Funny Stuff The 21 People at Every SuperBowl Party (Funny or Die) - Page 3

**TinyEvel** · 02-02-2011, 06:14 PM

http://www.funnyordie.com/lists/3352...mpaign=tweeted

1. Guy who is way too excited for the halftime show.

Overheard: “I can’t wait for the Black Eyed Peas! Ten bucks says they open with ‘I Gotta Feeling.’ I hope there’s some sick surprise, like Bon Jovi playing a mashup with them. That would be tight!”

2. Guy who still thinks commercials are the best part and forces laughter at trite beer ads to prove his point.

Overheard: “Cedric the Entertainer just chose Bud Light over his hot girlfriend! HAHA! CLASSIC!”

3. Degenerate gambler glued to his phone/laptop, betting on every play and prop bet.

Overheard: “click click click click. YES! click click click click. ****!”

4. Guy who won’t shut up about his office pool and how he almost won it last year.

Overheard: “Dude, I was this ****ing close! This dork from accounting beat me by one point, and he doesn’t know ANYTHING about football. I was so pissed, bro!”

5. Girl who hates football, but cheers for her dickhead boyfriend’s team because he’s a manipulative prick who makes her beg for validation.

Overheard: “Look, honey, they’re making a touchdown kick! Please love me.”

6. Guy who coaches youth football and eagerly breaks down the game’s strategy for the rest of us mere pedestrians.

Overheard: “See, the Packers want to score before halftime, but they don’t want to leave TOO MUCH time on the clock and give the Steelers a chance to score, too. I did the same thing against Springfield in the playoffs. I wasn’t gonna let little Jimmy Burke burn me again!”

7. Guy who saw Drew Brees at the airport and thinks he’s overrated because “he’s not that big.”

Overheard: “I’m telling you, he’s MAAAYBE 6’1” with shoes. He wasn’t even the biggest guy in the terminal. I saw him in line at Jamba Juice, and I totally could have tackled him from behind, but his kid was there and I didn’t want to embarrass him.”

8. Guy who spews esoteric football terms, but can’t explain what they actually mean when pressed.

Overheard: “They need to use zone blitzes to counter those delayed slip screens!”

9. Desperate girl with no self-esteem who pretends to love football and beer so guys will think she’s super cool and fall in love with her.

Overheard: “I’m TOTALLY addicted to football! Most girls spend weekends shopping and working out. Not me. I’d rather chill and watch sports. And I make the BEST game snacks!”

Extra point: She has no idea which teams are actually playing in the game, and the only football players she can name are the ones involved in tabloid gossip.

10. Fat ass who just came for the snacks.

Overheard: “Dude, you can’t eat wings without blue cheese! Ever dip pizza in ranch? It’s phe-NOMINAL!”

Extra point: Will try to flirt with the no-self-esteem girl. Unfortunately, she’ll eventually realize how little he knows about football and that even she can do better.

11. Guy who already has the Packers’ offense solved because he’s “crushed them on Madden a million times.”

Overheard: “Dude, all you need to do is collapse the pocket with the nose tackle, then switch to the blitzing linebacker and knock the shit out of Rodgers with the Hit Stick button.”

12. Socially awkward guy who tries too hard to fit in by overreacting to mundane things.

Overheard: “Offsetting penalties?! We’re all ****ed!”

13. Guy who thinks his terrible team is one key draft pick away from winning next year’s Super Bowl.

Overheard: “I already booked my flight to New York for the draft! We were 4-12 last year, but we were SO CLOSE to being 12-4. Three of those losses were by less than four points, and the refs basically handed two more to the other team. If we snag that right guard from Notre Dame, we’ll be unstoppable!”

14. Guy who high-five rapes everybody, even when celebration isn’t warranted.

Overheard: “That’s a 4-yard gain, right up their ass! Don’t leave me hanging, bro!”

15. Guy who tries to teach the token hot girl about football because he thinks she’s impressed by his condescending tutorials.

Overheard: “See that guy with the ball? He’s trying to throw it to one of those little fast guys before the other team tackles him. That’s called a sack. Don’t worry; I didn’t really understand football until I made captain in high school.”

16. Guy who thinks his (obviously premeditated) sexual puns are hilarious.

Overheard: “Time to penetrate the end zone! LOL! They should double-team the tight end! HAHA!”

