Let's hear the most offensive jokes you can think of! - Page 28

Molitoth · 12-09-2004, 04:56 PM

What 3 things can you not give a negro?

A black eye, a fat lip, and a job.

Slayer Diablo · 12-25-2004, 04:08 PM

Alright, so there's a lot more PETA crap out there right now, but there are two in particular that inspired this....

The first is a dog on a plate (a chihuahua to be exact) and the words "You Eat Other Animals, Don't You?" (couldn't find a picture of this on the internet yet, so if it pops up, please post it)

The second is a dog chewing on a fish that's still hooked to the fishing pole with the words "You wouldn't do this to your dog, so why do it to a fish?" (Picture below)

What came after seeing this is pretty nasty (and a bit offensive to some people, but I believe that this thread proves that most funny things are offensive, right? :shurg: )....my oldest brother came up with the idea, and I did the photoshop work. The parody organization shall be called "People for the Ethical Treatment of People." (Picture Below)

The following is not for the weak-stomached...you've been warned.

...

Beatlemanu · 02-04-2005, 03:50 PM

I'm just posting on this thread because I love Jessica Simpson's avatar...

tyton75 · 03-30-2005, 02:28 PM

bump.. we need some laughs around here

Pants · 03-30-2005, 03:52 PM

Not really offensive but decent and is much better in person,

So Phobia, ENDelt and Bob Dole are out drinking this one night... At the end of the night they are all walking back home when this dude comes out with an AK and tells them about the 7 inch rule. The rule is - they all have to show him his dicks and if they all add up to 7 inches, he lets them live, if not - he kills them.

So Phobia whips his out, the dude measures and it's 3 inches. Bob Dole's turn, he whips his out, the dude measures - 3 inches. So far so good. Phobia and Bob Dole look at ENDelt and start begging God, "Please, God, all we need is one inch! Don't let us die, God!" So, ENDelt pulls his out, the dude measures and it's... 1 inch!!! Talk about being close... Phobia and Bob Dole start prasing God and then start thanking ENDelt, for his 1" penis. ENDelt looks at them and proudly says "No problem, douches, you're lucky I had a hard on..."

Simplex3 · 03-30-2005, 04:31 PM

How many Ethiopians can you fit in a bathtub?

I can't tell, they keep falling through those holes in the drain.

Simplex3 · 03-30-2005, 04:39 PM

Little Johnny went to his first day in the 3rd grade. The teacher told them that every Monday she would ask a question and if someone knew the answer they could take the rest of the week off. Johnny was a notorius slacker and was excited about the prospect.

Monday came and the teacher asks the first question. "How many windows are in the White House?" Well, f**k if Johnny knew. So he went home and studied for next week.

Monday came again and the teacher asked "How many bricks are in the great pyramid?" Johnny was pissed and thought to himself "I'll never win if I let this bitch run the show." Next Monday he would be prepared.

Monday came around again and just as the teach was getting ready to ask that week's question Johnny rolled two 8 balls up to the front of the room. Annoyed, the teacher says "Ok, who's the comedian with the black balls?".

Johnny replies "Bill Cosby. See you next week."

**Saulbadguy** · 03-30-2005, 05:08 PM

Jesus walks in to a hotel and slaps 4 nails on the desk and says to the night clerk "Can you put me up for the night?"

el borracho · 03-30-2005, 07:51 PM

Racist joke to follow (don't get huffy):

Why do Mexicans serve tamales on Christmas?

So the kids have something to unwrap.

GMitch · 03-30-2005, 08:28 PM

This young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in a small town in West Texas.
He sits at the counter and notices an older cowboy with his arms folded
staring blankly at a bowl of chili. After about 15 minutes of just sitting
there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks, "if you ain't goin to
eat that, mind if I do"? The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the
young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner states "Nah, go ahead".
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his
place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the
bottom and notices a rotten dead rat in the chili. The sight was shocking
and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy
quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too".

Simplex3 · 03-30-2005, 05:30 PM

How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?

All of them.

whoman69 · 03-30-2005, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Simplex3

How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?

All of them.

What's the world record for most people in a VW?

One Nazi in the front seat, one Nazi in the rear seat and 42 Jews in the ash tray.

FloridaChief · 03-30-2005, 06:33 PM

On a side note: Is anyone else familiar with the "Aristocrat joke"? I've heard Penn Jillette has made a film documenting some 100 variations of the bit told by different comedians. The DVD is scheduled for Christmas 2005. Below is a site that links to a pretty good version told by the South Park kids.

http://www.lnreview.co.uk/media/journal/001842.php

FloridaChief · 03-30-2005, 06:26 PM

If this was posted before, so be it...

A child molester and a kid are walking in the forest late at night. The kid goes "Geez, it's dark. I'm scared." The child molester says "You're scared?!! I have to walk home alone!"

