Official Chain email joke thread...

wutamess · 03-29-2005, 02:49 PM

I know there's a Friday goof off thread but this is is strickly for funny chain emails you guys usually love to delete. I posted mine on another thread the other day and thought it'd be neat to see what other chain email is going around that's work reading.

Quick Joke...
Funniest I've read in a while...

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

Edubs · 03-29-2005, 03:00 PM

That was funny as hell!!! I usually delete mine right after I forward.

wutamess · 03-29-2005, 03:10 PM

Another one:
No speaka da language

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in
an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once a more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex
lives!"

"Hey, coola downa lady," said the man. "Who talkin' bouta sexa? I'm
a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi!

wutamess · 03-29-2005, 03:23 PM

A link I got on CNN's study of breast cancer reduction rates by doing simple things. Show this to the wifey...CNN's link...

wutamess · 03-29-2005, 03:28 PM

Redneck wedding pictures...

wutamess · 03-30-2005, 08:55 AM

Today's chain joke I received... It's typical and a little dumb.

> > >A young blonde wanted to take home a genuine alligator shoes in
> >the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the
> >local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the
> >"no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde
> >shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own
> >alligator, so I can get a pari of shoes for free!"
> > >
> > >The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just
> >go and give it a try!"
> > >
> > >The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an
> >alligator.
> > >
> > >Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over
> >to the side of the levee where he spots that sa me young woman
> >standing waist deep in the murky bayou water shotgun in hand.
> > >
> > >Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward
> >her.
> > >
> > >With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls
> >it onto the slimy bank of the swamp.
> > >
> > >Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their
> >backs.
> > >
> > >the shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.
> > >
> > >The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back. Rolling
> >her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts
> >out . .
> > >
> > >'SHIT...THIS ONE"S BAREFOOT TOO!"

Pennywise · 03-30-2005, 09:05 AM

> > >I've
> > >> > >heard that
>> >> one before.

03-29-2005, 02:49 PM
wutamess MVP Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Lee's Summit Casino cash: $5311637	Official Chain email joke thread... I know there's a Friday goof off thread but this is is strickly for funny chain emails you guys usually love to delete. I posted mine on another thread the other day and thought it'd be neat to see what other chain email is going around that's work reading. Quick Joke... Funniest I've read in a while... A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!" "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles." With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
Posts: 8,279

03-29-2005, 03:00 PM	#2
Edubs Say what? Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Shaaaaaawnee Casino cash: $10004900	That was funny as hell!!! I usually delete mine right after I forward.
Posts: 391

03-29-2005, 03:10 PM	#3
wutamess MVP Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Lee's Summit Casino cash: $5311637	Another one: No speaka da language A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once a more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!" "Hey, coola downa lady," said the man. "Who talkin' bouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi!
Posts: 8,279

03-29-2005, 03:23 PM	#4
wutamess MVP Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Lee's Summit Casino cash: $5311637	A link I got on CNN's study of breast cancer reduction rates by doing simple things. Show this to the wifey...CNN's link...
Posts: 8,279

03-30-2005, 08:55 AM	#6
wutamess MVP Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Lee's Summit Casino cash: $5311637	Today's chain joke I received... It's typical and a little dumb. > > >A young blonde wanted to take home a genuine alligator shoes in > >the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the > >local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the > >"no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde > >shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own > >alligator, so I can get a pari of shoes for free!" > > > > > >The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just > >go and give it a try!" > > > > > >The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an > >alligator. > > > > > >Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over > >to the side of the levee where he spots that sa me young woman > >standing waist deep in the murky bayou water shotgun in hand. > > > > > >Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward > >her. > > > > > >With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls > >it onto the slimy bank of the swamp. > > > > > >Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their > >backs. > > > > > >the shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. > > > > > >The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back. Rolling > >her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts > >out . . > > > > > >'SHIT...THIS ONE"S BAREFOOT TOO!"
Posts: 8,279

03-30-2005, 09:05 AM	#7
Pennywise pew pew madafakas Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Derry, Maine Casino cash: $1864400	> > >I've > > >> > >heard that >> >> one before. __________________
Posts: 7,829