Help me out here

DJay23 · 06-10-2007, 04:50 PM

I've posted here in the past with relationship questions/issues just to get feedback from the, "general populus" instead of people who know me really well. I mean I talk with my friends about these things, but I like to get a number of different perspectives.

So here's the deal. A young lady who I work with (fairly new) and find attractive in more than just the physical way, has been very flirty recently. I was quite disturbed since she wears a ring on the appropriate finger, so I flirted back a little, but took it no further than that. Well this past weekend we had our big picnic. More flirting and then later in the evening, after much alcohol consumption, there was some drunken making out and promises of what we would do to one another if all these damn people weren't here. Now here's the thing. With probably anyone else I would have taken her out in the trees and introduced her to some wood, but this girl is different. Something about her made me want to hold off. Later in the evening a friend helped me take her to my place where she crashed, and I slept at the picnic site so as not to raise any more of an alarm (very gossipy women where I work). We got her car and parked it out front of my place, and I left her a note to tell her where she was. The next morning she was gone. I did not have her number, so I called a co-worker who had it. The coworker sounded excited that I wanted to call her, which I thought was good (She works very closely with her and has almost a motherly affection for her). I asked if she was in fact engaged, and I was informed that she was not. I asked why she wears a ring, and the coworker simply said, "she likes the ring." I find that a little uncool, but maybe there's a reason.

Ok, so I call her up and no answer. I left a message on her voicemail saying basically I hope she got home ok and that she's got my number now, give me a call. I sweated it out all yesterday (I tend to overthink everything and then assume the worst). Fast forward to today. I'm at the movies with my sister and nephew and I get a text from her, "Thanks for letting me crash at your place, I didn't plan on drinking that much." To which I responded, "We all got a little wild. Seriously, don't be shy, give me a call sometime!" That is where things are.

Here is what I know about her from my experiences in the past 6 months that she's worked there and from what friends gathered through talking to her the other night:
-From a really small town about a half hour from where I live.
-There is a guy who she's liked for a while and has seen off and on, but who is in a serious relationship right now.
-She was very shy at first, didn't really say much to anyone until the last several weeks when she suddenly came out of her shell and started flirting/etc (flirting involved throwing nerf balls at each other in sneak attacks and playing pranks like forging threatening letters from the boss but also always going out of our way to pass each other and say hi, make eye contact and smile).
-She's 25, I'm 29
-She's beautiful, nice fit body, intelligent person with a very sarcastic sense of humor.
-I'm pretty good looking, fit body, intelligent person with a very sarcastic sense of humor.
-We're teachers, she'll be teaching summer school so she'll be coming into town pretty regularly over the summer, and I live less than a mile from the school, plus I'll be going in there to lift several days a week.

Now, like I said, it is my nature to assume the worst in everything (kind of a defense mechanism I guess). I kind of feel like I'm being ignored at this point. That text message I could read as, "I'm going to say thanks, but in a way that doesn't make me have to talk to you."

I'm especially interested in hearing from the women here. What could she be thinking? I'm very confused right now, because everything leading up to and including that night pointed to something happening soon.

Is she embarrassed that she got so wasted and sort of exposed herself in front of new colleagues like that?

Could she still be pining for this other guy and just doesn't want to let that go?

Did she just want to have a little fun and is blowing me off?

Maybe she's had other plans all weekend?

Maybe she doesn't want to rush anything?

Maybe I'm rushing things ahead in my mind?

Or there's the distinct possibility that I think entirely too much about this kind of stuff and should just take to heart the fact that no flat out rejection has been made.

FWIW, I do have a booty call that I've relied on in the past to get through rough spots, so it's not like I'm sex starved, and I'm comfortable being single, though a relationship wouldn't be a bad thing in my life right now and she fits my mold. I'm just confused and wonder what others will make of the situation.

Thanks

88TG88 · 06-10-2007, 04:57 PM

Sounds like this is your problem

Quote:

Or there's the distinct possibility that I think entirely too much about this kind of stuff and should just take to heart the fact that no flat out rejection has been made.

06-10-2007, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJay23

Or there's the distinct possibility that I think entirely too much about this kind of stuff and should just take to heart the fact that no flat out rejection has been made.

That's the one I'd go with. You can't explain why women do things, dude.

