Let's hear the most offensive jokes you can think of! - Page 20

Clint in Wichita · 05-22-2003, 11:43 AM

To avoid a debate, you may want to leave out the ethnic jokes. However, if you do decide to post an ethnic joke, it won't bother me at all.

My first contribution, heard about a week ago:

Q: What's even better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?

A: Not being reeruned.

Next?

**Rausch** · 05-23-2003, 01:22 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by angel
What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?

A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

And she looks like such a sweet, innocent gal....

JOhn · 05-23-2003, 03:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by BRAD_CAUDLE

And she looks like such a sweet, innocent gal....

Yea cool huh?

05-23-2003, 05:47 AM

Whats the most confussing day in East St. Louis?

Fathers Day......

big nasty kcnut · 05-23-2003, 06:29 AM

how many mexicans can you put in a car?

a: as many as you can to sneak across the border

MrBlond · 05-23-2003, 06:33 AM

A trucker stops to pick up a hippie hitchhiking along the highway. They ride for a few miles in uncomfortable silence. They ride a few more miles and the hippie is really becoming uncomfortable trying to think of something to say that will break the ice. Finaly, the hippie turns to the trucker and says: "With this long hair you probably can't tell if I am a girl or a guy." To which the trucker responds: "Don't matter. Gonna fuck ya, either way."

whoman69 · 05-23-2003, 07:47 AM

The world record for most people in a Volkswagon was set in 1943. There was a Nazi in the front seat, an officer in the back seat, and 42 Jews stuffed in the ashtray.

Nubian Nut · 05-23-2003, 09:13 AM

Quote:

One of our minority planeteers needs ta help us out here. White dudes don't ever hear white jokes....

100 years ago when 100 white people chase a black person that was called the KKK. What is it called today?

The PGA

A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. As he approaches the bar, the bartender exclaims: "**** me! Where did you get that from!?"

To this the parrot replies, "Africa. There's ****ing thousands of them there."

Lightning Rod · 05-23-2003, 09:17 AM

Q- What should you do if an epileptic has a seizure while taking a bath?

A- Throw in your laundry.

kchero · 05-23-2003, 10:09 AM

There was two gay guys having sex and the one on top stopped and said he had to go to the bathroom real quick and he told the other guy not to jack off while he was gone. After the guy got out of the bathroom he saw that there was cum splattered on the wall. He then told the other guy "I told you not to jack off while I was gone." The other guy then replied "I didnt jack off, I farted."

BIG_DADDY · 05-23-2003, 10:32 AM

Alright this is not the most distastefull but still funny as hell:

Phil, Clint and Dummier are crossing the street one day when they are hit by a bus and go straight to hell. They were scared and began to look around. In front of them were 3 doors. Suddenly one of these doors opened and there was the ugliest woman they had ever scene. She was 5'2" and hairy. Her face and body had open soars and and she stunk. All the sudden the voice of Satan was heard.

"Phil, you have sinned and must spend the rest of eternity with this woman"

To his horror a band of demons grabbed him, leading him off to his eternal torment.

Frightened by what they had just seen Dummier turned to Clint and said " That scared my. What you say bout that now?"

Before Clint could figure out what Dummier had said the second door opened showing them an even a better example of womanhood gone bad. This woman was 7' tall. She was obese with cellulite all over her body and flys buzzed around her head.
Suddenly the voice of Satan was heard again.

" Clint, you have sinned and must spend the rest of eternity with this woman".

"Nooooooooooooooooo" Clint screamed as group of demons grabbed him taking him away to his eternal torment.

"What I so do now" Dummier said to himself as he sat there quivering and shaking.

Suddenly the third door opened and there was Pam Anderson?
Then the voice of Satan was heard again.

"Pam, you have sinned"

KC Kings · 05-23-2003, 10:46 AM

What is white and 12 inches long?
Absolutely nothing

How many white girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, white girls can't screw.

How many white guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, white guys will screw anything.

