The Herm Edwards Bible

Direckshun · 07:14 PM

Here's a boom-or-bust, 400-post or 0-post thread for bored Chiefs fans.

I think we can all agree Herm Edwards is far more straightforward in his football philosophies than most coaches.

Well submit your axioms that you honestly believe that Herm Edwards follows when it comes to building a football team, and hark!, I shalt do mine best to incorporate them into a two- or three-book mini-Bible, written in the holiest of prose, and constantly adapting to incorporate your newly-added Commandments.

The axioms can relate to offense, defense, leadership, game strategies, team chemistry, public speaking, his own personal history ("and Dungy begat Edwards") -- whatever you can reasonably relate to Herm. The more the better, I would ideally like this to be a good-sized Good Book.

A couple serious axioms I can think up off the top of my head (I figure you folks won't have any trouble thinking up punchlines) would be like the following:

Thou shalt build thy teams through the Draft.
Thou shalt draft Best Player Available.
Thou shalt not get things twisted.

Then I'll take your suggestions later and try to write out The New Testament Of Herm or whatever. The following is what I've got so far for this gloriously makeshift Holy Word.

The Book of Herm

Chapter 1

1 In 1978, year of our Lord, the Ancient Giants found themselves ensconced in a comfortable lead in the waning seconds of a 17-12 victory over thine Golden Eagles upon the gridiron of the Meadowlands. 2 All that stood between themselves and victory was a 3rd-and-2 kneel-down to kill off the remaining seconds off the clock. 3 But in those crucial seconds that echo throughout the Heavens and the Earth, there would be no kneel-down. 5 Instead, a Miracle reared itself, as the Lord slipped the ball from the hands of Pisarcik, and from this Immaculate Separation doth borne Herman Edwards. 6 To be known among God’s children as “Herm,” he made good work of the Lord’s blessing, hauling the fumbled treasure 26-yards for a defensive touchdown and a 19-17 shocker. Prodigy was borne this day.

7 Truly infused in the mind of this man of football was a dedication to all that is righteous and outspoken. 8 Herm would grow into a head coach and spiritual learner of this most holiest of sports, enduring trials and tribulations in the strange lands of Tampa Bay and New York, before riding into Arrowhead, the Lord’s Promised Land, on the back of a 4th round pick.

9 His words would ring throughout the press, enlightening and befuddling a city that continued to worship the false idol Dick Vermeil. 10 He implored to his newfound flock that they misunderstood what a successful organization looked like. That they, in fact, knew not what they do.

11 And upon Arrowhead Drive he stood in a snappy sweater vest, and thus began Herman’s Sermon on the Mount. 12 A truer test of character the world had never known.

Hammock Parties · 06-22-2007, 12:49 PM

Thou Shalt Take Solace In Field Goals.

KurtCobain · 06-22-2007, 12:51 PM

Thou Shalt Pound Thy Johnson

DenverChief · 06-22-2007, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joey

Thou Shalt Pound Thy Johnson

this is the best by far

**DaFace** · 06-22-2007, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joey

Thou Shalt Pound Thy Johnson

Are you sure you're talking about a football philosophy?

DMAC · 06-22-2007, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaFace

Are you sure you're talking about a football philosophy?

It's either that, or it's the reason Herm does not watch football on TV.

KurtCobain · 06-22-2007, 02:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaFace

Are you sure you're talking about a football philosophy?

I can't really remember...

FAX · 06-22-2007, 03:34 PM

And there appeared before the media a great wonder in heaven; an angel in soiled cloth, and feet of grass, and upon his head a crown of twelve dents: and this was the angel of the run.

And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having five heads and five horns, and seven great gouges upon his five heads: and this was the angel of the draw.

And behold, did Herm sayeth with a loud voice as it were the sound of hail and fire mingled with blood, These shalt be thy offense for I have created such for thee: for thee hast I created them, and for thy pleasure they are and were created! And woe to the inhabiters of Arrowhead and the unbelieving and the whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters who shalt call for the pass or the play action, for by reason of these voices shalt great torment befall any who so calleth!

