A Million Little Pieces - Page 4

**CosmicPal** · 03-08-2006, 12:18 PM

It's all over. I've finally come clean. All the years, so many years of negative abuse upon myself. It all started with cigarettes. I then took my first hit from a joint at the bus stop. From there, I was smoking weed daily, and then it grew to the point I was smoking weed whenever I could get my hands on it. At the same time, I developed a fascination with popping pills every morning before school- speed, ludes, you name it.

My senior year in high school, I found my new love- alcohol. Drink and drown nights became very popular every Thursday night. How we ever made it home is beyond me. In college- I was drinking, smoking pot, smoking cigarettes, and being introduced to acid and shrooms.

Upon leaving college, I became hooked on coke. Somehow I was able to hold down jobs, but relationships were another thing. Nary a night would go by that I wasn't under the influence of something whether it be pot, alcohol, or coke. I enjoyed being high. It was my place of happiness and peace. I was rarely, rarely an angry drunk. I was always the happy drunk.

A couple of months ago, I snorted my last line of blow. It was an easy choice 'cause I believe I have grown an allergic reaction to blow- I would end up with severe allergies for a couple of weeks upon snorting on any night. About the same time, I smoked my last joint. It just wasn't doing anything for me anymore.

The most difficul thing has always been the willingness to quit drinking and smoking cigarettes. It's been over two weeks now since I've had either. I still have a pack of cigarettes lying on top of my bookshelf. I see it every time I come home. It looks dead- like an abandoned corpse. I have no idea how many cigarettes are in the pack. I just know it's there and I don't want that shit anymore.

I have a bottle of vodka on my desk. I have a case of beer in the fridge. I know they are there, but I don't see them. This is all good. This is really a giant step for me. But, here's the thing: I feel like absolute shit. Every gawddamn organ in my body is wrenching in pain. I can't breathe. I have persistent headaches. I get dizzy spells nearly every day. It *****ing sucks! I know my body must be surprised. For as long as I can recall, I've been putting shit into my body to ***** it up and now I'm all clean and I feel worse than ever.

You don't need to pray for me and I am not sure why I am saying all of this except maybe I need to get it off my chest to somehow make sense of it all. I'm lucky. Very lucky. I haven't killed anyone. I've never been in an accident. I've only *****ed up some relationships and hurt some very good people in the past. I'm not going to AA. I'm not going to any support group. I'm simply sick and tired of living the way I had been for so long. I don't feel free, and I may never feel free. But, I do know this- I'm going to be *****ing clean for some time. And that's the best thing I've done for myself in a very long time.

Peace out.

**Rain Man** · 03-08-2006, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CosmicPal

Didn't he himself quit after 7 days?

A lot of people think that, but it's technically not true. On Days 8 through 14, he made an enormous sculpture out of popsicle sticks, and on Days 15 through 21, he built a ship in a bottle.

**Iowanian** · 03-08-2006, 02:51 PM

I'm sure its tough, and the only thing I can relate to, is quitting caffine this week, and the dull headache that comes with it.

Congratulations on deciding to get off your ass and do something positive with yourself and your life. I'd offer luck, but that won't help. Determination and followthrough are what you need.

**CosmicPal** · 03-08-2006, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

A lot of people think that, but it's technically not true. On Days 8 through 14, he made an enormous sculpture out of popsicle sticks, and on Days 15 through 21, he built a ship in a bottle.

Oh yea? Well, where's this so-called enormous popsicle stick sculpture?

SLAG · 03-08-2006, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CosmicPal

Oh yea? Well, where's this so-called enormous popsicle stick sculpture?

Have you ever been to Sri Lanka?

**Iowanian** · 03-08-2006, 02:54 PM

MOhillbilly · 03-08-2006, 03:02 PM

while i didnt quit all my bad habits i sure as hell cut down on the majority of them. but i quit smoking weed years ago, and quit taking pills on top of drinking.(

might explain my behavior in the past to regulars

)

like bwana said its all about hard choices,the correct ones are rarely easy.
but youll be stronger as each day goes by even though you may not realise it for abit,though once you do youll wonder why you wasted so much of your life ****ing around in the first place.

regards.

vailpass · 03-08-2006, 03:05 PM

All good things in moderation. It's perfeclty fine to party so long as you do it on your own terms at times of your own choosing.

There is a third option beside all or none: some.

sedated · 03-08-2006, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hog Farmer

I would definitely use a condom!

hell yeah, so would I

**Dave Lane** · 03-08-2006, 03:07 PM

Don't sweat it you are through the tough times it will slowly get easier and easier and then you will feel twice as good as you ever did before..

Good job and keep it clean! Maybe drink some coffee

Dave

ct · 03-08-2006, 03:10 PM

good luck cosmo, stick it out, it'll be worth it!!

**KcMizzou** · 03-08-2006, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CosmicPal

Thanks for the thought. I'll just stay sober and watch you get drunk and when you pass out, I'll sleep with your girlfriend.

That's the spirit!

**Rain Man** · 03-08-2006, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SLAG02

Have you ever been to Sri Lanka?

I think that's Vishnu's sculpture. God's is off in another dimension, one where plate tectonics produce giant popsicles instead of mountains. Or at least, that's how I interpret the Bible.

**Reaper16** · 03-08-2006, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I think that's Vishnu's sculpture. God's is off in another dimension, one where plate tectonics produce giant popsicles instead of mountains. Or at least, that's how I interpret the Bible.

