It is untrue that women do not poop

[Delano]

I thought this board may enjoy the following tale of bravery I found on another site.

Story time, children. Gather round.

Many years ago, when I was in high school, I worked at a movie theater. Allow me to preface the story by saying that I pride myself on my ability to accomplish tasks that I find unpleasant. My parents own several section 8 rental properties around Youngstown, and I had been roped into innumerable "This house is a mess, we're not paying anyone to clean it, we feed you, here's a bucket, get started" adventures in my short life. I had dealt with festering diapers left in the open air for months in summer, rotten food, spoiled milk, animal corpses, used hypodermics, anything you could imagine. Cleaning the grease trap in the concession area did not phase me. I was woefully unprepared this day.

I arrived in my polo shirt and slacks through the lobby entrance as some of the theaters were letting out. I could tell immediately something was amiss. One of the managers had put the caution tape we normally used to mark defective chairs over the door to the women's restroom, and was standing in front of the door looking worried. When a patron would try to enter, the manager would stop them, nod apologetically, make a brief "mia culpa" gesture with her hands, and usher them away. When she saw that I had arrived, her eyes immediately brightened and she waved emphatically for me to come over.

"Jenkins," she said, "You want to do something forP me? There's gas cards in it for you."

This should have been my tip off. Gas cards were highly prized commodities in the theater, being given only for the most exemplary service. To receive multiple gas cards was unheard of.

"How many gas cards?" I asked.
"Three."
"What do you want me to do?"
"There's a mess in the first stall. I want you to clean it up."
"Sure, no problem," said 17 year old me, ready to earn the easiest 30 bucks in gas cards of my life. I was naive, and did not expect the horrors that awaited me.

I was allowed entry into the women's restroom, and the first thing I noticed was the smell. It was the foulest thing I have ever smelled to this day. Imagine that a dozen homeless people are filming a scat porn with a dead dolphin inside a sweat lodge inside a paper mill next to the Jersey River in August. That pales in comparison to the unholy aroma permeating the room; its soft pink tiles ironic in the face of such an insidious odor.


After leaving the room to get a lungful of fresh air, I held my breath and proceeded to open the stall door there. What I was to bear witness to was a travesty. What had been done to that stall could not have been done by any creature, human or animal, but rather some breed of deranged shit demon conjured from the 8th circle of hell for the sole purpose of wreaking psychopathic excrement torture on the souls of the living.

Before me sat what I would estimate to be about two gallons of sludge-like human waste, coating the area immediately surrounding the toilet as if it had been somehow weaponized. It had caked the toilet, formed a 3 foot halo around the toilet, splattered and stuck to the back wall, caked itself onto the toilet paper dispenser, seeped into the little bin used for sanitary napkin disposal, and caked itself in a Pollock-esque pattern on the stall doors. Amongst the refuse, draped over the toilet's handle and pump was a medium-sized woman's cardigan that had originally been white, but appeared to have been subjected to a profane fecal tie-dye. To imagine this volume of crap being expelled from a living thing's anus in such volume and with such velocity as to form the specific pattern of disaster in front of me was to break the natural and physical laws of the universe. To look into that first stall was to look upon the face of God, and know with certainty that he is an angry and terrible God. Beware ye who would fight monsters, for when one stares into the shit abyss, the shit abyss stares back.

I left the restroom to prepare for my struggle against the cesspool. I donned gauntlets of nitrile, blue and sterile as the cleanest lagoon. From a hefty bag, I fashioned a hauberk and adorned my shoes and shins with packaging from frozen pretzels, held securely in place with rubber bands. I gathered 8 rolls of paper towels, three additional hefty bags, a mop and two extra mop heads, a bucket, and two gallons of green, undiluted industrial strength disinfectant. To finish my raiment, I stole the face mask from the blood born pathogen kit and doused it in industrial air freshener so that I could smell pine groves clearly when it was extended to arms length.

The battle began and raged for two hours that passed in a blur. I lost all sense of time. I forgot my hopes and dreams. I forgot my name. In retrospect, this may have been because I had doused a face mask in aerosol air freshener and was higher than an entire Phish concert. I scrubbed. I worked. I cursed. The battle raged on, and new enemies were discovered. In addition to the cardigan, there was a pair of formerly pink ankle socks. Anything that was not held in place by bolts or mortar had to be removed and destroyed.

In the end, I was victorious. I lost a lot of good men. The mop and mop bucket died valiantly in the effort, and were given a burial with full honors in the dumpster behind the theater. Because they were not proud men, and the general manager had a fragile temperament, whenever she inquired about them afterwards I maintained that they were lost. They would have wanted it that way.

I went on to leave the theater for college later that year, but the employees still talk of it to this day. I am the shitslayer.

