GF of 3 years left me yesterday....

[Brock]

These are the facts of life. A woman will not respect a man who comes running after her. A guy might think he's proving how important she is to him by doing this, but the fact is, it just makes him her bitch. He'll give up the power in the relationship and it's doomed anyway. These things have not changed since the dawn of time.

[R8RFAN]

Originally Posted by Brock

These are the facts of life. A woman will not respect a man who comes running after her. A guy might think he's proving how important she is to him by doing this, but the fact is, it just makes him her bitch. He'll give up the power in the relationship and it's doomed anyway. These things have not changed since the dawn of time.

Absolutely..........

[Fat Elvis]

Originally Posted by Brock

These are the facts of life. A woman will not respect a man who comes running after her. A guy might think he's proving how important she is to him by doing this, but the fact is, it just makes him her bitch. He'll give up the power in the relationship and it's doomed anyway. These things have not changed since the dawn of time.

I call complete bullshit on this. If you have to have the "power" in your relationship then you have a pretty piss poor relationship because the two of you will never be better than you as an individual. I am married to a wonderful woman with whom I share the "power"- it makes both of us better. Our strengths compliment each and heighten each other and they also compensate for each others' weaknesses. Why would anyone in their right mind want someone who is weaker than they are?

[FAX]

Originally Posted by Fat Elvis

I call complete bullshit on this. If you have to have the "power" in your relationship then you have a pretty piss poor relationship because the two of you will never be better than you as an individual. I am married to a wonderful woman with whom I share the "power"- it makes both of us better. Our strengths compliment each and heighten each other and they also compensate for each others' weaknesses. Why would anyone in their right mind want someone who is weaker than they are?

I think Mr. Brock is referring to "pre-marriage" situations, Mr. Fat Elvis.

When I was dating the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX, her roommate had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy who would not stop calling or dropping by. Eventually, she not only became disgusted with his behavior, she became fearful. I've told the story before, but one night he forced his way into the apartment and I was required to smash a lamp over his noggin. Pretty good lamp, too.

In my vast experience in dealing with the softer sex, it's important to give the girl space and focus on your own self-improvement and personal happiness ... without her. Then, if she wants to be with you, she will. Girls know all about this kind of stuff and they are acutely aware of relational dynamics. The worst thing a guy can do is "chase". It never, ever works and sometimes makes things irretrievably bad.

FAX

[Brock]

Originally Posted by Comanche

You do recognize there is a difference between "chasing" and "being real"? This guy hasn't even told his GF that HE INTENDS TO ASK HER TO MARRY HIM! Either he is BSing us, her or himself in that regard.

Nor should he, since she pulled the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" card. Translate that from woman bullshit and you have "I'm screwing around on you or at least thinking about it".

[FAX]

Originally Posted by Comanche

You do recognize there is a difference between "chasing" and "being real"? This guy apparently hasn't even told his GF that HE INTENDS TO ASK HER TO MARRY HIM! Either he is BSing us, her or himself in that regard.

I admire your fire and passion, Mr. Comanche. It reminds me of Grandma FAX and that time she chopped off a finger whilst rendering a chicken for soup.

We may disagree on this subject, and that's okay. However, before you become inexorably fixed in your views, let me suggest that you read any woman's magazine on the planet. Girls thrive on relational dynamics ... hell, it's practically all they think about. They know when a guy is "worth it" or not and, when they decide they want a man, they will swim the Pacific Ocean bound in 50 feet of logging chain for the guy. When a guy "chases" a girl, it communicates "neediness" and girls don't want a guy who "needs". They want a guy who "gets".

That's why I initiate a meaningless argument with the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX at least twice a month then storm out of the house swearing to God and all the Saints that I'll never return and the next time I see her one of us will be in a box. That way, she realizes that I have my sh*t together.

FAX

[Brock]

Originally Posted by Fat Elvis

I call complete bullshit on this. If you have to have the "power" in your relationship then you have a pretty piss poor relationship because the two of you will never be better than you as an individual. I am married to a wonderful woman with whom I share the "power"- it makes both of us better. Our strengths compliment each and heighten each other and they also compensate for each others' weaknesses. Why would anyone in their right mind want someone who is weaker than they are?

You share the power. She doesn't run the relationship. I daresay your wife never made you run after her or do other doggie tricks to prove yourself, no?

[Fat Elvis]

Originally Posted by Brock

You share the power. She doesn't run the relationship. I daresay your wife never made you run after her or do other doggie tricks to prove yourself, no?

If I want to run a business, and I want it to succeed, I'm going to surround myself with people who are smarter than me. Those people are going to want to be wanted, they are going to want their talents appreciated; I am going to do whatever I can to keep them in my employment if I value their talents. Does that mean they run the business relationship? Do I have to give them raises, bonuses or whatever to prove my appreciation of their worth to the company? Anyone who wouldn't do these things for their best employees are flat out idiots.

Why wouldn't you do similar things for the one person who you would be willing to spend the rest of your life with? That is a far greater investment of your time, money and life than any business venture.

[Brock]

Originally Posted by Fat Elvis

Why wouldn't you do similar things for the one person who you would be willing to spend the rest of your life with? That is a far greater investment of your time, money and life than any business venture.

Would you put up with an employee who acts as if they don't care about the job, or otherwise jerks you around, no matter how valuable they are?

[JD10367]

As for the "I love you but I'm not in love with you", I pulled that bullshit on a long-term relationship once. Bottom line is, I think I was just afraid to commit and say to myself, "I will marry this person and never see another naked person for the rest of my life except this one". She may truly not "be in love with you", or she might just have cold feet on a larger commitment. As others have said, do not beg, do not plead, do your best to support yourself mentally and physically (clean your house, work out, etc.,.). She may soon see what she's giving up. And if not, you move on. Almost every person I've ever met who has a bad breakup follows it up with, "...and I'm so thankful, because then I met the woman who I eventually married, and am happy beyond belief." More fish in the sea and all that jazz.

[JD10367]

When it comes to "power and weakness", I agree that there can't be any on either side or the other person will just think less of you and take advantage of you. When I was young, my first g/f tried to break up with me and I pussied out to the point of almost grabbing her ankles and sobbing to keep her from doing it. She reluctantly took it back... and, obviously, the relationship went right in the toilet.

I'll leave you with a quote from a great modern philosopher:

"Cameron has never been in love. At least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work."

[JD10367]

Originally Posted by Comanche

. . .and you also can't respect somebody who is so FAKE as to say that he intends to ask a girl to marry him later in the year but doesn't tell her that now when there is a danger of losing her.

I don't get the "waiting" thing. If you make the decision to propose to someone, then buy the ring and do it ASAP. I was going to wait two months, only because I'd wanted to do it on our vacation. I was going to do it on top of Millennium Force in Cedar Point, but then realized that whipping out a diamond while going 90 MPH was probably a bad idea. So I did it earlier than that, simply proposing to her while she and I were spending a lazy early-summer day in her parents' swimming pool. (I also don't get the public-proposal stuff. I always think, "She was probably just guilted into saying yes," LOL.)