17. Obese slob who thinks he could be an NFL lineman because he’s “heavier than those guys” and “used to wreck shop in JV.”

Overheard: “People always ask if I play football because I’m such a big guy. I wear 5XL T-shirts. Most of these guys are only 3XLs. I weighed 350 in high school. I would have gone pro if coach didn’t bench me because of my asthma.”

18. Guy who hangs on every word the broadcasters say, praying they’ll misspeak so he can ridicule them.

Overheard: “Did you hear that? He just said this is Roethlisberger’s third Super Bowl in six years. This is his seventh season. ****ing morons!”

19. Guy who is SO ****ING INTENSE about football that you BETTER NOT ****ING TALK to him when his team has the ball!

Overheard: “Shut the **** up, everybody! I want to hear Rodgers’ audibles and all the offensive-line calls! This is the Super Bowl, not ****ing happy hour!”

20. Guy who spent the last two weeks memorizing obscure stats to casually rattle off.

Overheard: “Yeah, Rodgers is pretty good, but his passer rating is only 78.2 when rolling to his left in domed stadiums.”

21. Guy who wears a zany wig, shoulder pads and face paint because he’d rather prove he’s a die-hard fan than comfortably enjoy the game.

Overheard: “What do you think of my outfit? I spent two weeks putting it together. I can’t wait to post these pictures on Facebook!”

**DaneMcCloud** · 02-03-2011, 01:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pestilence

Hootie.

I disagree.

I think ALL of them apply to Hootie.

**Nzoner** · 02-03-2011, 07:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ClayWhit

OK, here goes nothing.

Nzoner.

WTF?You may have been closer if it was ZZ Top or another classic band but the Black Eyed Peas

Sofa King · 02-03-2011, 08:24 AM

13. Guy who thinks his terrible team is one key draft pick away from winning next year’s Super Bowl.

Overheard: “I already booked my flight to New York for the draft! We were 4-12 last year, but we were SO CLOSE to being 12-4. Three of those losses were by less than four points, and the refs basically handed two more to the other team. If we snag that right guard from Notre Dame, we’ll be unstoppable!”

this is every raider fan, every year.

blaise · 02-03-2011, 09:32 AM

They forgot the guy that thinks people want to hear about him reflecting on his entire fantasy football season, and how it relates to players in the game.

KCUnited · 02-03-2011, 09:39 AM

They forgot Draft Revisionist Guy, who lists off every bum that his team drafted before 'such and such' player who just touched the ball in the SB, for the entire room to hear.

tooge · 02-03-2011, 09:47 AM

I'm guy that comes over for the food and the pool if my team isn't in it, has a few beers, goes home before its over, and watches the food network. Then cringes when he's listening to sports radio the next day and they spend all day talking about two teams that aren't even in the area and K State.

**loochy** · 02-03-2011, 10:08 AM

My super bowl parties don't have anywhere near 21 people. I don't even KNOW 21 people. I have 1 friend. I guess that 1 friend will have to be all 21 annoying people in one.

Over-Head · 02-03-2011, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sofa King

13. Guy who thinks his terrible team is one key draft pick away from winning next year’s Super Bowl.

Overheard: “I already booked my flight to New York for the draft! We were 4-12 last year, but we were SO CLOSE to being 12-4. Three of those losses were by less than four points, and the refs basically handed two more to the other team. If we snag that right guard from Notre Dame, we’ll be unstoppable!”

this is every raider fan, every year.

We took pointers from you bunch in here

**Lzen** · 02-03-2011, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buehler445

This happened to me when KU won the national championship. I was running around my house screaming like I just saw a ghost.
Posted via Mobile Device

This. I debated on whether to have some friends over. I ended up just watching with my family. Looking back, I wish I had invited friends and just enjoyed the moment. /shrug

**Lzen** · 02-03-2011, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sofa King

13. Guy who thinks his terrible team is one key draft pick away from winning next year’s Super Bowl.

Overheard: “I already booked my flight to New York for the draft! We were 4-12 last year, but we were SO CLOSE to being 12-4. Three of those losses were by less than four points, and the refs basically handed two more to the other team. If we snag that right guard from Notre Dame, we’ll be unstoppable!”

This is the entire sports media talking about the Raiders before every season (for the entire decade of the 90s and several years into the 00s).

