Life Anyone have a trained Parrot?

blaise · 12-29-2010, 06:53 AM

What makes it really funny is the font.

**TimeForWasp** · 12-29-2010, 07:05 AM

A postal carrier is working on a new beat. He comes to a garden gate marked BEWARE OF THE PARROT! He looks down the garden and, sure enough, there's a parrot sitting on its perch. He has a little chuckle to himself at the sign and the parrot there on its perch. The mailman opens the gate and walks into the garden. He gets as far as the parrot's perch, when suddenly, it calls out: "REX, ATTACK!"

Mr_Tomahawk · 12-29-2010, 07:09 AM

An old retired woman walks into a pet store looking for something...someone to keep her company. You see, she lost her husband a few years earlier and the household was just to quiet.

Making her way thru the pet store, she found a beautiful parrot. She heard how inteligent these birds are...this coupled with this particular specimens plumage sold her. She had found her new friend.

She took her new friend home and introduced him to his new cage. Although this wasn't just ANY cage...it was the best of the best. You see she was left a nice sum of money when her husband left her, and she wanted to give her new friend the best of the best.

The parrot begins to walk around its new cage. Looking back and forth, up and down, pausing at moments as if it was taking it all in.

The lady was pretty straight-laced. Did not drink...did not smoke...did not curse.

Watching her parrot to see if he likes it...the parrot stops turns to her and says "Nice ****ing cage!!".

The lady was shocked...she had to leave the room to compose herself. Those were the first words her new friend had for her? She could not believe it.

She went back to the petstore to get him some furniture. Nice perch for him. She returned home where she put the perch in the cage.

Again, the parrot looks at the perch...checks it out. Stops...looks at the old lady and says, "nice ****ing perch!!".

The lady could not believe it....upset....ticked off...she let her emotions get the best of her. She grabbed her new friend and threw him in the freezer.

She returned 30 minutes later to the freezer to check on her once-friend.

When she opened the door, the parrot came walking to the front of the freezer to the old lady.

The parrot shivering, looked at the old lady and said...

"One questions lady, what the **** did the chicken do?!?

**TimeForWasp** · 12-29-2010, 07:17 AM

A lady is walking down the street to work and sees a parrot in a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot upon seeing her says, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day on the way to work she saw the same parrot and once again it said, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so furious that she stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager apologized profusely and promised the bird wouldn't say it again. The next day, when the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady." She paused, scowled with an icy and deadly stare, and said with a hoarse voice, "Yes?" The bird, strutting back and forth on its perch in a cocky manner, said, "You know."

Talisman · 12-29-2010, 07:24 AM

A lady takes her parrot to the Vet. The Vet takes one look and says, "I'm afraid your parrot is dead."

"That's terrible," says the woman. "How can you know that? You haven't examined it or anything."

The Vet heaves a long-suffering sigh, places the parrot on the examination table, opens the door and whistles. A Labrador bounds into the room, hops up onto the table, sniffs at the parrot, looks up and shakes its head sadly.

Then the Vet gives another whistle and a cat comes into the room, springs up onto the table, sniffs the parrot and then shakes its head sadly.

"Well I'm terribly sorry, Mrs. Jones but there can be no doubt about it. Polly is dead."

"Well, it's devastating news, but thank you. How much do I owe you?"

"That will be $642, please."

"How much?" cried the woman in shock. "That's far too much money!"

"Well, it's your own fault," said the Vet. "If you had believed me in the first place it would only have been twenty dollars. But you insisted on a lab report and a cat scan!"

**TimeForWasp** · 12-29-2010, 07:32 AM

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor - I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for 5 minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's fowl mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!". But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you!" and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets_very_quiet.

At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's out-stretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on.".

The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, pardon me for asking, but what did the chicken do?".

**TimeForWasp** · 12-29-2010, 07:35 AM

There was once a magician on a cruise ship who performed mainly sleight of hand tricks. He had a regular spot on the ship's cabaret evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by the onboard parrot who would fly around squawking out and giving away his secrets like:

"IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE, IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE!"or

"IT'S IN HIS POCKET, IT'S IN HIS POCKET!"or

"IT'S IN HIS MOUTH, IT'S IN HIS MOUTH!"

