Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?

[Mr. Laz]

Originally Posted by Dallas Chief

Some people have hinted around this so far but is any if the shit she is talking on your family true? If so then where's the problem?

Trust ... to a certain extent, it's gone.

He broke trust by reading the text message
She broke trust by talking shit about his family with someone beside him

[cdcox]

Originally Posted by Laz

Trust ... to a certain extent, it's gone.

He broke trust by reading the text message
She broke trust by talking shit about his family with someone beside him

Eh. It depends on the circumstance. I don't rely on my wife to meet every single need I have as a person and I don't try to meet every single need she has either. If his wife was just venting, I don't see it as a big deal.

[htismaqe]

Originally Posted by cdcox

Eh. It depends on the circumstance. I don't rely on my wife to meet every single need I have as a person and I don't try to meet every single need she has either. If his wife was just venting, I don't see it as a big deal.

The problem with venting to someone other than him is that she was venting about HIS family.

If she dislikes his family THAT much and he doesn't agree (he obviously doesn't or she would have vented to him) its going to be a point of contention forever.

[Mosbonian]

Originally Posted by htismaqe

The problem with venting to someone other than him is that she was venting about HIS family.

If she dislikes his family THAT much and he doesn't agree (he obviously doesn't or she would have vented to him) its going to be a point of contention forever.

This...

[cdcox]

Originally Posted by htismaqe

The problem with venting to someone other than him is that she was venting about HIS family.

If she dislikes his family THAT much and he doesn't agree (he obviously doesn't or she would have vented to him) its going to be a point of contention forever.

Depends on him. If his number one priority is his relationship to his spouse, the relationship to his family becomes subservient. That doesn't mean that relationship is devalued, it just means it is put into a new context. If his number one priority is still his birth family, that really isn't what marriage is supposed to be. A couple can work out differences of opinion on family in many cases.

For example, the husband would prefer to see his family at least once a month. The wife isn't wild about his family. Maybe they settle on six times a year. Maybe the husband occasionally visits his family without his wife. The time that the couple spends with her family would also factor into the compromise. Mature people that respect the desires, needs and boundaries of the other can work thinks out if their expectations aren't completely at odds (eg. he wants to spend every weekend with his family and she never wants to see them again).

[htismaqe]

Originally Posted by cdcox

Depends on him. If his number one priority is his relationship to his spouse, the relationship to his family becomes subservient. That doesn't mean that relationship is devalued, it just means it is put into a new context. If his number one priority is still his birth family, that really isn't what marriage is supposed to be. A couple can work out differences of opinion on family in many cases.

For example, the husband would prefer to see his family at least once a month. The wife isn't wild about his family. Maybe they settle on six times a year. Maybe the husband occasionally visits his family without his wife. The time that the couple spends with her family would also factor into the compromise. Mature people that respect the desires, needs and boundaries of the other can work thinks out if their expectations aren't completely at odds (eg. he wants to spend every weekend with his family and she never wants to see them again).

Note the conditional I put in my statement - "if she dislikes his family THAT much".

You're talking about compromising to iron out MINOR differences. I'm not.

[cdcox]

Originally Posted by htismaqe

Note the conditional I put in my statement - "if she dislikes his family THAT much".

You're talking about compromising to iron out MINOR differences. I'm not.

Well, not liking the cooking and finding the conversation boring rank as minor differences in my book. She already seems to be aboard the compromise bus since she plans to go for his sake and is trying to be a good trooper about it (by not bitching about minor issues) so he can enjoy the time with his family.

[htismaqe]

Originally Posted by cdcox

Well, not liking the cooking and finding the conversation boring rank as minor differences in my book. She already seems to be aboard the compromise bus since she plans to go for his sake and is trying to be a good trooper about it (by not bitching about minor issues) so he can enjoy the time with his family.

She said considerably more than just that but of course we are hearing all of this 2nd hand.

[Mr. Laz]

Originally Posted by cdcox

Eh. It depends on the circumstance. I don't rely on my wife to meet every single need I have as a person and I don't try to meet every single need she has either. If his wife was just venting, I don't see it as a big deal.

relationships are different

some people talk shit to each other about stuff and just laugh ... it's all good.


but apparently she didn't talk to him about it all

she is just being a snarky bitch BEHIND HIS BACK

not only will it be in the back of his mind each time she is around his family but each time he is around her family he is going to wonder what else they have been talking shit about.

2 completely different things

1. Not liking your in-laws

2. Not liking your in-laws and talking shit about them with someone other than your fiancee/spouse


and you can BET YOUR ASS that if he bring it up that she will flip-the-script and get angry at him about reading her texts and use all sorts of girl tricks during the following argument.

He will be lucky to know what day it is after that fight.

[Dallas Chief]

Originally Posted by Laz

Trust ... to a certain extent, it's gone.

He broke trust by reading the text message
She broke trust by talking shit about his family with someone beside him

Seems like a fine line to me, especially if she wasn't talking shit, but there was some truth to it. She was apparently talking to her family, not just some random friend which from my experience women tend to be close to their moms and sisters.

The bigger problem for me is him snooping and reading her messages without her knowing. I mean who is the bigger sneaky bitch here? No offense Jim Jones...