The Herm Edwards Bible - Page 3

Direckshun · 07:14 PM

Here's a boom-or-bust, 400-post or 0-post thread for bored Chiefs fans.

I think we can all agree Herm Edwards is far more straightforward in his football philosophies than most coaches.

Well submit your axioms that you honestly believe that Herm Edwards follows when it comes to building a football team, and hark!, I shalt do mine best to incorporate them into a two- or three-book mini-Bible, written in the holiest of prose, and constantly adapting to incorporate your newly-added Commandments.

The axioms can relate to offense, defense, leadership, game strategies, team chemistry, public speaking, his own personal history ("and Dungy begat Edwards") -- whatever you can reasonably relate to Herm. The more the better, I would ideally like this to be a good-sized Good Book.

A couple serious axioms I can think up off the top of my head (I figure you folks won't have any trouble thinking up punchlines) would be like the following:

Thou shalt build thy teams through the Draft.
Thou shalt draft Best Player Available.
Thou shalt not get things twisted.

Then I'll take your suggestions later and try to write out The New Testament Of Herm or whatever. The following is what I've got so far for this gloriously makeshift Holy Word.

The Book of Herm

Chapter 1

1 In 1978, year of our Lord, the Ancient Giants found themselves ensconced in a comfortable lead in the waning seconds of a 17-12 victory over thine Golden Eagles upon the gridiron of the Meadowlands. 2 All that stood between themselves and victory was a 3rd-and-2 kneel-down to kill off the remaining seconds off the clock. 3 But in those crucial seconds that echo throughout the Heavens and the Earth, there would be no kneel-down. 5 Instead, a Miracle reared itself, as the Lord slipped the ball from the hands of Pisarcik, and from this Immaculate Separation doth borne Herman Edwards. 6 To be known among God’s children as “Herm,” he made good work of the Lord’s blessing, hauling the fumbled treasure 26-yards for a defensive touchdown and a 19-17 shocker. Prodigy was borne this day.

7 Truly infused in the mind of this man of football was a dedication to all that is righteous and outspoken. 8 Herm would grow into a head coach and spiritual learner of this most holiest of sports, enduring trials and tribulations in the strange lands of Tampa Bay and New York, before riding into Arrowhead, the Lord’s Promised Land, on the back of a 4th round pick.

9 His words would ring throughout the press, enlightening and befuddling a city that continued to worship the false idol Dick Vermeil. 10 He implored to his newfound flock that they misunderstood what a successful organization looked like. That they, in fact, knew not what they do.

11 And upon Arrowhead Drive he stood in a snappy sweater vest, and thus began Herman’s Sermon on the Mount. 12 A truer test of character the world had never known.

Redrum_69 · 06-22-2007, 01:10 PM

Thou shalt have many media outlets to portray images, but none shall ever be more fair than thy sexpot known as Carrie Underwood.

Hammock Parties · 06-22-2007, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redrum_69

Thou shalt have many media outlets to portray images, but none shall ever be more fair than thy sexpot known as Carrie Underwood.

WTF?

Hammock Parties · 06-22-2007, 01:12 PM

Thou Shalt Pull One Out Of Thy Ass In The Second Round.

Redrum_69 · 06-22-2007, 01:14 PM

Thou shalt have a offensive line that falls apart and a loyal fanbase that shall scorn your image and strike your heels if you havent won a Super Bowl within 3 years....

**noa** · 06-22-2007, 01:14 PM

Thou shalt draft a player from UCLA every year. During the Year of Jubilee, thou shalt draft two players from UCLA.

DMAC · 06-22-2007, 01:15 PM

For Herm so loved the run, that he gave his one and only QB, and whosoever dinks and dunks shall not perish, but have eternal mediocracy.

Direckshun · 06-22-2007, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMAC

For Herm so loved the run, that he gave his one and only QB, and whosoever dinks and dunks shall not perish, but have eternal mediocracy.

L O L

KurtCobain · 06-22-2007, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMAC

For Herm so loved the run, that he gave his one and only QB, and whosoever dinks and dunks shall not perish, but have eternal mediocracy.

hahaha rep

afchiefs · 06-22-2007, 01:17 PM

Thou salt be lead to the promised land by a Dark Soilder draped in red bearing a burning 27 across thy back!

