. It's ultimately about communication.

Great observation, and a very good point. Couples are too afraid to show their true feelings and to talk about it. Talking about cheating is usually the final nail in the coffin. The partner that fesses up they have a desire to cheat is usually put on surveillance. If only things were so simple.

[seclark]

Originally Posted by FAX

****ing is an Austrian village[3] in the municipality of Tarsdorf,[4] in the Innviertel region of western Upper Austria. The village is 33 kilometres (21 mi) north of Salzburg, 4 kilometres (2.5 mi) east of the German border.

Despite having a population of only 104, the village has become famous for its name in the English-speaking world. Its road signs are a popular visitor attraction, and were often stolen by souvenir-hunting tourists until 2005, when they were modified to be theft-resistant.

Etymology

It is believed that the settlement was founded in the 6th century by Focko, a Bavarian nobleman. The existence of the village was documented for the first time in 1070 and historical records show that some twenty years later the lord was Adalpertus de Fucingin. The spelling of the name has evolved over the years; it is first recorded in historical sources with the spelling as Vucchingen in 1070, Fukching in 1303,[5] Fugkhing in 1532, and in the modern spelling ****ing in the 18th century,[6] which is pronounced with the vowel oo as in book.[2] The ending -ing is an old Germanic suffix indicating the people belonging to the root word to which it is attached, such as in the English word earthling; thus ****ing means "(place of) Focko’s people."[7]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/****ing,_Austria

FAX

we get the f@cking point.
sec

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Originally Posted by FAX

****ing is an Austrian village[3] in the municipality of Tarsdorf,[4] in the Innviertel region of western Upper Austria. The village is 33 kilometres (21 mi) north of Salzburg, 4 kilometres (2.5 mi) east of the German border.

Despite having a population of only 104, the village has become famous for its name in the English-speaking world. Its road signs are a popular visitor attraction, and were often stolen by souvenir-hunting tourists until 2005, when they were modified to be theft-resistant.

Etymology

It is believed that the settlement was founded in the 6th century by Focko, a Bavarian nobleman. The existence of the village was documented for the first time in 1070 and historical records show that some twenty years later the lord was Adalpertus de Fucingin. The spelling of the name has evolved over the years; it is first recorded in historical sources with the spelling as Vucchingen in 1070, Fukching in 1303,[5] Fugkhing in 1532, and in the modern spelling ****ing in the 18th century,[6] which is pronounced with the vowel oo as in book.[2] The ending -ing is an old Germanic suffix indicating the people belonging to the root word to which it is attached, such as in the English word earthling; thus ****ing means "(place of) Focko’s people."[7]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/****ing,_Austria

FAX

Cool little place. I've never been there but I've seen pictures, and seen it on TV. How cool would it be to say "Meet me at the ****ing cafe"? Or maybe, "I'll be at the ****ing library". My favorite would be "There is nothing worse than the ****ing police".

[RedNFeisty]

Originally Posted by luv

Women are the same as men? Okay, then I guess I'm different.

When it comes to cheating, no women are no different, imo. Ask the scarlet's in Hollywood. With beauty comes options, with options comes availability, with availability comes temptation. In most cases, temptation leads to cheating.

[RedNFeisty]

Originally Posted by FAX

****ing is an Austrian village[3] in the municipality of Tarsdorf,[4] in the Innviertel region of western Upper Austria. The village is 33 kilometres (21 mi) north of Salzburg, 4 kilometres (2.5 mi) east of the German border.

Despite having a population of only 104, the village has become famous for its name in the English-speaking world. Its road signs are a popular visitor attraction, and were often stolen by souvenir-hunting tourists until 2005, when they were modified to be theft-resistant.

Etymology

It is believed that the settlement was founded in the 6th century by Focko, a Bavarian nobleman. The existence of the village was documented for the first time in 1070 and historical records show that some twenty years later the lord was Adalpertus de Fucingin. The spelling of the name has evolved over the years; it is first recorded in historical sources with the spelling as Vucchingen in 1070, Fukching in 1303,[5] Fugkhing in 1532, and in the modern spelling ****ing in the 18th century,[6] which is pronounced with the vowel oo as in book.[2] The ending -ing is an old Germanic suffix indicating the people belonging to the root word to which it is attached, such as in the English word earthling; thus ****ing means "(place of) Focko’s people."[7]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/****ing,_Austria

FAX

Too funny, leave it to FAX.


Does that mean the town is a free for all, though??

[Bugeater]

Originally Posted by FAX

****ing is an Austrian village[3] in the municipality of Tarsdorf,[4] in the Innviertel region of western Upper Austria. The village is 33 kilometres (21 mi) north of Salzburg, 4 kilometres (2.5 mi) east of the German border.

Despite having a population of only 104, the village has become famous for its name in the English-speaking world. Its road signs are a popular visitor attraction, and were often stolen by souvenir-hunting tourists until 2005, when they were modified to be theft-resistant.

Etymology

It is believed that the settlement was founded in the 6th century by Focko, a Bavarian nobleman. The existence of the village was documented for the first time in 1070 and historical records show that some twenty years later the lord was Adalpertus de Fucingin. The spelling of the name has evolved over the years; it is first recorded in historical sources with the spelling as Vucchingen in 1070, Fukching in 1303,[5] Fugkhing in 1532, and in the modern spelling ****ing in the 18th century,[6] which is pronounced with the vowel oo as in book.[2] The ending -ing is an old Germanic suffix indicating the people belonging to the root word to which it is attached, such as in the English word earthling; thus ****ing means "(place of) Focko’s people."[7]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/****ing,_Austria

FAX

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[FAX]

Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts

Cool little place. I've never been there but I've seen pictures, and seen it on TV. How cool would it be to say "Meet me at the ****ing cafe"? Or maybe, "I'll be at the ****ing library". My favorite would be "There is nothing worse than the ****ing police".

It sure seems nice.

Apparently, the local citizens once debated a name change but the ****ing Mayor said it would be best for all concerned if we just keep ****ing. Smart guy.

FAX

[seclark]

Originally Posted by Bugeater

0000FF;text-align:left">View Larger Map

looks like if you're coming from the east, you get haid before you get f@cking.
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[FAX]

Originally Posted by seclark

looks like if you're coming from the east, you get haid before you get f@cking.
sec

Yep. You go through Haid, take a left at Handjob and you're there.

FAX

[bowener]

Marriage should be a contract limited to 3 years. At the end of 3 years you, as a couple, should have the ability to draw up a new contract or renew the old one. If you can agree that strange should be added to the sexual side of your relationship, then add that to the new contract. If you do not wish to remain married just allow the contract to end. A built in divorce for every marriage... if you so choose.

[luv]

Originally Posted by bowener

Marriage should be a contract limited to 3 years. At the end of 3 years you, as a couple, should have the ability to draw up a new contract or renew the old one. If you can agree that strange should be added to the sexual side of your relationship, then add that to the new contract. If you do not wish to remain married just allow the contract to end. A built in divorce for every marriage... if you so choose.

Why even get married?

[siberian khatru]

Originally Posted by FAX

Yep. You go through Haid, take a left at Handjob and you're there.

FAX

Do Anna Lingus and her sister Connie live there?

[BigRichard]

Originally Posted by Bugeater

0000FF;text-align:left">View Larger Map

Yeah, and if your down south you are in Wolfing. I hear it is a hairy bitch there.

[BigRichard]

Originally Posted by BigRichard

Yeah, and if your down south you are in Wolfing. I hear it is a hairy bitch there.

I hear the Wolfing ladies are very pale because they hate to sunbathe.