Youth sports talk: any coaches or parents here?

[memyselfI]

My son has played competative soccer for three+ seasons. He's having a great experience. We've been lucky to find good coaching with nice independent clubs. I have felt comfortable having him be one of the best players on a good team vs. having him be a good player on the best team. The reason behind this is because I want to maintain a balance of playing at a competative level but it not take over his life, or ours, as parents.

At what age does this thinking begin to negatively impact his performance? I happen to think that 10 years of age is a little young to be pressuring kids to perform at a more mature level. The literature I've read on this seems to support my thinking and yet you hear of teams that are increasingly demanding more from their players at younger and younger ages.

My other thought was about players who are struggling and might actually impede the team because of the skill level. Are parents doing their child a favor if he clearly is not at the skill set of his teammates? We have this situation on one of our teams, and while I agree that development is most important at this age, is it fair to the team, let alone the player, to have a player like this on the team? Personally, I would pull my son and try to find him a better fit because I think they learn more in situations that allow them to succeed vs. fail.

Thoughts?

[memyselfI]

Originally Posted by wutamess

Maybe this is something you should ask a male figure instead of looking at it from a woman's point of view. It's just that women 9 times out of 10 don't understand the competitive nature of the male athelete.

Oh, no. There is no coach, no club, no environment good enough for my son when it comes to my husband. He's off the deep end. Not with pressuring him but with expecations of his environment...

I'm the one who keeps things in balance when it comes to this issue.

[Chiefnj]

The parents of every offensive player on the Chiefs has wondered the same thing the last 5 years. Do I keep letting my child be disappointed by the defense, or do I call his agent and demand a trade?

[wutamess]

Originally Posted by Katipan

Because it's somehow more complicated than the competitive nature of the female athlete?

Not to sound socially unaware or shovenistic but, in general, HELL YES.

[Mr. Kotter]

Unless he's unhappy about how he's playing, or he is disturbed because he is clearly hurting the team....let them have fun, and just play. If it's an issue at all, maybe a rec team would be better for such a kid....but only if he's no longer enjoying the team he's been on....IMO.

[Katipan]

I don't see being on a mediocre team as being bad so long as he's happy. It's just the idea that he'd be deliberately placed to shine around lesser athletes that pricks me a bit. Plus... Kids get bored. Especially if they can't get any better or have a goal to strive for.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Katipan

Because it's somehow more complicated than the competitive nature of the female athlete?

Yeah. We've got stuff going on in our heads that women can't even imagine.

[Mr. Kotter]

Originally Posted by Katipan

Because it's somehow more complicated than the competitive nature of the female athlete?

For some, no. For most, yes. A big difference. Ask any HS coach who's coached both.

[memyselfI]

Originally Posted by Mr. Kotter

Unless he's unhappy about how he's playing, or he is disturbed because he is clearly hurting the team....let them have fun, and just play. If it's an issue at all, maybe a rec team would be better for such a kid....but only if he's no longer enjoying the team he's been on....IMO.

You missed the part where I said he has always been one of the better players.

If he wasn't, I definately would try to find him a better fit. Maybe something slightly better than he is vs. completely out of his league...

but that's just me.

FWIW, he could be on a 3-7 team and he'd be fine as long as he's playing...

he just wants and loves to play. But I hear about how serious things are going to get and soon and it makes me wonder.

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by wutamess

Not to sound socially unaware or shovenistic but, in general, HELL YES.

What is so complicated about wanting to win?

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by Mr. Kotter

For some, no. For most, yes. A big difference. Ask any HS coach who's coached both.

I dunno. At that age boys want to win everything. Compare a normal boy to a normal girl and the boy just may have the ingrained urge to beat her at everything. Compare a female athlete to a male athlete and no one is going to convince me he has a higher understanding of the sweet caress of victory.

Girls just dont act like raving lunatics. Doesn't mean they don't want to win.

And I'm certainly not talking about the girls playing volleyball so they can get out of 6th period.

[wutamess]

Originally Posted by Katipan

What is so complicated about wanting to win?

Kat, we're bred to compete.
Women are bred to nurture.

It's in our nature.
Generalizations but they're typically true.

[Katipan]

Originally Posted by wutamess

Kat, we're bred to compete.
Women are bred to nurture.

It's in our nature.
Generalizations but they're typically true.

you honestly walk around your world thinking 9:10 women are like that?

[memyselfI]

Originally Posted by ENDelt260

Sweet. We get to talk about how people are bred? Is Jimmy the Greek gonna make a guest appearance?

Not on my thread...

FWIW, my son hates to lose but doesn't have that 'win at all cost' competative nature. I have told him that winning isn't as important at this age as is having fun and LEARNING.

Have I killed his cut throat instinct?

[bkkcoh]

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Good question. CNN had a special on this very subject awhile back. They said that 75% of kids drop out of youth sports by age 12.

Here is a good article that was recently published.

http://www.northjersey.com/page.php?...Y3dnFlZUVFeXk2

Isn't that about the age at which kids have to try out for teams in middle school??

I would say a lot of it could be because of how the parents are handling the situation. They are forcing their kids to live sports, which is something either the parents couldn't do or did and just can't let go.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by Katipan

I dunno. At that age boys want to win everything. Compare a normal boy to a normal girl and the boy just may have the ingrained urge to beat her at everything. Compare a female athlete to a male athlete and no one is going to convince me he has a higher understanding of the sweet caress of victory.

Girls just dont act like raving lunatics. Doesn't mean they don't want to win.

And I'm certainly not talking about the girls playing volleyball so they can get out of 6th period.

Not to hijack the thread, but this is an interesting question.

I think at the higher levels of competition, it's probably true that females and males are both highly competitive and each savors and pursues victory in a similar manner. (However, at the very highest levels, the financial rewards for men are much greater, and of course they get chicks, which is not to be underestimated.)

At the more moderate levels and lower levels, I think women have a bit more choice or more conflict, depending on your line of thinking. A male who doesn't do well at sports is failing at a basic trait of masculinity, which is a bad thing in the viewpoint of many of his peers and of society, however flawed those expectations may be. A female who doesn't do well at sports is behaving in a more classic feminine manner, which is approved by many of her peers and society, however flawed those expectations may be. Therefore, for a male athlete at the lower levels of a sport, his competition in sports is an all-or-nothing, do-or-die deal. He's either good at it and upholds the ideals of masculinity, as well as getting an ego boost, or he's a non-masculine failure (in the eyes of some/many). For a female, she can choose (or is forced to choose) between two models: non-feminine sports winner with the ego boost of success, or feminine non-athlete, which is not a bad image in some/many views. Thus, the casual female athlete has less incentive for success and more internal conflict associated with success.

If you've read this far, submit your name to me and you will receive one hour of college credit in the Sports Psychology program at Rain Man University.