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Old 12-24-2012, 07:59 PM   #1
FAX FAX is offline
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Originally Posted by Saul Good View Post
There is nothing wrong with her not liking your family as long as she is nice to them. Hell, it speaks to her character that she spends time with them and hides her dislike so well that you had no idea that she didn't like them. She isn't engaged to them. All she has to do is get through several family outings a year, and she can go on her merry way.

You, on the other hand, are creepy. I've met several people who do stuff like this, and they are all insecure, immature people who can't handle adult relationships. You aren't ready for marriage.
I see it more or less this way.

The OP is a sneak and a snoop. If he visited my home I'd inventory the medicine cabinet.

"Trust issues" sounds like code for paranoid, insecure baby man dude.

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Old 12-24-2012, 08:08 PM   #2
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If she doesn't like your family and can't be honest with you about it then end it. Only problems lie ahead.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:29 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by okcchief View Post
If she doesn't like your family and can't be honest with you about it then end it. Only problems lie ahead.
This. She's shit, goodbye.
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:50 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Brock View Post
This. She's shit, goodbye.
Why is she shit? Maybe his family sucks. She isn't obligated to like them. She is only obligated to treat them with respect. Venting to her sister in confidence isn't breaching her duty.
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Old 12-24-2012, 10:15 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saul Good View Post
Why is she shit? Maybe his family sucks. She isn't obligated to like them. She is only obligated to treat them with respect. Venting to her sister in confidence isn't breaching her duty.
No, she's not obligated to like them, but she is obligated to be truthful and not hide things from her future spouse.
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Old 12-24-2012, 10:17 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saul Good View Post
Why is she shit? Maybe his family sucks. She isn't obligated to like them. She is only obligated to treat them with respect. Venting to her sister in confidence isn't breaching her duty.
If I'm aware of somebody talking shit about my family whether in confidence or not, I'm done with them. YMMV.
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Old 12-24-2012, 10:25 PM   #7
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If I'm aware of somebody talking shit about my family whether in confidence or not, I'm done with them. YMMV.
Pretty much this.

In this case, we are missing a ton of context and the exact wording... but if it was truly vicious and mean spirited... that's just not the kind of person I would be comfortable spending my life with. But again, without knowing more, you may be blowing things out of proportion and interpreting it to be far worse than it really is. If your assessment IS correct though, she doesn't sound like a very nice person and if it were me I'd start working on an exit strategy.
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:38 PM   #8
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You need to make sure you apologize for reading her texts but acknowledge you do it because of past issues you have had. I assume she knows about them? Communication is important and if you feel you can't speak freely that should be addressed.

It is also possible she feels bad for not liking your family and has always wanted to say something but was scared that you would get really upset with her. If you do have a good relationship I would guess she feels guilty and also might be wanting more communication. You have to approach it with an attempt to understand her feelings and position as well.
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:42 PM   #9
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JFC the PUSSIFICATION continues.
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Old 12-24-2012, 10:11 PM   #10
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Old 12-24-2012, 10:18 PM   #11
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31 years ago I wasn't overly impressed with my fiance's family. Today they are every bit as important and special to me as my own and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

31 years ago if my fiance had been snooping through my private letters he wouldn't be my husband today. That's just wrong.
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Old 12-24-2012, 10:20 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saul Good View Post
Why is she shit? Maybe his family sucks. She isn't obligated to like them. She is only obligated to treat them with respect. Venting to her sister in confidence isn't breaching her duty.
If she can't be honest with him about it it's the tip of the iceberg. I've seen many of my friends make this mistake over the years.
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Old 12-24-2012, 10:23 PM   #13
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two things...

1) you don't trust her, your actions verify this...there has to be a reason why...my guess is you know the answer to that...no trust means a foundation bulit on dishonesty...and now, from both sides...i

2) most people find what they are looking..for..you have to ask yourself, waht if it's true? does the possibillty of inlaw perceptions and relationships interfering exist? and if so, what are you willing to DO about it...
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Old 12-24-2012, 10:24 PM   #14
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Many of you are talking about her not being honest? How honest is it for him to be going through her texts????
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Old 12-24-2012, 10:32 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KS Smitty View Post
Many of you are talking about her not being honest? How honest is it for him to be going through her texts????
Doing it on the sly is dishonest and he is at fault there... but I don't have a real problem with him reading her texts as long as it is an established two way street. People in serious relationships shouldn't keep (current) secrets (obviously a person's past before the relationship is a different story). The problem is... he should have been clear about this from the onset and she should have been forewarned that he didn't agree with having boundaries in that regard.

BTW I disagree with those here who say he should start with an apology about it.. that's not going to help one bit. If I was in his shoes I would confront her about the problem and treat the reading of each other's texts texts as if it is not an issue and act as if she is the crazy one if she tries to make it an issue. Of course, I wouldn't be in the market to salvage things with a chick who says vicious things behind, my back about my family.

EDIT: Just to be clear, I don't read other's texts but I certainly don't have a problem when they read mine. Even if they think they are being sneaky about it.
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