Ever punch yourself in the mouth?

[srvy]

Well I have now. Battery went tits up in my car so ordered a dieeasy at Kmart they had 22 bucks off online site to store. Charged the f'ed battery up and headed to Kmart. Had one those terminal straps to carry the battery. I decided to change it out in parking lot. As I was lifting the new into the battery slot terminal strap let loose. As I was leaning over hood fist came up and popped me right into the lip. Split it open like a Forman - Quarry(sp) fight. Was bleeding like a faucet drops on batter and on asphalt. Got in car drove home with Kleenex in it and it was soaked in blood.

Did some first aid but bleeding would not stop so drove to outpatient clinic. Well 6 stitches later and I was out there. Felt like a fool plus they will put stitches in anything. What a pain in the ass.

[frankotank]

welp....this story doesn't exactly meet the criteria set forth in the OP.....but it is kinda funny.

so just to make a really long story short....waaaaaaay back in high school days I met this guy to fight him. I showed up with friends. he showed up with friends. as we're arguing he says something about his friend Sanford (I shit you not) told him I was talking about him. I said nuh uh. he said so you calling Sanford a liar. I said yup. he said well then whoop his ass. Sanford was a little dude. I said I ain't fighting Sanford. the lil feller steps up and removes his belt, which had a big ole belt buckle on it, and he tries to hit me with it!!!!! I duck.....the belt buckle whips by my head and frigging smashes Sanford right in the face. he's bleeding like a mutha. he immediately drops to his knees holding his face screaming "Momma! Momma!"

Awkward!

We standing there looking at them looking at us and I'm like....well....BYE!

the end

[Squalor]

Years ago I worked for a boat seat company. Champion Boats, now defunkt. We worked in a literal sweat shop. Metal building, metal roof, no insulation and in the summer the building would get into the 110's by 11:00. At that time, boat seats are made of wood with foam cut and glued to the frame. Sewers would stitch Naugahyde together and build the cover. If you were lucky the girls would have a good day and get the stitching right and the cover would reasonably fit. Other days, they might square off a corner or have the wrong band or over stitch the welt cord. On a good day it was difficult, on other days it was nigh impossible.
Nauga is a beast. Fresh off a roll it feels and smells similar to the old tests some of us had when a teacher would print in the room. We would smell the paper and a soft chemical deliverance had our attention. Soon it would dry and leave us only our answers. Nauga is a hella different bitch. Though it had a bit of stretch in all directions, only the part you were attaching to wood had movement. Maybe you had 4 inches of materiel to apply and between the foam and wood, 3 inches had to be left for the seat to be complete and correct.
Now that you have a sewn chunk of materiel, that weighs around 30 pounds and you are trying to get that placed on depending on the type seat you are constructing, maybe 6-8 feet, and depending on if the sewer had a reasonably decent time building this contraption frustration and hilarity can commence.
To get this evil bitch on wood and foam, one uses an air stapler. Runs on 90 psi and is a semi automatic pneumatic delivery system that places a 2 legged staple that is either 1/2 or 3/4 inch legged in depth into a piece of wood that is layered and 1/2 inch thick. Happens year round, but such a stapler is run by a bigarse compressor, which sucks air and humidity. There are water drops all over the place. They look like the light bulb covers in the walkin of a commercial fridge or freezer.
Mondays are especially frequent. In the summer, moisture builds. Overnight water builds up in your airline because the air in it doesn't quite condense it seeks the lowest point and it conspires with the bitch of Nauga, and they have a get together.
Mondays happen at any time. They are frail to begin yet have all the potency of an aids infected tornado that is purely evil and garnering all that energy to cause you to **** yourself.
Its summer, its hot, you are wearing shoes socks underwear and shorts. Its 90 degrees at 8:00 A.M. Nauga the bitch is hefty and powerful. She doesn't speak but you will feel her scream. The bitch is slick, oily and resistant to your grip. Monday. She waits. Wood creaks as you stretch material over wood and sponge. You have to build 9 of these today and the bitch knows every staple and the names of the other 6 men that do the same as you.
11:00, its time for Paul Harvey on the radio. 114 in the building. You are sweating, it leaves you down your arms, your pits, your back. Monday. 200 staples in a stick and you use them up in less than 2 minutes. Reload Monday....
You think of lunch, you are sweaty and young and the sewers are women with breasts and not the best faces but BREASTS!!!! Nauga brings Monday. Your gun erupts stale water, beyond stale, a metallic stench that hell lets you know they are making bullets with your name on it. You are already compromised, you let the bitch have you. Sweaty, ill formed and with a grip that causes gangrene if you jerk off Monday.....


