What is the best, most awesome, coolest single post on the Planet evah?

[BigRedChief]

What say you? This one in another thread got me thinking...

Quote:

Originally Posted by OnTheWarpath58
Son, we live in a world that has idiotic message board posts, and those posts have to be guarded by men with facts and stats. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Hootie? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for htismaqe, and you curse the Chiefs. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That htismaqe's leaving, while tragic, probably saved him from a nervous breakdown. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves you from a nervous breakdown. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that bulletin board, you need me on that bulletin board. We use words like your and idiot, moran, pie. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent talking football. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a n00b who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the incredible knowledge that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a keyboard, and create a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Let's have some nominations and feedback. I'll put the most popular ones in a poll in a new thread and we can vote. The winner will get a weeks vacation in a place of their choosing(if someone volunteers the money) or else if that doesn't materialize they will have to settle for the designation of the coolest dude or dudette on the planet.







okay, In the interest of fairness some simple criteria for a posts inclusion in the final poll. I've ruled out all of my excellent posts for consideration.

• The text has to be posted in here and a link to where it come from to keep people honest.
• Has to be given the thumbs up by someone else in this thread.
• the name of the person who wrote that post must also be quoted with the post to keep idenity's straight.

so far the nominations for the next round and the poll thread are the one above and these...

postrockpablo

Demon, you're so fucking American..you're like Brett Favre throwing footballs across a pond in Wranglers jeans...only instead of Brett Favre, you're Patrick Swayze throwing natty light cans into the mouth of a 6 foot long, 150 pound bass driving a 1994 Thunderbird Supercoupe off a flaming ramp made of Miller Lite boxes and pride; wearing an evil kenievel jumpsuit and depending on a parachute made of beef jerky and dream catchers, all bound together by Indian tears.

Because you don't fucking litter. That's why.

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showt...weekend&page=3

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Quote: CrazyCoffey

I know alot about you, I know that you don't trim and you prefer briefs over thong underwear. You haven't touched yourself in years let alone spread your legs, yet you shave your armpits and bleach your upper lip. You stopped giving your husband head because you think it's gross and you are going to be surprised when you see his credit card bill includes a trip for two at a nice resturant last week and a hotel on the Plaza when he was supposed to be out of town on a business trip.

You want to make yourself feel better by getting involved with political discussion on this board because you can only hide so many snicker's bars and bottles of vodka around the house. What's that noise, oh the dryer just buzzed, better go fold the clothes.

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Originally Posted by GoChiefs

EDIT: Herm and Hitler video

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showt...hlight=frickin

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Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX
And behold, the great media standeth at the door like unto a plague, and knocketh: and if any man heareth their voice, and openeth the door, they will come in to us, and will sup with us, and us with them, and questions shalt they ask of us.

And after this the media looked, and, behold, a door was opened unto the locker room: and the first voice which they did heareth as it were of a trumpet or as a man of great speech and little wisdom; which sayeth, Come up hither, and write down those things which I sayeth.

And immediately was Herm in the spirit: and, behold, a microphone was set before him, and one microphone did he approacheth. And Herm that sat before the microphone was to look upon like a shark and a terrible sardine: and there was a great tribulation round about the microphone, in sight like unto the most murderous fishes of the sea. And out of the microphone proceeded lightnings and thunderings and voices: and there were seven reasons of fire and the seven reasons why the offense could not scoreth, which are the seven great excuses. And the first excuse was like unto a dropped pass, and the second like unto a bad call, and the third excuse had a face as of a kicker, and the fourth was like unto a stacked defensive line.

FAX

Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX
And the media did cry with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Herm, dost thou not avenge our losses and mighty concussions and embarrassments in post season?

And in the right hand of him that sat before the microphone was a book written within and without and sealed with seven seals. And behold, then did Herm sayeth in a voice like unto famine, This is thy playbook which I shalt destroy that no man may say that our offense shalt be a circus nor shalt one say evermore that our alignments be complex, for deserveth thee not! And the media wept much, because no man was found worthy to open and to read the book, neither to look thereon. And so did the fans cast dust on their heads, and rend their garments of red and gold, and cried, weeping and wailing, saying, Alas, alas, the great offense, wherein were all made rich who had wagereth on the over under by reason of her touchdowns, for in this hour is she made desolate!

FAX

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http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...2&postcount=16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man
I've pondered posting this before, but this seems like a good place for it.

Rules for Selecting A Urinal

If there is...

1 urinal present - Use it

2 urinals present - Use either

3 urinals present - Always select Urinal 1 or Urinal 3 if you're the first person, as this gives the next visitor the option of keeping Urinal 2 between you. If you're the second person, obviously use either Urinal 1 or Urinal 3, whichever is unoccupied.

4 urinals present - Always select Urinal 1 or Urinal 4 if you're the first person, as this gives the second visitor the opportunity to keep two urinals between you. If you're the second person, you should select the farthest urinal, though it is not a major faux pas if you select a urinal that is two away.

