Letters from Bump

[Bump]

May as well start my own thread. I already posted these in the "letter's from an asshole" but they're gonna get posted here too.

This is my new favorite hobby. ****ing with people on craigslist is funny as hell. I want to share my conversations and these are 100% legit. I just straight up copy and paste from the emails onto wordpad. Nothing edited or changed. If it's not real, it's not funny.

Probably requires a certain sense of humor.

This first one, this guy was trying to sell this Bull Skull. I will no longer be linking the Ad after one of you emailed this guy and tipped him off and he claimed to be from Chiefsplanet in Boston, lol.

"Cow's Skull with horns" $75.



me:

Hello,
I came across your ad on facebook. I'm interested in this piece, would
like to know a little bit more before I make a purchasing decision. Has it
sold yet?

Thanks, Jessica

him:

Still have it, you want to come look at it

me:

Mostly I would like to know of it's origins. See I am a historic art appraiser and believe it or not, the type of bull that it comes from matters a lot when determining a value. Do you know anything about it's history?

him:

I don't know history. Sorry
feel free to tell me what you think i have.
thanks

me:

That's ok, I can tell easily from the photo that it is the skull from a Corriente Bull, this bull originates from Spain and is a less aggressive bull, which makes them great for amatuer rodeo's. This skull is a highly desired piece because of it's rarity in the United States. If you tried to sell this in Texas, you could get a lot more than what you are asking.

Now I could have easily purchased it from you for your asking price, but I wouldn't feel right about it. I would like to offer to help you sell it at auction. I take 20% commission on the sale price.

Let me know if you are interested.

Thank You, Jessica Barfield

him:

how much do you think it would sell for?

me:

Back in the Civil War, spainards helped the USA by providing us with Cattle to feed the troops. The Corriente Bull was brought over here, only 20 of them! Since then, all that remains in the US for Corrienthian bulls are ancestors of those Civil War bulls. Anything tied to the Civil War increases value.
The skull you have is highly desired. You will never see the skull of a Corrienthian bull on display in Spain, they burry the bull when it dies, it's something that they would never do because they take great pride in their bulls, running with the bulls is what they are famous for!

You don't see Corrienthian bull skulls often, they are very rare. If I advertise this for you at an auction, this would attract all types of collectors such as rodeo and civil war collectors. 20 years ago, a Corrienthian bull skull sold at auction for $11,250. Now that was back then, the economy was much better and people had more disposable income. Now, I don't think it would get quite that much. But I think it could get close to $7,500. But you never know! If you could get 3 or 4 bidders, the sky is the limit!

Selling at auctions isn't easy, people who would buy this have to know about it. That's where I come in, I've been in this business with my father ever since I graduated high school and I showed him this find and he got mad at me because I didn't just buy it for your asking price, lol. I could help you sell this. 20% commission is what I ask.

I hope you are interested!

him:

Whats your business name and do you have a store? I wouldn't mind meeting you and seeing how the whole process works.

thanks

me:

My father and I work out of our house, we are successful with what we do. But we live on a ranch and have operate out of our home, my father has always ran his business this way. The name of our business for tax purposes is Barfield Auction Hunter, llc. We don't even have a website, I'm still trying to convince him that a website is a good idea but he's very old-school.
I would definitely like to arrange a meeting, but since this is craigslist I ask for a public place.

Are you able to get to downtown Boston? Jacques Cabaret on Broadway is my favorite place to do business, it's elegant. My treat of course.
Sincerely,
Jessica

him:

him:
I can go to where ever you want to go but I prefer to do all business transactions in private, so i suggest your place. I feel that if we are attracted to one another why not mix business with pleasure. I'm not concerned about your father as you said he old school, that just tells me that he willing to seal any way possible. I will need to bring my driver with me as I don't drive, and I will need for you to front me some cash or a check to pay for gas and tolls over to you, as you were going to pay dinner anyway I'm sure you wont have a problem with it.

him (an hour later):

Whats the matter Bump!!! Can't respond back when the joke is on you!! I knew it was you as I am a member of chiefs planet too.... So, I guess in the long run your the one who got punked!!!! I guess your a sore loser.... HA ha ha

[Bump]

Sanyo TV

The Ad:

27" Sanyo TV - $40



me:

Hello,

I came across your ad on craiglist for the TV for sale. That looks like something I might be interested in. How old is it? Does the VCR on top come with it?