What do you call a white guy with sheep under each arm?
A pimp

What do white women make for dinner?
Reservations

How long does it take a white woman to take a dump?
9 months

A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking.
He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says "Look Momma, I'm a white boy."
His mother slaps him hard on the face and says "Boy, go show your Daddy."
The boy goes into the living room and says "Look Daddy, I'm a white boy."
His Daddy slaps him on the face, too and says, "Boy, go show your grandmother."
So the boy goes to see his grandma and says "Look Granny, I'm a white boy."
She slaps him on the face and sends him back to his mother.
His mother says "Well, did you learn something from all this?"
The boy shakes his head and says "I sure nuff did, I've only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people".

This little white guy decides he wants to get muscled up.So he goes to a gym and looks for the biggest trainer he can find. The trainer is a huge dumb black guy. Well the white guy hires him. The first day they work out then hop in the showers. The little guy happens to accidentally see the black guy's dick. He can't believe the huge thing. So he tell the trainer.. I kinda saw your dick.... How did you get that thing so big? The black guy replies " I dunno, but when I was a kid, I used to tie a string to it and tie a rock on the other end, maybe that had something to do with it". The white guy say's "Great I'll have to try that one this weekend". So monday comes and they are working out, the black guy say's " how's that string and rock trick working?" The white guy say's GREAAAT, I am already half way ther. The black guy replies " half way there? what do you mean? The white guy responds... WELL, IT'S ALREADY TURNED BLACK

A white man and a black man were arguing vehemently about whether God was black or white.
"God, is white!" insisted the white man.
"No way," replied the black man, "I'm sure God's black."
"I'll prove to you God is white," said the white man, "Come with me."
Both men, thereupon, made the long ascension to the top of Mt. Sinai.
The white man called out, "God, hear my prayer! Please tell us what color
you are!"
From the heavens came down a booming voice. "I AM WHAT I AM!" echoed all over the mountain.
"There, you see!" said the white man, "God, is definitely white!"
"Well, how do you know God is white from what he said?"
"Well," remarked the white man, quite impatient at this point, "If God were black he would have said `AH IS WHAT AH IS.'"

Dremel · 05-23-2003, 10:54 AM

What's the definition of Indefinitely??

When your balls are slapping against her ***
you are in definitely

MrBlond · 05-23-2003, 11:27 AM

Two gay men awaken one morning in each others arms. Neil turns to Bob and says: "Man, my @ss hurts this morning. Can you take a look and see if you can see anything wrong?"

"I'd be glad too!" Bob exclaims.

Well, Neil gets up on his hands and knees and sticks his @ss way up in the air. Bob gets his face real close, so he can get a good look and reports: "Nope, it looks just fine to me"

"Man, it really hurts" Neil complains, "would you mind sticking a finger in there and try to feel if anything seems unusual?"

"Sure, honey." Bob replies.

So Bob inserts his index finger, swirls it aroung gently a couple of times and declares: "No, feels normal".

"Sweetie, I am not kidding something is wrong with my anus. Can you stick your hand in there and try to find out what is going on?" Neil asks.

"Anything for you, lover" Bob says.

After a little lubrication and some TLC, Bob manages to work his hand into Neils bung. Fishing around a bit, Bob suddenly gets a suprised look on his face and removes a Rolex watch with a red ribbon tied to it.

Neil looks over his shoulder with his best bedroom eyes and sings: "Happy Birthday to you............"

Holden McGroin · 05-23-2003, 11:29 AM

What is the difference between Sears & Mickael Jackson?

Both have boys jeans half off...

go bo · 05-23-2003, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by BIG_DADDY
Alright this is not the most distastefull but still funny as hell:

Phil, Clint and Dummier are crossing the street one day when they are hit by a bus and go straight to hell. They were scared and began to look around. In front of them were 3 doors. Suddenly one of these doors opened and there was the ugliest woman they had ever scene. She was 5'2" and hairy. Her face and body had open soars and and she stunk. All the sudden the voice of Satan was heard.

"Phil, you have sinned and must spend the rest of eternity with this woman"

To his horror a band of demons grabbed him, leading him off to his eternal torment.

Frightened by what they had just seen Dummier turned to Clint and said " That scared my. What you say bout that now?"

Before Clint could figure out what Dummier had said the second door opened showing them an even a better example of womanhood gone bad. This woman was 7' tall. She was obese with cellulite all over her body and flys buzzed around her head.
Suddenly the voice of Satan was heard again.

