Poop CP's Roast of.....Hootie presented by rico - Page 9

Pasta Little Brioni · 06-10-2013, 04:48 PM

Alright, rico, billay, and anyone else wanting to do some roasting of the enigma Hootie here is your stage. If it's popular, we'll continue with the series. If it blows...well we'll just pretend it never happened.

Hootie · 06-10-2013, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phobia

I think it has been more like 98%, brah. I'm secretly infatuated with you and wish I had been like you when I was 35 too.

It's not for everyone. But I'm a happy guy, maybe someday you'll be happy for me. You'll always be my guy, buddy.

**LoneWolf** · 06-10-2013, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unnecessary drama

feel free to link me to any story you believe I made up and I'll get it verified by one of my friends via Facebook

you guys keep saying you have all these great stories and all of these great roasts

yet I'm the only one roasting (WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT), and I'm the only one with entertaining stories

so ****ing do it and stop saying you can do it

it's not my fault that I'm creative/engaging/entertaining/****ed up in the head

I won't take the time to find the posts, but I don't believe you were with a girl who pissed in your bed "5 times a week" and I also don't believe any story where you've grabbed another guys junk to avoid getting beaten up.

Don't get me wrong, I hope these stories are true and my feelings aren't rooted in jealousy. I don't mean to call you an outright liar, but something in my gut tells me you're full of shit. Like I said earlier, I've been wrong before and if I'm wrong this time I will apologize for questioning your integrity.

Hootie · 06-10-2013, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bo's Pelini

Hootie is 35?

38

Titty Meat · 06-10-2013, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unnecessary drama

38

Forreal?

**Donger** · 06-10-2013, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unnecessary drama

It's not for everyone. But I'm a happy guy, maybe someday you'll be happy for me. You'll always be my guy, buddy.

You aren't happy.

rico · 06-10-2013, 08:55 PM

Am I the ONLY one who remembers Hootie's rant on the Chiefsplanet facebook page last year?

There's no way he's 38.

And btw, if it weren't for the facebook rant, I'd be a bit more panicked right now.

Hootie · 06-10-2013, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoneWolf

I won't take the time to find the posts, but I don't believe you were with a girl who pissed in your bed "5 times a week" and I also don't believe any story where you've grabbed another guys junk to avoid getting beaten up.

Don't get me wrong, I hope these stories are true and my feelings aren't rooted in jealousy. I don't mean to call you an outright liar, but something in my gut tells me you're full of shit. Like I said earlier, I've been wrong before and if I'm wrong this time I will apologize for questioning your integrity.

this girl used to piss the bed when she was blacked out drunk every single time

one night, when our relationship was FIRST starting, I talked her into meeting me at the bar where my roommate was bartending...she did...he got us ****ED up...and she had to work at Panera at 6 AM

so her alarm went off at 5:15 AM...she had pissed the bed, of course...and I was like "god damnit" and I woke up...and I kept trying to wake her up...and finally I ****ing picked her up out of bed...and took her to the bathroom so she could get ready for work...

she was so out of it...she looked in the mirror for a second (I think she was still asleep, I'm not sure)...and then went right back to bed (I had to flip the mattress, of course!)...and I was like "wtf?" So I just gave up (it was 5:15) and went back to bed (this was her 2nd job at the time so I figured if she didn't care I didn't care)...

she woke up around 9 AM and was like "wtf why didn't you wake me up?!" and I was like...you've got to be ****ing kidding me

and she was fired

**Donger** · 06-10-2013, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rico

Am I the ONLY one who remembers Hootie's rant on the Chiefsplanet facebook page last year?

There's no way he's 38.

And btw, if it weren't for the facebook rant, I'd be a bit more panicked right now.

He's 28, which is moderately pathetic.

Hootie · 06-10-2013, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donger

You aren't happy.

you just opened my eyes

**LoneWolf** · 06-10-2013, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rico

Am I the ONLY one who remembers Hootie's rant on the Chiefsplanet facebook page last year?

