Life Alcoholic Brother Spiralling Out Of Control - Help - Page 3

Vegas_Dave · 07-22-2008, 04:48 PM

So my older brother is scaring me now. He has had personal issues that have been weighing him down and the personallity that he is, found alcohol and pot as his escape.

He and I were abused as children by our stepfather. This stepfather fled the country and has been on the run for 20+ years.

Our half sister (her real father) has no memory of him and has always been curious. She knows what he did but part of her cannot help but want to know. Well, about a year ago she found him.

I wasnt informed of this until about 2 months ago. Since then, my brother, sister and I have been getting things lined up to bring him to justice.

However, my brother was never able to deal fully with all of the items from the past. He find out about this about 10 months ago. It caused him to quit his job as he couldnt focus and really, he has not been able to truly function since. While he tries to make it seem like he is OK and simply taking the time off (plenty of money in the bank)... he has been getting worse.

Today, my father received an anonymous call from one of my brothers "friends" stating that just recently, it has been getting much worse and now everyone is worried about him.

My father and I were already concerned and this has now just confirmed our worries.

We just dont know what to do.

Has anyone here had to deal with a situation with a loved one like this and if so, what CAN we do?

MOhillbilly · 07-23-2008, 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vegas_Dave

But if he doesnt WANT help, is there anything more we can do is my problem...

We obviously want to get him help. I am personally concerned that suicide may be in the future for him if these things cannot be dealt with.

If he doesnt want help let him ride it out. i

ts his trip.

Vegas_Dave · 07-23-2008, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Demonpenz

maybe try soberrecovery.com there is a "friends" of an alcoholic on there and tons of different forums and advice most of the people on there are people who have gone through it all, gone through the emotions, lost it all, and have seen it all.

Thanks guys.

It is tough because he is the family member I have always been the most concerned about. When my father called me yesterday after the friends phone call, he tried to hide it but I could tell that he was a wreck.

Sadly, my brother really wouldnt have any problem losing any of us. He has never had the NEED for anyone (or so he puts on).

He and I spoke earlier yesterday before the phone call and he is planning on moving out to Tennessee very soon... which means that we will have even less influence.

This sucks.

Of course, his main person who he goes to for comfort is our mother, who is about a 2 bottle of wine a day person herself. So she is not a good influence.

I have all but eliminated her from my life as she is a habitual liar and frankly, she only care about herself. In fact, 14 years ago, the FBI had located the stepfather in Canada. They were getting ready to nab him and they were a day too late. The FBI agents believed she tipped him off, and from what I do remember of things back then, there are things that lead me to the same assumption (this was before I was told the FBI had the assumption).

Family sucks sometimes.

**RNR** · 07-23-2008, 10:31 AM

Sorry to hear this but I can relate. This type of thing has been in our family tree forever, yes we have for generations lived up to the Irish sterotype. The one thing I have learned you can not talk them out of it or beat it out of them. They must chose the path they will follow. Good luck I hope you can reach him.

PhillyChiefFan · 07-23-2008, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Groves

too close to home. Good luck.

I hear you on that.

It is a tough situation and I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert, but for a friend of mine who had a similar situation, his g/f offered to pay for counseling for him.

Long story short, when the demons from his past (in your brother's case your stepfather) are brought out of him, then and only then did my friend start uphill from the bottom. Alcohol is his release or escape, either way there is much more deeply seated problems.

We couldn't force him to go, but he did to talk about his past and slowly he put down the bottle, but it was a long process.

Whatever you and your family/friends decide, good luck...and I truly mean that.

markk · 07-23-2008, 11:13 AM

i feel for you Vegas Dave but the bottom line is you can't help someone who doesn't want to change - really want to change. start with that.

tyton75 · 07-23-2008, 11:43 AM

I am just ending a 4 year marriage to an alcoholic, so I kinda know where you are coming from in the "what the f@#K can I do to help" mindframe.

First I would recommend intervention... and if he doesn't take it upon himself to seek some kinda help after that; shrink, AA, counselor.. all of the above.... i would maybe attempt to force him into a rehab facility or something

my soon to be ex was in rehabs at least 6 times in the last 2 years... its not fun and ultimately there really isn't much you can do until HE decides to come to YOU for help... then you can be there for him to help him

It REALLY sux to see someone you love self-destruct and be completely powerless to stop them

I feel for you man, good luck

07-22-2008, 04:48 PM
Vegas_Dave Veteran Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Las Vegas, NV Casino cash: $1724720	Alcoholic Brother Spiralling Out Of Control - Help So my older brother is scaring me now. He has had personal issues that have been weighing him down and the personallity that he is, found alcohol and pot as his escape. He and I were abused as children by our stepfather. This stepfather fled the country and has been on the run for 20+ years. Our half sister (her real father) has no memory of him and has always been curious. She knows what he did but part of her cannot help but want to know. Well, about a year ago she found him. I wasnt informed of this until about 2 months ago. Since then, my brother, sister and I have been getting things lined up to bring him to justice. However, my brother was never able to deal fully with all of the items from the past. He find out about this about 10 months ago. It caused him to quit his job as he couldnt focus and really, he has not been able to truly function since. While he tries to make it seem like he is OK and simply taking the time off (plenty of money in the bank)... he has been getting worse. Today, my father received an anonymous call from one of my brothers "friends" stating that just recently, it has been getting much worse and now everyone is worried about him. My father and I were already concerned and this has now just confirmed our worries. We just dont know what to do. Has anyone here had to deal with a situation with a loved one like this and if so, what CAN we do?
Posts: 1,860

07-23-2008, 10:31 AM	#33
RNR America is great assholes~ Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: In some people's mind~ Casino cash: $10027990	Sorry to hear this but I can relate. This type of thing has been in our family tree forever, yes we have for generations lived up to the Irish sterotype. The one thing I have learned you can not talk them out of it or beat it out of them. They must chose the path they will follow. Good luck I hope you can reach him. __________________ The Trump campaign and Black Lives Matter movement are perfect for each other. Both sides filled with easily led and angry nitwits convinced they are victims~
Posts: 31,085

07-23-2008, 11:13 AM	#35
markk Veteran Join Date: Mar 2008 Casino cash: $10004900	i feel for you Vegas Dave but the bottom line is you can't help someone who doesn't want to change - really want to change. start with that.
Posts: 1,225

07-23-2008, 11:43 AM	#36
tyton75 Veteran Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: KC North Casino cash: $5788386	I am just ending a 4 year marriage to an alcoholic, so I kinda know where you are coming from in the "what the f@#K can I do to help" mindframe. First I would recommend intervention... and if he doesn't take it upon himself to seek some kinda help after that; shrink, AA, counselor.. all of the above.... i would maybe attempt to force him into a rehab facility or something my soon to be ex was in rehabs at least 6 times in the last 2 years... its not fun and ultimately there really isn't much you can do until HE decides to come to YOU for help... then you can be there for him to help him It REALLY sux to see someone you love self-destruct and be completely powerless to stop them I feel for you man, good luck __________________
Posts: 3,279