TrickyNicky · 06-22-2007, 01:22 PM

Thou shalt not runneth thine score up in thy present game, for that which may cause a loss in thy future matchup.

FAX · 06-22-2007, 01:22 PM

And behold, the great media standeth at the door like unto a plague, and knocketh: and if any man heareth their voice, and openeth the door, they will come in to us, and will sup with us, and us with them, and questions shalt they ask of us.

And after this the media looked, and, behold, a door was opened unto the locker room: and the first voice which they did heareth as it were of a trumpet or as a man of great speech and little wisdom; which sayeth, Come up hither, and write down those things which I sayeth.

And immediately was Herm in the spirit: and, behold, a microphone was set before him, and one microphone did he approacheth. And Herm that sat before the microphone was to look upon like a shark and a terrible sardine: and there was a great tribulation round about the microphone, in sight like unto the most murderous fishes of the sea. And out of the microphone proceeded lightnings and thunderings and voices: and there were seven reasons of fire and the seven reasons why the offense could not scoreth, which are the seven great excuses. And the first excuse was like unto a dropped pass, and the second like unto a bad call, and the third excuse had a face as of a kicker, and the fourth was like unto a stacked defensive line.

FAX

Terribilis · 06-22-2007, 01:26 PM

Lamar 25:17. The path of the righteous fan is beset on all sides by the inequities of the Broncos and the tyranny of evil Raiders. Blessed is he who, in the name of Red and Gold, shepherds the weak through the valley of Arrowhead. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost endzones. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Herm when I lay my vengeance upon you

Reerun_KC · 06-22-2007, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX

And behold, the great media standeth at the door like unto a plague, and knocketh: and if any man heareth their voice, and openeth the door, they will come in to us, and will sup with us, and us with them, and questions shalt they ask of us.

And after this the media looked, and, behold, a door was opened unto the locker room: and the first voice which they did heareth as it were of a trumpet or as a man of great speech and little wisdom; which sayeth, Come up hither, and write down those things which I sayeth.

And immediately was Herm in the spirit: and, behold, a microphone was set before him, and one microphone did he approacheth. And Herm that sat before the microphone was to look upon like a shark and a terrible sardine: and there was a great tribulation round about the microphone, in sight like unto the most murderous fishes of the sea. And out of the microphone proceeded lightnings and thunderings and voices: and there were seven reasons of fire and the seven reasons why the offense could not scoreth, which are the seven great excuses. And the first excuse was like unto a dropped pass, and the second like unto a bad call, and the third excuse had a face as of a kicker, and the fourth was like unto a stacked defensive line.

FAX

Another Homerun!

Chiefnj · 06-22-2007, 01:32 PM

Yea though I walk through the tunnels at Arrowhead, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; Thy running game and Thy defense they comfort me.

Thou preparest a grid iron before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my playbook with runs up the middle; my cup runneth over into the center's buttocks.

JohnnyV13 · 06-22-2007, 01:34 PM

In the Beginning, there was Adam, the first quarterback. Adam cavorted on the green field alone, running and cutting and throwing and God saw that it was good. But God knew that Adam was lonely and needed a companion. Thus, God caused Adam to slam his head into the field and rendered him unconscious. While he was knocked out, God took from Adam all his common sense, and shaped it into a new form. This new creature God named "head cheerleader". Eve danced and pranced on the field, admiring all of Adam's exploits while waving her pom-poms. Adam was no longer lonely, and now ran up and down the Field with abaondon. God saw all that he had made and saw that it was Good.

God was not yet finished. To give Adam's running and jumping direction and purpose, he created "Touchdown" and "Field Goal". In the days of their innocence, Adam and his friends ran and played on the field, Eve and her friends cheered, while the stands filled with Students who then became known as Fans. Shouts of joy filled the air and God knew that what he had created was Good.

One dark night after a Game, Eve wandered across the Field and Lo! a serpent spoke to her from the grass. "Why is it that you play the great game of football and only God above can witness your feats? Would it not be better to share the spectacle with the rest of the world through the medium of Television?" The serpent then presented a contract to Eve and said unto her, "Have the quarterback Adam sign this document, and the masses shall worship you on Sundays."