TL;DR: It is untrue that girls do not poop.

[bricks]

Originally Posted by threebag02

I had women's room detail when I was younger and worked at the grocery store. I went in and started to clean the place GROSS. When I get to the toilet Holy Shit it was the size of a Volkswagen Beetle maybe a ****ing Microbus. It had to be cut into 1/5's so the thing would flush. Largest shit I have ever seen.

Dude thanks that was great

[Frazod]

[booger]

if i sold power washers i would advertise in this thread.

and wet vacs.

and astronaught suits

[Fire Me Boy!]

When I was a teen working in the grocery store, I saw a woman go into the bathroom and immediately exit. She came over to me and said someone needs to clean the bathroom. I knocked on the door and waited a couple seconds, then opened it up and looked inside. Someone had explosive diarrhea ALL OVER the women's bathroom. Liquid shit all over the toilet... on the sink... all over. The manager told me to clean it up. I told him he didn't pay me enough to clean that up, and if he tried to force me to, I'd quit. Wasn't happening. Only time in my life I've ever threatened to quit and walk off a job.

[JD10367]

Men are dirty. They leave the seats up, pee on the floor, forget to flush theier pee sometimes.

Women are filthy. There's a difference. They leave shit in the bowl, they leave bloody tampons around, etc.,.

Ask any business owner or public area supervisor and they'll tell you, the women's room is always worse than the men's room.

[JD10367]

Originally Posted by Fire Me Boy!

When I was a teen working in the grocery store, I saw a woman go into the bathroom and immediately exit. She came over to me and said someone needs to clean the bathroom. I knocked on the door and waited a couple seconds, then opened it up and looked inside. Someone had explosive diarrhea ALL OVER the women's bathroom. Liquid shit all over the toilet... on the sink... all over. The manager told me to clean it up. I told him he didn't pay me enough to clean that up, and if he tried to force me to, I'd quit. Wasn't happening. Only time in my life I've ever threatened to quit and walk off a job.

Hell, I quit the first job I ever had just when they asked me to CLEAN the bathrooms. It was a Woolworth's. I thought I'd been hired to stock shelves, maybe cashier a little. Spent the first day sweeping and mopping floors (keep in mind I was a kid who'd never worked before and never cleaned before). Then he hands me a toilet brush and says "Go clean the bathrooms". I said, "Uh, no, I quit," and walked out. Walked next door and got hired at the liquor store. I thought, "This'll be better." They stuck me on the bottle bill return counter: years of homeless people and smelly roach-filled bottles... and it was still better in my mind than cleaning other peoples' shit.

[bevischief]

[threebag]

Originally Posted by bricks

Dude thanks that was great

I was 17 and I bet I flushed 75 gallons of water down trying to soften that thing. I went and got everyone that was working to show them. The size was un****ing believable. I didn't remember any EMS calls nor did I recall anyone dragging themselves out of the store. I know that bomb had to cause permanent damage. Two of my buddies watched as I cut it in half it still didn't go down I had to cut the halves in halves to clear the basin. No 17 year old should have to do that.

[notorious]

[lcarus]

I have stared into the shit abyss this fellow shitslayer speaks of. It stared back. OH IT STARED BACK!

[notorious]

Bartended for years.


That's all I am going to say......

[Omaha]

Originally Posted by Big Smoke

Only fat women poop. The poop a lot.

They should poop more. You know... to lose weight.

[ChiTown]

Originally Posted by notorious

Bartended for years.


That's all I am going to say......

Me too. I had to wake a girl who had passed out on the shitter. It was not a pleasant job for either of us.

[notorious]

Originally Posted by ChiTown

Me too. I had to wake a girl who had passed out on the shitter. It was not a pleasant job for either of us.

....damnit, you are bringing back memories.....

We had to carry a girl out that passed out on the bathroom floor . She got taken to the emergency room shortly after.


A few days later she came in and told us she was upset that she got taken to the ER. I guess going into shock after taking diet pills, stacker 2, and drinking shouldn't require a doctor visit.


I could never touch a woman that has been on a bar bathroom floor. It is impossible to clean off that kind of nasty.

Stupid bitch.

[lcarus]

Originally Posted by notorious

....damnit, you are bringing back memories.....

We had to carry a girl out that passed out on the bathroom floor . She got taken to the emergency room shortly after.


A few days later she came in and told us she was upset that she got taken to the ER. I guess going into shock after taking diet pills, stacker 2, and drinking shouldn't require a doctor visit.


I could never touch a woman that has been on a bar bathroom floor. It is impossible to clean off that kind of nasty.

Stupid bitch.

There are specific reasons why I rarely go to bars, and when I do, I don't stay for long.