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Old 01-06-2014, 05:42 PM  
Dante84 Dante84 is offline
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My Friends and I had a Funny Night Recently
My friends and I were bored the other night, so we drove around looking to get into trouble.

We saw this house with all the lights out and a bunch of newspapers piled up, so we figured the homeowners were out of town for the holidays. After a few minutes we decided to break in.

There were no dildos in the nightstands, so what was supposed to be a funny break-in became boring fast. We turned on the TV, and to our pleasant surprise, an awesome movie was on. We started watching Home Alone, and in the beginning, they are all eating pizza. We thought that sounded good, so we ordered delivery.

It was taking forever to arrive, and as the movie went further along, we laughed our hungry asses off about the "wet bandits."

We then decided it would be hilarious to ice down the driveway and sidewalk, so that the asshole who was taking forever with our damn pizza would slip and fall if he ever showed up.

Sure enough, the guy shows up, well over an hour late, and we huddled around to watch the magic. As he got closer to the porch, we realized this was no ordinary pizza delivery guy - it was country music legend Travis Tritt!

At this point we got nervous. Why would a celebrity be delivering a pizza? Was this some sort of low-budget reality show taping? Since we broke into the house, it would suck to be caught on camera. Our hearts were racing.

One of my friends piped up. "Don't worry, he won't slip. Travis Tritt is good at smelling T-R-O-U-B-L-E, and he will just knock and leave when we don't answer the door."

But Travis Tritt must have had a stuffy nose, because he did slip. Hard. He laid there for a good 20 minutes, while we switched between laughing hysterically and looking around for a camera crew to show up. When no cameras appeared, we agreed that it would be silly for Travis Tritt to be delivering a pizza, and so we just went out to check on the look-a-like.

He was mumbling about how he was going to sue, and how his hamstring hurt. His moans became so obnoxious that we just took the pizza and went back inside to enjoy Home Alone in peace. But the asshole kept moaning, so we had to turn the volume up to drown him out. He must have laid there for what seemed like forever.

After the movie ended, we cleaned up and left the house. The best part is, if that guy tries to sue, its sure going to suck for him since the homeowners were out of town and there's no evidence anyone was ever there.


Moral of the story: If your pizza is late, don't get mad. Get even.
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Old 01-06-2014, 08:59 PM   #16
Hog's Gone Fishin Hog's Gone Fishin is offline
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Old 01-06-2014, 09:30 PM   #17
Fairplay Fairplay is offline
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I liked the story
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Old 01-06-2014, 09:32 PM   #18
DeezNutz DeezNutz is offline
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Old 01-06-2014, 09:33 PM   #19
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Use the dildo as a mortar (or is it pestle?) To grind up some dried ghost peppers. The oils will provide the heat without the tell tale smell of a Tabasco'd dildo.
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Old 01-06-2014, 09:35 PM   #20
Direckshun Direckshun is offline
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I have to go against the grain here -- this was an outstanding post.

I was actually laughing.
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Old 01-06-2014, 09:38 PM   #21
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Old 01-06-2014, 09:40 PM   #22
ClevelandBronco ClevelandBronco is offline
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...it was country music legend Travis Tritt!...
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Old 01-06-2014, 09:49 PM   #23
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