5 urinals present - If you're the first person, #1 and #5 are strongly preferred, though in reality you can pick #3 without being completely uncouth. If you're the second person, you must ALWAYS select a urinal that is as far away as possible, e.g., if the first person is at #1, you should go to #5, or it is permissible to be an even number of urinals away, e.g., #3 if the first person is at #1. It is a major faux pas to be an odd number of urinals away, e.g. #4 when the first person is at #1, UNLESS the first person has mistakenly selected an even-numbered urinal, in which case you are required to select the farthest urinal from that person.

6 urinals present - This one gets complicated. The first person arriving should select #1 or #6, though it is not a faux pas to select #3 or #4. If you're the second person arriving, you must go to either urinal #1 or #6, whichever is farthest from the first person. Person #3 must then claim either #1 or #6 if either is unoccupied, OR go to #3 or #4, their choice.

7 urinals - Person #1 must always select an odd-numbered urinal, preferably #1 or #7, but #3 and #5 are permissible. Person #2 should select the farthest urinal from Person #1, regardless of Person #1's choice. Person #3 then has the more complicated task, with a choice matrix as follows:

If the others are both at even-numbered urinals, claim the final remaining even-numbered urinal.

If the others are both at odd-numbered urinals, claim another odd-numbered urinal, preferably #1 or #7 if either is unoccupied.

If the others are at an odd-numbered urinal and an even-numbered urinal, then Person #3 should claim any urinal that is at least five urinals distant from them, and if that is not possible, then any urinal that is at least three distant. If that is not possible, then it means that the first two people have gone with a 1/6 or a 2/7 combination, which represents a major indiscretion on someone's part, in which case Person #3 needs to minimize the damage by going with either #3 or #4 in the first case, or #4 or #5 in the second case, and finish as quickly as possible.

I hope this helps.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Direckshun
I've gotten some rep that could qualify as best posts ever.

This is one I got from Duck Dog earlier today (I'll let you deteremine if it was positive or negative rep):

You white liberals are the biggest problem facing our nation. Race trading, self-deprecating cowards.

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Quote: Originally Posted by KChiefsQT
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b3...fsQT/boobs.jpg

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[tboss27]

Originally Posted by ziggysocki

Who was first in with Carl Peterson leaving the Chiefs?

[chefsos]

From the thread "Hey Frankie, what kind of food do terrorists eat?" Needed three quotes for context, but the third one is the killer.

Originally Posted by BIG_DADDY

Seriously, my main question is about foods from the ME. We have this restaurant that does the Afghanistan thing and I have no idea what that is like but I would like to try it. Is most of the foods eaten in different countries in the ME differ much from one to the other? I have a real good friend from Iran I used to hang with and his family all came over from there but all I can remember them eating was like kabobs and rice with herbs and ground beef with these big tortilla looking things. I have had some food over at a mediterranean place down the street that had humas and flaffels (sp) and I liked that. Any good information you could give me would be appreciated.

Originally Posted by memyselfI

what a racist bigoted post header.

Originally Posted by BIG_DADDY

Hey nobody asked you anything. When I want to know what Iranian sausage tastes like I'll let you know.

[Bugeater]

This one definitely deserves a nomination:

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...6&postcount=79

Originally Posted by Logical

OK kiddies gather round for the lore of ChiefsPlanet is soon to abound.

Once upon a time in the mid 90s many, many of us like the Senator, Logical, Titus and even ole mean DEnise all posted together in an incarnation of the Star BB that was formatted much like todays Planet. We were a hardy group who harbored much anger and venom and we would fight the nights through. As time wore on our numbers grew and a bond did seemingly develop.

Then lo one night the evil witch Becky suddenly set to banning people for political speech in her forum. Many a poster thought it was at the bequest of the Evil DEnise but she doth deny it but defend Becky mightily did she. Soon the regulars were being banned right and left and lo came a savior nigh onto us with an initial parry to Russ (KCWolfman) and a few other. Lo the Planet was born and things were good and a mass exodus did ensue in 2000 August the year AD.

Now the story is told that the wicked DEnise claimed she would never post here, though I have never been able to document its truth, this is a widely held rumor of truth. For many months DEnise only made a token appearance and went back to the Star to lay claim to her now lonely throne, where only the n00Bs and trolls did now roam. All went well until behold technical problems with server volume did raise an ugly head.

Thence Pigskin Park/Pen was doth conceived and rivaled this board for usage and steam. Now the Star BB did shut itself down and an influx of poster at both the Planet and Park did begin and grow and grow did each board rise.

Now it is told that the Park had and Planet had many dual members but for its technical problems was the Planet Noted.

Meanwhile at the Park their arose a clamor by Gaz and DEnise of separation of political matter. As both were mods the owner did listen and split said board into two forums (sound familiar). Well lo and behold traffic in the sports forum began to dwindle while posting was soaring at the Pen we did quibble.

Well DEnise, and Jamie and Thomas and Logical too fought to the degree it killed the Pen too. Away, away, away went all back to the Planet with a better server to boot.

