Funny Stuff Clean jokes can be funny too! - Page 6

Frankie · 05:17 PM

Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them.

Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts.

**Lzen** · 10-04-2005, 03:34 PM

Skip will like this one.

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing and hunting a lot and drank beer whenever he wanted.

THE END

Frankie · 10-04-2005, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Here is the second:

Reporter: President Bush, what do you think of Roe vs. Wade?

W: I don't care how people get out of New Orleans just as long as they get out.

BTW, this reminds me. Can anyone post the link to the DC (political) jokes thread?

onescrewleftuntwisted · 10-04-2005, 04:17 PM

A blonde crossing the road gets hit by a truck. The truck driver jumps out to check on her.

“Are you all right?” he asks.

“Everything is just a blur,” says the blonde as she’s lying in the street.

The man holds his hand in front of her face and asks, “How many fingers have I got up?”

“Oh, no!” she yells. “Don’t tell me I’m paralyzed from the waist down too!”

onescrewleftuntwisted · 10-04-2005, 04:18 PM

A guy applies for a job at an investment firm and has to take a medical exam. The doctor sees the guy has no testicles and is hesitant to pass him. The guy pleads with the doctor and his potential boss, promising it won’t affect his job performance.

“OK,” says the boss, “but don’t come to work until 9:30 AM.”

“Why?” asks the guy. “Everyone else starts at 8:30.”

“Yeah, but in the morning they just stand around for an hour scratching their balls.”

onescrewleftuntwisted · 10-04-2005, 04:19 PM

To Diet For

A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?"

"Ten pounds," he replies.

"We’ll have a representative over in the morning," says the operator.

About 9 a.m., there’s a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.”

The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He’s lost 10 pounds!

That night he calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 20 pounds."

"We’ll send someone over."

The next morning, he’s greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.” The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he’s lost 20 pounds!

That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds!"

"Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "That’s an awful lot."

The man replies, "Listen, just take care of it!"

About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads “If I catch you…”

greg63 · 10-04-2005, 10:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by memyselfI

Here is the second:

Reporter: President Bush, what do you think of Roe vs. Wade?

W: I don't care how people get out of New Orleans just as long as they get out.

Classic!

**RealSNR** · 10-04-2005, 10:59 PM

Classic Robin Williams:

A buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says, "make me one with everything."

**RealSNR** · 10-04-2005, 11:01 PM

Q: What do you call a dehydrated Frenchman?

A: Pierre

(For the slow ones... pee air... get it?)

greg63 · 10-04-2005, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SNR

Classic Robin Williams:

A buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says, "make me one with everything."

Is that one of those Buddhist that has taken a vow of celibacy like his father and his father before him???

Fishpicker · 10-05-2005, 12:36 AM

whats the difference between a woman and a washing machine?

you can dump a load into a washing machine for $1.25

Frankie · 10-05-2005, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fishpicker

whats the difference between a woman and a washing machine?

you can dump a load into a washing machine for $1.25

Definition of "CLEAN JOKE:" A joke that can be told in front of grandma and her friends. Please adhere to that policy for this thread. There are other threads for the risque jokes. "Friday goof off post," for example (http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showt...1&goto=newpost).

NOW, BACK TO YOUR ORIGINALLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM.

greg63 · 10-05-2005, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fishpicker

whats the difference between a woman and a washing machine?...

n00b's

King_Chief_Fan · 10-05-2005, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gblowfish

Three hilbillies are walking the fence line on the farm and come across a sow that'd been caught in the barbed wire.
First hillbilly says: "You know, I wish that Pig was Cindy Crawford..."
Second hillbilly says: "You know, I wish that Pig was Brittany Spears..."
Third hillbilly says: "You know, I wish it were dark...."

can you substitute Denver fans in place of hillbillies?

Frankie · 10-05-2005, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by King_Chief_Fan

can you substitute Denver fans in place of hillbillies?

Frankie · 10-05-2005, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cochise

Two molecules were walking down the street and accidentally bumped into each other. The first molecule says, "I'm sorry, are you all right?" and the second one says "No, I lost an electron!" The first one says "Well, are you sure?" so the second one replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

Geography was never my strong suit. But shouldn't this joke start with "Two atoms.....?"

09-25-2005, 09:00 AM
Frankie Banned Join Date: Jul 2001 Casino cash: $10004900	Clean jokes can be funny too! Or at least good for a chuckle. Here's something completely different (for this BB). This thread is dedicated to ONLY CLEAN JOKES. Please post any clean joke that you find funny or at least amusing. We will not call you "dorks." Not in this thread. Let's see what you've got,... and share them. Don't worry about repeat jokes. Nobody has time to check all posts. Last edited by Frankie; 07-10-2011 at 05:17 PM..
Posts: 26,959

10-04-2005, 03:34 PM	#76
Lzen Supporter Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Jan Quadrant Vincent 16 Casino cash: $2240692	Skip will like this one. Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing and hunting a lot and drank beer whenever he wanted. THE END __________________ If at first you don't succeed ...skydiving is not for you.
Posts: 41,343

10-04-2005, 04:17 PM	#78
onescrewleftuntwisted if only i had a hammer Join Date: May 2005 Location: your momma didn't say Casino cash: $10004900	A blonde crossing the road gets hit by a truck. The truck driver jumps out to check on her. “Are you all right?” he asks. “Everything is just a blur,” says the blonde as she’s lying in the street. The man holds his hand in front of her face and asks, “How many fingers have I got up?” “Oh, no!” she yells. “Don’t tell me I’m paralyzed from the waist down too!” __________________ quote lost in translation
Posts: 1,090

10-04-2005, 04:18 PM	#79
onescrewleftuntwisted if only i had a hammer Join Date: May 2005 Location: your momma didn't say Casino cash: $10004900	A guy applies for a job at an investment firm and has to take a medical exam. The doctor sees the guy has no testicles and is hesitant to pass him. The guy pleads with the doctor and his potential boss, promising it won’t affect his job performance. “OK,” says the boss, “but don’t come to work until 9:30 AM.” “Why?” asks the guy. “Everyone else starts at 8:30.” “Yeah, but in the morning they just stand around for an hour scratching their balls.” __________________ quote lost in translation
Posts: 1,090

10-04-2005, 04:19 PM	#80
onescrewleftuntwisted if only i had a hammer Join Date: May 2005 Location: your momma didn't say Casino cash: $10004900	To Diet For A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?" "Ten pounds," he replies. "We’ll have a representative over in the morning," says the operator. About 9 a.m., there’s a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.” The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He’s lost 10 pounds! That night he calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 20 pounds." "We’ll send someone over." The next morning, he’s greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads “If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.” The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he’s lost 20 pounds! That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds!" "Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "That’s an awful lot." The man replies, "Listen, just take care of it!" About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads “If I catch you…” __________________ quote lost in translation
Posts: 1,090

10-05-2005, 12:36 AM	#85
Fishpicker On one quarter Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: I play all day Casino cash: $3347111	whats the difference between a woman and a washing machine? you can dump a load into a washing machine for $1.25
Posts: 6,126