Chiefs Place Herm and Carl in Other Historical Situations - Page 2

**Rain Man** · 10-05-2008, 04:23 PM

The exercise: assume that, instead of the actual historical figures, Herm and/or Carl were the key historical figures, and discuss the implications of this change.

I'll start:

Herm and Carl Attack Pearl Harbor

On December 7th, 1941, at 7:56 a.m., a U.S. Navy Gunner sights a lone Japanese plane flying toward Battleship Row and Hickam Field. He strolls over to his gun, which is placed into a specific position by a bunch of stacked phone books under the barrel. He looks as his watch, and at 7:57 on the nose, pulls the trigger once. The Japanese plane, still in the distance, puffs smoke, and catches fire, spiraling into the sea.

The gunner goes into headquarters, marks his kill on a graph, and says to his commanding officer, "I finished their attack for this week, sir. I'm going on leave this week, but I'll be back next Sunday. Same time and same place?"

The commanding officer shrugs. "Apparently."

On a Japanese aircraft carrier floating in the Pacific, Hermichi and Carlsan study their maps and wait for news. A messenger runs in. "Sirs," he says, "I regret to inform you that the attack failed again. The plane was shot down."

Hermichi and Carlsan frown and shake their heads in frustration. "I can't believe it," Hermichi says. "I was sure it would work this time."

The messenger says, "Sirs, may I offer a suggestion? What if attacked with more than one plane, and we came in from a different direction?"

Carlsan sneers at the man. "Are YOU a 20-year veteran? Who's got the experience here?"

Hermichi laughs. "Helloooo. If we send two planes, we could lose up to two planes. This way we only lose one."

Carlsan jumps in. "And we can't send the planes in from a different direction. That's not what we've always done."

Hermichi and Carlsan look at each other. Hermichi says, "Same plan next week? One plane, coming in directly from the north at 2,000 feet?"

Carlsan nods. "It's got to work at some point."

Hermichi says, "Great. I'll go study the film of this week."

The two admirals shake hands and retire to their quarters.

Hammock Parties · 10-05-2008, 06:28 PM

Herm and Carl would probably point to Napoleon's surge into Russia backfiring as proof that you don't want to be too aggressive.

Marcellus · 10-05-2008, 06:39 PM

Little Big Horn River 1875

Lt. Colonel H. E.Custer: Charge, charge! I see 40 Indians, lets whoop dey butts!

General Peterson: Gee H.E. what if there are more Indians over yonder hill? Shouldn't we be trained and better prepared? What's our plan? We have been out here for 20 years trying whoop these Indians and I said it would only take 5.

Lt. Colonel H. E.Custer: Dont worry it's gonna be OOOOKaaaaayyyyyyyy. We will send Sgt. Johnson right up the ass of the front line.

General Peterson: What if we run into trouble?

Lt. Colonel H. E.Custer: No problem, we call President Clark and tell him we need to rebuild again.

CHIEF4EVER · 10-05-2008, 06:43 PM

Carl and Herm at the Battle of Fredericksburg

{Note: Carl is playing the role of Burnside}

.....we join our 'heroes' in the early morning of the 2d day of battle.

Herm: Carl, we broke through on the left yesterday but got beaten back. I knew it was a bad idea to attack the flank anyway. I have a new plan but I want to clear it with you first.

Carl: I have a plan too, but let me hear yours.

Herm: General, as you undoubtedly know, the enemy are dug in up on Maryes Heights across a big ol' open field behind a stone wall. There are 78,000 of them up there. I think we should organize our troops into 17 waves of 1 brigade each and hit them head on and make a statement. They will never expect us to go right up the middle and attack the strongest point of their defense 17 straight times through artillery fire. We wil have the element of surprise on our side.

Carl: My God, great minds think alike. I was thinking the exact same thing. Tell General Gailey to take the lead and hit em' hard. But one last thing.....WAIT FOR DAYLIGHT. Our troops need the light to see the enemy and engage them effectively.