" Clint, you have sinned and must spend the rest of eternity with this woman".

"Nooooooooooooooooo" Clint screamed as group of demons grabbed him taking him away to his eternal torment.

"What I so do now" Dummier said to himself as he sat there quivering and shaking.

Suddenly the third door opened and there was Pam Anderson?
Then the voice of Satan was heard again.

"Pam, you have sinned"

poor pammy!!!!

05-22-2003, 11:43 AM
Clint in Wichita Veteran Join Date: Aug 2000 Casino cash: $10004900	Let's hear the most offensive jokes you can think of! To avoid a debate, you may want to leave out the ethnic jokes. However, if you do decide to post an ethnic joke, it won't bother me at all. My first contribution, heard about a week ago: Q: What's even better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics? A: Not being reeruned. Next?
Posts: 4,458

05-23-2003, 05:47 AM	#288
Ernie Conwell Guest Casino cash: $	Whats the most confussing day in East St. Louis? Fathers Day......
Posts: n/a

05-23-2003, 06:29 AM	#289
big nasty kcnut The pizza king of kansas Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Somewhere in the u.s.a. Casino cash: $-2159100	how many mexicans can you put in a car? a: as many as you can to sneak across the border __________________ When it's grim, be the grim reaper and go get it. Adopt a chiefs Travis Kelce. You woke up the wrong mother****er!
Posts: 19,391

05-23-2003, 06:33 AM	#290
MrBlond Lets Rock. Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: South of the border. Casino cash: $10004900	A trucker stops to pick up a hippie hitchhiking along the highway. They ride for a few miles in uncomfortable silence. They ride a few more miles and the hippie is really becoming uncomfortable trying to think of something to say that will break the ice. Finaly, the hippie turns to the trucker and says: "With this long hair you probably can't tell if I am a girl or a guy." To which the trucker responds: "Don't matter. Gonna fuck ya, either way." __________________ "I can handle things, I'm smart, not like everybody says, like dumb, I'm smart, and I want respect!"
Posts: 12,747

05-23-2003, 09:17 AM	#293
Lightning Rod Need a new title Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Prairie Village Casino cash: $10004900	Q- What should you do if an epileptic has a seizure while taking a bath? A- Throw in your laundry.
Posts: 1,151

05-23-2003, 10:09 AM	#294
kchero Veteran Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Kansas City, MO Casino cash: $9978240	There was two gay guys having sex and the one on top stopped and said he had to go to the bathroom real quick and he told the other guy not to jack off while he was gone. After the guy got out of the bathroom he saw that there was cum splattered on the wall. He then told the other guy "I told you not to jack off while I was gone." The other guy then replied "I didnt jack off, I farted."
Posts: 1,731

05-23-2003, 10:32 AM	#295
BIG_DADDY THE RED MENACE Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Texas Casino cash: $2558410	Alright this is not the most distastefull but still funny as hell: Phil, Clint and Dummier are crossing the street one day when they are hit by a bus and go straight to hell. They were scared and began to look around. In front of them were 3 doors. Suddenly one of these doors opened and there was the ugliest woman they had ever scene. She was 5'2" and hairy. Her face and body had open soars and and she stunk. All the sudden the voice of Satan was heard. "Phil, you have sinned and must spend the rest of eternity with this woman" To his horror a band of demons grabbed him, leading him off to his eternal torment. Frightened by what they had just seen Dummier turned to Clint and said " That scared my. What you say bout that now?" Before Clint could figure out what Dummier had said the second door opened showing them an even a better example of womanhood gone bad. This woman was 7' tall. She was obese with cellulite all over her body and flys buzzed around her head. Suddenly the voice of Satan was heard again. " Clint, you have sinned and must spend the rest of eternity with this woman". "Nooooooooooooooooo" Clint screamed as group of demons grabbed him taking him away to his eternal torment. "What I so do now" Dummier said to himself as he sat there quivering and shaking. Suddenly the third door opened and there was Pam Anderson? Then the voice of Satan was heard again. "Pam, you have sinned" __________________ The diabolical genius of Marxism-Socialism is that it provides the emotional and intellectual road map for autocrats to persuade millions of people to support their own enslavement to government. ~Mark Levin April 15, 2019
Posts: 32,522

