Chiefs Place Herm and Carl in Other Historical Situations - Page 4

**Rain Man** · 10-05-2008, 04:23 PM

The exercise: assume that, instead of the actual historical figures, Herm and/or Carl were the key historical figures, and discuss the implications of this change.

I'll start:

Herm and Carl Attack Pearl Harbor

On December 7th, 1941, at 7:56 a.m., a U.S. Navy Gunner sights a lone Japanese plane flying toward Battleship Row and Hickam Field. He strolls over to his gun, which is placed into a specific position by a bunch of stacked phone books under the barrel. He looks as his watch, and at 7:57 on the nose, pulls the trigger once. The Japanese plane, still in the distance, puffs smoke, and catches fire, spiraling into the sea.

The gunner goes into headquarters, marks his kill on a graph, and says to his commanding officer, "I finished their attack for this week, sir. I'm going on leave this week, but I'll be back next Sunday. Same time and same place?"

The commanding officer shrugs. "Apparently."

On a Japanese aircraft carrier floating in the Pacific, Hermichi and Carlsan study their maps and wait for news. A messenger runs in. "Sirs," he says, "I regret to inform you that the attack failed again. The plane was shot down."

Hermichi and Carlsan frown and shake their heads in frustration. "I can't believe it," Hermichi says. "I was sure it would work this time."

The messenger says, "Sirs, may I offer a suggestion? What if attacked with more than one plane, and we came in from a different direction?"

Carlsan sneers at the man. "Are YOU a 20-year veteran? Who's got the experience here?"

Hermichi laughs. "Helloooo. If we send two planes, we could lose up to two planes. This way we only lose one."

Carlsan jumps in. "And we can't send the planes in from a different direction. That's not what we've always done."

Hermichi and Carlsan look at each other. Hermichi says, "Same plan next week? One plane, coming in directly from the north at 2,000 feet?"

Carlsan nods. "It's got to work at some point."

Hermichi says, "Great. I'll go study the film of this week."

The two admirals shake hands and retire to their quarters.

CHIEF4EVER · 10-06-2008, 04:37 AM

Adept Havelock, you know I couldn't let yours go unchallenged.......

KING CARL ACT III, SCENE 1

SCENE I. Arrowhead. Before Kickoff.

Alarum. Enter KING CARL, HERM, CHAN GAILEY, GUNTHER, and Sychophants, with notepads

KING CARL
Once more up the Centers ass, dear friends, once more;
Or close the running lane up with our blockers.
In Arrowhead there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest gameplanning and execution:
But when the blast of the first whistle blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the sloth;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;
Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;
Let pry through the middle the Running Back
Like the Donnell Bennett of old; let the Running Back o'erwhelm it
As fearfully as doth a galled rock
O'erhang and jutty his confounded base,
Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.
Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit
To his full height. On, on, you noblest Johnson.
Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof!
Fathers that, like so many Running Backs,
Have in these parts from morn till even fought
And put away their pads for lack of argument:
Dishonour not your mothers; now attest
That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you.
Be copy now to men of grosser blood,
And teach them how to run the ball. And you, good QB,
Whose limbs were made in Alabama, show us here
The mettle of your handoff technique; let us swear
That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not;
For there is none of you so mean and base,
That hath not noble lustre in your eyes.
I see you stand like Easter Island statues in the trenches,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry 'God for Carl, Clark, and Arrowhead!'

My apologies to one Wm Shakespeare for butchering his classic.

mylittlepony · 10-06-2008, 05:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by banyon

Herm and Carl in charge of the Iraqi Army during the first Gulf War

(no change)

Also staring "Bagdad Bob" Gretz:

"All is fine with the chiefs, nothing to worry about. There are no Panthers celebrating a touchdown in the background. All is fine. The chiefs are right on schedule in the 5 year plan."

Adept Havelock · 10-06-2008, 06:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CHIEF4EVER

Adept Havelock, you know I couldn't let yours go unchallenged.......