Herm: As always Sir, I am awed by your genious.

rad · 10-05-2008, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coach

*Peterson[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Hoochle has joined the game.*
*caREy has joined the game.*
*JONEYS has joined the game.*
*Hermine-tow has joined the game.*
*Hunt has joined the game.*
*Tags has joined the game.*
*Uncle AL has joined the game.*
*Triplette has joined the game.*

Tags: hey sup
Hunt: y0
Uncle AL: hi
JONEYS: hi
Peterson[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
caREy: lol more like panzy tanks
Hunt: lol
Tags: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
Hermine: haha america sux
Uncle AL: hey Peterson you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Peterson[AoE]; sure whatever
Uncle AL: cool
Triplette: **** Peterson rushed some1 help
Peterson[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Tags: i dont got **** to help, sry
JONEYS: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Tags: get antiair guns
JONEYS: i cant afford them
Hunt: u n00bs know what team talk is?
caREY: stfu
Tags: o yah hit the navajo button guys
Triplette: Hoochle ur worthless come help me quick
Hoochle: i cant do **** til goddel gives me an army
caREy: yah hurry the fock up
JONEYS: d00d im gettin pounded
Triplette: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*Triplette has left the game.*
Tags: im gonna attack the axis k?
Hermine: with what? ur wheelchair?
Hermine: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Peterson[AoE]:

MAO
Hunt: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Tags: wtf! thats bullsh1t u pillowbiters im gunna kick ur asses
Hunt: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Tags: u little biotch ill get u
Peterson[AoE]: wtf
Peterson[AoE]: NFL hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Peterson[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
JONEYS: lol no more france for u hitler
Peterson[AoE]: tojo help me!
Hunt: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world reerun
Peterson[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Uncle AL: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Peterson[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
Hermine: haha
Hermine: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
Hunt: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Peterson[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Tags: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
Uncle AL: JONESY help me
JONESY: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Uncle AL: dont be an arss
JONESY: dont be a commie. oops too late
Hoochle: LOL
Hermine: hahahh oh sh1t help
Peterson[AoE]: o man ur focked
caREy: oh what now biotch
Tags: whos the cripple now lol
*Hermine has been eliminated.*
Hermine: lame
Tags: gj caREy
caREy: thnx
Peterson[AoE]: WTF Hoochle hax hes killing all my sh1t
Peterson[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Hoochle: Nuts!
Hermine: wtf that mean?
Hoochle: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
caREy: coming to get u Peterson u paper hanging hun cocksocker
Uncle AL: rofl
Hunt: HAHAHHAA
Peterson[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Peterson[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Peterson[AoE] has been eliminated.*
Hermine: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Hoochle:

OLOLOL
Uncle AL: OMG

!
Peterson[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Peterson[AoE] has left the game*
caREy: hahahhah
Hunt: WTF my teammates are n00bs
Hermine: shut up noob
Tags: haha wut a moron
caREy: wtf am i gunna do now?
Hoochle: yah me too
Hunt: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Hoochle: fock u
caREy: lemme go thru ur base commie
Uncle AL: go to hell lol
caREy: fock this sh1t im goin afk
Hoochle: yah this is gay
*Tags has left the game.*
Peterson[AoE]: wtf?
Hoochle: sh1t now we need some1 to join
*GoDDeLL has joined the game.*
GoDDeLL: hi all
Hunt: hey
Uncle AL: sup
JONESY: hi
GoDDeLL: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
GoDDeLL: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Uncle AL: d00d gimmie some plz
GoDDeLL: no way i only got like a couple
Uncle AL: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
Hunt: wtf is nukes?
Hunt: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
*Hunt has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Hoochle: awesome!
JONESY: gg noobs no re
Hunt: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*Hunt has left the game.*
*Hoochle has left the game.*
Uncle AL: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
JONESY: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
GoDDeLL: l8r all
Hermine: bye
JONESY: l8r
Uncle AL: fock u all
GoDDeLL: shut up commie lol
*GoDDeLL has left the game.*
Hermine: lololol u commie
JONESY:

JONESY: bye commie
*JONESY has left the game.*
*Hermine has left the game.*
Uncle AL: i hate u all pillowbiters
*Uncle AL has left the game.*
caREy: lol no1 is left
caREy: weeeee i got a jeep
*caREy has been eliminated.*
caREy: o sh1t!
*caREy has left the game.*

Seriously, I'm crying right now.......this by far the funniest post I've ever read on CP.

Much rep.

**Rain Man** · 10-05-2008, 06:51 PM

Herm and Carl hunt a mammoth in the Ice Age.

Herm (Pointing at mammoth): BOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGA

Carl (Pointing at mammoth): BOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGA

Herm and Carl throw Larry Johnson at mammoth. Larry Johnson gets trampled.

Herm (Pointing at Larry): BOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGA

Carl (Pointing at Larry): BOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGA

Herm and Carl throw Tyler Thigpen at mammoth.

Adept Havelock · 10-05-2008, 06:54 PM

Herm and Carl at Balaclava, 1854:

Half a yard, Half a yard,
Half a yard onward (and punt)
All into the basement of the NFL
rode the fifty-three

Forward the Running Back!
Charge for the Linemans rump! He said
Into the basement of the NFL
rode the fifty-three.

