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Old 12-24-2012, 10:27 PM   #1
KS Smitty KS Smitty is offline
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Originally Posted by Dave View Post
This is complete bullshit. You don't think it's wrong for her to hide shit? She obviously doesn't have the guts to be honest with him.
She is hiding something that will hurt him, and she is still willing to be with his family which means that it may not be as bad as she tells her sister.

**** it, end it now and don't even try to find out what it may be like 30 years later.
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:21 AM   #2
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Relationships would be much easier if text messages would just delete themselves automatically.
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:23 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by Argo View Post
Relationships would be much easier if text messages would just delete themselves automatically.
Or texting didn't exist.
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:27 AM   #4
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Relationships would be much easier if text messages would just delete themselves automatically.
There is a program out there now that will erase Internet posts and tweets that you send. You set an "expiration date" and it automatically erases the trace of the item.

I saw a story about it on TV the other day.
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:34 AM   #5
Iowanian Iowanian is offline
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I think the bigger problem isn't reading the messages, but the fact that you thought you should.

When facebook came into play and we'd heard some of the stories about what happens, brideowanian and I had a discussion about it. The answer is that we have an open book policy. I've never asked, but if I do, I have the right to read anything she has in an email, message box or text, and that goes both ways. To my knowledge, we've neither one felt the need to follow up.

A healthy relationship wouldn't contain messages that would be dangerous to the relationship. Bitching about your mother's shitty cooking isn't nice to read, but it's not the same as exchanging sexually suggestive notes with a coworker or something.

Do the world a favor and don't get married until you're both mature enough for that commitment.
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:37 AM   #6
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My mother-in-law IS a shitty cook. And my wife already knows it because she's eaten much more of her cooking than I ever will.

Can't wait for tomorrow's runny/lumpy mashed potatoes.
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Old 12-24-2012, 05:54 PM   #7
alanm alanm is offline
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My mother-in-law IS a shitty cook. And my wife already knows it because she's eaten much more of her cooking than I ever will.

Can't wait for tomorrow's runny/lumpy mashed potatoes.
Suck it up Tim and use extra gravy.
My advise is to let the text messages go. It is the season to forgive and nothing good is going to come out of confronting her about it. Hell for all we know maybe because her family hates his family and talks shit on them that she's just playing along. Doubtful I know. But hell just let it go.
Oh and stay away from her ****ing phone.
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:50 AM   #8
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You sound very insecure reading her texts.
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:51 AM   #9
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Some people have hinted around this so far but is any if the shit she is talking on your family true? If so then where's the problem?
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Old 12-24-2012, 11:53 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by Dallas Chief View Post
Some people have hinted around this so far but is any if the shit she is talking on your family true? If so then where's the problem?
Trust ... to a certain extent, it's gone.

He broke trust by reading the text message
She broke trust by talking shit about his family with someone beside him
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:03 PM   #11
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Trust ... to a certain extent, it's gone.

He broke trust by reading the text message
She broke trust by talking shit about his family with someone beside him
Eh. It depends on the circumstance. I don't rely on my wife to meet every single need I have as a person and I don't try to meet every single need she has either. If his wife was just venting, I don't see it as a big deal.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:11 PM   #12
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Eh. It depends on the circumstance. I don't rely on my wife to meet every single need I have as a person and I don't try to meet every single need she has either. If his wife was just venting, I don't see it as a big deal.
The problem with venting to someone other than him is that she was venting about HIS family.

If she dislikes his family THAT much and he doesn't agree (he obviously doesn't or she would have vented to him) its going to be a point of contention forever.
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:16 PM   #13
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The problem with venting to someone other than him is that she was venting about HIS family.

If she dislikes his family THAT much and he doesn't agree (he obviously doesn't or she would have vented to him) its going to be a point of contention forever.
This...
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:24 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by htismaqe View Post
The problem with venting to someone other than him is that she was venting about HIS family.

If she dislikes his family THAT much and he doesn't agree (he obviously doesn't or she would have vented to him) its going to be a point of contention forever.
Depends on him. If his number one priority is his relationship to his spouse, the relationship to his family becomes subservient. That doesn't mean that relationship is devalued, it just means it is put into a new context. If his number one priority is still his birth family, that really isn't what marriage is supposed to be. A couple can work out differences of opinion on family in many cases.

For example, the husband would prefer to see his family at least once a month. The wife isn't wild about his family. Maybe they settle on six times a year. Maybe the husband occasionally visits his family without his wife. The time that the couple spends with her family would also factor into the compromise. Mature people that respect the desires, needs and boundaries of the other can work thinks out if their expectations aren't completely at odds (eg. he wants to spend every weekend with his family and she never wants to see them again).
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Old 12-24-2012, 12:15 PM   #15
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Eh. It depends on the circumstance. I don't rely on my wife to meet every single need I have as a person and I don't try to meet every single need she has either. If his wife was just venting, I don't see it as a big deal.
relationships are different

some people talk shit to each other about stuff and just laugh ... it's all good.


but apparently she didn't talk to him about it all

she is just being a snarky bitch BEHIND HIS BACK

not only will it be in the back of his mind each time she is around his family but each time he is around her family he is going to wonder what else they have been talking shit about.

2 completely different things

1. Not liking your in-laws

2. Not liking your in-laws and talking shit about them with someone other than your fiancee/spouse


and you can BET YOUR ASS that if he bring it up that she will flip-the-script and get angry at him about reading her texts and use all sorts of girl tricks during the following argument.

He will be lucky to know what day it is after that fight.
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