KING CARL ACT III, SCENE 1

SCENE I. Arrowhead. Before Kickoff.

Alarum. Enter KING CARL, HERM, CHAN GAILEY, GUNTHER, and Sychophants, with notepads

KING CARL
Once more up the Centers ass, dear friends, once more;
Or close the running lane up with our blockers.
In Arrowhead there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest gameplanning and execution:
But when the blast of the first whistle blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the sloth;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;
Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;
Let pry through the middle the Running Back
Like the Donnell Bennett of old; let the Running Back o'erwhelm it
As fearfully as doth a galled rock
O'erhang and jutty his confounded base,
Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.
Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit
To his full height. On, on, you noblest Johnson.
Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof!
Fathers that, like so many Running Backs,
Have in these parts from morn till even fought
And put away their pads for lack of argument:
Dishonour not your mothers; now attest
That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you.
Be copy now to men of grosser blood,
And teach them how to run the ball. And you, good QB,
Whose limbs were made in Alabama, show us here
The mettle of your handoff technique; let us swear
That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not;
For there is none of you so mean and base,
That hath not noble lustre in your eyes.
I see you stand like Easter Island statues in the trenches,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry 'God for Carl, Clark, and Arrowhead!'

My apologies to one Wm Shakespeare for butchering his classic.

"You must spread some reputation around before giving it to Chief4ever again"

Rukdafaidas · 10-06-2008, 07:00 AM

Preparing Operation Desert Storm

Supreme Commander Carl: Gentlemen, the President has informed me that he would like to invade Iraq. Lets discuss the best strategies. Gen. Fanbase, what do you think?

Gen. Fanbase: Well, I feel we definitely have technology that the Iraqi's can't match, especially through the air. Their defense doesn't have the ability to shoot our planes down at the altitude we can fly. We can use our smart weapons to take out all of their key targets with surgical precision. At the same time, we can take out their troops with tomahawks from our ships. They simply can't match this kind of air attack. We could use the Croyle Laser on them, but it's broken again. It might be another 10 weeks before it's ready.

Gen Herminator: Smart weapons? Smart weapons? Haha. What is this Arena war? I think we need to send one company at a time right here (pointing at a map showing the heart of the Iraqi troops). Let's show them what kind of men we are. We don't need no smart weapons. We'll march our men and tanks 100 miles through the sand and stab 'em with our Larry knives. If at any point we get down more than 10 troops, we'll hit them with our Huard guns. If we lose the company we'll lob one Colquitt missile at them, let our defenses try to stop their attack, then send another company right at them.

Gen. Fanbase: Will all do respect Gen. Herminator, that's pretty damn stupid. Haven't you read all of the Iraqi scouting reports? They're completely vulnerable through the air and their ground troops are pretty strong. First off, our McIntosh tanks keep getting stuck in the sand and the Iraqis run right by them laughing and waiving. Second, the Iraqis are expecting the Larry Knives and they have placed a 1" x 2" piece of metal in their shirts, where are guys are trained to stab them time after time. Third, the Huard guns are only accurate at 6 feet or less and that's if they don't fall and bury themselves in the sand. Once again, we need to hit them where they're vulnerable...through the air with smart weapons.

Gen. Herminator: Smart weapons are for pussies. That's like cheating. We need to be real men and send company after company right at their heart. What would be really cool is if we could steal some of their Thigpen Scud Missiles....Now those are real weapons. They kinda remind me of when I was a kid and I would take the stick off a bottle rocket. You never know where they're gonna go. Now those could really hurt their morale.

Supreme Commander Carl: OK, I think I've heard enough. Gen. Herminator, once again, I completely love your strategy. I'm going to give you as much time and resources as you think you'll need make all this happen.

Kaylore · 10-06-2008, 08:01 AM

Jay Mohr did a bit similar to this thread on the Rome show that was pretty funny.