The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to kill the parrot if it ruined his act one more time. That evening right at the climax of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the ship hit an iceberg and sank in seconds.

Amazingly, the magician and the parrot were the only two survivors. The magician was lying on a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot staring at him out of its beady little eye.

The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him and eventually said, "OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?"

**TimeForWasp** · 12-29-2010, 07:38 AM

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"

That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase...in time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"

**TimeForWasp** · 12-29-2010, 07:55 AM

**Donger** · 12-29-2010, 07:57 AM

I've got a Norwegian Blue. Beautiful plumage.

**TimeForWasp** · 12-29-2010, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donger

I've got a Norwegian Blue. Beautiful plumage.

Cool. I've always loved Parrots. I've never had one, but I think they are amazing.

**TimeForWasp** · 12-29-2010, 08:02 AM

**Saulbadguy** · 12-29-2010, 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donger

I've got a Norwegian Blue. Beautiful plumage.

Is it pining for the fjords?

**Donger** · 12-29-2010, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChiefsNow

Cool. I've always loved Parrots. I've never had one, but I think they are amazing.

Yeah, but it rests a lot.

12-29-2010, 06:49 AM
TimeForWasp Sprinkle in some Mahomes Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Butte Montana Casino cash: $7678507	. ,] Last edited by TimeForWasp; 08-30-2011 at 02:28 AM.. Reason: .
Posts: 8,270

12-29-2010, 06:53 AM	#2
blaise In Search of a Life Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Plano, TX Casino cash: $9999900	What makes it really funny is the font.
Posts: 22,188

12-29-2010, 07:05 AM	#3
TimeForWasp Sprinkle in some Mahomes Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Butte Montana Casino cash: $7678507	Guard Parrot A postal carrier is working on a new beat. He comes to a garden gate marked BEWARE OF THE PARROT! He looks down the garden and, sure enough, there's a parrot sitting on its perch. He has a little chuckle to himself at the sign and the parrot there on its perch. The mailman opens the gate and walks into the garden. He gets as far as the parrot's perch, when suddenly, it calls out: "REX, ATTACK!" __________________ Posted via Slingshot using Rocks eBay sniper
Posts: 8,270

12-29-2010, 07:09 AM	#4
Mr_Tomahawk Prestige Worldwide Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Spring Hill, KS Casino cash: $3050526	An old retired woman walks into a pet store looking for something...someone to keep her company. You see, she lost her husband a few years earlier and the household was just to quiet. Making her way thru the pet store, she found a beautiful parrot. She heard how inteligent these birds are...this coupled with this particular specimens plumage sold her. She had found her new friend. She took her new friend home and introduced him to his new cage. Although this wasn't just ANY cage...it was the best of the best. You see she was left a nice sum of money when her husband left her, and she wanted to give her new friend the best of the best. The parrot begins to walk around its new cage. Looking back and forth, up and down, pausing at moments as if it was taking it all in. The lady was pretty straight-laced. Did not drink...did not smoke...did not curse. Watching her parrot to see if he likes it...the parrot stops turns to her and says "Nice ing cage!!". The lady was shocked...she had to leave the room to compose herself. Those were the first words her new friend had for her? She could not believe it. She went back to the petstore to get him some furniture. Nice perch for him. She returned home where she put the perch in the cage. Again, the parrot looks at the perch...checks it out. Stops...looks at the old lady and says, "nice ing perch!!". The lady could not believe it....upset....ticked off...she let her emotions get the best of her. She grabbed her new friend and threw him in the freezer. She returned 30 minutes later to the freezer to check on her once-friend. When she opened the door, the parrot came walking to the front of the freezer to the old lady. The parrot shivering, looked at the old lady and said... "One questions lady, what the did the chicken do?!? __________________ Adopt-A-Chief: John Dorsey
Posts: 18,389

