Clean jokes can be funny too!

[ROYC75]

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger, Sarah Palin, said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest woman in American history, so America 's people don't want me to die."

She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, John McCain, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America ".

So he grabbed the second pack and jumped..

The third passenger, Barack Obama said, "I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the Anointed One."

So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The little girl said, "That's okay Dr. Graham.

There's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."

[Frankie]

There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.

So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.

Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked.

The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.

"You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.

Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.

She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.

She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"

The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."

[Sofa King]

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert .

During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly The Camel.

The Captain said, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay.'

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'.

Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.

Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and makes passionate love to the camel.

When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'

'No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the girls are."

[Sofa King]

Finally this age-old question is answered: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the Nuts?
Women always say that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

They are wrong, and here's the proof.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."

You NEVER hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

Case closed.

[frankotank]

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger, Sarah Palin, said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest woman in American history, so America 's people don't want me to die."

She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, John McCain, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America ".

So he grabbed the second pack and jumped..

The third passenger, Barack Obama said, "I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the Anointed One."

So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The little girl said, "That's okay Dr. Graham.

There's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."

[ThaVirus]

Originally Posted by ROYC75

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger, Sarah Palin, said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest woman in American history, so America 's people don't want me to die."

She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, John McCain, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America ".

So he grabbed the second pack and jumped..

The third passenger, Barack Obama said, "I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the Anointed One."

So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The little girl said, "That's okay Dr. Graham.

There's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."

Originally Posted by frankotank

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger, Sarah Palin, said, "I have my own reality show and I am the smartest woman in American history, so America 's people don't want me to die."

She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, John McCain, said, "I'm a Senator, and a decorated war hero from an elite Navy unit from the United States of America ".

So he grabbed the second pack and jumped..

The third passenger, Barack Obama said, "I am the President of the United States and I am the smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the Anointed One."

So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, Billy Graham said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The little girl said, "That's okay Dr. Graham.

There's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag."

Q, bitch.

[frankotank]

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

Q, bitch.

virus walks into a bar.
bartender says....get the funk outta here!

(kept it clean)

[frankotank]

there's a decent joke in here....
from the greatest werewolf movie ever made. if you've not seen it, I highly recommend it!

[ThaVirus]

Virus walks into a bar.
Bartender says....get the funk outta here!

He heads back to his place with every bitch in the place, leaving Frank alone for hot schweaty man-sex with the pissed off biker gang.

(Frank wasn't very clean by the end of the night)

[frankotank]

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

Virus walks into a bar.
Bartender says....get the funk outta here!

He heads back to his place with every bitch in the place, leaving Frank alone for hot schweaty man-sex with the pissed off biker gang.

(Frank wasn't very clean by the end of the night)

you must frequent the add three words thread.
gay....

[KChiefer]

Q: What does an Amish woman pray for before bedtime?

A: Two Mennonite.

[Planetman]

Originally Posted by KChiefer

Q: What does an Amish woman pray for before bedtime?

A: Two Mennonite.

Q: What do you call an Amish man who has his arm shoved half way up a horse's butt?

A: A mechanic.

[-King-]

It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.


Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.


Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'


'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.


So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.


A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'


'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'


The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.


Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'


'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'


'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood !

[Holladay]

LOL, good one for the kids