The best one I ever saw was with a friend of mine named Jay. His left hand came up when his gun blew water and he split both his lips, bloodied his nose, blackened his left eye, chipped a tooth and was unconscious for 3 minutes or so. He is now with our local cable company and has enjoyed 22 years without the Nauga.

[milkman]

Originally Posted by Squalor

Years ago I worked for a boat seat company. Champion Boats, now defunkt. We worked in a literal sweat shop. Metal building, metal roof, no insulation and in the summer the building would get into the 110's by 11:00. At that time, boat seats are made of wood with foam cut and glued to the frame. Sewers would stitch Naugahyde together and build the cover. If you were lucky the girls would have a good day and get the stitching right and the cover would reasonably fit. Other days, they might square off a corner or have the wrong band or over stitch the welt cord. On a good day it was difficult, on other days it was nigh impossible.
Nauga is a beast. Fresh off a roll it feels and smells similar to the old tests some of us had when a teacher would print in the room. We would smell the paper and a soft chemical deliverance had our attention. Soon it would dry and leave us only our answers. Nauga is a hella different bitch. Though it had a bit of stretch in all directions, only the part you were attaching to wood had movement. Maybe you had 4 inches of materiel to apply and between the foam and wood, 3 inches had to be left for the seat to be complete and correct.
Now that you have a sewn chunk of materiel, that weighs around 30 pounds and you are trying to get that placed on depending on the type seat you are constructing, maybe 6-8 feet, and depending on if the sewer had a reasonably decent time building this contraption frustration and hilarity can commence.
To get this evil bitch on wood and foam, one uses an air stapler. Runs on 90 psi and is a semi automatic pneumatic delivery system that places a 2 legged staple that is either 1/2 or 3/4 inch legged in depth into a piece of wood that is layered and 1/2 inch thick. Happens year round, but such a stapler is run by a bigarse compressor, which sucks air and humidity. There are water drops all over the place. They look like the light bulb covers in the walkin of a commercial fridge or freezer.
Mondays are especially frequent. In the summer, moisture builds. Overnight water builds up in your airline because the air in it doesn't quite condense it seeks the lowest point and it conspires with the bitch of Nauga, and they have a get together.
Mondays happen at any time. They are frail to begin yet have all the potency of an aids infected tornado that is purely evil and garnering all that energy to cause you to **** yourself.
Its summer, its hot, you are wearing shoes socks underwear and shorts. Its 90 degrees at 8:00 A.M. Nauga the bitch is hefty and powerful. She doesn't speak but you will feel her scream. The bitch is slick, oily and resistant to your grip. Monday. She waits. Wood creaks as you stretch material over wood and sponge. You have to build 9 of these today and the bitch knows every staple and the names of the other 6 men that do the same as you.
11:00, its time for Paul Harvey on the radio. 114 in the building. You are sweating, it leaves you down your arms, your pits, your back. Monday. 200 staples in a stick and you use them up in less than 2 minutes. Reload Monday....
You think of lunch, you are sweaty and young and the sewers are women with breasts and not the best faces but BREASTS!!!! Nauga brings Monday. Your gun erupts stale water, beyond stale, a metallic stench that hell lets you know they are making bullets with your name on it. You are already compromised, you let the bitch have you. Sweaty, ill formed and with a grip that causes gangrene if you jerk off Monday.....


