This Week's Important Florida News!

[gblowfish]

Two Boffo Stories:

Story One: Man arrested for giving wicked wedgies, or snuggies, or melvyns, or whatever you call pulling the underwear over a nerd's head.

Story Two: Fifty Year Old School Teacher Gets Tanked on Cheap Wine, wrecks her van, offers to blow the cop if he lets her go.

Florida, I love you. You're just so fun!

Story #1:
Charles Ross is known for orchestrating outrageous pranks and posting them to Youtube. But this time, the 18-year-old prankster may have gone a step too far.

Ross was arrested for battery Sunday night after he allegedly gave a series of wedgies to moviegoers outside the Carmike Royal Palm 20 in Bradenton, Fla., while a friend filmed the prank, the Bradenton Herald reports.

The underwear prank, which Gawker calls a "wedgie spree," ended badly for Ross when a 20-year-old male victim reported to authorities that Ross grabbed him "by the back of his pants and pulled them up hard," according to the Smoking Gun. Although other victims of the schoolyard prank also came forward, the 20-year-old is the only one seeking charges.

On his Youtube channel, Ross has uploaded video footage of him performing a variety of pranks -- from doing handstands over people to trying out pick-up lines -- but the latest in his compilation is by far one of his most hands-on public displays.

According to the police report obtained by the Smoking Gun, Ross challenged the male victim following the wedgie, "asking if he wanted to hit him."

The Mantee County Sheriff's Office arrested Ross and detained him overnight. He was released on $750 bail, records show, and his court date is set for Feb. 14.

Though Ross' wedgie spree was meant in jest, this is not the first time someone has been arrested for doling out the uncomfortable underwear gag. In 2006, an Albany, N.Y., teacher was arrested for endangering the welfare of a child after allegedly giving a 10-year-old student a wedgie during summer school.

http://www.manateesheriff.com/Public...px?ID=10125392

Story #2:
'A' for effort?
Middle school math teacher Mary Maloney allegedly offered oral sex to a police officer after being nabbed for a hit-and-run in Palm Beach County, Fla.

Maloney, 53, was arrested Sunday after she crashed her van into a pickup truck around 8:35 p.m., then took off, according to an arrest report obtained by the Sun Sentinel. A witness to the crash tracked Maloney's car to a parking spot and then called police.

The arresting officer said he found an empty gallon jug of wine behind Maloney's driver's seat and "immediately smelled the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from her person," according to WPTV. The report states that her eyes were glassy, bloodshot, and partially closed.
The officer that drove Maloney to the police station noted that she asked him "How much do I need to pay you to just let me go? Don't you understand I am a school teacher?"

She then allegedly offered to perform oral sex on him and allow him to fondle her breasts.

Maloney was charged with driving under the influence, leaving the scene of a crash with damage, resisting an officer without violence, driving with a suspended license and attempted bribery of a public servant.

[GloryDayz]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

So women are allowed to assault men? No negative repercussions at all for that?

My thought exactly...

[gblowfish]

https://munchies.vice.com/en_us/arti...tm_source=dmfb

If you tap the Workout button on your Apple Watch, you can track the calorie burn on a number of physical activities, including running outside, running on a treadmill, and toiling away on the elliptical machine. But Apple needs to add a "Breaking and Entering" option, because apparently, burglary is a hell of a workout.

When Samantha O'Neal recently walked into her home in Alachua County, Florida, she found alleged burglar Ronald Gregory Wesly standing at her stove, calmly frying a chicken and some sausage. Apparently picking locks is more taxing than it looks. Before O'Neal and her sister interrupted him, 34-year-old Wesly was making himself at home, using all of the available ingredients to make himself a meal and preemptively washing it all down with her booze.

"He was in here, drunk as a skunk, just being Betty Crocker," Melissa Stanley, O'Neal's sister, told FOX 35.

The two women tossed Wesly out—presumably without a to-go bag—and called the police. Wesly was quickly apprehended in the area and is now facing felony charges of burglary and larceny. What he can't be accused of, though, is being a bad cook. "My buddy had eaten [the chicken Wesly cooked]," O'Neal said. "He said it was seasoned very well."

According to a recent New York Times report, eating at the scene of a crime is beyond common for burglars. It happens so frequently, the Times says, that it's included in textbooks for police officers. "A burglar may take food from the kitchen or display other forms of aberrational behavior that help establish a modus operandi," it says in "Criminal Investigation: A Method for Reconstructing the Past."

"I would assume, you're a burglar, you have an adrenaline rush, you want to get in and out," Detective Anthony Barbee told the Times. "But some people make themselves at home. They get comfortable."

