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04-03-2005, 01:25 PM | Topic Starter |
NFL's #1 Ermines Fan
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: My house
Casino cash: $3168491
VARSITY
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A fundraising for a good cause.
I went to the Denver Auto Show yesterday, and realized that my life is not complete. Like a child living in a Peruvian slum, or an orphan wandering the dusty streets of Dacca, I am missing out on an opportunity to make the most of my potential, to be the full person that I could be. I am seeking your help to make my dreams a reality.
I need to be prowling the streets in a 500-horsepower Ford GT. It is what I was meant to do. I ask this not for myself, but rather to make other people happy. When I park, people will come up and ask to see the car, and they will go away with smiles on their faces. Chicks will dig me, and that will make the world a better place for all balding, 40+ men with slight potbellies. Men and women of all ages and shapes will learn that anyone can be considered attractive if only they make enough money to buy a cool car. I ask this not just for myself, and not just for other bald, potbellied men. I seek this dream for the American automobile industry, so that workers in Detroit and Kansas City and Mexico and hold up their heads and say to their wives and children, "I CAN build a car that will compete with the Germans and the Japanese. I CAN build a car that people will buy, and other people will envy." So you see, I am an unselfish person. I want to help others, and the best way to do that is to obtain - and regularly drive - a Ford GT. So how can you help? You may not have the $140,000 purchase price to donate, and I understand that. In order to facilitate the processs, we here at Rain Man Charities have developed the following donation levels, so that you may give to your greatest extent and share in the happiness that this gift will bring. If you give at the: $25 level, you will receive a high-quality, embossed thank-you note, signed personally by Rain Man $100 level, you will receive the signed thank you card, plus an autographed photo of Rain Man behind the wheel of his Ford GT $1,00 level, you will receive all of the above, PLUS you will be allowed to view the Ford GT in Rain Man's garage, and sit behind the wheel for up to five minutes the next time you visit Denver. $10,000 level, you will receive all of the above, PLUS you will be taken for a ride of up to 2 miles by Rain Man the next time you visit Denver. $50,000 level, you will receive all of the above, PLUS you will be allowed to drive the Ford GT (accompanied by Rain Man) for a road trip of up to 10 miles the next time you visit Denver. $100,000 level, Rain Man will drive the Ford GT personally to your home to receive all of the above services, PLUS he will send you his own one-of-a-kind crayon drawing of himself in the vehicle. Please make your check to Rain Man Ford GT Charities. We are pleased to announce that we now take all major credit cards as well. So please, do what you can, and make a Rain Man's dream come true. |
Posts: 141,576
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