A Million Little Pieces - Page 3

**CosmicPal** · 03-08-2006, 12:18 PM

It's all over. I've finally come clean. All the years, so many years of negative abuse upon myself. It all started with cigarettes. I then took my first hit from a joint at the bus stop. From there, I was smoking weed daily, and then it grew to the point I was smoking weed whenever I could get my hands on it. At the same time, I developed a fascination with popping pills every morning before school- speed, ludes, you name it.

My senior year in high school, I found my new love- alcohol. Drink and drown nights became very popular every Thursday night. How we ever made it home is beyond me. In college- I was drinking, smoking pot, smoking cigarettes, and being introduced to acid and shrooms.

Upon leaving college, I became hooked on coke. Somehow I was able to hold down jobs, but relationships were another thing. Nary a night would go by that I wasn't under the influence of something whether it be pot, alcohol, or coke. I enjoyed being high. It was my place of happiness and peace. I was rarely, rarely an angry drunk. I was always the happy drunk.

A couple of months ago, I snorted my last line of blow. It was an easy choice 'cause I believe I have grown an allergic reaction to blow- I would end up with severe allergies for a couple of weeks upon snorting on any night. About the same time, I smoked my last joint. It just wasn't doing anything for me anymore.

The most difficul thing has always been the willingness to quit drinking and smoking cigarettes. It's been over two weeks now since I've had either. I still have a pack of cigarettes lying on top of my bookshelf. I see it every time I come home. It looks dead- like an abandoned corpse. I have no idea how many cigarettes are in the pack. I just know it's there and I don't want that shit anymore.

I have a bottle of vodka on my desk. I have a case of beer in the fridge. I know they are there, but I don't see them. This is all good. This is really a giant step for me. But, here's the thing: I feel like absolute shit. Every gawddamn organ in my body is wrenching in pain. I can't breathe. I have persistent headaches. I get dizzy spells nearly every day. It *****ing sucks! I know my body must be surprised. For as long as I can recall, I've been putting shit into my body to ***** it up and now I'm all clean and I feel worse than ever.

You don't need to pray for me and I am not sure why I am saying all of this except maybe I need to get it off my chest to somehow make sense of it all. I'm lucky. Very lucky. I haven't killed anyone. I've never been in an accident. I've only *****ed up some relationships and hurt some very good people in the past. I'm not going to AA. I'm not going to any support group. I'm simply sick and tired of living the way I had been for so long. I don't feel free, and I may never feel free. But, I do know this- I'm going to be *****ing clean for some time. And that's the best thing I've done for myself in a very long time.

Peace out.

munkey · 03-08-2006, 01:39 PM

Oh and if by chance you do work out and take a protein supp. go light for the first couple of weeks....The side affects of to much protein will even drive your dog out of the house...

**Bwana** · 03-08-2006, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CosmicPal

Women?

He was talking about old burn out. Just one more reason to quit, you could end up like this dude.

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=134311

patteeu · 03-08-2006, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amnorix

You will be stunned and amazed at how your wallet will suddenly be overflowing with money.

The thing that amazes me about smokers/heavy drinkers, and we all know a few if not many of them, is how the f**k they can possibly afford it. Those are EXPENSIVE habits. If you're doing drugs in any kind of remotely serious quantity, then I really have no idea how you do it all. Especially since you more or less have to get up and go to work to afford all those bad habits.

If I were an addict, I'd sell used bikes to support my habit.

patteeu · 03-08-2006, 01:52 PM

Good luck Cosmic Pal, but be forewarned, sitcoms aren't really very funny and there aren't as many hot women in the world as you used to think.

sedated · 03-08-2006, 01:53 PM

sounds like you need a drink, cosmic. you've been through a lot.

first round's on me.

greg63 · 03-08-2006, 01:57 PM

Good luck with it all; maybe in time as your body becomes less dependant on the toxins you'll eventually feel better.

Hog's Gone Fishin · 03-08-2006, 01:58 PM

To celebrate, everyones invited to Quiksurfers house.

SLAG · 03-08-2006, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hog Farmer

To celebrate, everyones invited to Quiksurfers house.

naw dicksurfer would try and get us to pet his kitty

**CosmicPal** · 03-08-2006, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sedated

sounds like you need a drink, cosmic. you've been through a lot.

first round's on me.

Thanks for the thought. I'll just stay sober and watch you get drunk and when you pass out, I'll sleep with your girlfriend.

**Rain Man** · 03-08-2006, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by patteeu

If I were an addict, I'd sell used bikes to support my habit.

Wait a minute. It's all coming together now.

GIMME MY BIKE BACK, COSMIC!

vailpass · 03-08-2006, 02:01 PM

God hates a quitter.

sedated · 03-08-2006, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CosmicPal

Thanks for the thought. I'll just stay sober and watch you get drunk and when you pass out, I'll sleep with your girlfriend.

if I pass out, its probably more from the tussin and pot.

but, hey, that's what the coke is for.

