Misc Why Monogamy is Ridiculous - Page 2

Skyy God · 01-26-2011, 11:09 AM

http://bigthink.com/ideas/24738

Dan Savage: Yeah, absolutely we need to rethink love and commitment. You know 60 years ago was when we decided that men had to be monogamous too. Men were not monogamous. For all of recorded human history men had concubines and whores, and 60 years ago straight relationships began to become more egalitarian and it was less of a property transaction—a marriage had been a property transaction for most of recorded human history—and it became a union of two equals. And at that moment instead of deciding to allow women to have the same sort of freedom and leeway that men did we decided to let men have the same limitations, impose the same limitations what women had and we put monogamous sexual commitment at the heart of all relationships, all long-term commitments, all marriages and we have watched.

We should now be able to recognize the consequences of that, which are a lot of short-term relationships, a lot of divorce. Because monogamy is ridiculous and people aren’t any good at it. We’re not wired for it. We didn’t evolve to be. It’s unnatural and it places a tremendous strain on our marriages and our long-term commitments to expect them to be effortlessly monogamous. Because what we said is "If you’re in love you shouldn’t... you won’t want to have sex with anybody else and what we need to tell people is that if you’re in love you can make a monogamous commitment and you will refrain from having sex with other people, but you will still desperately want to f**k the shit out of other people." But people understand love means I don’t want to f**k other people because of these misconceptions pumped into people’s heads about romance, love and what it means. And so they meet somebody else that they’re attracted to and they’re attracted to this other person. They go "Well, I must not be in love with my partner anymore otherwise I wouldn’t be attracted to this person." Or they feel threatened when their partners are attracted to other people because it makes them feel insecure and we just need to get passed that and we talk about monogamy the way we talk about virginity, that you’re monogamous until you f**k somebody else and they’re you’re not. You’ve ruined it. You popped your monogamy hymen and destroyed your monogamous relationship.

We need to talk about monogamy the way we talk about sobriety, which you can be monogamous and fall off the wagon and then sober back up. You can monogamous back up and get back on the wagon. And the truth of the matter is that if you’re with somebody for 40, 50 years and they only cheated on you a few times they were good at being monogamous, not bad at being monogamous. They were good at it. So I do think there needs to be some leeway. And a lot of really good loving relationships are destroyed because somebody wants a little variety or isn’t getting a need met and feels they have to step out and it explodes the relationship. I'm conservative. I think that we should do what we can to preserve marriages and long-term relationships, and one way to do that is to encourage people to have more realistic attitudes about sexual exclusivity.

Brock · 01-26-2011, 11:26 AM

The simple solution is don't get married.

tooge · 01-26-2011, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blaise

That's all well and good, but the person you would need to sell that to is the person you're with, and good luck with that.
And I bet most people that say monogamy is outdated would probably have a change of heart the first time their wife got all dolled up and picked up at the house by some dude, and then didn't come home until 10:30 the next day.

I am monogamous, and think its great. Doesn't change the fact that we aren't wired that way. Wifey isn't supposed to be getting dolled up and picked up by some dude. she is supposed to be making the "cave" liveable to her mate so that he can relax and rejuvinate while he is rebuiling his sperm supply. I didn't make this shit up, I'm just stating it.

Discuss Thrower · 01-26-2011, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pittsie

Fixed.

Thread is gradually gaining burst.

...

So let me kill it. I told my ex girlfriend monogamy is a failed concept. She didn't appreciate that too much.

**jAZ** · 01-26-2011, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pittsie

Fixed.

A huge part of monogamy is deliberately limiting your opportunity. If you choose not to deliberately limit your opportunity, you are choosing to fail and monogamy. It's not hard. If you choose not to try, that's your thing.

If you always go out to the bar with friends instead of going home to your wife and kids, you are choosing to make monogamy hard. While you are out at the bar, if you choose to be your buddy's "wingman", you are choosing to make monogamy hard. While you are wingman, if you choose to engage in flirting, you are choosing to make monogamy hard.

You can choose not to do any of those things, and that make monogamy easy.

MOhillbilly · 01-26-2011, 11:29 AM

Ive never cheated. Ever.

**jAZ** · 01-26-2011, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

The simple solution is don't get married.

Agreed 100%. If you don't want the commitment, don't make it. It's a choice and a preference. Just don't rationalize that it's some foreign idea we humans can't process.

**jAZ** · 01-26-2011, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blaise

That's all well and good, but the person you would need to sell that to is the person you're with, and good luck with that.
And I bet most people that say monogamy is outdated would probably have a change of heart the first time their wife got all dolled up and picked up at the house by some dude, and then didn't come home until 10:30 the next day.

Jealousy is an outdated concept for you. I reserve my right to engage in it, though.

tooge · 01-26-2011, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MOhillbilly

Ive never cheated. Ever.

Me either. Doesn't mean the oportunity hasn't been there. I have a buddy or two that cheat on their wives all the time. Not my thing, but I understand how it happens. I agree that it is easiest to just not put myself in those situations. I've always said, I already have one woman griping and telling me what to do, why would I want another?

**loochy** · 01-26-2011, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luv

We've already established this is only acceptable for men.

I really like the way you think.

**Donger** · 01-26-2011, 11:33 AM

I told my wife about this. She didn't agree.

