I Want to Embarrass One of My Groomsmen at My W-Reception,Would Like Your Suggestions

[rico]

So I got married in Vegas a few weeks ago. Vegas is one backwards-ass city. Had a lot of fun.

So we are having the wedding reception in a few weeks and I am having my groomsmen choose a song to be played when they enter the room and approach the head table with the bridesmaids. I am sure all of you know are aware of what groomsmen entrance songs at wedding receptions are, so no further description necessary.

To say the least, this has been a frustrating process. Most of them have been putting WAY too much time and effort into it. It has been like "pulling teeth" trying to get them to choose the "perfect song."

One of my groomsmen was so conflicted and inde-freaking-cisive in terms of what song he should choose, that he sent this text to me today, "I have my song narrowed down to a few, but can't decide. Can you just think of something cool for me? I know I can count on you for that. Thanks, rico."

PERFECT

I replied with, "sure thing, man. You can count on me! I will come up with something that I know will fit you." That was a bunch of bullshit. Oh, you bet your ass that I am going to attempt to select the perfect song for him. But it's going to be perfect "funny," not perfect "fitting." And no one (including him obviously), with an exception of the DJ, is going to know what the song is until it is actually played when he enters the building and makes his way to the head table.

This particular groomsman, is a friend of mine from college. We were roommates for a couple years. He is a stereotypical hill-rod who literally spends all day listening to the pop-country FM stations on the radio while he dinks around the house doing random shit. He is kind of big and burly, was a successful wrestler in HS, speaks with a gruff voice (like he's growling) and grew up on a farm. He and I CONSTANTLY razz each other when we hang out. We have done this from the first day we met. Constantly giving each other shit. Constantly making fun of each other...about everything. With that said, I am surprised as hell that he actually trusts me with this task.

He is also an obnoxious, biased, tunnel-visioned Chicago White Sox and Dallas Cowboys fan. Hell, I won't be surprised if he is wearing his dumb, goofy-looking adjustable Chicago White Sox cap during pre-reception pictures and during the entire reception. I rarely see him not wearing that damn hat. He's had it for years too. I don't know if there are any songs out there that would piss a White Sox or Cowboys fan off, but if there is one..let me know!!!

Ok, so if this guy chose his own song, it would probably something that I personally would consider to be stupid as hell. Something like: "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" by Trace Adkins, "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" by Kenny Chesney or "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" by Big and Rich. However, he made the unwise decision to put his "song of choice" in my hands. And as a result, his entrance at my wedding reception is going to be awesome.

So what y'all got? So far, I am stuck on the song below, but will gladly change it if you guys are able to suggest something better. Think of something CORNY as hell that would embarrass a hill-rod.Thanks in advance!!!

And please. No, "Barbie Girl" song. I've actually witnessed dudes enter a reception with that song because they wanted to be perceived as funny. I don't want this guy to come off as trying to be funny. I want 99% of the people there to think he is gay (NTTAWWT), not funny....because that would razz the hell out of him.

[Pasta Little Brioni]

Busy making Lil ricos

[SAUTO]

In my experience midgets have more of a tolerance than non midgets.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Pasta Little Brioni]

Then the midgets

[rico]

Originally Posted by Flybone McTimmerson

So how did this turn out?

Ya know, I always imagined myself having a less boring wedding reception...I mean, it was alright, but damn it was so freaking hot in that gym we held it in. I couldn't wait to get to the bar. My friend just became all red-faced when he learned that "Tiptoe through the Tulips" was played. I got laid that night...that was sweet.

Originally Posted by Phobia

I had 3 hours to kill so I clicked in expecting a Rico update.

Here is my update: I am not a huge fan of the holidays...Thanksgiving/Christmas + way too many birthdays including my own. The holidays would be more tolerable if it weren't for the fact that I am in the thick of nursing school right now. I have never been more busy and/or stressed out in my life. This nursing shit is no joke, man. I have a newfound respect for my mother (she's a nurse)...not that I didn't respect her before, I just now know via experience what she went through for our family. It's tough. Majoring in Psychology at a private school was a horrendous decision.