12-29-2010, 07:17 AM	#5
TimeForWasp Sprinkle in some Mahomes Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Butte Montana Casino cash: $7678507	COURTEOUS PARROT A lady is walking down the street to work and sees a parrot in a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot upon seeing her says, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day on the way to work she saw the same parrot and once again it said, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so furious that she stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager apologized profusely and promised the bird wouldn't say it again. The next day, when the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady." She paused, scowled with an icy and deadly stare, and said with a hoarse voice, "Yes?" The bird, strutting back and forth on its perch in a cocky manner, said, "You know." __________________ Posted via Slingshot using Rocks eBay sniper
Posts: 8,270

12-29-2010, 07:24 AM	#6
Talisman Champions Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Des Moines, IA Casino cash: $3186743	A lady takes her parrot to the Vet. The Vet takes one look and says, "I'm afraid your parrot is dead." "That's terrible," says the woman. "How can you know that? You haven't examined it or anything." The Vet heaves a long-suffering sigh, places the parrot on the examination table, opens the door and whistles. A Labrador bounds into the room, hops up onto the table, sniffs at the parrot, looks up and shakes its head sadly. Then the Vet gives another whistle and a cat comes into the room, springs up onto the table, sniffs the parrot and then shakes its head sadly. "Well I'm terribly sorry, Mrs. Jones but there can be no doubt about it. Polly is dead." "Well, it's devastating news, but thank you. How much do I owe you?" "That will be $642, please." "How much?" cried the woman in shock. "That's far too much money!" "Well, it's your own fault," said the Vet. "If you had believed me in the first place it would only have been twenty dollars. But you insisted on a lab report and a cat scan!"
Posts: 6,832

12-29-2010, 07:32 AM	#7
TimeForWasp Sprinkle in some Mahomes Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Butte Montana Casino cash: $7678507	Frigid Parrot So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor - I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for 5 minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's fowl mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!". But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you!" and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets_very_quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's out-stretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on.". The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, pardon me for asking, but what did the chicken do?". __________________ Posted via Slingshot using Rocks eBay sniper
Posts: 8,270

12-29-2010, 07:35 AM	#8
TimeForWasp Sprinkle in some Mahomes Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Butte Montana Casino cash: $7678507	The magician and the Parrot There was once a magician on a cruise ship who performed mainly sleight of hand tricks. He had a regular spot on the ship's cabaret evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by the onboard parrot who would fly around squawking out and giving away his secrets like: "IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE, IT'S UP HIS SLEEVE!"or "IT'S IN HIS POCKET, IT'S IN HIS POCKET!"or "IT'S IN HIS MOUTH, IT'S IN HIS MOUTH!" The magician was getting pretty sick of this and threatened to kill the parrot if it ruined his act one more time. That evening right at the climax of his act, just as he was about to disappear in a puff of smoke, the ship hit an iceberg and sank in seconds. Amazingly, the magician and the parrot were the only two survivors. The magician was lying on a piece of driftwood in a daze. As he opened his eyes he could see the parrot staring at him out of its beady little eye. The parrot sat there for hours just staring at him and eventually said, "OK, I give up, what did you do with the ship?" __________________ Posted via Slingshot using Rocks eBay sniper
Posts: 8,270

12-29-2010, 07:38 AM	#9
TimeForWasp Sprinkle in some Mahomes Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Butte Montana Casino cash: $7678507	Praying Parrots A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase...in time." "Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!" __________________ Posted via Slingshot using Rocks eBay sniper
Posts: 8,270

12-29-2010, 07:55 AM	#10
TimeForWasp Sprinkle in some Mahomes Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Butte Montana Casino cash: $7678507	Here is a smart Parrot __________________ Posted via Slingshot using Rocks eBay sniper
Posts: 8,270

12-29-2010, 07:57 AM	#11
Donger "Think BOOM!" Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: 33.675° N 106.475° W Casino cash: $10359900 VARSITY	I've got a Norwegian Blue. Beautiful plumage. __________________ I think the young people enjoy it when I "get down," verbally, don't you?
Posts: 180,683

12-29-2010, 08:02 AM	#13
TimeForWasp Sprinkle in some Mahomes Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Butte Montana Casino cash: $7678507	__________________ Posted via Slingshot using Rocks eBay sniper
Posts: 8,270