News New Meaning to the Term "Ham on Swiss" - Page 3

**gblowfish** · 01-13-2014, 01:22 PM

http://tinyurl.com/m793vqz

'Swiss Cheese Pervert' On The Loose In Mayfair, Pennsylvania

Cheese! At least buy it dinner first.

The Mayfair Town Watch of Mayfair, Penn., posted a warning on Facebook Thursday that residents should "please be aware of the Swiss Cheese Pervert!"

The suspect in question allegedly drives around town "exposes himself to women" and "offers them money to watch him put swiss cheese on his privates." The group also posted a photo of the suspect.

On Friday, Twitter user Priscilla Rosado tweeted the following photo at the satirical Twitter account @Swisscheeseperv:

Police confirmed with Philly Mag that the Special Victims Unit is indeed investigating reports that a man with a "major sexual cheese fetish" has been harassing women in the area.

Gabby Chest, a woman who lives in the nearby town of Bridesburg, told the website that the suspect's photo -- and the story -- sounded all too familiar. In 2012, she said, a man who looked "exactly like" the gentleman in the photo contacted her on OKCupid and said "he was looking for someone to perform masturbation on him with cheese."

The alleged message -- which can be read in full on PhillyMag.com -- states:

"I developed this fetish to help me deal with my sexual urges. I found that women tend to like dairy products, and settled on cheese to represent the girl. thus I started having sex with cheese. I like to use Swiss cheese and would wrap slices of the cheese around penis, then masturbate. Now tho, after finding several girls to do it for me, I prefer having girls do it for me, instead of myself."

Dreamin' Demon uncovered a Reddit post from 2008 that quotes a similar-sounding personal ad from Philadelphia Craigslist:

"I have a big heart, and it was crushed time and again by the opposite sex, that and a very strong sex drive, well I am lucky I never became a rapist. My fetish grew out of desperation for sex with a woman. I started to compare girls to cheese due to their milky complextions, girls are soft, smooth feeling and tend to like dairy products more. That and typical advertising, always using a girl to advertise dairy products. So cheese is what I started to use as a replacement for having sex with girls.

I tried many different kinds of cheese, but settled on Swiss as the best. First and foremost, if ever a picture of cheese is used, most of the time they use a representation of Swiss cheese. But also because of it's eye patterns, texture, and the way it feels against my penis."

The Swiss Cheese Pervert is described as a "heavy set male, 40-50 years old" who drives a "newer model silver sedan" as well as a "black newer model sedan."

**Saul Good** · 01-13-2014, 02:10 PM

He's really just a confused Packers fan.

**Saul Good** · 01-13-2014, 02:11 PM

He fell in love with cheese when visiting France as a young boy. He's been experimenting sexually with it fromage 13 until today.

Dayze · 01-13-2014, 02:13 PM

**Saul Good** · 01-13-2014, 02:14 PM

There's a good cream cheese joke in there somewhere, but I don't want to be the one to make it.

KCUnited · 01-13-2014, 02:17 PM

He was ate up after being grilled by police.

Graystoke · 01-13-2014, 02:20 PM

This just gets my Goat.

**gblowfish** · 01-13-2014, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gblowfish

I smell a marketing trend....

This would more appropriately be called "The Hand and Swiss Combo"

Dayze · 01-13-2014, 02:30 PM

is that really the dude?

**Saul Good** · 01-13-2014, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dayze

is that really the dude?

No. It's just a stock photo of a guy with no pants on holding a piece of Swiss cheese over his exposed junk.

Dayze · 01-13-2014, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saul Good

No. It's just a stock photo of a guy with no pants on holding a piece of Swiss cheese over his exposed junk.

cool. that's what I thought.

tooge · 01-13-2014, 02:39 PM

I've been calling people cheese dick for years. I never knew there was actually such a thing. heh.

Oxford · 01-13-2014, 03:07 PM

Thank goodness he doesn't use Velveeta, although nothing melts better

**Saul Good** · 01-13-2014, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oxford

Thank goodness he doesn't use Velveeta, although nothing melts better

Sick, dude...that stuff isn't even real cheese. Have some pride.

Dayze · 01-13-2014, 03:09 PM

thank god he wasn't wielding a dish of spinach and artichoke dip. I'd probably have to hit him up.

**Rain Man** · 01-13-2014, 03:26 PM

he tried cheddar, but it was too sharp.

