Mrs. Buehler445 has a bun in the oven.

[The Franchise]

Originally Posted by Buehler445

I need to go ahead and not have a daughter. I'm fairly certain I would shoot every 12-25 year old male in the county once she hits 14. /sarcasm (ish)

I have a 6 year old daughter and twin 3 year old daughters.

**** my life.

[BlackHelicopters]

Originally Posted by Buehler445

I need to go ahead and not have a daughter. I'm fairly certain I would shoot every 12-25 year old male in the county once she hits 14. /sarcasm (ish)

All you need is .45 and a shovel

[Radar Chief]

Originally Posted by Buehler445

I need to go ahead and not have a daughter. I'm fairly certain I would shoot every 12-25 year old male in the county once she hits 14. /sarcasm (ish)

An old creole sergeant I knew in the Army said when his daughters turned 9 he bought them each a Rottweiler puppy so that when they were dating age those dogs were good and old and cranky. Said he never even had to do the greeting the kid at the while door polishing a gun trick. They had to make it past the dogs first.

[DeezNutz]

You'll go from n00b to "expert" in about a day. Your child will be a source of entertainment and joy that you never thought possible. This is coming from someone who had no experience with children prior to having one.

Congrats, dude.

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

Here's a couple pieces of advice I can pull from my experiences :

#1) Start saving for College right now. If you don't you be in a bind later.

#2) Don't buy that Baby Gerger life insurance. Life insurance for anybody under 50 is dumb unless you live in Afghanistan.

#3) Don't waste your money on diapers. They cost a LOT . Just use a towel that can be washed .

#4) Don't go buy it a cute Pit Bull puppy.

#5) Remember that burping a baby means it's gonna puke all over your shoulder. EVERY TIME.

#6) When the kid turns 12 go ahead and force him / Her to drink a bottle of Tequila to show them what people that drink feel like the next day.

#7) If the kid likes the hangover go ahead and spend the money you saved for college on a nice car and go to the strip club.

#8) Don't have sex with your kid. It's against the law and you'll get labeled as a child sex offender.

#9) If it's a girl go ahead and get it a sex change before the age of 5. We know you well enough to know that you want a son.

#10) Remember you can always use the phrase "Do as I say ,not as I do"

[ndws]

Embrace puke. And embrace that runny, hell-sent, substance they call baby shit. And when you buy the big dumpster-o-diapers, don't be surprised when your little bundle outgrows them before you get halfway through. And think about that $40 you just spent, and hope you have a friend to barter size 2 for 3s and so on.

We're at month #2 right now. Just got the shots and the checkup. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but expect everything you know this very moment in time, to be obsolete for a while once he/she arrives.

[Buehler445]

Originally Posted by ndws

Embrace puke. And embrace that runny, hell-sent, substance they call baby shit. And when you buy the big dumpster-o-diapers, don't be surprised when your little bundle outgrows them before you get halfway through. And think about that $40 you just spent, and hope you have a friend to barter size 2 for 3s and so on.

We're at month #2 right now. Just got the shots and the checkup. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but expect everything you know this very moment in time, to be obsolete for a while once he/she arrives.

Sounds like good advice. I work outside and am dirty most of the time anyway. Hopefully the poop and puke won't be too much of a variance.

[ndws]

Originally Posted by Buehler445

Sounds like good advice. I work outside and am dirty most of the time anyway. Hopefully the poop and puke won't be too much of a variance.

I grew up on a farrow to finish hog farm. Our neighbor ran a dairy, and I would help out once in a while there. My best friend grew up on a farm, and once again I helped out there. Later in life, me and my old man raised a number of horses. I've spent a good number of years of my life around livestock. In any case, baby shit has a way of burrowing deep into your nasal cavity, unlike most anything else.

You see the black sticky stuff at the hospital and its gross, but its expected, and you have that new-baby euphoria and nothing it does is bad/gross/horrible. that marconium goes away, and even then its not too bad. You've got this. And then the bacteria in the gut changes somehow. And one day, your little darling will shit its pants and all you can say is "Oh dear Lord". You'll want to blame your wife for eating a rotten corpse ass-end first, but she didn't. Good news is, your nose becomes calloused and you eventually aren't bothered by it. That's what they tell me anyway.