Just be glad she hasn't gone nuts on you yet. Women are strange creatures. I'd totally be gay if it weren't for the hairy butts.

DJay23 · 06-10-2007, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phobia

That's the one I'd go with. You can't explain why women do things, dude.

Just be glad she hasn't gone nuts on you yet. Women are strange creatures. I'd totally be gay if it weren't for the hairy butts.

Yeah, that's one of the reasons I decided a few years ago that being single and catching some occasional tail would make my life a hell of a lot easier. This girl is making me question that decision, thus the thread.

Thanks

**Rain Man** · 06-10-2007, 05:06 PM

A good life rule is to not get involved with people who get drunk at the company picnic.

JimNasium · 06-10-2007, 05:18 PM

My guess is that she's wondering what she did wrong to make you decide not to lay the pipe the other night. She may be wondering if you are teh ghey. Seriously, she laid it out there for you and you passed it by.

JimNasium · 06-10-2007, 05:19 PM

Oh and to borrow a line from the 40 Year Old Virgin....you're putting the pussy on a pedestal.

FAX · 06-10-2007, 05:21 PM

Mr. Rain Man took the words right out of my monitor.

Tred carefully here, Mr. DJay23.

FAX

**Predarat** · 06-10-2007, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JimNasium

My guess is that she's wondering what she did wrong to make you decide not to lay the pipe the other night. She may be wondering if you are teh ghey. Seriously, she laid it out there for you and you passed it by.

Thanks now I dont have to post anything here.

**Nzoner** · 06-10-2007, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JimNasium

Seriously, she laid it out there for you and you passed it by.

At least she laid something

DJay23 · 06-10-2007, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JimNasium

My guess is that she's wondering what she did wrong to make you decide not to lay the pipe the other night. She may be wondering if you are teh ghey. Seriously, she laid it out there for you and you passed it by.

I actually hadn't previously considered that. I've always operated under the notion that the, "right thing" to do is not to take advantage of a woman who is clearly not totally coherent especially one you want a shot at seeing beyond tomorrow morning. Being that I am a veteran of doing, "the wrong thing" and having that turn into a meaningless sexual relationship I took the other path this time.

06-10-2007, 05:43 PM

Maybe she's a dirty tramp and she's been flirting with you so she could have a meaningless fling with you. Then when you screwed up, she figured you were far to nice to jack around with....

**Nzoner** · 06-10-2007, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJay23

I actually hadn't previously considered that. I've always operated under the notion that the, "right thing" to do is not to take advantage of a woman who is clearly not totally coherent especially one you want a shot at seeing beyond tomorrow morning. Being that I am a veteran of doing, "the wrong thing" and having that turn into a meaningless sexual relationship I took the other path this time.

Interesting,I've been married to a woman for 21 years who was nowhere near totally coherent our first time.

JimNasium · 06-10-2007, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJay23

I actually hadn't previously considered that. I've always operated under the notion that the, "right thing" to do is not to take advantage of a woman who is clearly not totally coherent especially one you want a shot at seeing beyond tomorrow morning. Being that I am a veteran of doing, "the wrong thing" and having that turn into a meaningless sexual relationship I took the other path this time.

I wasn't necessarily being critical of your approach. Simply pointing out the fact that she might be wondering what she did wrong the other night and might be embarrassed about making herself available to you only to be turned down. Your chivalry might have actually backfired in this instance.

DJay23 · 06-10-2007, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nzoner

Interesting,I've been married to a woman for 21 years who was nowhere near totally coherent our first time.

There seem to be no rules, only exceptions.

