Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?

[AustinChief]

Originally Posted by KS Smitty

Many of you are talking about her not being honest? How honest is it for him to be going through her texts????

Doing it on the sly is dishonest and he is at fault there... but I don't have a real problem with him reading her texts as long as it is an established two way street. People in serious relationships shouldn't keep (current) secrets (obviously a person's past before the relationship is a different story). The problem is... he should have been clear about this from the onset and she should have been forewarned that he didn't agree with having boundaries in that regard.

BTW I disagree with those here who say he should start with an apology about it.. that's not going to help one bit. If I was in his shoes I would confront her about the problem and treat the reading of each other's texts texts as if it is not an issue and act as if she is the crazy one if she tries to make it an issue. Of course, I wouldn't be in the market to salvage things with a chick who says vicious things behind, my back about my family.

EDIT: Just to be clear, I don't read other's texts but I certainly don't have a problem when they read mine. Even if they think they are being sneaky about it.

[KS Smitty]

Originally Posted by AustinChief

Doing it on the sly is dishonest and he is at fault there... but I don't have a real problem with him reading her texts as long as it is an established two way street. People in serious relationships shouldn't keep (current) secrets (obviously a person's past before the relationship is a different story). The problem is... he should have been clear about this from the onset and she should have been forewarned that he didn't agree with having boundaries in that regard.

BTW I disagree with those here who say he should start with an apology about it.. that's not going to help one bit. If I was in his shoes I would confront her about the problem and treat the reading of each other's texts texts as if it is not an issue and act as if she is the crazy one if she tries to make it an issue. Of course, I wouldn't be in the market to salvage things with a chick who says vicious things behind, my back about my family.

Has he been letting her read his texts? Or does he expect her to since he does hers without her knowledge? Maybe she was just venting about how different his family is from hers. I know I say things to my sis in confidence that are more of a between you and me thing that really isn't ncessarily the real truth of the matter just getting it off my chest.

2 families becoming one is not a cakewalk and it takes a lot of give and take on both sides. I really don't see her as being dishonest, maybe she wants this to work and it helps to have someone to talk to confidentially.

[AustinChief]

Originally Posted by KS Smitty

Has he been letting her read his texts? Or does he expect her to since he does hers without her knowledge? Maybe she was just venting about how different his family is from hers. I know I say things to my sis in confidence that are more of a between you and me thing that really isn't ncessarily the real truth of the matter just getting it off my chest.

2 families becoming one is not a cakewalk and it takes a lot of give and take on both sides. I really don't see her as being dishonest, maybe she wants this to work and it helps to have someone to talk to confidentially.

Exactly right. She may not really feel that way at all and actually has issues with her family and they "bond" by mutually talking shit about others. Maybe her family is feeling insecure about time spent away and she was talking shit to make them feel better. We really don't know enough... and it sounds like he may not either... well, that, or she could just be a complete two faced bitch.

[KS Smitty]

Originally Posted by AustinChief

Exactly right. She may not really feel that way at all and actually has issues with her family and they "bond" by mutually talking shit about others. Maybe her family is feeling insecure about time spent away and she was talking shit to make them feel better. We really don't know enough... and it sounds like he may not either... well, that, or she could just be a complete two faced bitch.

Well said!