Forward, the Fifty-Three!"
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the fans knew
Some GM had blunder'd.
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and buy (season tickets)
Into the basement of the NFL
Rode the fifty-three.

Competent teams to right of them,
Competent teams to left of them,
Competent teams in front of them
Blitz'd and stunt'd;
Throw'd at both deep and short,
Badly they played and fell,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of hell
Rode the fifty-three.

Flash'd all their playbook bare,
Flash'd as they stumbled on air
Whiffing on the blitzers there,
Rebuilding a team, while
All the world wonder'd.
Plunged in the fireworks-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Linebacker and D- Tackle
Adjustments to this fatal-stroke
blunder'd and covered in their own pee
Then they rode back, but not,
Not the fifty-three.

Competent teams to right of them,
Competent teams to left of them,
Competent teams in front of them
Blitze'd and stunte'd;
Throw'd at both deep and short,
Badly they played and fell,
through the jaws of Death,
through the mouth of hell
and folded like a pup tent..
folded, the fifty-three.

When can their tenure fade?
O the foolish moves they made!
All the league tee-heed.
Horror at the mistakes they made!
Horror as the teams future fades,
Ignoble fifty-three!

With sincere apologies to Lord Tennyson.

FAX · 10-05-2008, 06:56 PM

Awesome.

FAX

blueballs · 10-05-2008, 07:03 PM

Carl: you got chocolate in my peanut butter
Herm: you got peanut butter on my chocolate
Announcer: use Trojon condoms everytime

memyselfI · 10-05-2008, 07:49 PM

Instant classic are the only words that can describe this thread.

Kudos to the OP.

Ebolapox · 10-05-2008, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Herm in Ford's Theater in 1865.

Abraham Lincoln and Mary Todd Lincoln are watching, "Our American Cousin" and enjoying the show. Suddenly Herm bursts into the presidential box and yells, "Sic Semper Tyrannus!"

He pulls out a gun, and then a box of ammunition. He begins studying the gun to determine how to load it but can't figure out how. As he attempts to put a bullet down the barrel of the gun, a squad of soldiers descends upon him and takes him into custody. Mary Todd Lincoln says, "Wow, that dude is crazy", and the Lincolns enjoy the remainder of the show.

literally

you've outdone yourself, rainkevinman

Ebolapox · 10-05-2008, 08:07 PM

herm and carl in the crow's nest of the titanic:

herm and carl (in unison)...that can't be good

(a few moments later).....****.

TN_Chief · 10-05-2008, 08:14 PM

After reading this thread I have a clear mental picture of Herm supplanting Slim Pickens and riding the a-bomb in at the end of Dr. Strangelove.

Yee-haw!

Nightfyre · 10-05-2008, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TN_Chief

After reading this thread I have a clear mental picture of Herm supplanting Slim Pickens and riding the a-bomb in at the end of Dr. Strangelove.

Yee-haw!

Mein Furher, I can walk!

FAX · 10-05-2008, 08:20 PM

Carl & Herm Interrogate Jesus

Carliaphas: "So, art thou the Messiah?"

Jesus: "I am: and ye shall see the Son of man sitting at the right hand of Power, and coming with the clouds of heaven."

Hermas: "See! It's okay."

Carliaphas: "Oh. Alright then. Cannest thou play tackle?"

Jesus: "Verily I say unto ye, if thy faith is like unto a mustard seed thy canst say unto this defensive tackle, 'Move!" and he shalt move."

Hermas: "I've heard enough. This guy can play. He's got something."

Carliaphas: "If Hermas saith thou canst play, I shalt believe unto him. Wilt thou agree to the rookie minimum and sharest thou a room on the road?"

Jesus: "Verily I say to ye, thou wouldst have no power, except it were given thee from above."

Hermas: "Hey! Easy there guy."

Carliaphas: "Hey! Doest thou know whoest thou art talking to? Takest this guy to Pilot and havest him crucified. Then bring me my magazines."

FAX

TN_Chief · 10-05-2008, 08:40 PM

Herm and Carl as Wall St. investment bankers...

Yeah, I think we know how that pans out.

