Life Academy Awards for Everyday People Performances...

teedubya · 06-03-2010, 08:35 PM

I'm going through one of my old stand-up comedy journals...

Lots of teh unfunnay in here... but one idea, that I never fully developed is Oscars for everyday people in real life.

Like...

Calling into work sick.

Talking yourself out of a ticket...

Pulling some ass...

What other things might be funny to give out an award for?

**CosmicPal** · 06-03-2010, 08:41 PM

My sister told me she never got a speeding ticket because she'd tell the unfortunate officer who pulled her over that she had a "bad case of the diarrhea." I didn't believe her until one day we were out and she was driving her car. We were headed back to the house and she was speeding. She was pulled over and immediately went into this act like she was really sick. I'd forgotten about her diarrhea story and asked her what was wrong. When the officer came to the window, she pulled an Oscar-winning performance and told the officer of course that she had a "bad case of the diarrhea." The officer just waved her on and didn't say a thing.

teedubya · 06-03-2010, 08:47 PM

Hahah...

I once got pulled over driving from Butler Mo, to Harrisonville on a Sunday evening, because the Pizza Hut I worked out, was out of cheese, and the "church crowd" was due in, any minute.

So, my coworker and I headed to Harrisonville in my 1976 Firebird... driving over 100mph the whole way with hazards on.

We got there in 16 minutes... and H'ville is about 30 miles away... so, we get back in the car... was at H'Ville Pizza Hut for 5 minutes.... turn hazards back on....

commence to speeding and get pulled over going 107 miles an hour in a 55 zone.

Well, the cop that pulled me over, luckily came into the pizza hut frequently due to the 75% discount they got.

I told them about being out of cheese for the church crowd and gave him a song and dance...

He said... "Well, son... lack of cheese doesn't constitute an emergency... but... follow me"

He became my high-speed lead blocker and we drove fast as shit to Pizza Hut. Total time 39 minutes.

lol. To this day, it cracks me up. My boss was literally amazed at how fast we got back, and so we gave the cop 2 free pizza coupons. lol

**Rain Man** · 06-03-2010, 10:31 PM

"And the award for 'pretending another person's baby is cute' goes to..."

Thig Lyfe · 06-03-2010, 10:32 PM

"And the award for sub-MADtv comedy premises goes to..."

**Rain Man** · 06-03-2010, 10:34 PM

"And the award for 'best appearance of listening to family banter at the Thanksgiving table while really watching the Lions and Packers in the next room" goes to...

Rooster · 06-04-2010, 09:14 AM

"And the award for 'compasionate listening' to grandma's bowel movement stories go to"

**Rain Man** · 06-04-2010, 09:20 AM

"And the award for 'Longest time chatting with a woman at a party and having her not notice that you're looking at her cleavage" goes to...

Dayze · 06-04-2010, 09:20 AM

"and the award for ' approaching a red light and timing it so you don't slow down and blast past traffic at 35mph when the light turns green' goes to..."

**Baby Lee** · 06-04-2010, 09:25 AM

And the award for 'releasing what by all rights should've been a foghorn in complete silence on a crowded elevator' goes to. . .

nychief · 06-04-2010, 09:27 AM

don't quit your day jobs fellas.

Dante84 · 06-04-2010, 10:06 AM

yeeeesh.

stumppy · 06-04-2010, 10:21 AM

My old boss should have recieved one for his performance in ' I've cut my two best salesmans commision because they were making too much money'.
I won't bore everyone with a complete review of it but the he nailed his Academy Award winning performance when he looked booth of us in the eye and said 'the cut in commision was an oppurtunity for us to make MORE money'.

06-03-2010, 08:35 PM
teedubya Most Valuable Poster Join Date: Oct 2003 Casino cash: $9480002	Academy Awards for Everyday People Performances... I'm going through one of my old stand-up comedy journals... Lots of teh unfunnay in here... but one idea, that I never fully developed is Oscars for everyday people in real life. Like... Calling into work sick. Talking yourself out of a ticket... Pulling some ass... What other things might be funny to give out an award for?
Posts: 36,652

06-03-2010, 08:41 PM	#2
CosmicPal Learn it. Know it. Live it. Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: St. Petersburg, FL Casino cash: $10004900	My sister told me she never got a speeding ticket because she'd tell the unfortunate officer who pulled her over that she had a "bad case of the diarrhea." I didn't believe her until one day we were out and she was driving her car. We were headed back to the house and she was speeding. She was pulled over and immediately went into this act like she was really sick. I'd forgotten about her diarrhea story and asked her what was wrong. When the officer came to the window, she pulled an Oscar-winning performance and told the officer of course that she had a "bad case of the diarrhea." The officer just waved her on and didn't say a thing. __________________ - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - Four blessings upon my fellow planeteers: Older whiskey, younger women, faster horses, and more money.
Posts: 10,840

