What is the best, most awesome, coolest single post on the Planet evah?

[BigRedChief]

What say you? This one in another thread got me thinking...

Quote:

Originally Posted by OnTheWarpath58
Son, we live in a world that has idiotic message board posts, and those posts have to be guarded by men with facts and stats. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Hootie? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for htismaqe, and you curse the Chiefs. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That htismaqe's leaving, while tragic, probably saved him from a nervous breakdown. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves you from a nervous breakdown. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that bulletin board, you need me on that bulletin board. We use words like your and idiot, moran, pie. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent talking football. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a n00b who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the incredible knowledge that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a keyboard, and create a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Let's have some nominations and feedback. I'll put the most popular ones in a poll in a new thread and we can vote. The winner will get a weeks vacation in a place of their choosing(if someone volunteers the money) or else if that doesn't materialize they will have to settle for the designation of the coolest dude or dudette on the planet.







okay, In the interest of fairness some simple criteria for a posts inclusion in the final poll. I've ruled out all of my excellent posts for consideration.

• The text has to be posted in here and a link to where it come from to keep people honest.
• Has to be given the thumbs up by someone else in this thread.
• the name of the person who wrote that post must also be quoted with the post to keep idenity's straight.

so far the nominations for the next round and the poll thread are the one above and these...

postrockpablo

Demon, you're so fucking American..you're like Brett Favre throwing footballs across a pond in Wranglers jeans...only instead of Brett Favre, you're Patrick Swayze throwing natty light cans into the mouth of a 6 foot long, 150 pound bass driving a 1994 Thunderbird Supercoupe off a flaming ramp made of Miller Lite boxes and pride; wearing an evil kenievel jumpsuit and depending on a parachute made of beef jerky and dream catchers, all bound together by Indian tears.

Because you don't fucking litter. That's why.

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showt...weekend&page=3

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Quote: CrazyCoffey

I know alot about you, I know that you don't trim and you prefer briefs over thong underwear. You haven't touched yourself in years let alone spread your legs, yet you shave your armpits and bleach your upper lip. You stopped giving your husband head because you think it's gross and you are going to be surprised when you see his credit card bill includes a trip for two at a nice resturant last week and a hotel on the Plaza when he was supposed to be out of town on a business trip.

You want to make yourself feel better by getting involved with political discussion on this board because you can only hide so many snicker's bars and bottles of vodka around the house. What's that noise, oh the dryer just buzzed, better go fold the clothes.

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Originally Posted by GoChiefs

EDIT: Herm and Hitler video

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showt...hlight=frickin

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Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX
And behold, the great media standeth at the door like unto a plague, and knocketh: and if any man heareth their voice, and openeth the door, they will come in to us, and will sup with us, and us with them, and questions shalt they ask of us.

And after this the media looked, and, behold, a door was opened unto the locker room: and the first voice which they did heareth as it were of a trumpet or as a man of great speech and little wisdom; which sayeth, Come up hither, and write down those things which I sayeth.

And immediately was Herm in the spirit: and, behold, a microphone was set before him, and one microphone did he approacheth. And Herm that sat before the microphone was to look upon like a shark and a terrible sardine: and there was a great tribulation round about the microphone, in sight like unto the most murderous fishes of the sea. And out of the microphone proceeded lightnings and thunderings and voices: and there were seven reasons of fire and the seven reasons why the offense could not scoreth, which are the seven great excuses. And the first excuse was like unto a dropped pass, and the second like unto a bad call, and the third excuse had a face as of a kicker, and the fourth was like unto a stacked defensive line.

FAX

Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX
And the media did cry with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Herm, dost thou not avenge our losses and mighty concussions and embarrassments in post season?

And in the right hand of him that sat before the microphone was a book written within and without and sealed with seven seals. And behold, then did Herm sayeth in a voice like unto famine, This is thy playbook which I shalt destroy that no man may say that our offense shalt be a circus nor shalt one say evermore that our alignments be complex, for deserveth thee not! And the media wept much, because no man was found worthy to open and to read the book, neither to look thereon. And so did the fans cast dust on their heads, and rend their garments of red and gold, and cried, weeping and wailing, saying, Alas, alas, the great offense, wherein were all made rich who had wagereth on the over under by reason of her touchdowns, for in this hour is she made desolate!

FAX

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http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showp...2&postcount=16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man
I've pondered posting this before, but this seems like a good place for it.

