Shoulders Broken But Doctor Good

[FAX]

I know it's draft day and all, but I wanted to share a tidbit from the life of FAX with you guys, so I have created a thread which I like to call, "Shoulders Broken But Doctor Good".

I have been diagnosed with some sort of rare, degenerative disease that afflicts shoulders. My physicians originally diagnosed the condition as adhesive capsulitis (frozen shoulder) but it was bi-lateral which the doctors found strange. Plus, the standard treatments did not produce results. I have been to excellent orthopedic specialists and surgeons (they work with the Titans and the Predators) and they have come to the conclusion that I have acquired a condition that has yet to be described. The symptoms were so painful that I finally had the left shoulder scoped and am doing a lot of PT including arm wrestling for hard boiled eggs to get back to the point where I can swing a golf club.

Anyway, the doctor has prescribed an enormous quantity of pain relievers called "lortab". The proper name is “hydrocodone” which, he tells me is, essentially, synthetic morphine. Ladies and gentlemen; "lortab" is awesome. I now believe that, had I lived in the old west, I would have frequented the oriental opium huts with regularity.

Anyway, I want you all to know that I was in my office, working on an important project for launch on Monday, drinking Starbucks French Roast, munching "lortab", and enthusiastically anticipating the draft, when it suddenly struck me that my office is reminiscent of the Cancun beach in 1973. That was a very good year for Cancun.

FAX

[Mr. Laz]

so you're gonna start to look like the hunchback of notre dame soon?








sorry 'bout that, Quasi-Fax

[JBucc]

You don't really need shoulders anyway

[Dunit35]

Originally Posted by JBucc

You don't really need shoulders anyway

Yes you do. You can't play with yourself without one. Trust me I learned that when I broke my shoulder.

[FAX]

Originally Posted by Laz

so you're gonna start to look like the hunchback of notre dame soon?


sorry 'bout that

I have found that "lortab" is the cure for Quasimodo resemblance, Mr. Laz.

FAX

[Skip Towne]

Would you consider sharing your new found bounty of lortabs?

[FAX]

Originally Posted by Skip Towne

Would you consider sharing your new found bounty of lortabs?

Of course, Mr. Skip Towne. I have lots of them. I have a bottle of 10m "lortabs" that contains nearly 180 of the little fellas. They are smiling at me as we speak.

FAX

Dude - good luck. Arrowman had a nasty PWC accident and could barely move his arm so I have some idea of what you're going through. Considering all the baseballs, footballs, and softballs I've thrown and volleyballs I've hit, I'm certain I'll wear my shoulder out before its time as well.

[JBucc]

Just try not to get addicted to your little friends

[FAX]

Originally Posted by Phobia

Dude - good luck. Arrowman had a nasty PWC accident and could barely move his arm so I have some idea of what you're going through. Considering all the baseballs, footballs, and softballs I've thrown and volleyballs I've hit, I'm certain I'll wear my shoulder out before its time as well.

Thanks, Mr. Phobia. Interestingly, I am utterly unconcerned with the shoulders.

I'm only concerned with where I can get some more "lortabs".

FAX

[Skip Towne]

Could you fax me some lortabs? BTW, you're getting up there in years. You didn't really expect that shoulder to last forever did you?

[FAX]

Originally Posted by Skip Towne

Could you fax me some lortabs? BTW, you're getting up there in years. You didn't really expect that shoulder to last forever did you?

I'll send them right along, Mr. Skip Towne. Apparently, they turn any office into a Cancun beach in 1973. They're like Feng Shui in a bottle.

As for the shoulders, no, I did not. But, I always thought my self-restraint would be the first thing to go.

FAX

[Mr. Laz]

Originally Posted by FAX

I'll send them right along, Mr. Skip Towne. Apparently, they turn any office into a Cancun beach in 1973. They're like Feng Shui in a bottle.

As for the shoulders, no, I did not. But, I always thought my self-restraint would be the first thing to go.

FAX

have you tried switching hands?

[FAX]

Originally Posted by Laz

have you tried switching hands?

The beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX has taken over responsibility for the matters to which I believe you are referring, Mr. Laz, as I am plagued by this condition bi-laterally.

Thank goodness I have "lortabs". The beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX will, apparently, do almost anything for "lortabs".

FAX

[Mr. Laz]

Originally Posted by FAX

The beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX has taken over responsibility for the matters to which I believe you are referring, Mr. Laz, as I am plagued by this condition bi-laterally.

Thank goodness I have "lortabs". The beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX will, apparently, do almost anything for "lortabs".

FAX

well i'm glad Mrs. Fax is Handling things for you, Mr. Fax.



A man needs to handle his business.