01-13-2014, 01:22 PM
gblowfish Be Kind To Your Pets Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Glorious Independence, MO Casino cash: $17346178 VARSITY	New Meaning to the Term "Ham on Swiss" http://tinyurl.com/m793vqz 'Swiss Cheese Pervert' On The Loose In Mayfair, Pennsylvania Cheese! At least buy it dinner first. The Mayfair Town Watch of Mayfair, Penn., posted a warning on Facebook Thursday that residents should "please be aware of the Swiss Cheese Pervert!" The suspect in question allegedly drives around town "exposes himself to women" and "offers them money to watch him put swiss cheese on his privates." The group also posted a photo of the suspect. On Friday, Twitter user Priscilla Rosado tweeted the following photo at the satirical Twitter account @Swisscheeseperv: Police confirmed with Philly Mag that the Special Victims Unit is indeed investigating reports that a man with a "major sexual cheese fetish" has been harassing women in the area. Gabby Chest, a woman who lives in the nearby town of Bridesburg, told the website that the suspect's photo -- and the story -- sounded all too familiar. In 2012, she said, a man who looked "exactly like" the gentleman in the photo contacted her on OKCupid and said "he was looking for someone to perform masturbation on him with cheese." The alleged message -- which can be read in full on PhillyMag.com -- states: "I developed this fetish to help me deal with my sexual urges. I found that women tend to like dairy products, and settled on cheese to represent the girl. thus I started having sex with cheese. I like to use Swiss cheese and would wrap slices of the cheese around penis, then masturbate. Now tho, after finding several girls to do it for me, I prefer having girls do it for me, instead of myself." Dreamin' Demon uncovered a Reddit post from 2008 that quotes a similar-sounding personal ad from Philadelphia Craigslist: "I have a big heart, and it was crushed time and again by the opposite sex, that and a very strong sex drive, well I am lucky I never became a rapist. My fetish grew out of desperation for sex with a woman. I started to compare girls to cheese due to their milky complextions, girls are soft, smooth feeling and tend to like dairy products more. That and typical advertising, always using a girl to advertise dairy products. So cheese is what I started to use as a replacement for having sex with girls. I tried many different kinds of cheese, but settled on Swiss as the best. First and foremost, if ever a picture of cheese is used, most of the time they use a representation of Swiss cheese. But also because of it's eye patterns, texture, and the way it feels against my penis." The Swiss Cheese Pervert is described as a "heavy set male, 40-50 years old" who drives a "newer model silver sedan" as well as a "black newer model sedan."
Posts: 40,910

01-13-2014, 02:10 PM	#31
Saul Good Quit your bullshit Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Bored of winning Casino cash: $10052799	He's really just a confused Packers fan. __________________ Today is not a good day to be a pussy.
Posts: 41,870

01-13-2014, 02:11 PM	#32
Saul Good Quit your bullshit Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Bored of winning Casino cash: $10052799	He fell in love with cheese when visiting France as a young boy. He's been experimenting sexually with it fromage 13 until today. __________________ Today is not a good day to be a pussy.
Posts: 41,870

01-13-2014, 02:13 PM	#33
Dayze Resident Glue Sniffer Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $3869358	__________________ Life is 99% inspiration, 1% Perspiration, and 1% Attention to Detial. RIP & Godspeed: Saccoppo Lonewolf Ed Fire Me Boy
Posts: 37,394

01-13-2014, 02:14 PM	#34
Saul Good Quit your bullshit Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Bored of winning Casino cash: $10052799	There's a good cream cheese joke in there somewhere, but I don't want to be the one to make it. __________________ Today is not a good day to be a pussy.
Posts: 41,870

01-13-2014, 02:17 PM	#35
KCUnited Cheat Death Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Land of Drincoln Casino cash: $798244	He was ate up after being grilled by police.
Posts: 35,052

01-13-2014, 02:20 PM	#36
Graystoke MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Driftless Region Casino cash: $-430000	This just gets my Goat.
Posts: 8,960

01-13-2014, 02:30 PM	#38
Dayze Resident Glue Sniffer Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $3869358	is that really the dude? __________________ Life is 99% inspiration, 1% Perspiration, and 1% Attention to Detial. RIP & Godspeed: Saccoppo Lonewolf Ed Fire Me Boy
Posts: 37,394

01-13-2014, 02:39 PM	#41
tooge MVP Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Liberty, MO Casino cash: $2634112	I've been calling people cheese dick for years. I never knew there was actually such a thing. heh.
Posts: 16,023

01-13-2014, 03:07 PM	#42
Oxford Regular Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Springfield,MO Casino cash: $9625535	Thank goodness he doesn't use Velveeta, although nothing melts better __________________ I summon the IRON , Cookin up a whoopin for YOU YOU YOU!
Posts: 1,420

01-13-2014, 03:09 PM	#44
Dayze Resident Glue Sniffer Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $3869358	thank god he wasn't wielding a dish of spinach and artichoke dip. I'd probably have to hit him up. __________________ Life is 99% inspiration, 1% Perspiration, and 1% Attention to Detial. RIP & Godspeed: Saccoppo Lonewolf Ed Fire Me Boy
Posts: 37,394

01-13-2014, 03:26 PM	#45
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $1828491 VARSITY	he tried cheddar, but it was too sharp. __________________ Active fan of the greatest team in NFL history.
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