ARGH! OK, I need opinions please... - Page 8

Vegas_Dave · 07-26-2005, 08:52 PM

My wife works for an orthodontist. As with many dental practices, it is mainly a female environment. In this case, between his 2 offices, the only 2 guys who work there are himself and the other orthodontist he employs.

Most of the women in this office are single and frankly, most of them are downright b*tches.

So the doctor (who is LDS) always like to treat his women to something big at the end of the year. Last year, it was take them all to Celine Dion and a REALLY expensive dinner and then give them each about $1000 that they had to spend on themselves at the Forum at Ceasars.

Sounds great...

This year, I find out that he wants to take all of them to New York for a week, all expenses and shows paid.

Wow, sounds like a nice guy...

Wait for it...

Spouses are not allowed.

This is not a selfish why cant I go thing with me. But my wife and I have 2 very youung boys, 1 & 3 years old. I work my ass off running my family business. She and I have wanted to go to New York together for quite a while. Also, lets keep in mind that she does not get along with most of the women in her office.

Not to mention that in my opinion, any big thing like that or employee party should always be spouses invited (since I am an employer myself).

So is it bad of me to be opposed to her going? Am I wrong in thinking, OK, my wife goes to New York without me, somewhere we have wanted to go together, and I have to work my ass off at work, spend a total of 2 hours per day for a week trekking my 2 boys all over town for babysitting, not to mention then having to be the sole provider for them every waking moment during that time while she is having a blast, Without her husband...

serious opinions needed....

I seriously could bunch the shit out of my walls right now.

KCTitus · 07-28-2005, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vegas_Dave

...Does this mean we are doomed, no, not at all. She however needs to reassess things and in my opinion, figure out whats important in life...

A marriage should be more important than an all expense paid trip to NY. If it's not to her, Im afraid to say, yes, you probably are doomed.

stumppy · 07-28-2005, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by J Diddy

Spoken like a try chump.

Damn man. I never tried a chump. Never been around one, let alone tried to speak like a try chump.

There was that one time at the zoo with the chimp but I know you can't be talking about that.

**KC Dan** · 07-28-2005, 09:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stumppy

Oh

, quit your bitchin, let her go to NY. Buck up, hire a sitter and or temp. nanny to help you when you need it. And quit complicating the issue.

Just make sure she is HOT just in case!

**Dartgod** · 07-28-2005, 09:31 AM

There's no way in hell though that I would make my wife feel guilty about doing something that she wants to do. And you're taking it a step further by withholding info about the cruise and using it to punish her later. Why don't you let her take this trip to NY and not take the cruise later but instead use the cash for both of you to go to NY like you wanted?

I think you are being selfish, but it's your decision and you and your wife have to live with it.

Coogs · 07-28-2005, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vegas_Dave

If she goes, then I will NOT be taking the Cruise.

You might want to re-think this one. Otherwise you might have plenty of time to enjoy that big screen solo.

Vegas_Dave · 07-28-2005, 09:36 AM

Yes the doctor is Spineless... he has no control over how his office is run. Its sad and I personally have no repsect for him as one businessman to another for that reason alone.

Yes, I do think a marriage is more important then a trip. She thinks this too... just not all by herself...

Basically, she would not go if I said no. Plain and simple. Her mom has always worked in Orthodontics offices when my wife was growing up. her Dad never would go on any of the various trips. So my wife grew up seeing that and thinking it was fine... the part that wasnt ingrained into her was that here Dad did not WANT to go.

She and I are still you (25 me, she will be 23 in Nov). We just had our 4th anniversary so we are still young in our relationship.

Issues somewhat like this have come up before with her wanting to go out of town with her parents without first consulting me and just assuming that I wanted to and could go... Frankly, who the fuck wants to go out of town with their in-laws? That was in our 1st year together...

So I do think that some of this is a maturity issue in part. I do think that it is something that will change over time, just how it will change is the question.

I do not think that this is a serious threat to our relationship because as I stated, there have been similar priniple based issues before that I can use as a "maturity measuring stick" so to say.

Granted, I am young myself too and I am an opinionated hardass, ask any of my employees... but to the people I care about, I am not. My overall general manager was saying that yesterday, saying that its funny, Dave is a hardass at work but its all an act, hes really a softee... I then proceeded to slap her with a steel rod.

stumppy · 07-28-2005, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dartgod

There's no way in hell though that I would make my wife feel guilty about doing something that she wants to do. And you're taking it a step further by withholding info about the cruise and using it to punish her later. Why don't you let her take this trip to NY and not take the cruise later but instead use the cash for both of you to go to NY like you wanted?

I think you are being selfish, but it's your decision and you and your wife have to live with it.

YEAH, that too.

You might be suprised at how your wife treats you when she gets back if you just say ' Honey, have a great time in NY, don't worry about me and the kids we'll be fine. Luv ya'.