Rules for Selecting A Urinal

If there is...

1 urinal present - Use it

2 urinals present - Use either

3 urinals present - Always select Urinal 1 or Urinal 3 if you're the first person, as this gives the next visitor the option of keeping Urinal 2 between you. If you're the second person, obviously use either Urinal 1 or Urinal 3, whichever is unoccupied.

4 urinals present - Always select Urinal 1 or Urinal 4 if you're the first person, as this gives the second visitor the opportunity to keep two urinals between you. If you're the second person, you should select the farthest urinal, though it is not a major faux pas if you select a urinal that is two away.

5 urinals present - If you're the first person, #1 and #5 are strongly preferred, though in reality you can pick #3 without being completely uncouth. If you're the second person, you must ALWAYS select a urinal that is as far away as possible, e.g., if the first person is at #1, you should go to #5, or it is permissible to be an even number of urinals away, e.g., #3 if the first person is at #1. It is a major faux pas to be an odd number of urinals away, e.g. #4 when the first person is at #1, UNLESS the first person has mistakenly selected an even-numbered urinal, in which case you are required to select the farthest urinal from that person.

6 urinals present - This one gets complicated. The first person arriving should select #1 or #6, though it is not a faux pas to select #3 or #4. If you're the second person arriving, you must go to either urinal #1 or #6, whichever is farthest from the first person. Person #3 must then claim either #1 or #6 if either is unoccupied, OR go to #3 or #4, their choice.

7 urinals - Person #1 must always select an odd-numbered urinal, preferably #1 or #7, but #3 and #5 are permissible. Person #2 should select the farthest urinal from Person #1, regardless of Person #1's choice. Person #3 then has the more complicated task, with a choice matrix as follows:

If the others are both at even-numbered urinals, claim the final remaining even-numbered urinal.

If the others are both at odd-numbered urinals, claim another odd-numbered urinal, preferably #1 or #7 if either is unoccupied.

If the others are at an odd-numbered urinal and an even-numbered urinal, then Person #3 should claim any urinal that is at least five urinals distant from them, and if that is not possible, then any urinal that is at least three distant. If that is not possible, then it means that the first two people have gone with a 1/6 or a 2/7 combination, which represents a major indiscretion on someone's part, in which case Person #3 needs to minimize the damage by going with either #3 or #4 in the first case, or #4 or #5 in the second case, and finish as quickly as possible.

I hope this helps.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Direckshun
I've gotten some rep that could qualify as best posts ever.

This is one I got from Duck Dog earlier today (I'll let you deteremine if it was positive or negative rep):

You white liberals are the biggest problem facing our nation. Race trading, self-deprecating cowards.

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Quote: Originally Posted by KChiefsQT
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b3...fsQT/boobs.jpg

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[Dave Lane]

Originally Posted by GoChiefs

lol that had to be directed at memyselfbitch

Or BucEyedPea

[Pablo]

You can probably find about 100 best ever posts by penz. His threads usually kill it once they get rolling.

The BBQ thread from the 4th last year was ****ing epic; just read through it again. Dorsey getting his shit together was a great thread recently.

My only good contribution was this: http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showt...46#post5929246

But srsly, penz has so many great single posts.

[Stewie]

FAX has many, but I laughed out loud at the "Herm Edwards Bible" thread.

Originally Posted by FAX

And behold, the great media standeth at the door like unto a plague, and knocketh: and if any man heareth their voice, and openeth the door, they will come in to us, and will sup with us, and us with them, and questions shalt they ask of us.

And after this the media looked, and, behold, a door was opened unto the locker room: and the first voice which they did heareth as it were of a trumpet or as a man of great speech and little wisdom; which sayeth, Come up hither, and write down those things which I sayeth.

And immediately was Herm in the spirit: and, behold, a microphone was set before him, and one microphone did he approacheth. And Herm that sat before the microphone was to look upon like a shark and a terrible sardine: and there was a great tribulation round about the microphone, in sight like unto the most murderous fishes of the sea. And out of the microphone proceeded lightnings and thunderings and voices: and there were seven reasons of fire and the seven reasons why the offense could not scoreth, which are the seven great excuses. And the first excuse was like unto a dropped pass, and the second like unto a bad call, and the third excuse had a face as of a kicker, and the fourth was like unto a stacked defensive line.