Oh, and I will be the commentator for local wrestling meets on the radio. Pretty pumped about this gig, but nervous...first meet is Thursday. Real nervous that I am going to blank out and have awkward silences while trying to announce the meet.

Originally Posted by ghak99

I hope he bolds the important parts.

Not a chance. I have a difficult time deciphering what is important in what I post....not ever real sure there's anything of importance there.... Ya kno wut I'm sayn?

Originally Posted by PGM

Busy making Lil ricos

This isn't false. We had a miscarriage a couple months ago...funny thing is, I know EXACTLY when I conceived this one... The only time I blew my load in my wife leading to the day she found out she was prego, was the night of the Kansas City vs. San Fransisco exhibition game. It was the second time I had ever been to KC/Arrowhead, with the other time being 49ers 2010. This dude I graduated with is the son of the owner of the guy who does the pyrotechnics/fireworks at Arrowhead. So we had some pimp seats, right where the fire and flames flare up...this guy's dad is the one responsible for the flames and we had those seats so his son could observe the pyrotechnics. We rolled in KC in a Hummer. I would have felt like one cool motor-scooter if it hadn't been for the fact that I remember how much of a doofus this guy was in high school. Just a total dumbass, but a generous one....he paid for our tickets, transportation, beer, everything. It was his "wedding gift" for us. Anyways, I got real drunk and blew my load in my wife that night and impregnated her and then she had a miscarriage. I was really freaking out when I found out she was pregnant...have a lot on my plate right now...nursing school, work, a 1 year old a 2 year old, wrestling....I was trippin.'

Originally Posted by JASONSAUTO

In my experience midgets have more of a tolerance than non midgets.
Posted via Mobile Device

Originally Posted by Dayze

it turns out midgets have a much lower tolerance of cocaine than a normal person.

and it turns out, the groomsman's kids didn't think that story was as cool as he originally thought.

Originally Posted by PGM

Then the midgets

I don't get it. Do you guys think I am a coked out midget? If so, how did I give that vibe? I can see you guys thinking I'm coked out...I understand that perception of me being hyper and long-winded, but a midget? Haha, funny shit. Speaking of midgets, I've been on a huge Austin Powers kick the last couple months...heard there is a 4th one being made. I love those movies. Mini-me is funny. I can't believe Verne Troyer hasn't died yet. Don't midgets that are like really, really midgeted out like Verne Troyer generally live shorter lives? I will bet anyone that Verne Troyer goes before John Goodman. Not that that's saying much...John Goodman is indestructible.

Life expectancy is a really broad thing dependent on a number of variables. But in general, little people live 10 years less than regularly sized people simply because they have more health issues.

[rico]

Originally Posted by Phobia

Life expectancy is a really broad thing dependent on a number of variables. But in general, little people live 10 years less than regularly sized people simply because they have more health issues.

Icic.

[rico]

Originally Posted by Phobia

Life expectancy is a really broad thing dependent on a number of variables. But in general, little people live 10 years less than regularly sized people simply because they have more health issues.

Who do you think will last longer between Verne Troyer and Wee-Man from Jackass? Wee-man just appears to be a healthier midget to me. I think it will be Wee-man.

[Mr_Tomahawk]

Boink his wife.

That would be epic!

[rico]

Originally Posted by Mr_Tomahawk

Boink his wife.

That would be epic!

I'm confused. I'm not sure if you want me to boink Wee Man's wife, Verne Troyer's wife, Phobia's wife or if you want someone to boink my wife. Please do not boink my wife. That would not be epic, homeslice.

[Groves]

Originally Posted by rico

Ya know, I always imagined myself having a less boring wedding reception...I mean, it was alright, but damn it was so freaking hot in that gym we held it in. I couldn't wait to get to the bar. My friend just became all red-faced when he learned that "Tiptoe through the Tulips" was played. I got laid that night...that was sweet.




