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Old 07-20-2013, 10:24 AM  
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
Tossed Salad & Scrambled Eggs
 
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Close call this morning
My girl's roomie is out of town and her great dane got violently ill yesterday... just destroyed their carpeting. I guess her mom took the initiative to call a cleaning company to come out this morning, and didn't tell my gf until 7am today that the company would be there at 8.


Well, she calls me at 8:15 and wakes me up. Tells me that she let the guy in and that while he was upstairs, she decided to clean the wood floor in their kitchen. She was on all 4, scrubbing the floor, and she hears him right behind her say, "mmm... You sure are pretty" in a creepy ass voice. She immediately went outside and called me, asking if I would come over until he leaves.

I was ready to kill, man. Threw on shorts and a tshirt, grabbed my 9 iron, and sped over to her place.

I park, and this dude is a sweaty guy in his 50's with a weird, bent pigeon leg. He's in the driveway turning on his power vac. I walk right by him into the house with the club over my shoulder, and he looks really confused.

I sit on the couch in the entry way, holding my club, and 5 mins later he walks in, says, "hi," to which I don't respond.

He goes in the kitchen and says to my girl, "is that club for me?!"

She says "he's going to the range in a bit" at the same time I say "maybe"

He starts to ask her another question and I let him know that is done speaking with her, and to finish cleaning the carpet and leave.

Son of a bitch shuts his mouth, hops the **** to, and leaves the second he's done.

I haven't been that heated in years.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:26 AM   #31
WhawhaWhat WhawhaWhat is offline
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Messy look, club over your shoulder, grunting and one word sentences. Excellent caveman impression. You certainly have the look and actions down.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:28 AM   #32
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
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Yep, that's what I was going for.
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Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.Dante84 is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:29 AM   #33
thebrad84 thebrad84 is offline
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Originally Posted by Dante84 View Post
Lulz, no pics fellas. Thought that would hit on page 2. Good work!
Can you at least go to the Ass thread in the pics forum and find an equivalent representation of your girl. Again, all in the name of fair judgment.
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thebrad84 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.thebrad84 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.thebrad84 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.thebrad84 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.thebrad84 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.thebrad84 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.thebrad84 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.thebrad84 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.thebrad84 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.thebrad84 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.thebrad84 must have mowed badgirl's lawn.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:30 AM   #34
Bwana Bwana is offline
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You should thrown out my one liner I use on Game Wardens: "So, does anyone know you're out here?"
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:35 AM   #35
CoMoChief CoMoChief is offline
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Originally Posted by Cephalic Trauma View Post
Pics
well played
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:40 AM   #36
tooge tooge is offline
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Originally Posted by Bwana View Post
You should thrown out my one liner I use on Game Wardens: "So, does anyone know you're out here?"
Lol. I'm stealing your line
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:42 AM   #37
TribalElder TribalElder is offline
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You should purchase a pistol

A 9 iron for defense could have got you both raped
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:47 AM   #38
Deberg_1990 Deberg_1990 is offline
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Why you have to cock block a dude like that?
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:54 AM   #39
Bwana Bwana is offline
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Lol. I'm stealing your line
Iv'e used that line twice and the reaction is always a good one. I think part of it is when I'm out in the mountains 15 miles from the nearest road, I alway have my Smith & Wesson 500 strapped on for bears and that keeps them guessing a bit.
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Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:55 AM   #40
Rausch Rausch is offline
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Originally Posted by Iowanian View Post
-A stranger is in my house...I'd better throw on my shorty cheer shorts and bend over and scrub the floor-
This is where I'm at.
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Denver rookie QB John Elway, on Jack Lambert, after Lambert and the Steelers knocked Elway out of his first game as a pro (1983).
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I wish I always ended up at gay bars.
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Old 07-20-2013, 11:59 AM   #41
FlaChief58 FlaChief58 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cephalic Trauma View Post
Pics
A quick search turned up this gem
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Old 07-20-2013, 12:01 PM   #42
Bwana Bwana is offline
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A quick search turned up this gem
Jesus H. Christ!

Enjoy your vacation.
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Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.Bwana is obviously part of the inner Circle.
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Old 07-20-2013, 12:07 PM   #43
J Diddy J Diddy is offline
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You should purchase a pistol

A 9 iron for defense could have got you both raped
Right.

A sand wedge is much more appropriate for those difficult lies.
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Old 07-20-2013, 12:08 PM   #44
J Diddy J Diddy is offline
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You are the last person to take advice from on subjects like these. Not just because you're you, but because you are consistently off base on everything that involves the opposite sex.
and the majority of the time, the same sex.
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Old 07-20-2013, 12:17 PM   #45
Mike in SW-MO Mike in SW-MO is offline
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It was my friend's club, so I gave zero ****s
Told the family one night, "I killed a 'possum in the garage. "I

Son asks what did you use.

"I used a 9 iron. Your 9 iron"
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Mike in SW-MO 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliMike in SW-MO 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliMike in SW-MO 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliMike in SW-MO 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliMike in SW-MO 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliMike in SW-MO 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliMike in SW-MO 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliMike in SW-MO 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliMike in SW-MO 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliMike in SW-MO 's adopt a chief was Sabby PiscitelliMike in SW-MO 's adopt a chief was Sabby Piscitelli
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