Demonpenz · 10-06-2008, 08:11 AM

herm reads my pet goat....twice

Redrum_69 · 10-06-2008, 09:16 AM

the day... 12/20
the year...2012

Herm Edwards and Carl Peterson..who still have held their positions at Arrowhead have just been informed who they will be playing against in the playoffs this year...and have also been told that in 2013 the KC Chiefs will host a Super Bowl, also having traded Larry Johnson to Oakland (which the contract stated that if LJ ran for more than 2000 yards in the 2012 season, the Raiders would give their 1st overall draft choice to KC in the draft of 2013), and Carl Peterson announced his retirement after the 2012 season...

Then on 12/21/12....the end of the Mayan Calendar ended...and all life ceased to exist.

10-05-2008, 04:23 PM
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-452449 VARSITY	Place Herm and Carl in Other Historical Situations The exercise: assume that, instead of the actual historical figures, Herm and/or Carl were the key historical figures, and discuss the implications of this change. I'll start: Herm and Carl Attack Pearl Harbor On December 7th, 1941, at 7:56 a.m., a U.S. Navy Gunner sights a lone Japanese plane flying toward Battleship Row and Hickam Field. He strolls over to his gun, which is placed into a specific position by a bunch of stacked phone books under the barrel. He looks as his watch, and at 7:57 on the nose, pulls the trigger once. The Japanese plane, still in the distance, puffs smoke, and catches fire, spiraling into the sea. The gunner goes into headquarters, marks his kill on a graph, and says to his commanding officer, "I finished their attack for this week, sir. I'm going on leave this week, but I'll be back next Sunday. Same time and same place?" The commanding officer shrugs. "Apparently." On a Japanese aircraft carrier floating in the Pacific, Hermichi and Carlsan study their maps and wait for news. A messenger runs in. "Sirs," he says, "I regret to inform you that the attack failed again. The plane was shot down." Hermichi and Carlsan frown and shake their heads in frustration. "I can't believe it," Hermichi says. "I was sure it would work this time." The messenger says, "Sirs, may I offer a suggestion? What if attacked with more than one plane, and we came in from a different direction?" Carlsan sneers at the man. "Are YOU a 20-year veteran? Who's got the experience here?" Hermichi laughs. "Helloooo. If we send two planes, we could lose up to two planes. This way we only lose one." Carlsan jumps in. "And we can't send the planes in from a different direction. That's not what we've always done." Hermichi and Carlsan look at each other. Hermichi says, "Same plan next week? One plane, coming in directly from the north at 2,000 feet?" Carlsan nods. "It's got to work at some point." Hermichi says, "Great. I'll go study the film of this week." The two admirals shake hands and retire to their quarters.
Posts: 145,246

10-06-2008, 04:37 AM	#46
CHIEF4EVER Just a man in the 'ghan Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Jalalabad, Afghanistan Casino cash: $10004900	Adept Havelock, you know I couldn't let yours go unchallenged....... KING CARL ACT III, SCENE 1 SCENE I. Arrowhead. Before Kickoff. Alarum. Enter KING CARL, HERM, CHAN GAILEY, GUNTHER, and Sychophants, with notepads KING CARL Once more up the Centers ass, dear friends, once more; Or close the running lane up with our blockers. In Arrowhead there's nothing so becomes a man As modest gameplanning and execution: But when the blast of the first whistle blows in our ears, Then imitate the action of the sloth; Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood, Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage; Then lend the eye a terrible aspect; Let pry through the middle the Running Back Like the Donnell Bennett of old; let the Running Back o'erwhelm it As fearfully as doth a galled rock O'erhang and jutty his confounded base, Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean. Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide, Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit To his full height. On, on, you noblest Johnson. Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof! Fathers that, like so many Running Backs, Have in these parts from morn till even fought And put away their pads for lack of argument: Dishonour not your mothers; now attest That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you. Be copy now to men of grosser blood, And teach them how to run the ball. And you, good QB, Whose limbs were made in Alabama, show us here The mettle of your handoff technique; let us swear That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not; For there is none of you so mean and base, That hath not noble lustre in your eyes. I see you stand like Easter Island statues in the trenches, Straining upon the start. The game's afoot: Follow your spirit, and upon this charge Cry 'God for Carl, Clark, and Arrowhead!' My apologies to one Wm Shakespeare for butchering his classic. __________________ "Igitur qui deciderat pacem, praeparatur bellum" -Flavius Vegetius Renatus
Posts: 13,670