And lo, did then the angel and the dragon cast themselves like unto death into a wall of stone and fall mightly into a forsaken pile of smoke and spittle. And then did the fans beat their chests and cry to the heavens themselves, Oh fall upon us and cast us into the sea that we may not lay sight to the end of scoring and may not hear the sound of 3rd and long!

FAX

Calcountry · 09-10-2007, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX

And there appeared before the media a great wonder in heaven; an angel in soiled cloth, and feet of grass, and upon his head a crown of twelve dents: and this was the angel of the run.

And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having five heads and five horns, and seven great gouges upon his five heads: and this was the angel of the draw.

And behold, did Herm sayeth with a loud voice as it were the sound of hail and fire mingled with blood, These shalt be thy offense for I have created such for thee: for thee hast I created them, and for thy pleasure they are and were created! And woe to the inhabiters of Arrowhead and the unbelieving and the whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters who shalt call for the pass or the play action, for by reason of these voices shalt great torment befall any who so calleth!

And lo, did then the angel and the dragon cast themselves like unto death into a wall of stone and fall mightly into a forsaken pile of smoke and spittle. And then did the fans beat their chests and cry to the heavens themselves, Oh fall upon us and cast us into the sea that we may not lay sight to the end of scoring and may not hear the sound of 3rd and long!

FAX

And therefore it came to pass, that while on a soujourn, Herm fell into a vision and it appeared unto him, that it was time to depart from Sodom and go forth to God's country in the midwest where DV, babylon the great of offenses. And Herm proclaimed unto those who committed adultery with her offenses, and drank deeply the wine of her adulterous x-factor returns, that thou shalt repent of such wicked arena ball frivolity and chasten thyself unto Ball control and field goals.

**the Talking Can** · 06-22-2007, 12:52 PM

Whenst thou dismantle-est an offense, one must never say, "Begone foul dragon of an offense, I dismantle thee!"....

**luv** · 06-22-2007, 12:54 PM

Can I get the FFDV (Football For Dummies Version)? It's so much easier to read.

Direckshun · 06-22-2007, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luv

Can I get the FFD (Football For Dummies) version? It's so much easier to read.

There is no New American Standard version of the Herm Bible.

It will be written and printed in King Carl Version.

**luv** · 06-22-2007, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Direckshun

There is no New American Standard version of the Herm Bible.

It will be written and printed in King Carl Version.

Niiice. Rep.

Chiefnj · 06-22-2007, 12:55 PM

Thou shalt simplify the offense.

The shalt feel better when thy Dick is Curl(ed).

Thou shalt never watch the Super Bowl on television.

Thou shalt die Easter Eggs when Thy telleth to.

Thou shall not enjoy the circus.

Redrum_69 · 06-22-2007, 12:56 PM

Thou shall not lose in Cleveland during the month of December

06-22-2007, 12:47 PM	Topic Starter
Direckshun __ Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Springpatch Casino cash: $4313447	The Herm Edwards Bible Here's a boom-or-bust, 400-post or 0-post thread for bored Chiefs fans. I think we can all agree Herm Edwards is far more straightforward in his football philosophies than most coaches. Well submit your axioms that you honestly believe that Herm Edwards follows when it comes to building a football team, and hark!, I shalt do mine best to incorporate them into a two- or three-book mini-Bible, written in the holiest of prose, and constantly adapting to incorporate your newly-added Commandments. The axioms can relate to offense, defense, leadership, game strategies, team chemistry, public speaking, his own personal history ("and Dungy begat Edwards") -- whatever you can reasonably relate to Herm. The more the better, I would ideally like this to be a good-sized Good Book. A couple serious axioms I can think up off the top of my head (I figure you folks won't have any trouble thinking up punchlines) would be like the following: Thou shalt build thy teams through the Draft. Thou shalt draft Best Player Available. Thou shalt not get things twisted. Then I'll take your suggestions later and try to write out The New Testament Of Herm or whatever. The following is what I've got so far for this gloriously makeshift Holy Word. The Book of Herm Chapter 1 1 In 1978, year of our Lord, the Ancient Giants found themselves ensconced in a comfortable lead in the waning seconds of a 17-12 victory over thine Golden Eagles upon the gridiron of the Meadowlands. 2 All that stood between themselves and victory was a 3rd-and-2 kneel-down to kill off the remaining seconds off the clock. 3 But in those crucial seconds that echo throughout the Heavens and the Earth, there would be no kneel-down. 5 Instead, a Miracle reared itself, as the Lord slipped the ball from the hands of Pisarcik, and from this Immaculate Separation doth borne Herman Edwards. 6 To be known among God’s children as “Herm,” he made good work of the Lord’s blessing, hauling the fumbled treasure 26-yards for a defensive touchdown and a 19-17 shocker. Prodigy was borne this day. 7 Truly infused in the mind of this man of football was a dedication to all that is righteous and outspoken. 8 Herm would grow into a head coach and spiritual learner of this most holiest of sports, enduring trials and tribulations in the strange lands of Tampa Bay and New York, before riding into Arrowhead, the Lord’s Promised Land, on the back of a 4th round pick. 9 His words would ring throughout the press, enlightening and befuddling a city that continued to worship the false idol Dick Vermeil. 10 He implored to his newfound flock that they misunderstood what a successful organization looked like. That they, in fact, knew not what they do. 11 And upon Arrowhead Drive he stood in a snappy sweater vest, and thus began Herman’s Sermon on the Mount. 12 A truer test of character the world had never known. Last edited by Direckshun; 06-22-2007 at 07:14 PM..
Posts: 59,288