Together we did post in vastness and health while the BB did grow exponentially as well. Then one foggy fall day to what to our wonder cries did appear but that mean ole gal DEnise did appear. Came struggles and bitterness but a community was still built and it seemed nothing could ever be better than the Planet. Then came the evil, evil elections and what even the mean DEnise could not accomplish those elections did and the fabric of the Planet was ripped like a quilt.

A cry came anew from you will never guess who, sayeth Gaz we need to have a separate forum. Now much crying and screaming did ensue, we will ruin the Planet like was done to the Park.

Many votes were held and still no change when suddenly there came a poll with a story like thunder. Big Daddy switched sides and said yeah we need the separation and finally it happened the separation passeth.

Time wore on and survived we did, yet this was not enough to quiet the masses. Take that DC from sight they said and gone wad the DC link forthwith.

Now you have arrived at the time of today and we look forward each day to a new server. Because through it all we have endure the technical problems because in the end we have been a community and that has held us together.


I know this was not great literature but I have told this story so many times I had to do it different just to amuse myself.

[Archie F. Swin]

First All-Idiot Team?

Wasn't there one where Clint in Wichita admitted to being teh ghey?

[Bugeater]

Ooh, almost forgot about this one:

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...1&postcount=58

Originally Posted by luv

Hey! I like scat!

[ClevelandBronco]

Originally Posted by Molitoth

It would have to be something by Rainman or FAX.

Yeah, that's true.

[googlegoogle]

I loved the post by someone about 'Herm not wanting to run up the score being it's not classy'.

where is that?

[Hammock Parties]

I miss Jim.

[Bugeater]

One of my favorite Rain Man posts:

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...2&postcount=16

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I've pondered posting this before, but this seems like a good place for it.

Rules for Selecting A Urinal

If there is...

1 urinal present - Use it

2 urinals present - Use either

3 urinals present - Always select Urinal 1 or Urinal 3 if you're the first person, as this gives the next visitor the option of keeping Urinal 2 between you. If you're the second person, obviously use either Urinal 1 or Urinal 3, whichever is unoccupied.

4 urinals present - Always select Urinal 1 or Urinal 4 if you're the first person, as this gives the second visitor the opportunity to keep two urinals between you. If you're the second person, you should select the farthest urinal, though it is not a major faux pas if you select a urinal that is two away.

5 urinals present - If you're the first person, #1 and #5 are strongly preferred, though in reality you can pick #3 without being completely uncouth. If you're the second person, you must ALWAYS select a urinal that is as far away as possible, e.g., if the first person is at #1, you should go to #5, or it is permissible to be an even number of urinals away, e.g., #3 if the first person is at #1. It is a major faux pas to be an odd number of urinals away, e.g. #4 when the first person is at #1, UNLESS the first person has mistakenly selected an even-numbered urinal, in which case you are required to select the farthest urinal from that person.

6 urinals present - This one gets complicated. The first person arriving should select #1 or #6, though it is not a faux pas to select #3 or #4. If you're the second person arriving, you must go to either urinal #1 or #6, whichever is farthest from the first person. Person #3 must then claim either #1 or #6 if either is unoccupied, OR go to #3 or #4, their choice.

7 urinals - Person #1 must always select an odd-numbered urinal, preferably #1 or #7, but #3 and #5 are permissible. Person #2 should select the farthest urinal from Person #1, regardless of Person #1's choice. Person #3 then has the more complicated task, with a choice matrix as follows:

If the others are both at even-numbered urinals, claim the final remaining even-numbered urinal.

If the others are both at odd-numbered urinals, claim another odd-numbered urinal, preferably #1 or #7 if either is unoccupied.

If the others are at an odd-numbered urinal and an even-numbered urinal, then Person #3 should claim any urinal that is at least five urinals distant from them, and if that is not possible, then any urinal that is at least three distant. If that is not possible, then it means that the first two people have gone with a 1/6 or a 2/7 combination, which represents a major indiscretion on someone's part, in which case Person #3 needs to minimize the damage by going with either #3 or #4 in the first case, or #4 or #5 in the second case, and finish as quickly as possible.

I hope this helps.

[Mecca]

the best post, I don't know if it's been mentioned was the one in the thread where after the Chiefs had lost a game, he posted about how his son who was small put on a Chiefs jersey and watched the game with him and they in general had a nice time..

First reply..

**** your son

I laughed so hard.

[BigRedChief]

nominations caught up to here

[Gadzooks]

Re: Rules for Selecting A Urinal

What does a person do when faced with a circular trough situation?
(I tend to pee in the corner of the room)

[Pitt Gorilla]

I was trying to think if I had ever contributed anything of worth; I came up with one post (consisting of one word).

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...7&postcount=32

[BigRedChief]

nominations caught up to here.

[MTG#10]

Originally Posted by Scorp

I don't know about post but this thread reigns king shit. You couldn't make this shit up if you tried. I laugh out loud at just about every post. Epic.

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=207737

Im glad you get so much happiness out of my misery.