FYP

**Rain Man** · 02-03-2011, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loochy

My super bowl parties don't have anywhere near 21 people. I don't even KNOW 21 people. I have 1 friend. I guess that 1 friend will have to be all 21 annoying people in one.

I had to start a company and hire people so the implicit threat of being fired would make them come to my parties.

**loochy** · 02-03-2011, 01:19 PM

Who needs friends when you have ChiefsPlanet and sports talk radio?

**Rain Man** · 02-03-2011, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by loochy

Who needs friends when you have ChiefsPlanet and sports talk radio?

Is that just an excuse to not attend my next party?

**loochy** · 02-03-2011, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Is that just an excuse to not attend my next party?

That depends. Are you willing to hire me?

Halfcan · 02-03-2011, 01:50 PM

yep great list!

02-02-2011, 06:14 PM
TinyEvel Just a li'l Evel Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Bald. Goatee. Jorts. Casino cash: $5427131	The 21 People at Every SuperBowl Party (Funny or Die) http://www.funnyordie.com/lists/3352...mpaign=tweeted 1. Guy who is way too excited for the halftime show. Overheard: “I can’t wait for the Black Eyed Peas! Ten bucks says they open with ‘I Gotta Feeling.’ I hope there’s some sick surprise, like Bon Jovi playing a mashup with them. That would be tight!” 2. Guy who still thinks commercials are the best part and forces laughter at trite beer ads to prove his point. Overheard: “Cedric the Entertainer just chose Bud Light over his hot girlfriend! HAHA! CLASSIC!” 3. Degenerate gambler glued to his phone/laptop, betting on every play and prop bet. Overheard: “click click click click. YES! click click click click. **!” 4. Guy who won’t shut up about his office pool and how he almost won it last year. Overheard: “Dude, I was this ing close! This dork from accounting beat me by one point, and he doesn’t know ANYTHING about football. I was so pissed, bro!” 5. Girl who hates football, but cheers for her dickhead boyfriend’s team because he’s a manipulative prick who makes her beg for validation. Overheard: “Look, honey, they’re making a touchdown kick! Please love me.” 6. Guy who coaches youth football and eagerly breaks down the game’s strategy for the rest of us mere pedestrians. Overheard: “See, the Packers want to score before halftime, but they don’t want to leave TOO MUCH time on the clock and give the Steelers a chance to score, too. I did the same thing against Springfield in the playoffs. I wasn’t gonna let little Jimmy Burke burn me again!” 7. Guy who saw Drew Brees at the airport and thinks he’s overrated because “he’s not that big.” Overheard: “I’m telling you, he’s MAAAYBE 6’1” with shoes. He wasn’t even the biggest guy in the terminal. I saw him in line at Jamba Juice, and I totally could have tackled him from behind, but his kid was there and I didn’t want to embarrass him.” 8. Guy who spews esoteric football terms, but can’t explain what they actually mean when pressed. Overheard: “They need to use zone blitzes to counter those delayed slip screens!” 9. Desperate girl with no self-esteem who pretends to love football and beer so guys will think she’s super cool and fall in love with her. Overheard: “I’m TOTALLY addicted to football! Most girls spend weekends shopping and working out. Not me. I’d rather chill and watch sports. And I make the BEST game snacks!” Extra point: She has no idea which teams are actually playing in the game, and the only football players she can name are the ones involved in tabloid gossip. 10. Fat ass who just came for the snacks. Overheard: “Dude, you can’t eat wings without blue cheese! Ever dip pizza in ranch? It’s phe-NOMINAL!” Extra point: Will try to flirt with the no-self-esteem girl. Unfortunately, she’ll eventually realize how little he knows about football and that even she can do better. 11. Guy who already has the Packers’ offense solved because he’s “crushed them on Madden a million times.” Overheard: “Dude, all you need to do is collapse the pocket with the nose tackle, then switch to the blitzing linebacker and knock the shit out of Rodgers with the Hit Stick button.” 12. Socially awkward guy who tries too hard to fit in by overreacting to mundane things. Overheard: “Offsetting penalties?! We’re all ed!” 13. Guy who thinks his terrible team is one key draft pick away from winning next year’s Super Bowl. Overheard: “I already booked my flight to New York for the draft! We were 4-12 last year, but we were SO CLOSE to being 12-4. Three of those losses were by less than four points, and the refs basically handed two more to the other team. If we snag that right guard from Notre Dame, we’ll be unstoppable!” 14. Guy who high-five rapes everybody, even when celebration isn’t warranted. Overheard: “That’s a 4-yard gain, right up their ass! Don’t leave me hanging, bro!” 15. Guy who tries to teach the token hot girl about football because he thinks she’s impressed by his condescending tutorials. Overheard: “See that guy with the ball? He’s trying to throw it to one of those little fast guys before the other team tackles him. That’s called a sack. Don’t worry; I didn’t really understand football until I made captain in high school.” 16. Guy who thinks his (obviously premeditated) sexual puns are hilarious. Overheard: “Time to penetrate the end zone! LOL! They should double-team the tight end! HAHA!” 17. Obese slob who thinks he could be an NFL lineman because he’s “heavier than those guys” and “used to wreck shop in JV.” Overheard: “People always ask if I play football because I’m such a big guy. I wear 5XL T-shirts. Most of these guys are only 3XLs. I weighed 350 in high school. I would have gone pro if coach didn’t bench me because of my asthma.” 18. Guy who hangs on every word the broadcasters say, praying they’ll misspeak so he can ridicule them. Overheard: “Did you hear that? He just said this is Roethlisberger’s third Super Bowl in six years. This is his seventh season. ing morons!” 19. Guy who is SO ING INTENSE about football that you BETTER NOT ING TALK to him when his team has the ball! Overheard: “Shut the up, everybody! I want to hear Rodgers’ audibles and all the offensive-line calls! This is the Super Bowl, not **ing happy hour!” 20. Guy who spent the last two weeks memorizing obscure stats to casually rattle off. Overheard: “Yeah, Rodgers is pretty good, but his passer rating is only 78.2 when rolling to his left in domed stadiums.” 21. Guy who wears a zany wig, shoulder pads and face paint because he’d rather prove he’s a die-hard fan than comfortably enjoy the game. Overheard: “What do you think of my outfit? I spent two weeks putting it together. I can’t wait to post these pictures on Facebook!”
Posts: 11,809