06-10-2007, 04:50 PM
DJay23 Rock Chalk Jayhawk Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Williamsport, PA Casino cash: $2943317	Help me out here I've posted here in the past with relationship questions/issues just to get feedback from the, "general populus" instead of people who know me really well. I mean I talk with my friends about these things, but I like to get a number of different perspectives. So here's the deal. A young lady who I work with (fairly new) and find attractive in more than just the physical way, has been very flirty recently. I was quite disturbed since she wears a ring on the appropriate finger, so I flirted back a little, but took it no further than that. Well this past weekend we had our big picnic. More flirting and then later in the evening, after much alcohol consumption, there was some drunken making out and promises of what we would do to one another if all these damn people weren't here. Now here's the thing. With probably anyone else I would have taken her out in the trees and introduced her to some wood, but this girl is different. Something about her made me want to hold off. Later in the evening a friend helped me take her to my place where she crashed, and I slept at the picnic site so as not to raise any more of an alarm (very gossipy women where I work). We got her car and parked it out front of my place, and I left her a note to tell her where she was. The next morning she was gone. I did not have her number, so I called a co-worker who had it. The coworker sounded excited that I wanted to call her, which I thought was good (She works very closely with her and has almost a motherly affection for her). I asked if she was in fact engaged, and I was informed that she was not. I asked why she wears a ring, and the coworker simply said, "she likes the ring." I find that a little uncool, but maybe there's a reason. Ok, so I call her up and no answer. I left a message on her voicemail saying basically I hope she got home ok and that she's got my number now, give me a call. I sweated it out all yesterday (I tend to overthink everything and then assume the worst). Fast forward to today. I'm at the movies with my sister and nephew and I get a text from her, "Thanks for letting me crash at your place, I didn't plan on drinking that much." To which I responded, "We all got a little wild. Seriously, don't be shy, give me a call sometime!" That is where things are. Here is what I know about her from my experiences in the past 6 months that she's worked there and from what friends gathered through talking to her the other night: -From a really small town about a half hour from where I live. -There is a guy who she's liked for a while and has seen off and on, but who is in a serious relationship right now. -She was very shy at first, didn't really say much to anyone until the last several weeks when she suddenly came out of her shell and started flirting/etc (flirting involved throwing nerf balls at each other in sneak attacks and playing pranks like forging threatening letters from the boss but also always going out of our way to pass each other and say hi, make eye contact and smile). -She's 25, I'm 29 -She's beautiful, nice fit body, intelligent person with a very sarcastic sense of humor. -I'm pretty good looking, fit body, intelligent person with a very sarcastic sense of humor. -We're teachers, she'll be teaching summer school so she'll be coming into town pretty regularly over the summer, and I live less than a mile from the school, plus I'll be going in there to lift several days a week. Now, like I said, it is my nature to assume the worst in everything (kind of a defense mechanism I guess). I kind of feel like I'm being ignored at this point. That text message I could read as, "I'm going to say thanks, but in a way that doesn't make me have to talk to you." I'm especially interested in hearing from the women here. What could she be thinking? I'm very confused right now, because everything leading up to and including that night pointed to something happening soon. Is she embarrassed that she got so wasted and sort of exposed herself in front of new colleagues like that? Could she still be pining for this other guy and just doesn't want to let that go? Did she just want to have a little fun and is blowing me off? Maybe she's had other plans all weekend? Maybe she doesn't want to rush anything? Maybe I'm rushing things ahead in my mind? Or there's the distinct possibility that I think entirely too much about this kind of stuff and should just take to heart the fact that no flat out rejection has been made. FWIW, I do have a booty call that I've relied on in the past to get through rough spots, so it's not like I'm sex starved, and I'm comfortable being single, though a relationship wouldn't be a bad thing in my life right now and she fits my mold. I'm just confused and wonder what others will make of the situation. Thanks
Posts: 8,737

06-10-2007, 05:06 PM	#5
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $3298491 VARSITY	A good life rule is to not get involved with people who get drunk at the company picnic. __________________ I'm putting random letters here as a celebration of free speech: xigrakgrah misorojeq rkemeseit.
Posts: 141,448

06-10-2007, 05:18 PM	#6
JimNasium Voodoo Chile Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: At the crossroad Casino cash: $2883902	My guess is that she's wondering what she did wrong to make you decide not to lay the pipe the other night. She may be wondering if you are teh ghey. Seriously, she laid it out there for you and you passed it by.
Posts: 6,878

06-10-2007, 05:19 PM	#7
JimNasium Voodoo Chile Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: At the crossroad Casino cash: $2883902	Oh and to borrow a line from the 40 Year Old Virgin....you're putting the pussy on a pedestal.
Posts: 6,878

06-10-2007, 05:21 PM	#8
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	Mr. Rain Man took the words right out of my monitor. Tred carefully here, Mr. DJay23. FAX
Posts: 44,492

06-10-2007, 05:43 PM	#12
Phobia Guest Casino cash: $	Maybe she's a dirty tramp and she's been flirting with you so she could have a meaningless fling with you. Then when you screwed up, she figured you were far to nice to jack around with....
Posts: n/a