10-05-2008, 04:23 PM
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-452449 VARSITY	Place Herm and Carl in Other Historical Situations The exercise: assume that, instead of the actual historical figures, Herm and/or Carl were the key historical figures, and discuss the implications of this change. I'll start: Herm and Carl Attack Pearl Harbor On December 7th, 1941, at 7:56 a.m., a U.S. Navy Gunner sights a lone Japanese plane flying toward Battleship Row and Hickam Field. He strolls over to his gun, which is placed into a specific position by a bunch of stacked phone books under the barrel. He looks as his watch, and at 7:57 on the nose, pulls the trigger once. The Japanese plane, still in the distance, puffs smoke, and catches fire, spiraling into the sea. The gunner goes into headquarters, marks his kill on a graph, and says to his commanding officer, "I finished their attack for this week, sir. I'm going on leave this week, but I'll be back next Sunday. Same time and same place?" The commanding officer shrugs. "Apparently." On a Japanese aircraft carrier floating in the Pacific, Hermichi and Carlsan study their maps and wait for news. A messenger runs in. "Sirs," he says, "I regret to inform you that the attack failed again. The plane was shot down." Hermichi and Carlsan frown and shake their heads in frustration. "I can't believe it," Hermichi says. "I was sure it would work this time." The messenger says, "Sirs, may I offer a suggestion? What if attacked with more than one plane, and we came in from a different direction?" Carlsan sneers at the man. "Are YOU a 20-year veteran? Who's got the experience here?" Hermichi laughs. "Helloooo. If we send two planes, we could lose up to two planes. This way we only lose one." Carlsan jumps in. "And we can't send the planes in from a different direction. That's not what we've always done." Hermichi and Carlsan look at each other. Hermichi says, "Same plan next week? One plane, coming in directly from the north at 2,000 feet?" Carlsan nods. "It's got to work at some point." Hermichi says, "Great. I'll go study the film of this week." The two admirals shake hands and retire to their quarters.
Posts: 145,246

10-05-2008, 06:28 PM	#16
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $1030478	Herm and Carl would probably point to Napoleon's surge into Russia backfiring as proof that you don't want to be too aggressive. __________________ Chiefs game films
Posts: 296,725

10-05-2008, 06:39 PM	#17
Marcellus Diablo Negro Join Date: Sep 2003 Casino cash: $-307338	Little Big Horn River 1875 Lt. Colonel H. E.Custer: Charge, charge! I see 40 Indians, lets whoop dey butts! General Peterson: Gee H.E. what if there are more Indians over yonder hill? Shouldn't we be trained and better prepared? What's our plan? We have been out here for 20 years trying whoop these Indians and I said it would only take 5. Lt. Colonel H. E.Custer: Dont worry it's gonna be OOOOKaaaaayyyyyyyy. We will send Sgt. Johnson right up the ass of the front line. General Peterson: What if we run into trouble? Lt. Colonel H. E.Custer: No problem, we call President Clark and tell him we need to rebuild again.
Posts: 74,275

10-05-2008, 06:43 PM	#18
CHIEF4EVER Just a man in the 'ghan Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Jalalabad, Afghanistan Casino cash: $10004900	Carl and Herm at the Battle of Fredericksburg {Note: Carl is playing the role of Burnside} .....we join our 'heroes' in the early morning of the 2d day of battle. Herm: Carl, we broke through on the left yesterday but got beaten back. I knew it was a bad idea to attack the flank anyway. I have a new plan but I want to clear it with you first. Carl: I have a plan too, but let me hear yours. Herm: General, as you undoubtedly know, the enemy are dug in up on Maryes Heights across a big ol' open field behind a stone wall. There are 78,000 of them up there. I think we should organize our troops into 17 waves of 1 brigade each and hit them head on and make a statement. They will never expect us to go right up the middle and attack the strongest point of their defense 17 straight times through artillery fire. We wil have the element of surprise on our side. Carl: My God, great minds think alike. I was thinking the exact same thing. Tell General Gailey to take the lead and hit em' hard. But one last thing.....WAIT FOR DAYLIGHT. Our troops need the light to see the enemy and engage them effectively. Herm: As always Sir, I am awed by your genious. __________________ "Igitur qui deciderat pacem, praeparatur bellum" -Flavius Vegetius Renatus
Posts: 13,670

10-05-2008, 06:51 PM	#20
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-452449 VARSITY	Herm and Carl hunt a mammoth in the Ice Age. Herm (Pointing at mammoth): BOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGA Carl (Pointing at mammoth): BOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGA Herm and Carl throw Larry Johnson at mammoth. Larry Johnson gets trampled. Herm (Pointing at Larry): BOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGA Carl (Pointing at Larry): BOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGABOOGA Herm and Carl throw Tyler Thigpen at mammoth. __________________ Active fan of the greatest team in NFL history.
Posts: 145,246

