Hypothetical: Your visit to Stingapore

**Rain Man** · 09:30 AM

Hypothetical situation: You're single and unattached, and despite all of your hours at Burger King, it's very hard to meet quality people. On a quiet Sunday morning, you reheat the previous day's leftover Whopper, wander out to your veranda, and read the Sunday paper.

On page J13, deep in the heart of the Travel & Leisure section, you suddenly see it. There, in the middle of the page. No, a little lower. A little lower. Further right. There. An ad. An ad by the famous travel company, Crabberzombie and Bent, displaying a special price to the Southeast Asian wonderland of Swingapore. Ah, Swingapore, where the hotels are nice and the women are naughty. Swingapore, where women outnumber men three to one, and will do exactly that for twenty dollars and a piece of cheesecake. Swingapore, where every GI since the Spanish-American war has left illegitimate dependents in small jungle villages where they're cared for by non-self-immolating Buddhist monks.

You call up Crabberzombie and Bent, and Gladys, the 87 year-old Swingapore travel consultant, punches you up some tickets in brave defiance of her increasing senility that can’t quite be diagnosed as Alzheimer’s so she has to work instead of being institutionalized. Three weeks later, you're off!

14 hours after takeoff, after three bags of airline pretzels and two movies that barely avoided direct-to-youtube status, you land in your sophomoric wonderland. You pop off the plane, retrieve your luggage, and wander into the airport bar. There are women there, lots of them, and you coyly make eye contact with one of them, just like you do at the Burger King back home.

Suddenly, there are sirens and police and old guys with black hats and bushy beards. They taser you and beat you with their batons and use that police choking technique that you must admit is really very effective. Ten minutes later, you're hauled before a stern-looking judge in a turban that you must admit is a nice shade of greenish-gold and really flatters his complexion.

What is this? you wonder. Swingapore is the most lax nation on earth. You can do anything in Swingapore. Men have been known to marry household appliances in Swingapore. What happened?

And then you see it: behind the stern-faced judge is a flag that shows a red crown on a gold field of daisies in front of a blue background. Swingapore's flag is a blue crown on a red field of daisies in front of a gold background. With a start, you realize that Gladys made the reservations improperly. You're not in Swingapore, you're in Stingapore!

Stingapore is in southwest Asia, not southeast Asia, and it’s the strictest nation on earth. People here are electrocuted for wasting electricity. People here are hanged here for commenting that they don’t like hanging. They’re shot here for saying that they don’t like that episode of WKRP where everyone was all sad because of the trampling deaths at the rock concert. Damn that Gladys and the doctor who diagnosed her!

There is no jury for your trial because they’ve all been hanged. There is no defender because he’s been shot. The bailiff is being stoned to death as you approach the bench. The judge, whose nickname is Hangin’ Shootin’ Stonin’ Draggin’ Behind Horses ‘Til You’re Dead Judge Baktalavi, pronounces you guilty of “looking at a women with intent toward perversion”, and bangs his gavel on the head of a guy who was sentenced to be the judge’s gavel base as a result of making incorrect change at a Burger King.

However, Stingapore has a new president, and he’s a lot more liberal than the old one, who was executed for being too strict. Under the new system, first-time offenders get to choose their punishment from a list of options to be provided by the judge. The judge hands you a list, and you have two minutes to decide. That list is in the poll to follow.

**luv** · 06-07-2007, 09:32 AM

I voted for the 4-day long orgy. Maybe they'll buy that I'm least attracted to guys since I was heading to Swingapore, where the women outnumber the men by 3-1. And considering I'm there for eyeing a woman...

**Rain Man** · 06-07-2007, 09:35 AM

Sorry, luv. You can't fool the judiciary. But your sentence has already been selected, so...

**The Franchise** · 06-07-2007, 09:35 AM

I went with 8 hours locked in a hardware store with three bipolar skinheads/Crips, whichever is less preferable for your race, whose car you just door-dinged. I think that I could just cry and act like a little whiny bitch and they'd leave me alone. Plus it's only for 8 hours.

crazycoffey · 06-07-2007, 09:46 AM

First of all, I want the name of your doctor, Mr. Rainman. I need me some of your prescriptions, please....

Second. I chose the .22 bullet. I know it could be a life threatening part of the body, but if it is truely a random body part selection, I have a much greater chance it ends up one of my appendages, the pain will suck but it seems quick and too the point comparable to the other choices, anyway....

Nice thread, kind Sir!

kstater · 06-07-2007, 05:52 PM

6 yards of fire. Only 18 feet. Couple burns and I'm home free.

**noa** · 06-07-2007, 06:22 PM

You know, I've always wondered about this scenario myself. Thanks for bringing it up.