06-22-2007, 12:49 PM	#2
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $4630478	Thou Shalt Take Solace In Field Goals. __________________ Chiefs game films
Posts: 278,157

06-22-2007, 12:51 PM	#3
KurtCobain legend Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Independence, MO Casino cash: $-1617903	Thou Shalt Pound Thy Johnson
Posts: 28,376

06-22-2007, 03:34 PM	#8
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	And there appeared before the media a great wonder in heaven; an angel in soiled cloth, and feet of grass, and upon his head a crown of twelve dents: and this was the angel of the run. And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having five heads and five horns, and seven great gouges upon his five heads: and this was the angel of the draw. And behold, did Herm sayeth with a loud voice as it were the sound of hail and fire mingled with blood, These shalt be thy offense for I have created such for thee: for thee hast I created them, and for thy pleasure they are and were created! And woe to the inhabiters of Arrowhead and the unbelieving and the whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters who shalt call for the pass or the play action, for by reason of these voices shalt great torment befall any who so calleth! And lo, did then the angel and the dragon cast themselves like unto death into a wall of stone and fall mightly into a forsaken pile of smoke and spittle. And then did the fans beat their chests and cry to the heavens themselves, Oh fall upon us and cast us into the sea that we may not lay sight to the end of scoring and may not hear the sound of 3rd and long! FAX
Posts: 44,492

06-22-2007, 12:52 PM	#10
the Talking Can Supporter Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: street Casino cash: $10022208	Whenst thou dismantle-est an offense, one must never say, "Begone foul dragon of an offense, I dismantle thee!".... __________________ Clark Hunt: "Thank god for the Dominican pool boy"
Posts: 51,585

06-22-2007, 12:54 PM	#11
luv MY LITTLE #15 Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Springfield, MO Casino cash: $6199600	Can I get the FFDV (Football For Dummies Version)? It's so much easier to read.
Posts: 63,432

06-22-2007, 12:55 PM	#14
Chiefnj MVP Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Willis, Harris and Davis. Casino cash: $10004900	Thou shalt simplify the offense. The shalt feel better when thy Dick is Curl(ed). Thou shalt never watch the Super Bowl on television. Thou shalt die Easter Eggs when Thy telleth to. Thou shall not enjoy the circus. __________________ "I always tell (the assistant coaches), 'Make it simple, 'cause I'm stupid,'" Edwards said. "This ain't computer football." Herm Edwards, 3-20-07 Q: Herm, back on December 25th you were asked if Trent Green was your starter going into next season and you said, ‘yeah, why wouldn’t he be?’ Have you changed your mind on that? EDWARDS: No, I have not.” (1-11-07)
Posts: 6,811

06-22-2007, 12:56 PM	#15
Redrum_69 Banned Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: your nightmares Casino cash: $10004900	Thou shall not lose in Cleveland during the month of December
Posts: 6,358