Here is my update: I am not a huge fan of the holidays...Thanksgiving/Christmas + way too many birthdays including my own. The holidays would be more tolerable if it weren't for the fact that I am in the thick of nursing school right now. I have never been more busy and/or stressed out in my life. This nursing shit is no joke, man. I have a newfound respect for my mother (she's a nurse)...not that I didn't respect her before, I just now know via experience what she went through for our family. It's tough. Majoring in Psychology at a private school was a horrendous decision.

Oh, and I will be the commentator for local wrestling meets on the radio. Pretty pumped about this gig, but nervous...first meet is Thursday. Real nervous that I am going to blank out and have awkward silences while trying to announce the meet.




Not a chance. I have a difficult time deciphering what is important in what I post....not ever real sure there's anything of importance there.... Ya kno wut I'm sayn?





This isn't false. We had a miscarriage a couple months ago...funny thing is, I know EXACTLY when I conceived this one... The only time I blew my load in my wife leading to the day she found out she was prego, was the night of the Kansas City vs. San Fransisco exhibition game. It was the second time I had ever been to KC/Arrowhead, with the other time being 49ers 2010. This dude I graduated with is the son of the owner of the guy who does the pyrotechnics/fireworks at Arrowhead. So we had some pimp seats, right where the fire and flames flare up...this guy's dad is the one responsible for the flames and we had those seats so his son could observe the pyrotechnics. We rolled in KC in a Hummer. I would have felt like one cool motor-scooter if it hadn't been for the fact that I remember how much of a doofus this guy was in high school. Just a total dumbass, but a generous one....he paid for our tickets, transportation, beer, everything. It was his "wedding gift" for us. Anyways, I got real drunk and blew my load in my wife that night and impregnated her and then she had a miscarriage. I was really freaking out when I found out she was pregnant...have a lot on my plate right now...nursing school, work, a 1 year old a 2 year old, wrestling....I was trippin.'









I don't get it. Do you guys think I am a coked out midget? If so, how did I give that vibe? I can see you guys thinking I'm coked out...I understand that perception of me being hyper and long-winded, but a midget? Haha, funny shit. Speaking of midgets, I've been on a huge Austin Powers kick the last couple months...heard there is a 4th one being made. I love those movies. Mini-me is funny. I can't believe Verne Troyer hasn't died yet. Don't midgets that are like really, really midgeted out like Verne Troyer generally live shorter lives? I will bet anyone that Verne Troyer goes before John Goodman. Not that that's saying much...John Goodman is indestructible.

Dude. I don't think you've got anything to worry about at that wrestling match.

[SAUTO]

My buddy fought last weekend and "tip toe through the tulips" was his entrance music.

He won thank God
Posted via Mobile Device

[rico]

Originally Posted by Groves

Dude. I don't think you've got anything to worry about at that wrestling match.

That's what my wife says. I don't know though...under pressure, I could go full Matty Melt.

Originally Posted by JASONSAUTO

My buddy fought last weekend and "tip toe through the tulips" was his entrance music.

He won thank God
Posted via Mobile Device

That is ****ing awesome, Mr. Sauto.

[SAUTO]

Originally Posted by rico

That's what my wife says. I don't know though...under pressure, I could go full Matty Melt.



That is ****ing awesome, Mr. Sauto.

it was. Everyone that wasn't with us was like "wtf?"
Posted via Mobile Device

[rico]

Originally Posted by JASONSAUTO

it was. Everyone that wasn't with us was like "wtf?"
Posted via Mobile Device

I would have been prancing around and singing along to it (while repetitively flex-bouncing my specs, of course). Haha, I admit...I think that song is awesome. That Tiny Tim dude is a trip.

[Rausch]

Originally Posted by rico

That's what my wife says. I don't know though...under pressure, I could go full Matty Melt.

Let's quit pretending it's your amigos who're all goober brained and unable to make a decision...