I went with 2 years in the Congo. I would try to pass as a journalist and see if I can make it two years that way. I'm assuming I would have no money, so I would have to get some clothes and a camera somehow (probably illegally), but once I have those things, I would be on my way. I wouldn't put any film in the camera. I would just go around taking pictures of threatening people/groups in order to make them feel cool in return for food and shelter. I would promise that when I return to Australia (because people don't like Americans) in two years, I will feature them on my blog.

Hammock Parties · 06-07-2007, 07:11 PM

I picked the hardware store option. I can take 'em out.

Hammock Parties · 06-07-2007, 07:13 PM

I almost picked the tiger option, but realized they can climb trees. Although it WOULD be exciting. I'd fashion a crude spear from a tree branch.

06-07-2007, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kstater

6 yards of fire. Only 18 feet. Couple burns and I'm home free.

I figure you can get through it quickly enough to avoid burns, but it's gonna take care of all that unsightly body hair for sure.

06-07-2007, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoChiefs

I picked the hardware store option. I can take 'em out.

To.... McDonalds? I'm guessing Vern Troyer would give you a vicious beating.

Hammock Parties · 06-07-2007, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phobia

To.... McDonalds? I'm guessing Vern Troyer would give you a vicious beating.

You can make a bomb from several items found within most hardware stores.

**luv** · 06-07-2007, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoChiefs

You can make a bomb from several items found within most hardware stores.

But can you build it before they beat the shit out of you and stab you to death?

Hammock Parties · 06-07-2007, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luv

But can you build it before they beat the shit out of you and stab you to death?

A hardware store is a big place.

**KcMizzou** · 06-07-2007, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luv

But can you build it before they beat the shit out of you and stab you to death?

She has a point.

View Poll Results: Which sentence will you choose? (See explanation in first post.)
1 .22 caliber gunshot to a part of your body that will be determined randomly	7	14.89%
2 years’ exile from all countries except the Democratic Republic of the Congo	6	12.77%
3 days of intense interrogation at Guantanamo as a suspected terrorist, with interrogators who are trying to impress Israeli guest interrogators	0	0%
4-day do-as-you’re-told orgy with three other people who are all of the gender you’re least attracted to, and who think you’re cute	2	4.26%
5 non-seat-belted crashes into a wall in a 1974 AMC Gremlin as a 25-mph live crash-test dummy	3	6.38%
6 yards of solid gasoline fire – run through it naked and you’re free	6	12.77%
7 days in a California state prison with a fake rap for child molestation and tattoos of various child actors on your arms	0	0%
8 hours locked in a hardware store with three bipolar skinheads/Crips, whichever is less preferable for your race, whose car you just door-dinged	5	10.64%
9 days in a heavily wooded twenty-acre enclosure with a tiger that is not being fed regularly	5	10.64%
10 unshielded knees to the groin by a small angry Chinese woman who knees groins for a living in a Tibetan prison and thinks you were looking lewdly at her daughter.	4	8.51%
All of the above, please	3	6.38%
I believe that rehabilitation is the answer, not punishment.	6	12.77%
Voters: 47. You may not vote on this poll