02-03-2011, 08:24 AM	#33
Sofa King Hello Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: South Dakota Casino cash: $1092096 VARSITY	13. Guy who thinks his terrible team is one key draft pick away from winning next year’s Super Bowl. Overheard: “I already booked my flight to New York for the draft! We were 4-12 last year, but we were SO CLOSE to being 12-4. Three of those losses were by less than four points, and the refs basically handed two more to the other team. If we snag that right guard from Notre Dame, we’ll be unstoppable!” this is every raider fan, every year.
Posts: 23,209

02-03-2011, 09:32 AM	#34
blaise In Search of a Life Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Plano, TX Casino cash: $9999900	They forgot the guy that thinks people want to hear about him reflecting on his entire fantasy football season, and how it relates to players in the game.
Posts: 22,188

02-03-2011, 09:39 AM	#35
KCUnited Cheat Death Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Land of Drincoln Casino cash: $2308244	They forgot Draft Revisionist Guy, who lists off every bum that his team drafted before 'such and such' player who just touched the ball in the SB, for the entire room to hear.
Posts: 33,903

02-03-2011, 09:47 AM	#36
tooge MVP Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Liberty, MO Casino cash: $3974112	I'm guy that comes over for the food and the pool if my team isn't in it, has a few beers, goes home before its over, and watches the food network. Then cringes when he's listening to sports radio the next day and they spend all day talking about two teams that aren't even in the area and K State.
Posts: 14,978

02-03-2011, 10:08 AM	#37
loochy Hey Loochy, I'm hooome! Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: PooPooKaKaPeePeeShire Casino cash: $2160752	My super bowl parties don't have anywhere near 21 people. I don't even KNOW 21 people. I have 1 friend. I guess that 1 friend will have to be all 21 annoying people in one. __________________ Hey Loochy, I'm hoooome!
Posts: 40,456

02-03-2011, 01:19 PM	#42
loochy Hey Loochy, I'm hooome! Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: PooPooKaKaPeePeeShire Casino cash: $2160752	Who needs friends when you have ChiefsPlanet and sports talk radio? __________________ Hey Loochy, I'm hoooome!
Posts: 40,456

02-03-2011, 01:50 PM	#45
Halfcan In Search of a Life Join Date: Aug 2005 Casino cash: $7327995	yep great list!
Posts: 43,200