Science Hypothetical: An Intruder In Your Home

**Rain Man** · 08-22-2013, 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by T-post Tom

Was Hawkeye bunking with Frank Burns or Charles Emerson Winchester III?

One of each. The one where Winchester had the record player and the one where Burns temporarily ran the camp.

T-post Tom · 08-22-2013, 11:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

One of each. The one where Winchester had the record player and the one where Burns temporarily ran the camp.

Well that simplifies things. The following list would be quickly done, employing my sub 4.4 40 yd dash speed.

1. Unplug bedroom lamp. Cut the cord off with the bowie knife; making sure that a good inch of wire was exposed at the non-plug end .

2. Cut a hole in the bottom of one of the Japanese stacking boxes. (Sorry this is so obvious.)

3. Snake exposed end of cord thru hole in Japanese stacking box. Place box next to bathroom sink (with lid on).

4. Using the organic toothpaste, write "cash" on lid of altered Japanese stacking box.

5. Plug cord into the GFI circuit near the bathroom sink.

6. Carefully create big puddle of water on the floor in front of sink w/o touching the electrified Japanese stacking box.

7. Leave electric toothbrush on and place the working toothbrush on the back of the toilet tank. This will be loud enough to garner the intruder's attention.

8. Go back to bedroom.

9. Construct a proper mace from the bat and knife. (Duct tape in nightstand. Left over from "date night" with the SO.)

10. Hide behind bedroom door with newly fashioned medieval weapon.

11. Be quiet.

12. Wait for intruder to investigate noise in bathroom.

13. Wait for intruder to see the "cash" box in bathroom and unwittingly move into the puddle of water to investigate the found treasure.

14. Wait for intruder to greedily open "cash" box and get the shock of his life.

15. Bum rush "shocked" intruder and disembowel him with mace.

16. Return to living room to watch M*A*S*H episode where Harry Morgan plays the crazy General Steele.

View Poll Results: He's coming up the stairs. What do you do?
I hide at the top of the stairs and stab him with the Bowie knife with the element of surprise.	8	14.81%
I hide at the top of the stairs and bonk him in the face with the baseball bat with the element of surprise.	28	51.85%
I hide at the top of the stairs without a weapon and attempt to shove him down the stairs with the element of surprise.	1	1.85%
I stand 12 feet back in the room with the Bowie knife, ready to hold my ground and scare him off or capture him.	1	1.85%
I stand 12 feet back in the room with the baseball bat, ready to hold my ground and scare him off or capture him.	1	1.85%
I stand 12 feet back in the room with the fake shotgun, ready to hold my ground and scare him off or capture him.	1	1.85%
I stand 12 feet back in the room unarmed, ready to hold my ground and scare him off or capture him or reason with him.	0	0%
I go to the top of the stairs with the Bowie knife, and announce that I am holding my ground.	1	1.85%
I go to the top of the stairs with the baseball bat, and announce that I am holding my ground.	4	7.41%
I go to the top of the stairs with the fake shotgun, and announce that I am holding my ground.	1	1.85%
I go to the top of the stairs unarmed, and announce that I am holding my ground as a martial arts expert and former Army Ranger.	0	0%
I take the Bowie knife and hide in the closet hoping to avoid a confrontation.	0	0%
I take the baseball bat and hide in the closet hoping to avoid a confrontation.	0	0%
I take the fake shotgun and hide in the closet hoping to avoid a confrontation.	0	0%
I hide in the closet unarmed hoping to avoid a confrontation.	0	0%
I jump out the window to escape.	3	5.56%
I break into a song and dance with the intent to mesmerize him until I can make my escape.	2	3.70%
I stab myself with the Bowie knife so the idiot will get put away for murder.	3	5.56%
Voters: 54. You may not vote on this poll