Thanks,

Jessica

her:

I bought it from bestbuy 5 years ago. Still works like new. The VCR isnt included no.
let me know if you're still interested

me:

Yes, I'm still interested. But without the remote, I feel like the VCR would be a good substitute. You can keep the movie that is in it though. I have a wide collection of VCR films and my VCR recently broke. But $40 is a little steep for a 5 year old Sanyo TV. So what do you think about $20 for the TV + VCR combo?

Thanks,

Jessica

her:

the vcr isnt for sale. its my daughters. a universal remote works fine with the tv. i've tried it with one just to check.
i've researched the prices on the same tv online and 40 is below the normal listing price.

me:

So you do have a remote for it? Why exclude it?

People can ask whatever price they want, what matter is what people are willing to pay. So without the VCR that was included in the picture, how about throw in the universal remote you mentioned and l think $10 is reasonable for the TV + universal remote.

What do you think? Do we have a deal?

Also, I don't have a car, would you be willing to drop it off at my job in Dedham?

Thanks,

Jessica

her:

The universal remote is being used with my other tv. This is the tv that im getting rid of because i bought a bigger tv. Just the remote was 20$ when i bought it 2 weeks ago.
I listed the tv at 40$ if you're not interested in the tv for the price posted or even a reasonable lower price than that is fine. the listing has been up for less than an hour.

me:

I think we can work a deal. What type of TV is your other TV? Perhaps I'd be more interested in that for $40. Can you send a pic of it?

her:

Other TV isnt for sale. are you ****ing joking?

me:

I never joke when it cums to doing business. I'm still interested in the Sanyo. What type of shows or movies have been watched on it

her:

thats funny, i only watch it when i WANT to cum. preferably threesomes with huge black dudes. tv's been thoroughly 'used'. for 80 dollars i'll include a pair on fundawears. we got a deal?

me:

did you know that I am a Jehovah Witness? It matters a lot to me what type of shows have been watched. In my religion you may not watch a TV that has been riddled with sin, such as the pornography you have mentioned. I don't know if you were joking or not, but I am seriously offended right now. I thought we were going to make a deal.

Perhaps you should consider your daughter that you mentioned. What will she think if she finds out her mother likes to have threesomes with black dudes? You need some serious help.

If you are not serious about selling, please don't waste people's time posting on craigslist.

But if you were joking and the TV has not been contaminated with sin, I would still be interested in it if you include an apology.

her:

tv is 40dollars. if you want it then let me know. if not. then stop emailing.

me:

If you would have apologized, I would have had two, twenty dollar bills ready for you for that Sanyo. But since not, I don't.
Good day Sir

[Bump]

The Ad:

Jungle Cat House - $20

Plush, cat nap house. New. My cat won't go in it and is now too big. A kitten, young, or small cat would enjoy. Great hide out. Extremely decorative. Love it, but it's collecting dust in the corner. Cat spends time in his other beds and my bed (of course).



Swallow my Cat

me:

Hello,
I came across your ad for the cat house. That is something really cool man. It's like a fish that swallows the cat, woah.
Where did you get that?

her:

Purchased in Palm Beach at pet store. Where are you located?
me:

I'm located in Waltham, what about you? where are you located?

her:

I am in Weston, next town over.

me:

oh cool, so what type of cat used to sleep in it? I have a bengal, she's a small little one. Looks like a nice spot for her. Can the mouth of that, what is it, a fish? Can the mouth close?

her:

The mouth doesn't close. The house is a leopard print with a big mouth as the opening. It's a cat with cat-fish resemblance b/c of the mouth.
I have a Coon cat who prefers the bed. He's too big now. I got the house when I was in Florida, but the cat just looked at it.
It's adorable, good for a smaller cat who like to sleep in cozy places. Decorative for the house, different

me:

From the looks of it, I could easily sew a zipper on the mouth so it can close. About how big is it exactly? would you say about 1.5 feet long? I'm sure I could put my cat in there and close the mouth with the zipper that I will install on it.

Would you consider doing $10 on it?

her:

NO

me:

What about $15? I really like it and I think it would be perfect for what I'm trying to do.
Thanks

her:

Closing a cat in this is not a good idea.

Me:

Oh, why not?

Me:

I have another question, can it float? If it can, I am willing to pay your asking price right now. Thanks!

[Fairplay]

Cat in the river trick, yep. End of conversation.

