All-Idiot Team Training Camp interview!! Must read!

[Mark M]

This is the first in a three-part series of interviews with members of [b]Packfan’s All-Idiot Team[/b]. The team is comprised of chiefsplanet members who have been called out, insulted or just generally annoyed with Ken and his mundane posts.

Our reporter, Skippy McScooperson, sits down with the new head coach to discuss the upcoming season. ([i]Editor’s note:[/i] the team searched high for a coach ... but once they sobered up, they realized that looking low would be better. They tried to get Hank Stram to “ventriculate” out of retirement, but to no avail. So they got the next best thing: Stram’s toupee, Harry, who plans on being just as conspicuous on the sideline as he is on Hank’s head.)

Part one in the series is about the off-season and the offense, part two on defense and part three on special teams and the gaggle of off-the-field personnel.

[i]Skippy: First, I’d like to thank you for meeting with me, Harry.[/i]
Harry: Not a problem. I was just lying around anyway.
[i]S: (laughing) Well, let’s get to it, then. How do you feel you did in the offseason?[/i]
H: We made some key acquisitions: [b]keg_in_kc[/b], [b]Aturnis[/b], [b]NFLFrank[/b] and others have really come in and made an immediate impact on the team. And the veterans haven’t let up either. It was a great offseason, overall.
[i]S: Several players had offseason surgery and even a few injuries, like [b]Big Daddy[/b]’s shoulder. How is the recovery process going?[/i]
H: Very well, very well. Actually, the biggest problem we’ve had is with our QB, [b]Mark M[/b].
[i]S: What is exactly was, or is, the nature of his injury?[/i]
H: He’s got a bad case of [i]Packfanitis[/i], which is basically just an annoying and often intolerable pain in the a$$. Kind of like hemorrhoids, but less itchy, more hurty.
[i]S: Didn’t [b]keg[/b] and [b]KCTitus[/b] have the same problem?[/i]
H: Yes, they did. And as our #2 QB and starting left tackle, respectively, it’s important that they be healthy. They solved the problem by just ignoring their [i]Packfanitis[/i]. It seems to be working well.
[i]S: You’ve installed a new offensive scheme. How are the players adjusting?[/i]
H: Extremely well, Skip. Our O-line of [b]Titus[/b], [b]KCWolfman[/b], [b]Russ[/b], and [b]bishop74[/b], are doing a great job of getting in the way. And the center, [b]Cameron Diaz[/b] is making our QBs very, very happy. The wide receivers like [b]milkman[/b] (converted from RB), [b]KPhobia[/b], [b]JOhn[/b] and [b]Coryt[/b] are all running precise routes ... well, they’re getting past the line of scrimmage anyway. Once they do that, catching the ball is much easier. Of course, most can’t even catch a cab ...
[i]S: And what about running back by committee? Is that finally over?[/i]
H: Yes. We will give [b]Luz[/b] the ball in our normal set, [b]H_C Chief[/b] will be our third down back and [b]Bob Dole[/b] will be utilized in single back sets.
[i]S: Um ... isn’t that the same thing?[/i]
H: Not really. We like to call them “situational substitutions” rather than “running back by committee.”
[i]S: So it’s just semantics?[/i]
H: No. It’s just a different way of saying it.
[i]S: Um ... [/i]
H: What I’m really looking forward to is our kicking game. [b]Dartgod[/b] has been booming them in practice, kicking it over 60 yards.
[i]S: But how about his accuracy?[/i]
H: Well ... we’re still working on that. The fact he’s even making contact with the ball is a significant improvement.
[i]S: And the tight ends?[/i]
H: [b]dawsonpa[/b] still has one of the tightest around, if that’s what you mean. [b]tommykat[/b] is putting the pressure on her, though. As far as [b]Mark Kilgore[/b] goes, well ... he’s still working on tightening his end, as it were.
[i]S: I see ... [/i]

[b]Stay tuned ... tomorrow: Part 2—The Idiotic Defense[/b]

MM
~~Really needs a hobby.