Breaking News: I am the disowned heir of a wealthy matriarch.

[Rain Man]

I just found out through the grapevine that my mom's mother went into assisted living a while back and sold her home for a nice seven-digit sum.

Why? Why? I come from a long and tightly held family tradition of rural poverty, and I just assumed that she followed that tradition. Out of the blue, I discover an elderly relative - a direct relative, even - with money, and she's the one person who disowned the family before I was born.

I could have been an heir! I would have made a great heir! I look so good in a smoking jacket and pipe! And now I'm just a guy whose rich grandmother dislikes him for even being born. There's no fun in that.

I kind of wish that I had been born out of wedlock so I could claim to be the bastard disowned heir of a wealthy family. That would be a cool story, much better than just being a regular disowned heir.