05-23-2003, 10:46 AM	#296
KC Kings Veteran Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: KC Casino cash: $10004900	Kill Whitey! What is white and 12 inches long? Absolutely nothing How many white girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, white girls can't screw. How many white guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, white guys will screw anything. What do you call a white guy with sheep under each arm? A pimp What do white women make for dinner? Reservations How long does it take a white woman to take a dump? 9 months A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says "Look Momma, I'm a white boy." His mother slaps him hard on the face and says "Boy, go show your Daddy." The boy goes into the living room and says "Look Daddy, I'm a white boy." His Daddy slaps him on the face, too and says, "Boy, go show your grandmother." So the boy goes to see his grandma and says "Look Granny, I'm a white boy." She slaps him on the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says "Well, did you learn something from all this?" The boy shakes his head and says "I sure nuff did, I've only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people". This little white guy decides he wants to get muscled up.So he goes to a gym and looks for the biggest trainer he can find. The trainer is a huge dumb black guy. Well the white guy hires him. The first day they work out then hop in the showers. The little guy happens to accidentally see the black guy's dick. He can't believe the huge thing. So he tell the trainer.. I kinda saw your dick.... How did you get that thing so big? The black guy replies " I dunno, but when I was a kid, I used to tie a string to it and tie a rock on the other end, maybe that had something to do with it". The white guy say's "Great I'll have to try that one this weekend". So monday comes and they are working out, the black guy say's " how's that string and rock trick working?" The white guy say's GREAAAT, I am already half way ther. The black guy replies " half way there? what do you mean? The white guy responds... WELL, IT'S ALREADY TURNED BLACK A white man and a black man were arguing vehemently about whether God was black or white. "God, is white!" insisted the white man. "No way," replied the black man, "I'm sure God's black." "I'll prove to you God is white," said the white man, "Come with me." Both men, thereupon, made the long ascension to the top of Mt. Sinai. The white man called out, "God, hear my prayer! Please tell us what color you are!" From the heavens came down a booming voice. "I AM WHAT I AM!" echoed all over the mountain. "There, you see!" said the white man, "God, is definitely white!" "Well, how do you know God is white from what he said?" "Well," remarked the white man, quite impatient at this point, "If God were black he would have said `AH IS WHAT AH IS.'"
Posts: 4,348

05-23-2003, 10:54 AM	#297
Dremel Registered User Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: San Jose California Casino cash: $10004900	What's the definition of Indefinitely?? When your balls are slapping against her *** you are in definitely
Posts: 94

05-23-2003, 11:27 AM	#298
MrBlond Lets Rock. Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: South of the border. Casino cash: $10004900	Two gay men awaken one morning in each others arms. Neil turns to Bob and says: "Man, my @ss hurts this morning. Can you take a look and see if you can see anything wrong?" "I'd be glad too!" Bob exclaims. Well, Neil gets up on his hands and knees and sticks his @ss way up in the air. Bob gets his face real close, so he can get a good look and reports: "Nope, it looks just fine to me" "Man, it really hurts" Neil complains, "would you mind sticking a finger in there and try to feel if anything seems unusual?" "Sure, honey." Bob replies. So Bob inserts his index finger, swirls it aroung gently a couple of times and declares: "No, feels normal". "Sweetie, I am not kidding something is wrong with my anus. Can you stick your hand in there and try to find out what is going on?" Neil asks. "Anything for you, lover" Bob says. After a little lubrication and some TLC, Bob manages to work his hand into Neils bung. Fishing around a bit, Bob suddenly gets a suprised look on his face and removes a Rolex watch with a red ribbon tied to it. Neil looks over his shoulder with his best bedroom eyes and sings: "Happy Birthday to you............" __________________ "I can handle things, I'm smart, not like everybody says, like dumb, I'm smart, and I want respect!"
Posts: 12,747

05-23-2003, 11:29 AM	#299
Holden McGroin Starter Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Marshfield MO Casino cash: $8025100	What is the difference between Sears & Mickael Jackson? Both have boys jeans half off... __________________ Life is short...why prolong it?
Posts: 50