FAX

Originally Posted by FAX

And the media did cry with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Herm, dost thou not avenge our losses and mighty concussions and embarrassments in post season?

And in the right hand of him that sat before the microphone was a book written within and without and sealed with seven seals. And behold, then did Herm sayeth in a voice like unto famine, This is thy playbook which I shalt destroy that no man may say that our offense shalt be a circus nor shalt one say evermore that our alignments be complex, for deserveth thee not! And the media wept much, because no man was found worthy to open and to read the book, neither to look thereon. And so did the fans cast dust on their heads, and rend their garments of red and gold, and cried, weeping and wailing, saying, Alas, alas, the great offense, wherein were all made rich who had wagereth on the over under by reason of her touchdowns, for in this hour is she made desolate!

FAX

[ChiefaRoo]

Originally Posted by Stewie

FAX has many, but I laughed out loud at the "Herm Edwards Bible" thread.

- FAX is awesome.

[CoMoChief]

Originally Posted by ziggysocki

Who was first in with Carl Peterson leaving the Chiefs?

I was........then got banned for it.

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

Heres one!

Where the **** do you people get off asking for people to fork over 5 grand for a ****ing dog that need shot in the head and thrown in a dumpster anyway. I'm so sick and tired of seeing dogs scattered up and down the highway because people don't look after them. If you're gonna have a ****ing dog then keep it penned up away from ****ing automobiles and here you are spending $5000 to heal up a dog so the next person can take him straight to the nearest highway for road kill. Jesus Christ you people are ****ing stupid. And to top it all off you want everyone else to pay for it. Damn this shit pisses me off. Your mother should have had a friggin abortion.
__________________

[BigRedChief]

Originally Posted by Stewie

FAX has many, but I laughed out loud at the "Herm Edwards Bible" thread.

got links?

[Simply Red]

Originally Posted by GoChiefs

This one is simple yet well executed.



OR:

wow, I'm a lot better looking than delt, I knew I was a lil', but I win in a landslide.

[Hammock Parties]

Originally Posted by Dave Lane

Actually the GoChiefs / Dave Lane collaboration of the Herm Can't even Make a Frikken First down wins...

Hands down...

WINNAH!

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showt...hlight=frickin

[Hammock Parties]

Also, as prophesied:

Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins

Greatest post in planet history.

[Nzoner]

Originally Posted by stevieray

There is an old bob dole rant that is priceless.

Remember mine when I'd had a bit to drink and finally decided to give up my season tickets?

The Buffalo fans are tired of waiting for next year?

Well fock you Buffalo,at least you went to 4 Super Bowls in the last 15 years.Try being a focking fan and putting up with this joke of a so called NFL franchise.

I had already decided as of a few weeks ago to give up my season tickets and today put me over the top.Fock it I'm finished,fock you Carl you could lower my upper level seats to $29 per game and I'd still tell you to stick them up your ass.I'm going to sit in my gameroom next year and watch all the games,at least that way I'll get to see some quality football from week to week.

I've NEVER been this negative in all my years towards the team that I love but it's time for tough love and for me that means NO MORE of my money Carl and Lamar,you can move the focking team to LA and think you showed me but I'll burn my shit and tell you to kiss my ass.

And Lamar I reside in Missouri,the show-me-state,so show me that you really care about this team and get rid of that focking Peterson at seasons end.

Have I been drinking you ask?Why yes,I have,but I am of sound mind and focking pissed to no end.I don't even want to think about the last 4 years and ALL the focking average football players this defense has made look like HOFer's.Not to even mention 1995 and 1997 and all the other shit that has finally stacked so high I can't flush it anymore.

This post may mean I'll be frowned upon by fellow planeteers and if so oh well,I just cannot stick my head in the sand and try and find positives any longer.

Go Chargers,Go Steelers I wish you the best,maybe you can suck it up and show up in crunch time.

[Thig Lyfe]

Not to toot my own horn, but I'm pretty proud of my contribution to this thread.

[Hammock Parties]

You know what's funny...I think about that thread every time I go to the barber. That same mexi-chick works there.

[Direckshun]

You guys are solid gold.

[Direckshun]

I've gotten some rep that could qualify as best posts ever.

This is one I got from Duck Dog earlier today (I'll let you deteremine if it was positive or negative rep):

You white liberals are the biggest problem facing our nation. Race trading, self-deprecating cowards.