Skyy God · 01-26-2011, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blaise

That's all well and good, but the person you would need to sell that to is the person you're with, and good luck with that.
And I bet most people that say monogamy is outdated would probably have a change of heart the first time their wife got all dolled up and picked up at the house by some dude, and then didn't come home until 10:30 the next day.

Sure, but that's the most disrespectful, contemptuous for the relationship scenario imaginable. I.e., not realistic.

talastan · 01-26-2011, 11:34 AM

Sorry if you can't be monogamous then don't get married. Don't be freaking surprised though when the husband/boyfriend of some girl you nailed comes knocking down your door. If we "de-evolved" our selves by going back to just openly nailing whoever, we'd also be inviting the savagery (pun intended) that inevitably comes along with it. If this is more a pro-prostitution stance, then I say let the states decide.

boogblaster · 01-26-2011, 11:36 AM

Keep it in ya pants .. then ya can't dance .....

blaise · 01-26-2011, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pittsie

Sure, but that's the most disrespectful, contemptuous for the relationship scenario imaginable. I.e., not realistic.

Right, not realistic. I'm sure it would always be conducted in the most respectful way imaginable.

**Lzen** · 01-26-2011, 11:37 AM

Dumb.

01-26-2011, 11:09 AM
Skyy God 11-5, baby Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Livin the dream Casino cash: $2191557	Why Monogamy is Ridiculous http://bigthink.com/ideas/24738 Dan Savage: Yeah, absolutely we need to rethink love and commitment. You know 60 years ago was when we decided that men had to be monogamous too. Men were not monogamous. For all of recorded human history men had concubines and whores, and 60 years ago straight relationships began to become more egalitarian and it was less of a property transaction—a marriage had been a property transaction for most of recorded human history—and it became a union of two equals. And at that moment instead of deciding to allow women to have the same sort of freedom and leeway that men did we decided to let men have the same limitations, impose the same limitations what women had and we put monogamous sexual commitment at the heart of all relationships, all long-term commitments, all marriages and we have watched. We should now be able to recognize the consequences of that, which are a lot of short-term relationships, a lot of divorce. Because monogamy is ridiculous and people aren’t any good at it. We’re not wired for it. We didn’t evolve to be. It’s unnatural and it places a tremendous strain on our marriages and our long-term commitments to expect them to be effortlessly monogamous. Because what we said is "If you’re in love you shouldn’t... you won’t want to have sex with anybody else and what we need to tell people is that if you’re in love you can make a monogamous commitment and you will refrain from having sex with other people, but you will still desperately want to fk the shit out of other people." But people understand love means I don’t want to fk other people because of these misconceptions pumped into people’s heads about romance, love and what it means. And so they meet somebody else that they’re attracted to and they’re attracted to this other person. They go "Well, I must not be in love with my partner anymore otherwise I wouldn’t be attracted to this person." Or they feel threatened when their partners are attracted to other people because it makes them feel insecure and we just need to get passed that and we talk about monogamy the way we talk about virginity, that you’re monogamous until you f**k somebody else and they’re you’re not. You’ve ruined it. You popped your monogamy hymen and destroyed your monogamous relationship. We need to talk about monogamy the way we talk about sobriety, which you can be monogamous and fall off the wagon and then sober back up. You can monogamous back up and get back on the wagon. And the truth of the matter is that if you’re with somebody for 40, 50 years and they only cheated on you a few times they were good at being monogamous, not bad at being monogamous. They were good at it. So I do think there needs to be some leeway. And a lot of really good loving relationships are destroyed because somebody wants a little variety or isn’t getting a need met and feels they have to step out and it explodes the relationship. I'm conservative. I think that we should do what we can to preserve marriages and long-term relationships, and one way to do that is to encourage people to have more realistic attitudes about sexual exclusivity.
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01-26-2011, 11:26 AM	#16
Brock Say hello to my little friend Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Larryville Casino cash: $9598422	The simple solution is don't get married.
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01-26-2011, 11:29 AM	#20
MOhillbilly Mama Tried Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Missouri Casino cash: $9949903	Ive never cheated. Ever. __________________ True Son of Liberty
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01-26-2011, 11:33 AM	#25
Donger "Think BOOM!" Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: 33.675° N 106.475° W Casino cash: $8949900 VARSITY	I told my wife about this. She didn't agree. __________________ I think the young people enjoy it when I "get down," verbally, don't you?
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01-26-2011, 11:34 AM	#27
talastan Manning, we're coming for you! Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Springfield, Mo Casino cash: $10004950	Sorry if you can't be monogamous then don't get married. Don't be freaking surprised though when the husband/boyfriend of some girl you nailed comes knocking down your door. If we "de-evolved" our selves by going back to just openly nailing whoever, we'd also be inviting the savagery (pun intended) that inevitably comes along with it. If this is more a pro-prostitution stance, then I say let the states decide. __________________ Can we please just draft AND DEVELOP a QB - est. since 1983 Check out my band: Truett and the Traitors
Posts: 4,815

01-26-2011, 11:36 AM	#28
boogblaster MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Verdigris Valley Campsite Casino cash: $10004900	Keep it in ya pants .. then ya can't dance ..... __________________ WR or S please
Posts: 10,305

01-26-2011, 11:37 AM	#30
Lzen Banded Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Oz Casino cash: $1130692	Dumb. __________________ Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know.
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