10-06-2008, 07:00 AM	#49
Rukdafaidas lifelong Chiefs survivor Join Date: Mar 2003 Casino cash: $3849900	Preparing Operation Desert Storm Supreme Commander Carl: Gentlemen, the President has informed me that he would like to invade Iraq. Lets discuss the best strategies. Gen. Fanbase, what do you think? Gen. Fanbase: Well, I feel we definitely have technology that the Iraqi's can't match, especially through the air. Their defense doesn't have the ability to shoot our planes down at the altitude we can fly. We can use our smart weapons to take out all of their key targets with surgical precision. At the same time, we can take out their troops with tomahawks from our ships. They simply can't match this kind of air attack. We could use the Croyle Laser on them, but it's broken again. It might be another 10 weeks before it's ready. Gen Herminator: Smart weapons? Smart weapons? Haha. What is this Arena war? I think we need to send one company at a time right here (pointing at a map showing the heart of the Iraqi troops). Let's show them what kind of men we are. We don't need no smart weapons. We'll march our men and tanks 100 miles through the sand and stab 'em with our Larry knives. If at any point we get down more than 10 troops, we'll hit them with our Huard guns. If we lose the company we'll lob one Colquitt missile at them, let our defenses try to stop their attack, then send another company right at them. Gen. Fanbase: Will all do respect Gen. Herminator, that's pretty damn stupid. Haven't you read all of the Iraqi scouting reports? They're completely vulnerable through the air and their ground troops are pretty strong. First off, our McIntosh tanks keep getting stuck in the sand and the Iraqis run right by them laughing and waiving. Second, the Iraqis are expecting the Larry Knives and they have placed a 1" x 2" piece of metal in their shirts, where are guys are trained to stab them time after time. Third, the Huard guns are only accurate at 6 feet or less and that's if they don't fall and bury themselves in the sand. Once again, we need to hit them where they're vulnerable...through the air with smart weapons. Gen. Herminator: Smart weapons are for pussies. That's like cheating. We need to be real men and send company after company right at their heart. What would be really cool is if we could steal some of their Thigpen Scud Missiles....Now those are real weapons. They kinda remind me of when I was a kid and I would take the stick off a bottle rocket. You never know where they're gonna go. Now those could really hurt their morale. Supreme Commander Carl: OK, I think I've heard enough. Gen. Herminator, once again, I completely love your strategy. I'm going to give you as much time and resources as you think you'll need make all this happen. Last edited by Rukdafaidas; 10-06-2008 at 08:14 AM..
Posts: 2,673

10-06-2008, 08:01 AM	#50
Kaylore This IS Ceti Alpha V Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ceti Alpha V Casino cash: $9995134	Jay Mohr did a bit similar to this thread on the Rome show that was pretty funny.
Posts: 304

10-06-2008, 08:11 AM	#51
Demonpenz Woman should only make babies Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Apartment "G UNIT!" Casino cash: $-193864	herm reads my pet goat....twice __________________
Posts: 54,935

10-06-2008, 09:16 AM	#52
Redrum_69 Banned Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: your nightmares Casino cash: $10004900	the day... 12/20 the year...2012 Herm Edwards and Carl Peterson..who still have held their positions at Arrowhead have just been informed who they will be playing against in the playoffs this year...and have also been told that in 2013 the KC Chiefs will host a Super Bowl, also having traded Larry Johnson to Oakland (which the contract stated that if LJ ran for more than 2000 yards in the 2012 season, the Raiders would give their 1st overall draft choice to KC in the draft of 2013), and Carl Peterson announced his retirement after the 2012 season... Then on 12/21/12....the end of the Mayan Calendar ended...and all life ceased to exist.
Posts: 6,358