There's no way he's 38.

And btw, if it weren't for the facebook rant, I'd be a bit more panicked right now.

Get to cuddlin. If you don't hurry she's going to finish before you ever get started.

**Donger** · 06-10-2013, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unnecessary drama

you just opened my eyes

It's amazingly obvious to anyone who is familiar with your type, Hootie.

Hootie · 06-10-2013, 08:58 PM

as for grabbing dude's 'junk' at bars

I also squeeze the strong guy's muscles and call them big strong men...or big strong teddy bears

in fact, I met out a bunch of people at a bar last week and one huge tatted up dude was there (that I had never seen)...and we were all at one table and after about an hour he was like "hey remember me from last week?" and I was like ....no? And he's like, "yeah you came up to me at the end of the night and squeezed my muscles and told me I was a big strong bear and then I got really pissed off and wanted to kill you..."

and I was like....oh! Cool! Sorry brah!

But he just laughed and said he was having a bad night...and now we're totally cool! BECAUSE HE GETS ME NOW

HE GETS ME

**LoneWolf** · 06-10-2013, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unnecessary drama

this girl used to piss the bed when she was blacked out drunk every single time

one night, when our relationship was FIRST starting, I talked her into meeting me at the bar where my roommate was bartending...she did...he got us ****ED up...and she had to work at Panera at 6 AM

so her alarm went off at 5:15 AM...she had pissed the bed, of course...and I was like "god damnit" and I woke up...and I kept trying to wake her up...and finally I ****ing picked her up out of bed...and took her to the bathroom so she could get ready for work...

she was so out of it...she looked in the mirror for a second (I think she was still asleep, I'm not sure)...and then went right back to bed (I had to flip the mattress, of course!)...and I was like "wtf?" So I just gave up (it was 5:15) and went back to bed (this was her 2nd job at the time so I figured if she didn't care I didn't care)...

she woke up around 9 AM and was like "wtf why didn't you wake me up?!" and I was like...you've got to be ****ing kidding me

and she was fired

Cool story. I love fiction.

Hootie · 06-10-2013, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donger

It's amazingly obvious to anyone who is familiar with your type, Hootie.

maybe you can provide me therapy

you're the best

**Donger** · 06-10-2013, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unnecessary drama

maybe you can provide me therapy

you're the best

I'd rather piss into the wind. And then post about it on ChiefsPlanet.

06-10-2013, 04:48 PM
Pasta Little Brioni Consuming CP souls Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: U.S.A. Casino cash: $3998880	CP's Roast of.....Hootie presented by rico Alright, rico, billay, and anyone else wanting to do some roasting of the enigma Hootie here is your stage. If it's popular, we'll continue with the series. If it blows...well we'll just pretend it never happened.
Posts: 68,456

06-10-2013, 08:55 PM	#126
rico ON CP YOU’RE SOMEBODY’S BITCH! Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Da SEI Casino cash: $4674809	Am I the ONLY one who remembers Hootie's rant on the Chiefsplanet facebook page last year? There's no way he's 38. And btw, if it weren't for the facebook rant, I'd be a bit more panicked right now.
Posts: 13,257

06-10-2013, 08:58 PM	#132
Hootie Banned Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Dallas, Texas Casino cash: $10004900	as for grabbing dude's 'junk' at bars I also squeeze the strong guy's muscles and call them big strong men...or big strong teddy bears in fact, I met out a bunch of people at a bar last week and one huge tatted up dude was there (that I had never seen)...and we were all at one table and after about an hour he was like "hey remember me from last week?" and I was like ....no? And he's like, "yeah you came up to me at the end of the night and squeezed my muscles and told me I was a big strong bear and then I got really pissed off and wanted to kill you..." and I was like....oh! Cool! Sorry brah! But he just laughed and said he was having a bad night...and now we're totally cool! BECAUSE HE GETS ME NOW HE GETS ME
Posts: 56,356