06-22-2007, 12:47 PM
Direckshun __ Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Springpatch Casino cash: $4293447	The Herm Edwards Bible Here's a boom-or-bust, 400-post or 0-post thread for bored Chiefs fans. I think we can all agree Herm Edwards is far more straightforward in his football philosophies than most coaches. Well submit your axioms that you honestly believe that Herm Edwards follows when it comes to building a football team, and hark!, I shalt do mine best to incorporate them into a two- or three-book mini-Bible, written in the holiest of prose, and constantly adapting to incorporate your newly-added Commandments. The axioms can relate to offense, defense, leadership, game strategies, team chemistry, public speaking, his own personal history ("and Dungy begat Edwards") -- whatever you can reasonably relate to Herm. The more the better, I would ideally like this to be a good-sized Good Book. A couple serious axioms I can think up off the top of my head (I figure you folks won't have any trouble thinking up punchlines) would be like the following: Thou shalt build thy teams through the Draft. Thou shalt draft Best Player Available. Thou shalt not get things twisted. Then I'll take your suggestions later and try to write out The New Testament Of Herm or whatever. The following is what I've got so far for this gloriously makeshift Holy Word. The Book of Herm Chapter 1 1 In 1978, year of our Lord, the Ancient Giants found themselves ensconced in a comfortable lead in the waning seconds of a 17-12 victory over thine Golden Eagles upon the gridiron of the Meadowlands. 2 All that stood between themselves and victory was a 3rd-and-2 kneel-down to kill off the remaining seconds off the clock. 3 But in those crucial seconds that echo throughout the Heavens and the Earth, there would be no kneel-down. 5 Instead, a Miracle reared itself, as the Lord slipped the ball from the hands of Pisarcik, and from this Immaculate Separation doth borne Herman Edwards. 6 To be known among God’s children as “Herm,” he made good work of the Lord’s blessing, hauling the fumbled treasure 26-yards for a defensive touchdown and a 19-17 shocker. Prodigy was borne this day. 7 Truly infused in the mind of this man of football was a dedication to all that is righteous and outspoken. 8 Herm would grow into a head coach and spiritual learner of this most holiest of sports, enduring trials and tribulations in the strange lands of Tampa Bay and New York, before riding into Arrowhead, the Lord’s Promised Land, on the back of a 4th round pick. 9 His words would ring throughout the press, enlightening and befuddling a city that continued to worship the false idol Dick Vermeil. 10 He implored to his newfound flock that they misunderstood what a successful organization looked like. That they, in fact, knew not what they do. 11 And upon Arrowhead Drive he stood in a snappy sweater vest, and thus began Herman’s Sermon on the Mount. 12 A truer test of character the world had never known. Last edited by Direckshun; 06-22-2007 at 07:14 PM..
Posts: 59,294

06-22-2007, 01:10 PM	#31
Redrum_69 Banned Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: your nightmares Casino cash: $10004900	Thou shalt have many media outlets to portray images, but none shall ever be more fair than thy sexpot known as Carrie Underwood.
Posts: 6,358

06-22-2007, 01:12 PM	#33
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $4610478	Thou Shalt Pull One Out Of Thy Ass In The Second Round. __________________ Chiefs game films
Posts: 278,239

06-22-2007, 01:14 PM	#34
Redrum_69 Banned Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: your nightmares Casino cash: $10004900	Thou shalt have a offensive line that falls apart and a loyal fanbase that shall scorn your image and strike your heels if you havent won a Super Bowl within 3 years....
Posts: 6,358

06-22-2007, 01:14 PM	#35
noa Band Join Date: Sep 2005 Casino cash: $1495453	Thou shalt draft a player from UCLA every year. During the Year of Jubilee, thou shalt draft two players from UCLA. __________________ Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes, well, he eats you.
Posts: 8,302	1 0

06-22-2007, 01:15 PM	#36
DMAC MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Springfield, MO Casino cash: $10008735	For Herm so loved the run, that he gave his one and only QB, and whosoever dinks and dunks shall not perish, but have eternal mediocracy.
Posts: 11,651