10-05-2008, 06:54 PM	#21
Adept Havelock Obligatory Thoughtcriminal Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Flux,awaiting an observer Casino cash: $10004900	Herm and Carl at Balaclava, 1854: Half a yard, Half a yard, Half a yard onward (and punt) All into the basement of the NFL rode the fifty-three Forward the Running Back! Charge for the Linemans rump! He said Into the basement of the NFL rode the fifty-three. Forward, the Fifty-Three!" Was there a man dismay'd? Not tho' the fans knew Some GM had blunder'd. Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and buy (season tickets) Into the basement of the NFL Rode the fifty-three. Competent teams to right of them, Competent teams to left of them, Competent teams in front of them Blitz'd and stunt'd; Throw'd at both deep and short, Badly they played and fell, Into the jaws of Death, Into the mouth of hell Rode the fifty-three. Flash'd all their playbook bare, Flash'd as they stumbled on air Whiffing on the blitzers there, Rebuilding a team, while All the world wonder'd. Plunged in the fireworks-smoke Right thro' the line they broke; Linebacker and D- Tackle Adjustments to this fatal-stroke blunder'd and covered in their own pee Then they rode back, but not, Not the fifty-three. Competent teams to right of them, Competent teams to left of them, Competent teams in front of them Blitze'd and stunte'd; Throw'd at both deep and short, Badly they played and fell, through the jaws of Death, through the mouth of hell and folded like a pup tent.. folded, the fifty-three. When can their tenure fade? O the foolish moves they made! All the league tee-heed. Horror at the mistakes they made! Horror as the teams future fades, Ignoble fifty-three! With sincere apologies to Lord Tennyson. __________________ No matter how cynical you are, it is impossible to keep up. -Lily Tomlin I'd rather be a climbing monkey than a falling angel. -Terry Pratchett Last edited by Adept Havelock; 10-05-2008 at 08:48 PM..
Posts: 14,305

10-05-2008, 06:56 PM	#22
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	Awesome. FAX
Posts: 44,492

10-05-2008, 07:03 PM	#23
blueballs Banned Join Date: Feb 2006 Casino cash: $10004900	Carl: you got chocolate in my peanut butter Herm: you got peanut butter on my chocolate Announcer: use Trojon condoms everytime
Posts: 14,233

10-05-2008, 07:49 PM	#24
memyselfI CHANGEd your mind yet???? Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Lunatics Anonymous Casino cash: $10005234	Instant classic are the only words that can describe this thread. Kudos to the OP. __________________ Meet the new boss same as the old boss. BigChiefDave:"Anyone who thought we would only be in Iraq for a few years is either stoned or just stoopid." "It is unknowable how long that conflict will last. It could last 6 days, 6 wks. I doubt 6 mths." Rummy 2/7/03
Posts: 32,000

10-05-2008, 08:07 PM	#26
Ebolapox remember, remember Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: como Casino cash: $-1560097	herm and carl in the crow's nest of the titanic: herm and carl (in unison)...that can't be good (a few moments later).....****.
Posts: 26,516

10-05-2008, 08:14 PM	#27
TN_Chief Herm Edwards is...Kim Jong-il Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Eden Prairie, MN Casino cash: $10004900	After reading this thread I have a clear mental picture of Herm supplanting Slim Pickens and riding the a-bomb in at the end of Dr. Strangelove. Yee-haw!
Posts: 1,049

10-05-2008, 08:20 PM	#29
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	Carl & Herm Interrogate Jesus Carliaphas: "So, art thou the Messiah?" Jesus: "I am: and ye shall see the Son of man sitting at the right hand of Power, and coming with the clouds of heaven." Hermas: "See! It's okay." Carliaphas: "Oh. Alright then. Cannest thou play tackle?" Jesus: "Verily I say unto ye, if thy faith is like unto a mustard seed thy canst say unto this defensive tackle, 'Move!" and he shalt move." Hermas: "I've heard enough. This guy can play. He's got something." Carliaphas: "If Hermas saith thou canst play, I shalt believe unto him. Wilt thou agree to the rookie minimum and sharest thou a room on the road?" Jesus: "Verily I say to ye, thou wouldst have no power, except it were given thee from above." Hermas: "Hey! Easy there guy." Carliaphas: "Hey! Doest thou know whoest thou art talking to? Takest this guy to Pilot and havest him crucified. Then bring me my magazines." FAX
Posts: 44,492

10-05-2008, 08:40 PM	#30
TN_Chief Herm Edwards is...Kim Jong-il Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Eden Prairie, MN Casino cash: $10004900	Herm and Carl as Wall St. investment bankers... Yeah, I think we know how that pans out.
Posts: 1,049