06-03-2010, 08:47 PM	#3
teedubya Most Valuable Poster Join Date: Oct 2003 Casino cash: $9480002	Hahah... I once got pulled over driving from Butler Mo, to Harrisonville on a Sunday evening, because the Pizza Hut I worked out, was out of cheese, and the "church crowd" was due in, any minute. So, my coworker and I headed to Harrisonville in my 1976 Firebird... driving over 100mph the whole way with hazards on. We got there in 16 minutes... and H'ville is about 30 miles away... so, we get back in the car... was at H'Ville Pizza Hut for 5 minutes.... turn hazards back on.... commence to speeding and get pulled over going 107 miles an hour in a 55 zone. Well, the cop that pulled me over, luckily came into the pizza hut frequently due to the 75% discount they got. I told them about being out of cheese for the church crowd and gave him a song and dance... He said... "Well, son... lack of cheese doesn't constitute an emergency... but... follow me" He became my high-speed lead blocker and we drove fast as shit to Pizza Hut. Total time 39 minutes. lol. To this day, it cracks me up. My boss was literally amazed at how fast we got back, and so we gave the cop 2 free pizza coupons. lol
Posts: 36,652

06-03-2010, 10:31 PM	#4
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $3308491 VARSITY	"And the award for 'pretending another person's baby is cute' goes to..." __________________ I'm putting random letters here as a celebration of free speech: xigrakgrah misorojeq rkemeseit.
Posts: 141,437

06-03-2010, 10:32 PM	#5
Thig Lyfe Banned Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Thigpen's America Casino cash: $10004900	"And the award for sub-MADtv comedy premises goes to..."
Posts: 25,680

06-03-2010, 10:34 PM	#6
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $3308491 VARSITY	"And the award for 'best appearance of listening to family banter at the Thanksgiving table while really watching the Lions and Packers in the next room" goes to... __________________ I'm putting random letters here as a celebration of free speech: xigrakgrah misorojeq rkemeseit.
Posts: 141,437

06-04-2010, 09:14 AM	#7
Rooster Draft a QB Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: JoCo Casino cash: $9961689	"And the award for 'compasionate listening' to grandma's bowel movement stories go to" __________________ When Reno Hightower was a prick he was the best damn quarterback in the history of Kern County.
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06-04-2010, 09:20 AM	#8
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $3308491 VARSITY	"And the award for 'Longest time chatting with a woman at a party and having her not notice that you're looking at her cleavage" goes to... __________________ I'm putting random letters here as a celebration of free speech: xigrakgrah misorojeq rkemeseit.
Posts: 141,437

06-04-2010, 09:20 AM	#9
Dayze Resident Glue Sniffer Join Date: Nov 2003 Casino cash: $5169358	"and the award for ' approaching a red light and timing it so you don't slow down and blast past traffic at 35mph when the light turns green' goes to..." __________________ Life is 99% inspiration, 1% Perspiration, and 1% Attention to Detial. RIP & Godspeed: Saccoppo Lonewolf Ed Fire Me Boy
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06-04-2010, 09:25 AM	#10
Baby Lee Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Casino cash: $6838598	And the award for 'releasing what by all rights should've been a foghorn in complete silence on a crowded elevator' goes to. . . __________________ We need the kind of courage that can withstand the subtle corruption of the cynics - E.W.
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06-04-2010, 09:27 AM	#11
nychief MVP Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: NYC Casino cash: $7149466	don't quit your day jobs fellas. __________________ Good Time Charlie, Uncle Doobie and the Great Frisco Freakout.
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06-04-2010, 10:06 AM	#12
Dante84 Tossed Salad & Scrambled Eggs Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: ATX & OPKS Casino cash: $1771996 VARSITY	yeeeesh.
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06-04-2010, 10:21 AM	#13
stumppy New and Improved Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Springfield, Mo. Casino cash: $1478590	My old boss should have recieved one for his performance in ' I've cut my two best salesmans commision because they were making too much money'. I won't bore everyone with a complete review of it but the he nailed his Academy Award winning performance when he looked booth of us in the eye and said 'the cut in commision was an oppurtunity for us to make MORE money'. __________________ “As a nation, we can endure damaging policies for a four-year term. But we cannot survive a president willing to terminate our Constitution”
Posts: 21,113