Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?

[Frazod]

Originally Posted by Argo

Jesus it was a joke

We're all men here. We know what the **** is going on.

Fair enough. Although you might want to try adding a smiley or something next time.

[Jim Jones]

Originally Posted by frazod

You seem blindsided by this, so she's obviously very good at putting up a false front. Which means she's a skilled liar. If she's lying about this, what else is she lying about?

One word of advice, though. Confront her AFTER Christmas. Don't **** up the holiday for your family. Take the high road for another couple of days.

Originally Posted by CaliforniaChief

I don't think you can just pretend you never read that and act like all's well.

Doing that will put everything else she says/does in question.

Do approach it cautiously, even with an apology for looking at her texts but just letting her know how hurt you feel. If you come off accusatory in any way, she'll get defensive and focus on you reading her texts. If you share how hurt you are in an "I feel" kind of way, you'll probably fare much better.

Just don't make any references to Jovan Belcher during the conversation.

Good shit guys. Appreciate the thoughts. I've decided I'm definitely going to confront her, but wait until after Christmas. I like the stuff about not being accusatory. My natural inclination would be to become totally accusatory and start bitching her out, but that wouldn't end well.

[Sorter]

Originally Posted by Jim Jones

Good shit guys. Appreciate the thoughts. I've decided I'm definitely going to confront her, but wait until after Christmas. I like the stuff about not being accusatory. My natural inclination would be to become totally accusatory and start bitching her out, but that wouldn't end well.

I mean, how much do you really like her?

[jspchief]

Originally Posted by Jim Jones

My natural inclination would be to become totally accusatory and start bitching her out, but that wouldn't end well.

So you invade her privacy and typically jump her shit afterwards? You sound like a prize. Sounds to me like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree that she doesn't like.

She didn't choose your family, she chose you. If you really disliked her family, do you think you might discuss it candidly with people close to you? A friend or a brother?

Honestly you sound like a douchebag that needs to work on himself before he starts looking for reasons to fight with a girl he probably doesn't deserve.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Originally Posted by frazod

You seem blindsided by this, so she's obviously very good at putting up a false front. Which means she's a skilled liar. If she's lying about this, what else is she lying about?

One word of advice, though. Confront her AFTER Christmas. Don't **** up the holiday for your family. Take the high road for another couple of days.

This is actually an even better post from Frazod, but he is nailing it here. She's a great liar. Yuuuuuuuuuck.

[mdchiefsfan]

Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts

This is actually an even better post from Frazod, but he is nailing it here. She's a great liar. Yuuuuuuuuuck.

Yup that's why I would use this bit of info he's discovered to try and get a read on a tell she might have. This way you can identify if she is lying about anything else.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Originally Posted by mdchiefsfan

Yup that's why I would use this bit of info he's discovered to try and get a read on a tell she might have. This way you can identify if she is lying about anything else.

Yeah, I'd just dump her. Red flags are up. But hey, different strokes, for different folks.

My wife and I have an open relationship. Not like that, freaks. We don't delete emails, or texts and have each others passwords to everything. I don't know if my wife checks my shit, and she doesn't know if I check hers. Because we have nothing to hide from each other.

How did that come about you ask? We've asked each other to pull something up for us at one time or another, and given each other our passwords. We have nothing to hide. And frankly, I thought that was perfectly normal. You guys are making me think it may not be. I don't care. We've been together for 10 years, without kids, so nothing is "keeping" us together. We love each other. That said, it didn't start until a couple of years into our marriage, so we'd been together for 4-5 years. I'm sure that's part of it.

As Mr. Fax said, there are times it would be much easier if we could just lie to one another, but our relationship doesn't work that way. It's called life. It's a roller coaster. Hold on tight.

[mdchiefsfan]

Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts

Yeah, I'd just dump her. Red flags are up. But hey, different strokes, for different folks.

My wife and I have an open relationship. Not like that, freaks. We don't delete emails, or texts and have each others passwords to everything. I don't know if my wife checks my shit, and she doesn't know if I check hers. Because we have nothing to hide from each other.

How did that come about you ask? We've asked each other to pull something up for us at one time or another, and given each other our passwords. We have nothing to hide. And frankly, I thought that was perfectly normal. You guys are making me think it may not be. I don't care. We've been together for 10 years, without kids, so nothing is "keeping" us together. We love each other. That said, it didn't start until a couple of years into our marriage, so we'd been together for 4-5 years. I'm sure that's part of it.

As Mr. Fax said, there are times it would be much easier if we could just lie to one another, but our relationship doesn't work that way. It's called life. It's a roller coaster. Hold on tight.