**Fire Me Boy!** · 07-28-2005, 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dartgod

There's no way in hell though that I would make my wife feel guilty about doing something that she wants to do. And you're taking it a step further by withholding info about the cruise and using it to punish her later. Why don't you let her take this trip to NY and not take the cruise later but instead use the cash for both of you to go to NY like you wanted?

I think you are being selfish, but it's your decision and you and your wife have to live with it.

I second... or third... or whatever, this post.

IMHO, it's a bad idea to withhold information to punish her later with if she makes the right choice.

But, I second the whole post, including the part about it being your decision that you and your wife have to live with.

Vegas_Dave · 07-28-2005, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dartgod

There's no way in hell though that I would make my wife feel guilty about doing something that she wants to do. And you're taking it a step further by withholding info about the cruise and using it to punish her later. Why don't you let her take this trip to NY and not take the cruise later but instead use the cash for both of you to go to NY like you wanted?

I think you are being selfish, but it's your decision and you and your wife have to live with it.

Principle. I have to get it across. I cannot let her be the one in control like this where she pouts and gets her way. It sets a precedent and barring John Roberts coming in, that is like gold. (sorry for political pun)

She made her choice and decision initially without even considering OR consulting me. Then when my opinion was sought and it differed from hers, the problem started. I never make a choice like that without talking it over with her first. Isnt that how a marriage is supposed to be?

I will let her help choose the TV so that it goes with the rest of her furniture in the house...

Why not spend it on NY together, because, principle. I want to go to NY with her, we have talked about this several times prior to this trip thing. But that soon after, I will not want to go to NY with her because she did WANT to go without me.

Her bonus was a trip for HER. Then my bonus is for ME. I find that fair, not selfish. By the way, she wants a new bigger TV too... so in the end, it wont be completely for ME.

**Dartgod** · 07-28-2005, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vegas_Dave

She made her choice and decision initially without even considering OR consulting me. Then when my opinion was sought and it differed from hers, the problem started.

I don't recall you mentioning this part before. Yes, that would bother me to.

Katipan · 07-28-2005, 09:51 AM

it's "not right" that you're stuck with doing all the adult stuff all week?

yah. it's a maturity issue.

stumppy · 07-28-2005, 09:57 AM

OK junior, you sound like I did 25 years ago. Same old selfish B.S. As much as I hate to say it I would have probably been doing the same thing as you. And justifying it for the same reasons.
Bottom line is You're married, you have two kids, your wife (and mother of your children) has a chance to do something she really wants to do and you are pissing and moaning because she didn't ask you first and it's something you wanted to do too.
Sack up, be a man (and husband) about it. Tell her to have fun with her mom in NY.
And drop the subject about YOUR feelings and what YOU want.
If you can't figure it out with this wife maybe you'll be able to with the next one or the one after that.

**Iowanian** · 07-28-2005, 09:57 AM

I don't know that my opinion would have been exactly the same, given the rest of this information. Your first posts made it sound like they were going to Hedonism with the docs from nip/tuck.

Her MOTHER is going too? That fact alone gives me 2nd thought on my initial responses. If my MiL were going too, I'd probably help her pack.

If, what I'm reading is that your biggest complaint is that you'll have to actually take care of your kids for a week, and its inconveniencing to you.....I think you're being a selfish Hag.

It sounds like you've got a little growing up to do too. It sounds more like you're whining about having to take care of your kids, and not actually getting to go to the shows.

If those are your only concerns....get a temp nanny and shoooosh.

If the issue is that she didn't consult with your first or at least discuss it, and is using the Pouting-cooter-lockdown....thats a separate issue, and I wouldn't let that get started either.

stumppy · 07-28-2005, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mer

it's "not right" that you're stuck with doing all the adult stuff all week?

yah. it's a maturity issue.

Bingo!

patteeu · 07-28-2005, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vegas_Dave

So I do think that some of this is a maturity issue in part.

I think that's probably more true than you realize.

07-26-2005, 08:52 PM
Vegas_Dave Veteran Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Las Vegas, NV Casino cash: $-1415280	ARGH! OK, I need opinions please... My wife works for an orthodontist. As with many dental practices, it is mainly a female environment. In this case, between his 2 offices, the only 2 guys who work there are himself and the other orthodontist he employs. Most of the women in this office are single and frankly, most of them are downright b*tches. So the doctor (who is LDS) always like to treat his women to something big at the end of the year. Last year, it was take them all to Celine Dion and a REALLY expensive dinner and then give them each about $1000 that they had to spend on themselves at the Forum at Ceasars. Sounds great... This year, I find out that he wants to take all of them to New York for a week, all expenses and shows paid. Wow, sounds like a nice guy... Wait for it... Spouses are not allowed. This is not a selfish why cant I go thing with me. But my wife and I have 2 very youung boys, 1 & 3 years old. I work my ass off running my family business. She and I have wanted to go to New York together for quite a while. Also, lets keep in mind that she does not get along with most of the women in her office. Not to mention that in my opinion, any big thing like that or employee party should always be spouses invited (since I am an employer myself). So is it bad of me to be opposed to her going? Am I wrong in thinking, OK, my wife goes to New York without me, somewhere we have wanted to go together, and I have to work my ass off at work, spend a total of 2 hours per day for a week trekking my 2 boys all over town for babysitting, not to mention then having to be the sole provider for them every waking moment during that time while she is having a blast, Without her husband... serious opinions needed.... I seriously could bunch the shit out of my walls right now.
Posts: 1,879