He's not wrong. In January, Jacob Merchant was arrested in Youngstown, Ohio after a homeowner caught him in her house. He'd cooked himself a meal—he was actually identified by the egg cartons he'd left behind—and was in the woman's shower when she got home. She ran to a nearby gas station to call the police and, thanks to security footage from the store where Merchant bought his eggs, he was later apprehended.

Last June, Diana Sove walked into her home in Whitestown, Indiana and found Roberto Pacheco and Gaudalupe Milian-Tinoco relaxing after cooking a meal (they did load the dishwasher, which was nice).

But the ultimate break-and-eat move happened in Washington, DC, when a man forced his way into an empty restaurant, fired up the grill, and fixed himself what looked like a burger. "He cooked food. I don't know if he made a hamburger or not," Officer Sean Hickman told the Washington Post . He also stole a bottle of water, because even criminals have to stay hydrated.

If any burglars want to stop by and fix something for dinner, that's kind of OK with me. Just leave some leftovers in the fridge, please.

[gblowfish]

What kind of sauce do you want with those nuggets?
http://www.kmbc.com/article/woman-ar...uggets/9586738

A Florida woman is facing prostitution charges after allegedly offering to have sex with an undercover law enforcement officer for $25 and some chicken nuggets.

Alex Direeno was arrested April 25 in Manatee County, Florida. An undercover officer said Direeno was coming out of a gas station in Bradenton, Florida, and waved at the officer. Direeno told another woman the officer was her boyfriend and she got into his vehicle, according to the deputy's report.

The deputy said Direeno negotiated sexual favors for $25 and chicken nuggets.

Direeno was arrested by the Manatee County Special Investigative Division. Authorities said they found two hypodermic needles, several small plastic bags, a spoon and a burned glass pipe in her purse.

She faces charges of prostitution and possession of drug paraphernalia.

[Beef Supreme]

Chicken nuggets from where? It greatly effects the value.

[gblowfish]

Throw Grandma in the Pool!

NORTH LAUDERDALE, Fla. —

A Florida teenager turned himself in to police after a video showing him dragging and throwing a woman into a pool was posted online, officials said.

The video was captured during a pool party Saturday at a residential community in North Lauderdale, the Broward County sheriff's office said.

Video footage shows a woman walking into the pool area with her two dogs before some partygoers began surrounding the woman and taking video with their cellphones.

A red-shirted teenager then picks up the woman, but both of them fall to the ground. Within seconds, the man stands up, drags the woman and throws her into the pool, the video shows.

The woman, a 68-year-old who is a board member of the Players Place Homeowners Association, suffered injuries to her leg and shoulder, the sheriff's office said.

She said she was trying to intervene on an unauthorized party at the community's pool when the incident happened.

"We're just asking them -- just lower the volume," the woman told CNN affiliate WSVN. "I didn't care what they were doing. That's not my job to police the place."

The unnamed teenager turned himself in Monday afternoon. He has been charged with battery of a person 65 years of age or older, officials said.

"I messed up and I have to own up to it," officials say the teenager told them.

Residents at the apartment complex were surprised by the incident.

"First of all, I can't even believe that somebody would be allowed to act like that," resident Tracy Ann Simmonds told CNN affiliate WPBF. "These young people are a little bit out of control."

http://www.kmbc.com/article/woman-th...3A+New+Content

[displacedinMN]

⚡️ “Chaos erupts at Florida airport after Spirit Airlines cancels flights”https://t.co/KqPNpVv2Z3

— GNASafeSky (@GNASafeSky) May 9, 2017

[FlaChief58]

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?sto...d=182919686769

Damn...

[scho63]

Originally Posted by Flachief58

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?sto...d=182919686769

Damn...

After being found not guilty and on his way out of court, 4 of the 5 female jurors handed him their phone numbers.

[displacedinMN]

Teacher alerted drug dealers as revenge on cheating husband
Associated Press JUNE 21, 2017 — 3:50PM

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — A Florida teacher tipped off drug dealers that her detective husband was investigating them in order to get revenge for his alleged infidelity.

The South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported Wednesday that federal prosecutors want an eight-year sentence for 31-year-old Porsha Session, who pleaded guilty earlier this year to obstruction.

In 2013, Session searched her then-husband's work email and found information about a drug investigation. She says he was cheating on her, and that to get back at him, she used a co-worker's phone at the elementary school where she worked to call one of the dealers and alert him that an informant had infiltrated his group. The informant later killed himself.

Her attorneys are asking that she be sentenced to house arrest at her June 28 hearing.

[gblowfish]

Originally Posted by Flachief58

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?sto...d=182919686769

Damn...

That may be the definitive Important Florida News Story. Bravo.

[Rooster]

Click on the link below for the mug shots. Meth is a helluva drug.