06-07-2007, 09:20 AM
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $3328491 VARSITY	Hypothetical: Your visit to Stingapore Hypothetical situation: You're single and unattached, and despite all of your hours at Burger King, it's very hard to meet quality people. On a quiet Sunday morning, you reheat the previous day's leftover Whopper, wander out to your veranda, and read the Sunday paper. On page J13, deep in the heart of the Travel & Leisure section, you suddenly see it. There, in the middle of the page. No, a little lower. A little lower. Further right. There. An ad. An ad by the famous travel company, Crabberzombie and Bent, displaying a special price to the Southeast Asian wonderland of Swingapore. Ah, Swingapore, where the hotels are nice and the women are naughty. Swingapore, where women outnumber men three to one, and will do exactly that for twenty dollars and a piece of cheesecake. Swingapore, where every GI since the Spanish-American war has left illegitimate dependents in small jungle villages where they're cared for by non-self-immolating Buddhist monks. You call up Crabberzombie and Bent, and Gladys, the 87 year-old Swingapore travel consultant, punches you up some tickets in brave defiance of her increasing senility that can’t quite be diagnosed as Alzheimer’s so she has to work instead of being institutionalized. Three weeks later, you're off! 14 hours after takeoff, after three bags of airline pretzels and two movies that barely avoided direct-to-youtube status, you land in your sophomoric wonderland. You pop off the plane, retrieve your luggage, and wander into the airport bar. There are women there, lots of them, and you coyly make eye contact with one of them, just like you do at the Burger King back home. Suddenly, there are sirens and police and old guys with black hats and bushy beards. They taser you and beat you with their batons and use that police choking technique that you must admit is really very effective. Ten minutes later, you're hauled before a stern-looking judge in a turban that you must admit is a nice shade of greenish-gold and really flatters his complexion. What is this? you wonder. Swingapore is the most lax nation on earth. You can do anything in Swingapore. Men have been known to marry household appliances in Swingapore. What happened? And then you see it: behind the stern-faced judge is a flag that shows a red crown on a gold field of daisies in front of a blue background. Swingapore's flag is a blue crown on a red field of daisies in front of a gold background. With a start, you realize that Gladys made the reservations improperly. You're not in Swingapore, you're in Stingapore! Stingapore is in southwest Asia, not southeast Asia, and it’s the strictest nation on earth. People here are electrocuted for wasting electricity. People here are hanged here for commenting that they don’t like hanging. They’re shot here for saying that they don’t like that episode of WKRP where everyone was all sad because of the trampling deaths at the rock concert. Damn that Gladys and the doctor who diagnosed her! There is no jury for your trial because they’ve all been hanged. There is no defender because he’s been shot. The bailiff is being stoned to death as you approach the bench. The judge, whose nickname is Hangin’ Shootin’ Stonin’ Draggin’ Behind Horses ‘Til You’re Dead Judge Baktalavi, pronounces you guilty of “looking at a women with intent toward perversion”, and bangs his gavel on the head of a guy who was sentenced to be the judge’s gavel base as a result of making incorrect change at a Burger King. However, Stingapore has a new president, and he’s a lot more liberal than the old one, who was executed for being too strict. Under the new system, first-time offenders get to choose their punishment from a list of options to be provided by the judge. The judge hands you a list, and you have two minutes to decide. That list is in the poll to follow. Last edited by Rain Man; 06-07-2007 at 09:30 AM..
Posts: 141,411

06-07-2007, 09:32 AM	#2
luv MY LITTLE #15 Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Springfield, MO Casino cash: $6239600	I voted for the 4-day long orgy. Maybe they'll buy that I'm least attracted to guys since I was heading to Swingapore, where the women outnumber the men by 3-1. And considering I'm there for eyeing a woman...
Posts: 63,427

06-07-2007, 09:35 AM	#3
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $3328491 VARSITY	Sorry, luv. You can't fool the judiciary. But your sentence has already been selected, so... __________________ I'm putting random letters here as a celebration of free speech: xigrakgrah misorojeq rkemeseit.
Posts: 141,411

06-07-2007, 09:35 AM	#4
The Franchise Most Valuable Villain Join Date: Dec 2006 Casino cash: $3115047	I went with 8 hours locked in a hardware store with three bipolar skinheads/Crips, whichever is less preferable for your race, whose car you just door-dinged. I think that I could just cry and act like a little whiny bitch and they'd leave me alone. Plus it's only for 8 hours.
Posts: 92,155

06-07-2007, 09:46 AM	#5
crazycoffey .......... Join Date: Dec 2006 Casino cash: $5197901	First of all, I want the name of your doctor, Mr. Rainman. I need me some of your prescriptions, please.... Second. I chose the .22 bullet. I know it could be a life threatening part of the body, but if it is truely a random body part selection, I have a much greater chance it ends up one of my appendages, the pain will suck but it seems quick and too the point comparable to the other choices, anyway.... Nice thread, kind Sir!
Posts: 28,330

06-07-2007, 05:52 PM	#6
kstater Custom User Title Join Date: Jan 2007 Casino cash: $1886563	6 yards of fire. Only 18 feet. Couple burns and I'm home free.
Posts: 39,175

06-07-2007, 06:22 PM	#7
noa Band Join Date: Sep 2005 Casino cash: $1605453	You know, I've always wondered about this scenario myself. Thanks for bringing it up. I went with 2 years in the Congo. I would try to pass as a journalist and see if I can make it two years that way. I'm assuming I would have no money, so I would have to get some clothes and a camera somehow (probably illegally), but once I have those things, I would be on my way. I wouldn't put any film in the camera. I would just go around taking pictures of threatening people/groups in order to make them feel cool in return for food and shelter. I would promise that when I return to Australia (because people don't like Americans) in two years, I will feature them on my blog. __________________ Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes, well, he eats you.
Posts: 8,302

06-07-2007, 07:11 PM	#8
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $4720478	I picked the hardware store option. I can take 'em out. __________________ Chiefs game films
Posts: 277,840

06-07-2007, 07:13 PM	#9
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $4720478	I almost picked the tiger option, but realized they can climb trees. Although it WOULD be exciting. I'd fashion a crude spear from a tree branch. __________________ Chiefs game films
Posts: 277,840