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04-14-2008, 12:37 PM | #106 | |
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05-21-2008, 05:41 PM | #107 |
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I am behind the wall. I repeat. I am behind the wall. I am in the inner sanctum.
My wife is getting her hair done, and I caught a ride with her. I'm working on a couch in the hair salon, so I am a fly on the wall watching how this whole system works. A few observations: 1. They serve free wine, which tells me that my wife pays too much for her haircuts. 2. There's a woman sitting next to me wearing a bunch of aluminum foil. I think she's waiting for some coloration to set or something. I'm not sure if I should compliment her on the foil or not. 3. There's a whole lot of sitting around and reading fashion magazines among the customers. I can't quite figure out why, unless they're all waiting for coloration to set. But there are only two who are wearing aluminum foil. 4. There are some male hairstylists, but I'm not worried about any of them trying to steal my wife, other than maybe one guy who looks and sounds like an undercover cop. 5. Aluminum foil woman is kind of bored now, and she's either staring at me or staring blankly while thinking about physics or something. I see her out of my peripheral vision, and her head is pointed straight at me and not moving.
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05-21-2008, 05:46 PM | #108 |
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Okay, the undercover cop just complimented me on my shoes. There is no threat here.
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05-21-2008, 07:14 PM | #109 |
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Was going into the Walmart the other day and noticed an over-60ish overweight lady loading her purchases into a brand new Porsche. I commented to the greeter ( a friendly old gent) that you don't see that every day. The greeter commented "she even parked in the handicapped slot to boot." Sometimes you just shake your head and realize the end is coming.
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05-21-2008, 11:07 PM | #110 | |||
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You know, like the aliens that abducted her and are trying to read her mind?...
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08-13-2008, 07:03 AM | #111 |
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I was in a meeting yesterday with an executive group for a nonprofit, and they were talking about partnerships for a fundraising event. One person suggested motorcycle groups as people who might participate, and a couple of people were saying things like "There's that veteran's group" and "I know there's a Harley group". Then another person, who wasn't listening closely and was still thinking about the original question, said, "I think there's a Cerebral Palsy group." And I was thinking, "I don't think a Cerebral Palsy motorcycle club is a good idea at all."
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08-13-2008, 11:15 AM | #112 |
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Husband and I met my folks for dinner at the casino a week ago. We ate at the sports bar. While we were walking back to the car, we were following a woman and a younger boy. She had her arm around him (pretty sure it was her son). While she was walking, she took her other hand and reached it down the back of her skirt and started to dig at her ass. One might think that would last just a second, maybe to get her panties out of it...but her hand lingered there for the duration of her walk until she was out of our line of sight. I wonder if she even knew there were other people in the casino?
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08-13-2008, 07:14 PM | #113 | |
Homer go crazy!!!
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08-13-2008, 07:14 PM | #114 |
I'll be back.
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One of my favorite activities is watching ass at the airport. I love flying in to Dallas because that's like the ass center of the universe. It comes and goes at a phenomenal rate.
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08-30-2008, 02:48 PM | #115 |
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I had lunch at Arby's and got an exciting double-peoplewatching event.
First, there was a homeless guy in line in front of me. I was standing in line minding my own business, and all of a sudden I heard the guy say, "What the f*** are you looking at?" The homeless guy had taken exception to some computer nerdy guy who was waiting for his food, and I guess he thought the nerdy guy was staring at him. He made a threatening move at the nerdy guy, but then stopped and backed off before a fight started. He then asked for a glass of water at the counter and Arby's told him he'd have to buy it. I wondered if he'd try to fight the Arby's guy, but he just left. The more interesting sighting was a guy who was eating in the Arby's. He was obviously homeless, too, and he was having a rather animated conversation with an invisible person sitting across from him. As I passed by, I noticed that he had no fewer than six Bibles spread out on the table in front of him, all open. I think he may have been comparing versions or something, which isn't necessarily crazy, but it made for an interesting sight.
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08-30-2008, 02:56 PM | #116 | |
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discrete cell phone pic?
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08-30-2008, 03:27 PM | #117 |
Losing with passion.
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01-03-2009, 11:17 PM | #118 |
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The news tonight had a story about a couple of morons who stole a car and then killed themselves 15 minutes later in a car wreck. The morons didn't have identification, so the news described them to see if any of their criminal relatives wanted to come forward and claim their karma-damaged bodies. They described the woman, and one key identifying mark was a tattoo across her back that said...
"ONLY GOD CAN JUGDE" I did not misspell the last word. That was her tattoo. The news even said, "This is not a typo. The word is misspelled."
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01-23-2009, 09:48 AM | #119 |
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I got to witness the full life cycle of a joke last night, from ghetto birth through squalid life to (hopefully) tragic, lonely death.
I was at a party for a nonprofit organization, and one of the guests had a speaking role. He accidentally called a donor the wrong name, e.g. her name was Lana and he called her Laura when he was acknowledging her. A staff member shouted up the right name and he corrected it. I was sitting at a table with "Lana" and several other people when the speaker came over. The speaker is a person of great volume who tends to swoop in and take over conversations, and this was no exception. I am not exaggerating here. Any time any statement was made, he would leap in and make a huge, staggering, 79-piece orchestral production of saying the woman's name wrong, and then laugh uproariously at top volume. For example, Person A: "So, Lana, your kids go to Tom Landry Middle School?" Speaker (jumping in): I didn't know Laura! had kids! Bwahahahahahahahaha! Person C: Hey, Rain Man, do you know where the best parking is downtown? Speaker (jumping in): You know who you should ask about that? Laura! Bwahahahahahahaha! I am not exaggerating. He sat at our table for about an hour, and he did that no fewer than 30 times, likely 40 times, and possibly as many as 50 times. And what was more fascinating to me is the phenomenon of laughter. The speaker is a nice guy, and I've got nothing against him. He's just an extreme, extreme extrovert who goes wild in crowds. The fascinating thing was that he would make this same lame statement over and over, and he would guffaw really loud afterwards, and a lot of people are socially inclined to laugh when they hear laughter, and so these other people would laugh, too, so you'd end up with all these people laughing, and I bet the speaker thought he was killing the crowd, but in reality he was taking advantage of a humor loophole where laughter begets laughter, even if the laughter is coming from the "joke teller" himself. So we're at this table and with the geography and sociology of the situation I couldn't get up and leave, so I had to sit there, and the speaker is rolling on the floor every time he tells this "joke", which is at least once a minute, and a couple of other people are rolling with him because there's so much laughter that it must be funny, right?, and Lana was one of those social laughers herself, so I couldn't tell if she was getting annoyed (as I would be) or if she liked the attention, and I'm sitting there at the end of the table smiling politely and swirling my water glass with my jaw clenched because you can't hold a conversation at all in this situation and all you can do is surreptitiously track on a cocktail napkin how long between retellings of this "joke" to assess whether it's accelerating toward a sonic doppler wave of the guy eventually just screaming Laura! Laura! Laura! Laura! Laura! until his head explodes, or whether the frequency is slowing down to the point where at some point a person could actually talk to other people without getting shouted down by "Maybe Laura! would like some more wine! Bwahahahahahahaha!" I really should have been an anthropologist.
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01-24-2009, 08:05 PM | #120 |
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I would have shot him.
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