Oh I definitely have a girl that I can completely trust, but she is very talented at lying. But, who am I kidding? I am very good at it too. I don't have anything to hide and neither does she. Like you, we have passwords to each other's things and that stuff.

But in reference as to why I wouldn't dump her, I guess, since I am profound liar I have a morbid curiosity when I am being lied to, I enjoy seeing how far the rabbit hole goes. Plus it could all just turn out that this is the only thing she is lying about and it could be worked out.

[htismaqe]

Originally Posted by Mr. Flopnuts

Yeah, I'd just dump her. Red flags are up. But hey, different strokes, for different folks.

My wife and I have an open relationship. Not like that, freaks. We don't delete emails, or texts and have each others passwords to everything. I don't know if my wife checks my shit, and she doesn't know if I check hers. Because we have nothing to hide from each other.

How did that come about you ask? We've asked each other to pull something up for us at one time or another, and given each other our passwords. We have nothing to hide. And frankly, I thought that was perfectly normal. You guys are making me think it may not be. I don't care. We've been together for 10 years, without kids, so nothing is "keeping" us together. We love each other. That said, it didn't start until a couple of years into our marriage, so we'd been together for 4-5 years. I'm sure that's part of it.

As Mr. Fax said, there are times it would be much easier if we could just lie to one another, but our relationship doesn't work that way. It's called life. It's a roller coaster. Hold on tight.

Outside of the fact that we have a couple of kids, my wife and I are just like you.

As for the OP, you are in a catch 22. Reading those text messages is a trust issue. On the other hand, there are 3 things that couples fight about at a fundamental level and one of those is family.

If she REALLY hates your family THAT much, I am afraid there isn't much of a chance she will ever be truly happy.

My advice, and I realize I am being brutally honest here, is that you guys aren't meant to be together. I would ditch her.

[Fat Elvis]

Originally Posted by frazod

You seem blindsided by this, so she's obviously very good at putting up a false front being a woman. Which means she's a skilled liar woman. If she's lying being a woman about this, what else is she lying being a woman about?

One word of advice, though. Confront her AFTER Christmas Grow a pair of balls; it isn't a big deal. You were the pussy checking her emails because of your security issues. Don't **** up the holiday for your family fiance. Take the high road. for another couple of days.

FYP. You're all a bunch of insecure pillowbiters. She doesn't like your Mom's cooking? Boo-frigging-hoo. And guess what? Your sister's kid is probably really annoying.

Be glad that she is civil with your family. At least she makes an effort to do that. And guess what...she probably does that because she loves you.

If I were her, I would dump your sorry ass in a heartbeat if I found our your were reading my private text messages without my permission.

You're the one with the problem. Not her.

[Mosbonian]

Originally Posted by Fat Elvis

FYP. You're all a bunch of insecure pillowbiters. She doesn't like your Mom's cooking? Boo-frigging-hoo. And guess what? Your sister's kid is probably really annoying.

Be glad that she is civil with your family. At least she makes an effort to do that. And guess what...she probably does that because she loves you.

If I were her, I would dump your sorry ass in a heartbeat if I found our your were reading my private text messages without my permission.

You're the one with the problem. Not her.

Interesting fix of his posts......I found yours odd.

Trust me....the guy probably already knows the issues his family has, and to some extent might even agree with most of it. But for her to be deceitful about it portends a bigger issue, and one that will rear it's ugly head somewhere later. You can candy-coat it all you want but if she is lying about how she feels about the family, then she is probably lying about other things too.

[Frazod]

Originally Posted by Fat Elvis

FYP. You're all a bunch of insecure pillowbiters. She doesn't like your Mom's cooking? Boo-frigging-hoo. And guess what? Your sister's kid is probably really annoying.

Be glad that she is civil with your family. At least she makes an effort to do that. And guess what...she probably does that because she loves you.

If I were her, I would dump your sorry ass in a heartbeat if I found our your were reading my private text messages without my permission.

You're the one with the problem. Not her.

Holy crap, I don't even want to think about what kind of bitch you must be married to.

[Valiant]

Originally Posted by frazod

You seem blindsided by this, so she's obviously very good at putting up a false front. Which means she's a skilled liar. If she's lying about this, what else is she lying about?

One word of advice, though. Confront her AFTER Christmas. Don't **** up the holiday for your family. Take the high road for another couple of days.

This..

Wait til it is done..

Then apologize that you read the texts.. But you feel ashamed that she could not be honest with you..

[TimeForWasp]

ChiefsPlanet should have an Ann Landers section.

[KurtCobain]

let's say she goes this Christmas thing and says something that you know is complete BS because you read those messages... I would have a hard time not starting shit right there.