The best one I ever saw was with a friend of mine named Jay. His left hand came up when his gun blew water and he split both his lips, bloodied his nose, blackened his left eye, chipped a tooth and was unconscious for 3 minutes or so. He is now with our local cable company and has enjoyed 22 years without the Nauga.

ti;dr

[Squalor]

Originally Posted by milkman

ti;dr

dumbass

[cosmo20002]

Originally Posted by Squalor

Years ago I worked for a boat seat company. Champion Boats, now defunkt. We worked in a literal sweat shop. Metal building, metal roof, no insulation and in the summer the building would get into the 110's by 11:00. At that time, boat seats are made of wood with foam cut and glued to the frame. Sewers would stitch Naugahyde together and build the cover. If you were lucky the girls would have a good day and get the stitching right and the cover would reasonably fit. Other days, they might square off a corner or have the wrong band or over stitch the welt cord. On a good day it was difficult, on other days it was nigh impossible.
Nauga is a beast. Fresh off a roll it feels and smells similar to the old tests some of us had when a teacher would print in the room. We would smell the paper and a soft chemical deliverance had our attention. Soon it would dry and leave us only our answers. Nauga is a hella different bitch. Though it had a bit of stretch in all directions, only the part you were attaching to wood had movement. Maybe you had 4 inches of materiel to apply and between the foam and wood, 3 inches had to be left for the seat to be complete and correct.
Now that you have a sewn chunk of materiel, that weighs around 30 pounds and you are trying to get that placed on depending on the type seat you are constructing, maybe 6-8 feet, and depending on if the sewer had a reasonably decent time building this contraption frustration and hilarity can commence.
To get this evil bitch on wood and foam, one uses an air stapler. Runs on 90 psi and is a semi automatic pneumatic delivery system that places a 2 legged staple that is either 1/2 or 3/4 inch legged in depth into a piece of wood that is layered and 1/2 inch thick. Happens year round, but such a stapler is run by a bigarse compressor, which sucks air and humidity. There are water drops all over the place. They look like the light bulb covers in the walkin of a commercial fridge or freezer.
Mondays are especially frequent. In the summer, moisture builds. Overnight water builds up in your airline because the air in it doesn't quite condense it seeks the lowest point and it conspires with the bitch of Nauga, and they have a get together.
Mondays happen at any time. They are frail to begin yet have all the potency of an aids infected tornado that is purely evil and garnering all that energy to cause you to **** yourself.
Its summer, its hot, you are wearing shoes socks underwear and shorts. Its 90 degrees at 8:00 A.M. Nauga the bitch is hefty and powerful. She doesn't speak but you will feel her scream. The bitch is slick, oily and resistant to your grip. Monday. She waits. Wood creaks as you stretch material over wood and sponge. You have to build 9 of these today and the bitch knows every staple and the names of the other 6 men that do the same as you.
11:00, its time for Paul Harvey on the radio. 114 in the building. You are sweating, it leaves you down your arms, your pits, your back. Monday. 200 staples in a stick and you use them up in less than 2 minutes. Reload Monday....
You think of lunch, you are sweaty and young and the sewers are women with breasts and not the best faces but BREASTS!!!! Nauga brings Monday. Your gun erupts stale water, beyond stale, a metallic stench that hell lets you know they are making bullets with your name on it. You are already compromised, you let the bitch have you. Sweaty, ill formed and with a grip that causes gangrene if you jerk off Monday.....


The best one I ever saw was with a friend of mine named Jay. His left hand came up when his gun blew water and he split both his lips, bloodied his nose, blackened his left eye, chipped a tooth and was unconscious for 3 minutes or so. He is now with our local cable company and has enjoyed 22 years without the Nauga.

[ghak99]

Originally Posted by Sofa King

The string i clip my release to broke last year as i was drawing back on a doe. arrow went flying and i was just sitting there in shock. Couldn't figure out wtf happened. I thought i hit the trigger. The doe didn't run so i went to clip on another arrow and saw some of the outer rope had peeled a little. I wondered if i tried to shoot again if i would punch myself again because of this little peeled off part. Then she got real close. 10 yards with both of us on the ground and only a little bush in front of me. I got excited, tried to pull back again and punched myself hard in the face again. Made my eyes water. The bitch jumped back to about 20 yards and stood there. I yelled at her and she ran away. I'll be damned if she can prance around and convince me to try a 3rd time.

Regular D-loops are ****ing reeruned failures waiting to happen. You should look into catfish & torque-less loops.

[kepp]

Not directly in my mouth, no. But I did have an incident in college. I was wandering around campus slobbering drunk, trying to find my way home. I made it to my dorm building and, for some reason, thought it would be a good idea to jerk open the door (like it was the building's fault it took me so long to find it). That thing slammed against my forehead HARD. I may have actually blacked out for a short time.