Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?

[Dallas Chief]

Originally Posted by Laz

Trust ... to a certain extent, it's gone.

He broke trust by reading the text message
She broke trust by talking shit about his family with someone beside him

Seems like a fine line to me, especially if she wasn't talking shit, but there was some truth to it. She was apparently talking to her family, not just some random friend which from my experience women tend to be close to their moms and sisters.

The bigger problem for me is him snooping and reading her messages without her knowing. I mean who is the bigger sneaky bitch here? No offense Jim Jones...

[Rain Man]

There are probably some things my wife has said that I'd rather not know, or I'd be divorced. It's probably that way with any couple.

It's immature of his fiance to say stuff like that, if it's as bad as it sounds. It's also terrible of him to be spying on her when he had no reason to not trust her.

If she doesn't like his family and he's spying on her communications, it sounds like they should rethink this relationship.

[jd1020]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

It's immature of his fiance to say stuff like that, if it's as bad as it sounds. It's also terrible of him to be spying on her when he had no reason to not trust her.

Doesn't sound "bad" at all to me.

"Not looking forward to going to my in-laws... Don't like his mothers cooking... All they do is sit around and talk sports... Annoying kids..."

How can one say shit like that?????????!!!!!!!! ITS DISGRACEFUL!

[KurtCobain]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

There are probably some things my wife has said that I'd rather not know, or I'd be divorced. It's probably that way with any couple.

It's immature of his fiance to say stuff like that, if it's as bad as it sounds. It's also terrible of him to be spying on her when he had no reason to not trust her.

If she doesn't like his family and he's spying on her communications, it sounds like they should rethink this relationship.

you should start a relationship poll to see how many people are in insecure situation.

[Reaper16]

I'm inclined to agree with the idea that there are trust issues you should work on, but I don't want to give any advice about that; I've never been married or engaged, so I can't pretend to truly understand what that kind of commitment means.

Here's a sneaky idea: after the holiday, bring up to your fiancee that she looked uncomfortable around your family. Say that you saw something in her body language. Never bring up the fact that you invaded her privacy. Use this lie of a physical tell in her body language to bring up a discussion on how she feels about your family. Tell her to be honest, that she can be honest with you.

If she lies to you then, well, then you might have to re-evaluate things.

[jd1020]

Originally Posted by Reaper16

I'm inclined to agree with the idea that there are trust issues you should work on, but I don't want to give any advice about that; I've never been married or engaged, so I can't pretend to truly understand what that kind of commitment means.

Here's a sneaky idea: after the holiday, bring up to your fiancee that she looked uncomfortable around your family. Say that you saw something in her body language. Never bring up the fact that you invaded her privacy. Use this lie of a physical tell in her body language to bring up a discussion on how she feels about your family. Tell her to be honest, that she can be honest with you.

If she lies to you then, well, then you might have to re-evaluate things.

... and the snowflake turns into an avalanche.

[KurtCobain]

Yeah, play mind games. That always works.

[jspchief]

Originally Posted by Mosbonian

I'll repeat my statement again....do you really think the sister will keep it to herself? All it will take is something small and it will come out....

Why? Have you never had a person in your life that you could tell something to in confidence?

I feel sorry for the people that live these lives. It must be sad having every relationship be a ticking timebomb.

[burt]

Originally Posted by jspchief

Why? Have you never had a person in your life that you could tell something to in confidence?

I feel sorry for the people that live these lives. It must be sad having every relationship be a ticking timebomb.

Yeah....I had certain folks that I texted, venting about my wife, but....oh shit...nevermind, I am going through a divorce!

[Mosbonian]

Originally Posted by jspchief

Why? Have you never had a person in your life that you could tell something to in confidence?

I feel sorry for the people that live these lives. It must be sad having every relationship be a ticking timebomb.

Yeah....that's my wife. That's why my marriage has lasted 28 years.

And you don't seriously think the sister will keep all of this quiet do you? Seriously?

[In58men]

My finance can go through my phone and emails it doesn't bother me at all. I can also do the same. Not a big deal really.

[jd1020]

Originally Posted by Inmem58

My finance can go through my phone and emails it doesn't bother me at all. I can also do the same. Not a big deal really.

Big difference between what you just described and snooping.

[Calcountry]

I didn't read the whole thread, but please, make sure you hit that shit one more time before you leave her for good.

[Sure-Oz]

**** her then dump the bitch. fake whore..


jk that wasnt nice.

Confront her...thats pretty much BS what she is sayin

[Bowser]

Originally Posted by HMc

Huh? You don't make nice with people you don't like because it's easier or as a favour to someone else?

It all comes down to trust. If he swallows this, it's just going to grow like a cancer inside of him, until he just blows one day on her, and this and all the other things he's been holding in rushes out. Even in the OP, he claims the things she was saying were "vicious" from his point of view, so it's best to hash this out, imo, before it spirals out of control, provided he wants to really save this relationship.

After all that is said, he needs to understand why it was he felt it necessary to sneak a peak at her texts. Did he have a legit reason to wonder about what she was saying, or is he taking out his bad past relationships on her?

Originally Posted by Saul Good

So much bad advice in this thread...

By all means, offer up some "good" advice. I'm sure Jim Jones would appreciate all input right now.