06-22-2007, 01:17 PM	#39
afchiefs Starter Join Date: Jul 2002 Casino cash: $10004900	Thou salt be lead to the promised land by a Dark Soilder draped in red bearing a burning 27 across thy back! __________________ My Property line is not where I thought it was, which is a good thing I guess, otherwise it might have been me busted for growing dope. - Dwight York
Posts: 340

06-22-2007, 01:22 PM	#40
TrickyNicky My Black Friend, Alan Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Manhattan Casino cash: $10007047	Thou shalt not runneth thine score up in thy present game, for that which may cause a loss in thy future matchup.
Posts: 3,648

06-22-2007, 01:22 PM	#41
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	And behold, the great media standeth at the door like unto a plague, and knocketh: and if any man heareth their voice, and openeth the door, they will come in to us, and will sup with us, and us with them, and questions shalt they ask of us. And after this the media looked, and, behold, a door was opened unto the locker room: and the first voice which they did heareth as it were of a trumpet or as a man of great speech and little wisdom; which sayeth, Come up hither, and write down those things which I sayeth. And immediately was Herm in the spirit: and, behold, a microphone was set before him, and one microphone did he approacheth. And Herm that sat before the microphone was to look upon like a shark and a terrible sardine: and there was a great tribulation round about the microphone, in sight like unto the most murderous fishes of the sea. And out of the microphone proceeded lightnings and thunderings and voices: and there were seven reasons of fire and the seven reasons why the offense could not scoreth, which are the seven great excuses. And the first excuse was like unto a dropped pass, and the second like unto a bad call, and the third excuse had a face as of a kicker, and the fourth was like unto a stacked defensive line. FAX
Posts: 44,492	1 0

06-22-2007, 01:26 PM	#42
Terribilis Omaha Omaha Omaha Omaha Omaha Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Omaha Omaha Omaha Omaha Casino cash: $9589902	Lamar 25:17. The path of the righteous fan is beset on all sides by the inequities of the Broncos and the tyranny of evil Raiders. Blessed is he who, in the name of Red and Gold, shepherds the weak through the valley of Arrowhead. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost endzones. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Herm when I lay my vengeance upon you
Posts: 1,449

06-22-2007, 01:32 PM	#44
Chiefnj MVP Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Willis, Harris and Davis. Casino cash: $10004900	Yea though I walk through the tunnels at Arrowhead, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; Thy running game and Thy defense they comfort me. Thou preparest a grid iron before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my playbook with runs up the middle; my cup runneth over into the center's buttocks. __________________ "I always tell (the assistant coaches), 'Make it simple, 'cause I'm stupid,'" Edwards said. "This ain't computer football." Herm Edwards, 3-20-07 Q: Herm, back on December 25th you were asked if Trent Green was your starter going into next season and you said, ‘yeah, why wouldn’t he be?’ Have you changed your mind on that? EDWARDS: No, I have not.” (1-11-07)
Posts: 6,811

06-22-2007, 01:34 PM	#45
JohnnyV13 Veteran Join Date: May 2003 Location: Tucson AZ Casino cash: $6145200	In the Beginning, there was Adam, the first quarterback. Adam cavorted on the green field alone, running and cutting and throwing and God saw that it was good. But God knew that Adam was lonely and needed a companion. Thus, God caused Adam to slam his head into the field and rendered him unconscious. While he was knocked out, God took from Adam all his common sense, and shaped it into a new form. This new creature God named "head cheerleader". Eve danced and pranced on the field, admiring all of Adam's exploits while waving her pom-poms. Adam was no longer lonely, and now ran up and down the Field with abaondon. God saw all that he had made and saw that it was Good. God was not yet finished. To give Adam's running and jumping direction and purpose, he created "Touchdown" and "Field Goal". In the days of their innocence, Adam and his friends ran and played on the field, Eve and her friends cheered, while the stands filled with Students who then became known as Fans. Shouts of joy filled the air and God knew that what he had created was Good. One dark night after a Game, Eve wandered across the Field and Lo! a serpent spoke to her from the grass. "Why is it that you play the great game of football and only God above can witness your feats? Would it not be better to share the spectacle with the rest of the world through the medium of Television?" The serpent then presented a contract to Eve and said unto her, "Have the quarterback Adam sign this document, and the masses shall worship you on Sundays." Last edited by JohnnyV13; 06-22-2007 at 01:40 PM..
Posts: 4,156