[Radar Chief]

Congrats man!
Just consider changing diapers as building up credit for when your children have to change yours.

[Buehler445]

Originally Posted by Radar Chief

Congrats man!
Just consider changing diapers as building up credit for when your children have to change yours.

I'm pretty sure I'm not going to live that long.

[Frazod]

Congratulations!

[Red Beans]

The wife and I were totally against cloth diapers. They'd leak, stink, and generally be a pain in the ass. However after two months of paying out the ass for diapers, we did our research and took the plunge. A $200 investment netted us 30 diapers and inserts. We do diaper laundry every third day or so and saw a slight increase in water consumption. You can seriously tell a difference between a kid's ass that's been clothed in chemically laced material and the cloth diapers. Don't get me wrong, we use disposables in some situations, but 90% of the time we go cloth. It was well worth the investment...

[DJ's left nut]

Originally Posted by Red Beans

The wife and I were totally against cloth diapers. They'd leak, stink, and generally be a pain in the ass. However after two months of paying out the ass for diapers, we did our research and took the plunge. A $200 investment netted us 30 diapers and inserts. We do diaper laundry every third day or so and saw a slight increase in water consumption. You can seriously tell a difference between a kid's ass that's been clothed in chemically laced material and the cloth diapers. Don't get me wrong, we use disposables in some situations, but 90% of the time we go cloth. It was well worth the investment...

Diapers.com

This is your friend.

Buy those things in bulk and they're incredibly cheap. They also have free 2-day shipping. The costs when compared to cloth diapers are pretty close to even when you start doing the math in the liners and stuff.

And go buy the Baby Bargains book, Mr. Buehler. Your wife will think you're a badass.

http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Bargains-...=Baby+Bargains

We don't even use ours for bargain hunting, rather it has a pretty comprehensive overview of the major stuff you'll need, who makes it, who makes it well and what the major difference are.

[DaneMcCloud]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

Diapers.com

This is your friend.

Buy those things in bulk and they're incredibly cheap. They also have free 2-day shipping. The costs when compared to cloth diapers are pretty close to even when you start doing the math in the liners and stuff.

And go buy the Baby Bargains book, Mr. Buehler. Your wife will think you're a badass.

http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Bargains-...=Baby+Bargains

We don't even use ours for bargain hunting, rather it has a pretty comprehensive overview of the major stuff you'll need, who makes it, who makes it well and what the major difference are.

Amazon Prime. Diapers, formula and everything else in 2 days or less. If you sign up for the recurring delivery, you save 20% more. I still by wipes at Costco.

Clothes at Target, Costco and Craigslist. For our second, I went all Ikea crib and furniture which looks great, is functional and ridiculously affordable, I also put a queen size bed in her room and slept in there, which made it much easier to wake up, feed and go back to bed.

I had both girls sleeping 12 hours a night by 12 weeks by using sleep training and white noise. And changing a diaper? Ha, who cares? I pick up dog poop all week from two 75 pound Labs that is more "gross" than changing a diaper.

[DJ's left nut]

Originally Posted by DaneMcCloud

Amazon Prime. Diapers, formula and everything else in 2 days or less. If you sign up for the recurring delivery, you save 20% more. I still by wipes at Costco.

Clothes at Target, Costco and Craigslist. For our second, I went all Ikea crib and furniture which looks great, is functional and ridiculously affordable, I also put a queen size bed in her room and slept in there, which made it much easier to wake up, feed and go back to bed.

I had both girls sleeping 12 hours a night by 12 weeks by using sleep training and white noise. And changing a diaper? Ha, who cares? I pick up dog poop all week from two 75 pound Labs that is more "gross" than changing a diaper.

Amazon bought Diapers.com.

So when you're shopping off Amazon, especially Prime, you're getting their Diapers.com porthole. They're essentially the same animal (including the 20% off).

If you don't feel like spending the money on the Prime membership, Diapers.com has the same 2-day shipping for free on orders over $50. If you're not buying diapers $50 at a time, you're doing it wrong.