Irish jokes

[MOhillbilly]

I have none. The meaner the better.

[FishingRod]

An Irish man walks past a bar

[saphojunkie]

You should McKill yourself for this O'shitty thread.

[Brendan08901]

Originally Posted by listopencil

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.

That is awesome. I'm pulling that one out later.

[Garcia Bronco]

An Irishmen walks into a pub and orders 3 pints of Guinness.

The bartender looks at the lone man and brings him the 3 pints.
In order, the Irishmen takes a sip of each one until they're gone.
The bartender asks. 'Why do you order three and drink them like that?"
The Irishmen responds. "I promised me brothers that I would always have a drink for them when I drink."

So this goes on for months, until one day the Irishmen comes in and only orders two pints. So the bartender brings him the two pints and tells the Irishmen that's he's sorry for the loss of his brother. The Irishmen doesn't understand at first but then he realizes what the bartender is saying and says "Oh! Me brothers are fine, I gave up drinking for lent."

[RNR]

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One drunk~

[Dayze]

Originally Posted by Lzen

Q: How many Irish does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Never mind, we’ll drink in the dark.

[mlyonsd]

The difference between Bono and God is God doesn't walk around Ireland pretending he's Bono.

[Bump]

What is 6 miles long and has IQ of 105?
The St Patrick's Day Parade!

[Alex Smith 4Ever]

Originally Posted by Inmem58

Boondock Saints

I like that movie

[Floridafan]

Originally Posted by AustinChief

Did you hear about the two gay Irishmen? Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.

Pat McGroin and Phil McCrackin

[Floridafan]

An ITALIAN and IRISHMAN entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking, the IRISHMAN stole 3 chocolate bars. As they left the store, the IRISHMAN said to the ITALIAN, "Man I'm the best thief, I stole 3 chocolate bars and no one saw me. You can't beat that."

ITALIAN replied: "You want to see something better ? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing."

So they went to the counter and the ITALIAN said to the shopkeeper: "Do you want to see magic ?" The shopkeeper replied: "Yes." The ITALIAN said: "Give me one chocolate bar. " The shopkeeper gave him one, and he ate it. The ITALIAN asked for a second bar, and he ate that as well. He asked for the third, and finished that one too. The shopkeeper asked: "But where's the magic ?"

The ITALIAN replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find all three bars of chocolate."

[Floridafan]

At the Irish wedding reception the D.J. yelled...

"Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The Bartender was almost crushed to death.

[Floridafan]

Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in. She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'

'Don't be silly;' says Paddy, 'you must have a vase somewhere!'

[Floridafan]

An Irishman pointed to two old drunks across the bar from and told his mate, "That'll be us in ten years."

He said, "That's a mirror, you dickhead."

[niblet]

Firemen respond to a bar fire. They find and save an Irishman in the burning bar and ask him how the fire started. "I don't know," he responds, "It was on fire when I got here."