BREAKING: Stephen Colbert has been dethroned

Ultra Peanut · 01-02-2007, 04:40 AM

Smurfturfers topple Colbert Nation
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GLENDALE, Az. - Boise State has leapfrogged political pundit Stephen Colbert to reach the top spot on the BALLS-o-Meter, it was reported early Tuesday morning. The coveted position has been held by Colbert for the entirety of the BALLS-o-Meter's existence, and experts had previously predicted that nothing could ever remove his incredibly strong, incredibly manly, incredibly sexy grasp on the spot.

Just hours after what many college football fans have deemed "the most amazing, sensational, dramatic, heartrending, exciting, thrilling finish in the history of college football," coach Chris Petersen received the news while still fielding congratulatory phone calls and blow jobs.

"This is fantastic exposure for our university, I must say. We'll see what Stephen thinks about it, but I'm sure he'll be a good sport. I certainly don't want to be put on notice, but if it comes to that, he'll just have to deal with the consequences," Petersen said, exhibiting the team's characteristically ballsy approach.

Boise State entered the game known primarily for the blue artificial turf that adorns their home stadium, which also hosts a terrible bowl game that no one really wants to go to because of the awful Boise weather. They began to swing their massive gonads early in the Fiesta Bowl, but nothing could have prepared the college football universe for what was to come.

"OH MY GOD! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT," one fan said in response to the hook and lateral play on 4th and 18 that tied the game up with seven seconds remaining.

Ian Johnson, who scored on the game-winning Statue of Liberty play and capped off an average day in the life of an incredible badass by proposing to the head cheerleader on national television, could not be reached for comment. One fan, however, said, "OH MYOGODDOADSOFDAKSAOSDFOASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa."

NCAA commissioner Miles Brand, while pleased with the exhilarating display, said that he hoped any new fans to college football who had been watching wouldn't be turned off by the inevitable disappointment they will experience when they watch their next game. "The Rose Bowl was terrible," Brand admitted, but he claimed it might have been a better introductory experience than the legendary Fiesta Bowl due to its ability to make average games seem better. He then went on to describe the experience of being a new fan watching the Fiesta Bowl as, "like losing your virginity to Scarlett Johanssen."*

A petition has been filed by an unprecedented collection of fans requesting that all references to Boise State in the NCAA history books, past or future, be replaced with the name Ballsy State. An NCAA source we talked to tried to play down the petition's importance, but admitted the effort could end up succeeding.

*Quote obtained by internet user regulargonzalez

01-02-2007, 04:40 AM	Topic Starter
Ultra Peanut v^V^v^V^v^V^ Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Holland* Casino cash: $10005177	BREAKING: Stephen Colbert has been dethroned Smurfturfers topple Colbert Nation ULTRA PEANUT/STAFF Contact GLENDALE, Az. - Boise State has leapfrogged political pundit Stephen Colbert to reach the top spot on the BALLS-o-Meter, it was reported early Tuesday morning. The coveted position has been held by Colbert for the entirety of the BALLS-o-Meter's existence, and experts had previously predicted that nothing could ever remove his incredibly strong, incredibly manly, incredibly sexy grasp on the spot. Just hours after what many college football fans have deemed "the most amazing, sensational, dramatic, heartrending, exciting, thrilling finish in the history of college football," coach Chris Petersen received the news while still fielding congratulatory phone calls and blow jobs. "This is fantastic exposure for our university, I must say. We'll see what Stephen thinks about it, but I'm sure he'll be a good sport. I certainly don't want to be put on notice, but if it comes to that, he'll just have to deal with the consequences," Petersen said, exhibiting the team's characteristically ballsy approach. Boise State entered the game known primarily for the blue artificial turf that adorns their home stadium, which also hosts a terrible bowl game that no one really wants to go to because of the awful Boise weather. They began to swing their massive gonads early in the Fiesta Bowl, but nothing could have prepared the college football universe for what was to come. "OH MY GOD! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT," one fan said in response to the hook and lateral play on 4th and 18 that tied the game up with seven seconds remaining. Ian Johnson, who scored on the game-winning Statue of Liberty play and capped off an average day in the life of an incredible badass by proposing to the head cheerleader on national television, could not be reached for comment. One fan, however, said, "OH MYOGODDOADSOFDAKSAOSDFOASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa." NCAA commissioner Miles Brand, while pleased with the exhilarating display, said that he hoped any new fans to college football who had been watching wouldn't be turned off by the inevitable disappointment they will experience when they watch their next game. "The Rose Bowl was terrible," Brand admitted, but he claimed it might have been a better introductory experience than the legendary Fiesta Bowl due to its ability to make average games seem better. He then went on to describe the experience of being a new fan watching the Fiesta Bowl as, "like losing your virginity to Scarlett Johanssen."* A petition has been filed by an unprecedented collection of fans requesting that all references to Boise State in the NCAA history books, past or future, be replaced with the name Ballsy State. An NCAA source we talked to tried to play down the petition's importance, but admitted the effort could end up succeeding. *Quote obtained by internet user regulargonzalez
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