Five people are being held in a Florida jail on drug-related charges in connection with a SWAT-team raid in The Villages retirement community that turned up evidence of a possible "chop shop" operation for stolen golf cars.

Among those arrested was Kathleen Unrath, 43, niece of the ailing homeowner, who was not believed to be involved in any illegal activity.

Unrath, who lived in the house, said she was going to take care of her uncle but instead was allegedly running the illegal drug and chop shop businesses behind his back, deputies told WFTV.

Golf carts, many souped-up, are a popular mode of transportation around the retirement community that is dotted with golf courses and has more than 150,000 residents south of Ocala, Fla.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/...hop/435205001/

[gblowfish]

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - A Jacksonville man accidentally shot himself in the penis early Friday morning when he sat on a gun in the driver's seat of his car, police said.

The 38-year-old man was taken to Memorial Hospital by a woman, who told police that the man was sitting in his Nissan Altima by himself and came into their home on Freedom Crossing Trail in a panic and ran straight to the bathroom.

She said she followed him and saw that he had a gunshot wound to his penis, so she took him to the hospital, where he underwent surgery.

She said the man told her he sat on the gun, which accidentally went off.

Police were called to the hospital just before 3 a.m. because of the gunshot wound.

Investigators found that the man was convicted of cocaine possession in 2004.

It's possible he will be facing charges for possessing a firearm, because he is a convicted felon.

https://www.news4jax.com/news/florid...nis-police-say

[Mosbonian]

Can't believe you missed this one George....

http://ktla.com/2017/06/28/florida-w...eriffs-office/

Florida Woman Arrested After Having Baby With 11-Year-Old Boy: Sheriff’s Office

A Florida woman who was 23 years old when she gave birth three years ago to a baby fathered by an 11-year-old was arrested Tuesday, authorities said.

Marissa Ashley Mowry, of Port Richey, was 22 years old when she allegedly had sex with the victim in January 2014, resulting in her becoming pregnant, according to a news release from the the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office.

Mowry gave birth in October 2014.

After the child was born, she allegedly continued to have sexual contact with the victim on multiple occasions, up until he was about 14 years old, the release stated.

At some point, detectives began an investigation into Mowry, though they did not reveal what prompted it.

The Sheriff’s Office eventually secured an arrest warrant and Mowry — now 25 — was taken into custody Tuesday afternoon without incident.

She was booked into the Hillsborough County Jail and faces a charge of sexual battery with a child under 12, authorities said.

Authorities have placed the woman’s 3-year-old with a “responsible adult,” the release stated.

No additional information was immediately released.

[gblowfish]

CHARLOTTE COUNTY, Fla. – It was supposed to be the best day of their life. Instead, their maid of honor got arrested and is facing several charges from a wedding day gone wrong.

The Charlotte County ceremony has been described as beautiful, but when the reception kicked off, guests said the maid of honor Amanda Willis hit the bottle hard - and almost hit the best man with his own car.

The wedding pictures tell the story of a content couple, Brian and Jennifer Butler. They had their cake and first dance while Willis started drinking.

"She was a mess. She drank almost a whole entire bottle of Fireball," said guest Robert Templeton.

"She was drunk within 20 minutes to half an hour," said Jennifer Butler.

Willis started asking people for their keys, according to those in attendance.

"She just went up to the best man and grabbed his keys out of his pocket and jumped in his car," said Templeton.

Willis backed out and almost hit the best man - Brian's brother, who grabbed on to the car, according to WBBH-TV.

"She took off, and his feet were dragging across the ground. He had to hit the E-brake," said Templeton.

Guests wrestled Willis out of the car.

"She went back inside. She grabbed up the big bottle of Captain Morgan and just guzzled it like this," said Jennifer Butler.

Then they say she got violent.

"As soon as I turned around, she came up and cracked me upside of the face," said Templeton.

He said he swung back before he knew what was happening, and the deputies were called.

"It was insane. Absolutely insane," said Jena Templeton.

Deputies said Willis claimed to be having an asthma attack and started shaking as if she were having a seizure. They took her to Bayfront Punta Gorda, where she exposed herself to deputies, assaulted two medics and kicked over her bed pan, according to the sheriff's office.

"She had her be her maid of honor, and it was a bad decision," said Robert Templeton.

While Willis was supposed to be the bride's best friend, Jennifer Butler said the two are no longer friends.

This arrest is Willis' ninth in Charlotte County. She faces charges of larceny, battery, grand theft of a motor vehicle, and violation of probation.

http://whnt.com/2017/01/11/it-was-in...nto-nightmare/

[ptlyon]

And the bad thing is, it's only going to go down hill for those two