Farting on a Plane

[TinyEvel]

Just surreptitiously ripped one on a Southwest flight heading to KC.

Is there no better place to slide out a stealthy air turd than amidst the noise and anonymity of an airliner at 30,000 feet?

1) Nobody can hear it.
2) There are 20 people in your immediate vicinity on whom you can blame said air biscuit.
3) The seat cushion acts like a sifting filter -- you don't need to lift a cheek, it just slowly disperses out through the foam like an ass Britta filter.
4) You can open the overhead air flow in advance to blow that floater quickly throughout the cabin.
5) If you're close to the back of the plane and someone does smell it, you can roll your eyes and point towards the lavatory, to imply that someone dropped a wicked deuce in there.

You know you've done it...

[Lonewolf Ed]

Now, when my friend Chipp was with me going over to Denmark back in 2006, the long-haul flight was not very full and we had an empty row behind us. I'd look over at him and say, "Hey, I got sumpin' for ya," and let one go. What are friends for if not to share? That was in my pre-cancer days, so this last time I went and he and I sat in the same row, I didn't give him any presents. I made several trips to the lavatory, however, and explained to the attendants who were stationed right next to it why they'd be seeing me back there a lot. Luckily, I never had to wait long to get in the thing. Colon cancer didn't care where I was; when I had to go, the window of opportunity was open very briefly.

[LoneWolf]

Originally Posted by lewdog

Usually if I have to fart, I'll let the first one out to see if it smells. If nothing, I'll keep ripping them. If it smells horribly, I'll try to hold the rest in for the flight.

So you treat your farts on a plane like you treat milk past the expiration date? If it smells OK, go for it.

[noa]

This thread is full of asstoot observations.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Rain Man]

I think the momentum may help increase airspeed and range. If there was a lot of trouble on a transatlantic flight and the plane was about to run out of fuel, I bet the pilot would ask everybody to do it.

[007]

But was there a phone in the bathroom?

[bishop_74]

Check out these reviews
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/reviews/B008JELLCA

[ChiefRocka]

Once, on a 13 hr redeye, I heard four ripped muffled farts through my noise canceling Bose headphones. Man was sleep farting across the aisle from me. Luckily everyone else in first class was sleeping.

[GloryDayz]

http://www.gasbgon.com/

[lewdog]

Originally Posted by LoneWolf

So you treat your farts on a plane like you treat milk past the expiration date? If it smells OK, go for it.

Actually yes. I do drink milk past the expiration date. That date is ****ing worthless!

[Buzz]

Originally Posted by lewdog

Actually yes. I do drink milk past the expiration date. That date is ****ing worthless!

That's not the expiration date it's the sell by date, so you are correct.

[Randallflagg]

Right before Halloween, I was on a Southwest flight back from Denver. The guy sitting next to me was sound asleep. Probably three rows ahead of us a young mother and her baby were sitting and the kid FILLED his/her diaper. It was godawful. The stench was horrible. Suddenly, the guy next to me jumps up and yells "Kathy, grab the kids, the house is on fire!" The whole plane lost it. We laughed all the way back. Never seen a sleeping man do that before...but he was right, it did smell like the house was on fire.

[Hamwallet]

I don't even try to hide it of we are going 3 plus hours. Smell my glory.

[38yrsfan]

Originally Posted by BiStateNo

Right before Halloween, I was on a Southwest flight back from Denver. The guy sitting next to me was sound asleep. Probably three rows ahead of us a young mother and her baby were sitting and the kid FILLED his/her diaper. It was godawful. The stench was horrible. Suddenly, the guy next to me jumps up and yells "Kathy, grab the kids, the house is on fire!" The whole plane lost it. We laughed all the way back. Never seen a sleeping man do that before...but he was right, it did smell like the house was on fire.

He must have been a Donk fan from the 60's living in the surreality of NFL marketing. No mistaking the odor of real Denver football.

[Randallflagg]

Originally Posted by 38yrsfan

He must have been a Donk fan from the 60's living in the surreality of NFL marketing. No mistaking the odor of real Denver football.

I know, right? I have been traveling to Denver and the front range for my company for the last 12 years or so. I have never gotten the "pull" of that godawful city. Colorado Springs is decent, but Denver (to me) is just nasty. Hell, the people aren't much better. I know that the donkey fans refer to KC as "camarohead", but I've never seen so damned many rednecks and space cadets as I encounter on a daily basis when I'm there.

[splatbass]

Originally Posted by BiStateNo

I know, right? I have been traveling to Denver and the front range for my company for the last 12 years or so. I have never gotten the "pull" of that godawful city. Colorado Springs is decent, but Denver (to me) is just nasty. Hell, the people aren't much better. I know that the donkey fans refer to KC as "camarohead", but I've never seen so damned many rednecks and space cadets as I encounter on a daily basis when I'm there.

The mountains are the draw, not the people.