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Old 06-11-2012, 11:48 PM   Topic Starter
Direckshun Direckshun is offline
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There is no such thing as soul mates. Decades-long turtle relationship ends.


http://austriantimes.at/news/General..._for_a_Divorce

Shelling Out for a Divorce

The world's oldest animal marriage looks set to have turtley ended after an incredible 115 years when the two Giant Turtles at an Austrian zoo refused to share their cage anymore.

Zoo management have called in animal experts to try and give the pair counselling - feeding them romantic good mood food and trying to get them to join in joint games - but so far without effect.

Zoo boss Helga Happ said: "We get the feeling they can't stand the sight of each other anymore."

Bibi and Poldi have been a pair since before anyone alive today can remember - they have been together at the Austrian zoo in Klagenfurt for 36 years and before that they lived at Basel zoo in Switzerland.

Zoo boss Helga added: "They are both 115 years old - they have been together since they were young and grew up together, eventually becoming a pair.

"But for no reason that anyone can discover they seem to have fallen out, they just can't stand each other."

Zoo staff realised the pair had fallen out after Bibi attacked her partner - biting off a chunk of his shell - and then carrying out several further attacks until he was moved to another enclosure.

Although they have no teeth Giant Turtles have a horn rimmed mouth and powerful jaws that are a potent weapon when they want to cause damage. Each of the 100 kilo animals has the ability to kill the other if they wanted.

Zoo staff have told the experts that nothing has changed in the pair's routine - but Bibi in particular wanted to have the cage to herself and be a single.

Helga added: "We have staff talking to and trying to engage the two in interacting, and we hope that they might find their harmony again.

"We were told that it's very rare that after so many years animals who are a pair will fall apart, but that's where we are. We hope though we can bring round a reconciliation."
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Old 06-11-2012, 11:53 PM   #2
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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It's about time he got some young shell.
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Old 06-11-2012, 11:54 PM   #3
Dr. Johnny Fever Dr. Johnny Fever is offline
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Soul mates.... what a hilarious idea.
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Old 06-12-2012, 09:13 AM   #4
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Soul mates.... what a hilarious idea.
Maybe she just got sick of being his shell mate?

Wait, the boy turtle isn't named burt, is he?
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Old 06-12-2012, 12:49 AM   #5
RealSNR RealSNR is offline
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NOW do you see how legalizing gay marriage will **** with nature? ****!
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I would read an entire blog of SNR breaking down athletes' musical capabilities like draft scouting reports.
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Old 06-12-2012, 12:55 AM   #6
RealSNR RealSNR is offline
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Turtle relationships, Direckshun. Turtle relationships.

Yeah, gay marriage might seem like a harmless thing to you. But have you ever asked a turtle?
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I would read an entire blog of SNR breaking down athletes' musical capabilities like draft scouting reports.
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Old 06-12-2012, 12:56 AM   #7
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**** me. They're GIANT turtles, too.

Even ****ing worse.

Shitpiss.
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I would read an entire blog of SNR breaking down athletes' musical capabilities like draft scouting reports.
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Old 06-12-2012, 01:54 AM   #8
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Poldi was happy for awhile, but Bibi just couldn't keep her big mouth shut. Literally. It really wore him down. Literally. He's just lucky he didn't become a hollow shell. Literally
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Old 06-12-2012, 02:20 AM   #9
BillSelfsTrophycase BillSelfsTrophycase is offline
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Old 06-12-2012, 06:11 AM   #10
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Zoo staff have told the experts that nothing has changed in the pair's routine - but Bibi in particular wanted to have the cage to herself and be a single.
Typical....
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Old 06-12-2012, 06:15 AM   #11
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I had a pair of red eared sliders. The male ran away. Twice. So now I have a female red eared slider that is a bit too attached to me. Slut.
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Old 06-12-2012, 09:05 AM   #12
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I had a pair of red eared sliders. The male ran away. Twice. So now I have a female red eared slider that is a bit too attached to me. Slut.
Ran away? Did you put up flyers around a 50-foot radius?
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Old 06-12-2012, 09:03 AM   #13
Pasta Little Brioni Pasta Little Brioni is offline
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feeding them romantic good mood food

Arby's?
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Old 06-12-2012, 09:04 AM   #14
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feeding them romantic good mood food

Arby's?
I'd rather get shot in the face than eat Arby's.
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Old 06-12-2012, 09:46 AM   #15
Graystoke Graystoke is offline
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Bibi hides the Remote, goes Shoe shopping all day, then rags on his tired shell ass about him hanging with his friends and the Ostrich.
Bibi=Bitch
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