07-28-2005, 09:31 AM	#109
Dartgod Wasted away again... Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: in Margaritaville Casino cash: $3780000	There's no way in hell though that I would make my wife feel guilty about doing something that she wants to do. And you're taking it a step further by withholding info about the cruise and using it to punish her later. Why don't you let her take this trip to NY and not take the cruise later but instead use the cash for both of you to go to NY like you wanted? I think you are being selfish, but it's your decision and you and your wife have to live with it. __________________ If you shed a tear for me, please make it a tear of joy. -Joe Tracy (Nzoner) . .
Posts: 52,177

07-28-2005, 09:36 AM	#111
Vegas_Dave Veteran Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Las Vegas, NV Casino cash: $-1415280	Yes the doctor is Spineless... he has no control over how his office is run. Its sad and I personally have no repsect for him as one businessman to another for that reason alone. Yes, I do think a marriage is more important then a trip. She thinks this too... just not all by herself... Basically, she would not go if I said no. Plain and simple. Her mom has always worked in Orthodontics offices when my wife was growing up. her Dad never would go on any of the various trips. So my wife grew up seeing that and thinking it was fine... the part that wasnt ingrained into her was that here Dad did not WANT to go. She and I are still you (25 me, she will be 23 in Nov). We just had our 4th anniversary so we are still young in our relationship. Issues somewhat like this have come up before with her wanting to go out of town with her parents without first consulting me and just assuming that I wanted to and could go... Frankly, who the fuck wants to go out of town with their in-laws? That was in our 1st year together... So I do think that some of this is a maturity issue in part. I do think that it is something that will change over time, just how it will change is the question. I do not think that this is a serious threat to our relationship because as I stated, there have been similar priniple based issues before that I can use as a "maturity measuring stick" so to say. Granted, I am young myself too and I am an opinionated hardass, ask any of my employees... but to the people I care about, I am not. My overall general manager was saying that yesterday, saying that its funny, Dave is a hardass at work but its all an act, hes really a softee... I then proceeded to slap her with a steel rod. __________________ Lastly, Redrum_69:
Posts: 1,879

07-28-2005, 09:51 AM	#116
Katipan MER Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Colorado Casino cash: $-779649	it's "not right" that you're stuck with doing all the adult stuff all week? yah. it's a maturity issue.
Posts: 23,572

07-28-2005, 09:57 AM	#117
stumppy New and Improved Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Springfield, Mo. Casino cash: $-2201410	OK junior, you sound like I did 25 years ago. Same old selfish B.S. As much as I hate to say it I would have probably been doing the same thing as you. And justifying it for the same reasons. Bottom line is You're married, you have two kids, your wife (and mother of your children) has a chance to do something she really wants to do and you are pissing and moaning because she didn't ask you first and it's something you wanted to do too. Sack up, be a man (and husband) about it. Tell her to have fun with her mom in NY. And drop the subject about YOUR feelings and what YOU want. If you can't figure it out with this wife maybe you'll be able to with the next one or the one after that. __________________ “As a nation, we can endure damaging policies for a four-year term. But we cannot survive a president willing to terminate our Constitution”
Posts: 22,320

07-28-2005, 09:57 AM	#118
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $1788454	I don't know that my opinion would have been exactly the same, given the rest of this information. Your first posts made it sound like they were going to Hedonism with the docs from nip/tuck. Her MOTHER is going too? That fact alone gives me 2nd thought on my initial responses. If my MiL were going too, I'd probably help her pack. If, what I'm reading is that your biggest complaint is that you'll have to actually take care of your kids for a week, and its inconveniencing to you.....I think you're being a selfish Hag. It sounds like you've got a little growing up to do too. It sounds more like you're whining about having to take care of your kids, and not actually getting to go to the shows. If those are your only concerns....get a temp nanny and shoooosh. If the issue is that she didn't consult with your first or at least discuss it, and is using the Pouting-cooter-lockdown....thats a separate issue, and I wouldn't let that get started either. Last edited by Iowanian; 07-28-2005 at 10:02 AM..
Posts: 62,934