**CosmicPal** · 03-08-2006, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vailpass

God hates a quitter.

Didn't he himself quit after 7 days?

Hog's Gone Fishin · 03-08-2006, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CosmicPal

Thanks for the thought. I'll just stay sober and watch you get drunk and when you pass out, I'll sleep with your girlfriend.

I would definitely use a condom!

vailpass · 03-08-2006, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CosmicPal

Didn't he himself quit after 7 days?

Just funnin' with ya'.

One thing I know for sure:
If someone is ready to quit there is nothing you can say to make them start again.
If someone is not yet ready to quit there is nothing you can say to keep them from starting again.

You'll soon find out which one applies to you.

03-08-2006, 12:18 PM
CosmicPal Learn it. Know it. Live it. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: St. Petersburg, FL Casino cash: $10004900	A Million Little Pieces It's all over. I've finally come clean. All the years, so many years of negative abuse upon myself. It all started with cigarettes. I then took my first hit from a joint at the bus stop. From there, I was smoking weed daily, and then it grew to the point I was smoking weed whenever I could get my hands on it. At the same time, I developed a fascination with popping pills every morning before school- speed, ludes, you name it. My senior year in high school, I found my new love- alcohol. Drink and drown nights became very popular every Thursday night. How we ever made it home is beyond me. In college- I was drinking, smoking pot, smoking cigarettes, and being introduced to acid and shrooms. Upon leaving college, I became hooked on coke. Somehow I was able to hold down jobs, but relationships were another thing. Nary a night would go by that I wasn't under the influence of something whether it be pot, alcohol, or coke. I enjoyed being high. It was my place of happiness and peace. I was rarely, rarely an angry drunk. I was always the happy drunk. A couple of months ago, I snorted my last line of blow. It was an easy choice 'cause I believe I have grown an allergic reaction to blow- I would end up with severe allergies for a couple of weeks upon snorting on any night. About the same time, I smoked my last joint. It just wasn't doing anything for me anymore. The most difficul thing has always been the willingness to quit drinking and smoking cigarettes. It's been over two weeks now since I've had either. I still have a pack of cigarettes lying on top of my bookshelf. I see it every time I come home. It looks dead- like an abandoned corpse. I have no idea how many cigarettes are in the pack. I just know it's there and I don't want that shit anymore. I have a bottle of vodka on my desk. I have a case of beer in the fridge. I know they are there, but I don't see them. This is all good. This is really a giant step for me. But, here's the thing: I feel like absolute shit. Every gawddamn organ in my body is wrenching in pain. I can't breathe. I have persistent headaches. I get dizzy spells nearly every day. It ***ing sucks! I know my body must be surprised. For as long as I can recall, I've been putting shit into my body to * it up and now I'm all clean and I feel worse than ever. You don't need to pray for me and I am not sure why I am saying all of this except maybe I need to get it off my chest to somehow make sense of it all. I'm lucky. Very lucky. I haven't killed anyone. I've never been in an accident. I've only *ed up some relationships and hurt some very good people in the past. I'm not going to AA. I'm not going to any support group. I'm simply sick and tired of living the way I had been for so long. I don't feel free, and I may never feel free. But, I do know this- I'm going to be ***ing clean for some time. And that's the best thing I've done for myself in a very long time. Peace out.
Posts: 10,840

03-08-2006, 01:39 PM	#31
munkey Veteran Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Bend Oregon Casino cash: $10007596	Oh and if by chance you do work out and take a protein supp. go light for the first couple of weeks....The side affects of to much protein will even drive your dog out of the house... __________________ "In the time of chimpanzees I was a munkey"
Posts: 3,140

03-08-2006, 01:52 PM	#34
patteeu The 23rd Pillar Join Date: Sep 2002 Casino cash: $10019237	Good luck Cosmic Pal, but be forewarned, sitcoms aren't really very funny and there aren't as many hot women in the world as you used to think. __________________ “Boy, you all want power. God, I hope you never get it.” - Lindsay Graham
Posts: 110,871

03-08-2006, 01:57 PM	#36
greg63 Homer go crazy!!! Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: SE Kansas Casino cash: $6463990	Good luck with it all; maybe in time as your body becomes less dependant on the toxins you'll eventually feel better. __________________
Posts: 19,332

03-08-2006, 01:58 PM	#37
Hog's Gone Fishin Fish are scared of me Join Date: Nov 2001 Casino cash: $-1509523	To celebrate, everyones invited to Quiksurfers house.
Posts: 40,647

03-08-2006, 02:01 PM	#41
vailpass Psycho Bag Of Squanch Join Date: Sep 2001 Casino cash: $9594244	God hates a quitter. __________________ “Education is a weapon whose effect depends on who holds it in his hands and at whom it is aimed.” Joseph Stalin
Posts: 69,591