12-09-2004, 04:56 PM	#1
Molitoth Mahomes Fanboi Join Date: Apr 2004 Casino cash: $194969	What 3 things can you not give a negro? A black eye, a fat lip, and a job.
Posts: 20,296

12-25-2004, 04:08 PM	#2
Slayer Diablo Cross with me Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Kansas City, MO Casino cash: $9994900	Alright, so there's a lot more PETA crap out there right now, but there are two in particular that inspired this.... The first is a dog on a plate (a chihuahua to be exact) and the words "You Eat Other Animals, Don't You?" (couldn't find a picture of this on the internet yet, so if it pops up, please post it) The second is a dog chewing on a fish that's still hooked to the fishing pole with the words "You wouldn't do this to your dog, so why do it to a fish?" (Picture below) What came after seeing this is pretty nasty (and a bit offensive to some people, but I believe that this thread proves that most funny things are offensive, right? :shurg: )....my oldest brother came up with the idea, and I did the photoshop work. The parody organization shall be called "People for the Ethical Treatment of People." (Picture Below) The following is not for the weak-stomached...you've been warned. ... Attached Thumbnails
Posts: 11,673

02-04-2005, 03:50 PM	#3
Beatlemanu Soccer Hooligan Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: At home Casino cash: $10004900	I'm just posting on this thread because I love Jessica Simpson's avatar... __________________ - SoccerGossip.com - BayMazing.com - PakMailFremont.com -
Posts: 591

03-30-2005, 02:28 PM	#4
tyton75 Veteran Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: KC North Casino cash: $3748386	bump.. we need some laughs around here
Posts: 3,331

03-30-2005, 03:52 PM	#5
Pants Time Keeps On Slipping Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Overland Park Casino cash: $3549900	Not really offensive but decent and is much better in person, So Phobia, ENDelt and Bob Dole are out drinking this one night... At the end of the night they are all walking back home when this dude comes out with an AK and tells them about the 7 inch rule. The rule is - they all have to show him his dicks and if they all add up to 7 inches, he lets them live, if not - he kills them. So Phobia whips his out, the dude measures and it's 3 inches. Bob Dole's turn, he whips his out, the dude measures - 3 inches. So far so good. Phobia and Bob Dole look at ENDelt and start begging God, "Please, God, all we need is one inch! Don't let us die, God!" So, ENDelt pulls his out, the dude measures and it's... 1 inch!!! Talk about being close... Phobia and Bob Dole start prasing God and then start thanking ENDelt, for his 1" penis. ENDelt looks at them and proudly says "No problem, douches, you're lucky I had a hard on..." __________________ "Turn the channel to 26!"
Posts: 27,417

03-30-2005, 04:31 PM	#6
Simplex3 MVP Join Date: Sep 2003 Casino cash: $10004900	How many Ethiopians can you fit in a bathtub? I can't tell, they keep falling through those holes in the drain.
Posts: 28,527

03-30-2005, 04:39 PM	#7
Simplex3 MVP Join Date: Sep 2003 Casino cash: $10004900	Little Johnny went to his first day in the 3rd grade. The teacher told them that every Monday she would ask a question and if someone knew the answer they could take the rest of the week off. Johnny was a notorius slacker and was excited about the prospect. Monday came and the teacher asks the first question. "How many windows are in the White House?" Well, f**k if Johnny knew. So he went home and studied for next week. Monday came again and the teacher asked "How many bricks are in the great pyramid?" Johnny was pissed and thought to himself "I'll never win if I let this bitch run the show." Next Monday he would be prepared. Monday came around again and just as the teach was getting ready to ask that week's question Johnny rolled two 8 balls up to the front of the room. Annoyed, the teacher says "Ok, who's the comedian with the black balls?". Johnny replies "Bill Cosby. See you next week."
Posts: 28,527

03-30-2005, 05:08 PM	#8
Saulbadguy When a nightmare becomes real Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $736966	Jesus walks in to a hotel and slaps 4 nails on the desk and says to the night clerk "Can you put me up for the night?"
Posts: 47,020

03-30-2005, 07:51 PM	#9
el borracho In Pat We Trust Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Albuquerque, NM Casino cash: $2579148	Racist joke to follow (don't get huffy): Why do Mexicans serve tamales on Christmas? So the kids have something to unwrap.
Posts: 12,261

03-30-2005, 08:28 PM	#10
GMitch We're coming for YOU! Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Oklahoma Casino cash: $-644226	This young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in a small town in West Texas. He sits at the counter and notices an older cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chili. After about 15 minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks, "if you ain't goin to eat that, mind if I do"? The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner states "Nah, go ahead". Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a rotten dead rat in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too". __________________ Sometimes you just have to grab the bull by the tail and face the situation. (W. C. Fields)
Posts: 294

03-30-2005, 05:30 PM	#11
Simplex3 MVP Join Date: Sep 2003 Casino cash: $10004900	How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth? All of them.
Posts: 28,527

03-30-2005, 06:33 PM	#13
FloridaChief Banned Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Tampa Casino cash: $10004900	On a side note: Is anyone else familiar with the "Aristocrat joke"? I've heard Penn Jillette has made a film documenting some 100 variations of the bit told by different comedians. The DVD is scheduled for Christmas 2005. Below is a site that links to a pretty good version told by the South Park kids. http://www.lnreview.co.uk/media/journal/001842.php Last edited by FloridaChief; 03-30-2005 at 06:59 PM..
Posts: 5,271

03-30-2005, 06:26 PM	#15
FloridaChief Banned Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Tampa Casino cash: $10004900	If this was posted before, so be it... A child molester and a kid are walking in the forest late at night. The kid goes "Geez, it's dark. I'm scared." The child molester says "You're scared?!! I have to walk home alone!"
Posts: 5,271