[Bump]

The Ad:

Vintage doll cradle
missing one of the wheels on the wooden spindle cradle holder, needs to repainted or you may like the vintage patina

asking $25.00

exact cash please
as I do not have change
serious inquiries only



me:

Hello,
I see your ad on craigslist and I'm very interested in that baby casket. Is it still for sale?

her:
This is a
doll cradle and it is still available
Carol

me:
oh, my apologies. I'm glad to hear it's still available!
How long is the cradle? 3 feet at least? I think that would do.
Do you know how old it is?

her:

It was my sisters as a kid and she in late 40s I will have my hubby measure it when we get back home

me:

ok thank you very much!
It looks about 2-3 feet from the picture, hard to be sure. Not a deal breaker if it's not.
So what type of dolls were used previously in this casket?

him:
nope its 20" as it is for dolls
sorry thanks for inquiring
Brian

me:

20" is ok with me. I would just need to add some bedding to it, which would probably run me $20 or so. Would you be willing to go down to $10?

[Fairplay]

Heh, you're an ornery one. Good stuff.

http://www.jacques-cabaret.com/jacquesweb.asp

[Mr_Tomahawk]

neat

[Bugeater]

Someone is going to hunt you down and kill you.

[Bump]

Originally Posted by Bugeater

Someone is going to hunt you down and kill you.

..

[nstygma]

Originally Posted by Bump

Well I'm a member of the NRA and I'm always packing. Let them come.

I would love to look at the piece, would you be interested in meeting at Randolph Country Club to discuss details?

[Bump]

Originally Posted by nstygma

I would love to look at the piece, would you be interested in meeting at Randolph Country Club to discuss details?

what's funny about that is that if he looked it up, he'd realize that Randolph Country Club is actually a gay bar in boston, lol.

[Bump]

This one is great

The Ad:
Vintage Etch-A-Sketch - $5
Genuine Model 505 Etch-A-Sketch by Ohio Art. Good and scratched all over from being loved by generations of kids.



me:

Hello,
I'm responding to your ad for the vintage Etch a Sketch. Do you know what year it was made?

Thanks

him:

I'm sorry I don't. It may be discernable from the serial number, if it has one, and if I can find it....

me:

Oh that's fine, it looks like late 80's/early 90's style.
It works, right?

him:

Sounds like you know them far better than I do - but yes, it works.

me:

yes I collect 80's and 90's toys, it's a hobby of mine. But since this is craigslist, I want to know it is legit before I buy.

Would you mind drawing a picture on it so that I know for sure that it works? Maybe like a human face or a tree or something? And take the picture to show me, that way I know it works and everything.

Thanks!

him:

Sure - although I couldn't humiliate myself with a face or tree. So I opted to humiliate myself with this awesome dragster! If you're still interested and we do this soon, the dragster goes with it for no extra charge!



me:

that's an awesome dragster! lol. But the reason why I specifically asked for a tree or face is so that I know it's real. I'm not saying that you did, but you could have just found an etch a sketch of that on the internet.

Just so I know for sure that it is real, could you draw a snake or a dog? You seem pretty good, that should be easy!

A girl has to be careful these days

him:

Well, I've satisfied your request while remaining true to my MO of being just disobedient enough to stay interesting: what could be more reliable than a photo of an Etch-a-Sketch than an Etch-a-Sketch of an Etch-a-Sketch? I'm sure there are hundreds of sketches of Etch-a-Sketches with dragsters online but you'll just have to trust that this one is on mine and is really real. Of course a girl has to be careful, especially on Craigslist but you've got me wondering: how do I know that you're real?



me:

that looks nice, I really like the way you handle that etch a sketch! How would like me to prove that I'm real

him:

Thanks for the compliment Jessica - I'm probably no worse with and Etch-a-Sketch than I am with a pad and pencil....Of course, I think a great way to prove that you're real would be to come over and buy this awesome dragster. Only $5 and it comes with a free Etch-a-Sketch!

me:

I looked at that last picture again, it's actually disappointing.
I don't really want it now,
Thanks anyways!

[ThaVirus]

Originally Posted by Bump

me:

that looks nice, I really like the way you handle that etch a sketch! How would like me to prove that I'm real

You sure you're not gay, bro?

[Bump]

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

You sure you're not gay, bro?

was posing as a chick

[Bwana]

Originally Posted by Bugeater

Someone is going to hunt you down and kill you.

I could see it going down that way, or at least a good beating.