That dimension sounds delicious. I hope Everest is grape flavored.

SLAG · 03-08-2006, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I think that's Vishnu's sculpture. God's is off in another dimension, one where plate tectonics produce giant popsicles instead of mountains. Or at least, that's how I interpret the Bible.

Either way still Still made Out of sticks

sedated · 03-08-2006, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dave Lane

Don't sweat it you are through the tough times it will slowly get easier and easier and then you will feel twice as good as you ever did before..

Good job and keep it clean! Maybe drink some coffee

Dave

yeah, now that you've cleansed your body of the harmless pot, get your self addicted to caffeine.

03-08-2006, 12:18 PM
CosmicPal Learn it. Know it. Live it. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: St. Petersburg, FL Casino cash: $10004900	A Million Little Pieces It's all over. I've finally come clean. All the years, so many years of negative abuse upon myself. It all started with cigarettes. I then took my first hit from a joint at the bus stop. From there, I was smoking weed daily, and then it grew to the point I was smoking weed whenever I could get my hands on it. At the same time, I developed a fascination with popping pills every morning before school- speed, ludes, you name it. My senior year in high school, I found my new love- alcohol. Drink and drown nights became very popular every Thursday night. How we ever made it home is beyond me. In college- I was drinking, smoking pot, smoking cigarettes, and being introduced to acid and shrooms. Upon leaving college, I became hooked on coke. Somehow I was able to hold down jobs, but relationships were another thing. Nary a night would go by that I wasn't under the influence of something whether it be pot, alcohol, or coke. I enjoyed being high. It was my place of happiness and peace. I was rarely, rarely an angry drunk. I was always the happy drunk. A couple of months ago, I snorted my last line of blow. It was an easy choice 'cause I believe I have grown an allergic reaction to blow- I would end up with severe allergies for a couple of weeks upon snorting on any night. About the same time, I smoked my last joint. It just wasn't doing anything for me anymore. The most difficul thing has always been the willingness to quit drinking and smoking cigarettes. It's been over two weeks now since I've had either. I still have a pack of cigarettes lying on top of my bookshelf. I see it every time I come home. It looks dead- like an abandoned corpse. I have no idea how many cigarettes are in the pack. I just know it's there and I don't want that shit anymore. I have a bottle of vodka on my desk. I have a case of beer in the fridge. I know they are there, but I don't see them. This is all good. This is really a giant step for me. But, here's the thing: I feel like absolute shit. Every gawddamn organ in my body is wrenching in pain. I can't breathe. I have persistent headaches. I get dizzy spells nearly every day. It ***ing sucks! I know my body must be surprised. For as long as I can recall, I've been putting shit into my body to * it up and now I'm all clean and I feel worse than ever. You don't need to pray for me and I am not sure why I am saying all of this except maybe I need to get it off my chest to somehow make sense of it all. I'm lucky. Very lucky. I haven't killed anyone. I've never been in an accident. I've only *ed up some relationships and hurt some very good people in the past. I'm not going to AA. I'm not going to any support group. I'm simply sick and tired of living the way I had been for so long. I don't feel free, and I may never feel free. But, I do know this- I'm going to be ***ing clean for some time. And that's the best thing I've done for myself in a very long time. Peace out.
Posts: 10,840

03-08-2006, 02:51 PM	#47
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1708454	I'm sure its tough, and the only thing I can relate to, is quitting caffine this week, and the dull headache that comes with it. Congratulations on deciding to get off your ass and do something positive with yourself and your life. I'd offer luck, but that won't help. Determination and followthrough are what you need.
Posts: 62,941

03-08-2006, 02:54 PM	#50
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1708454	. Attached Thumbnails
Posts: 62,941

03-08-2006, 03:02 PM	#51
MOhillbilly Mama Tried Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Missouri Casino cash: $9949903	while i didnt quit all my bad habits i sure as hell cut down on the majority of them. but i quit smoking weed years ago, and quit taking pills on top of drinking.( might explain my behavior in the past to regulars) like bwana said its all about hard choices,the correct ones are rarely easy. but youll be stronger as each day goes by even though you may not realise it for abit,though once you do youll wonder why you wasted so much of your life ****ing around in the first place. regards. __________________ True Son of Liberty
Posts: 23,371

03-08-2006, 03:05 PM	#52
vailpass Psycho Bag Of Squanch Join Date: Sep 2001 Casino cash: $9594244	All good things in moderation. It's perfeclty fine to party so long as you do it on your own terms at times of your own choosing. There is a third option beside all or none: some. __________________ “Education is a weapon whose effect depends on who holds it in his hands and at whom it is aimed.” Joseph Stalin
Posts: 69,591

03-08-2006, 03:07 PM	#54
Dave Lane Space Cadet and Aczabel Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Kanab, UT, USA Casino cash: $9333275 VARSITY	Don't sweat it you are through the tough times it will slowly get easier and easier and then you will feel twice as good as you ever did before.. Good job and keep it clean! Maybe drink some coffee Dave __________________ Thanks, Trump for the civics lesson. We are learning so much about RICO, espionage, sedition, impeachment, the 25th Amendment, order of succession, nepotism, separation of powers, 1st Amendment, obstruction of justice, the emoluments clause, conflicts of interest, collusion, sanctions, oligarchs, money laundering and so much more.
Posts: 40,584

03-08-2006, 03:10 PM	#55
ct u b illian Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: DooDah Casino cash: $10009436	good luck cosmo, stick it out, it'll be worth it!!
Posts: 7,287